$Geek Gold$ From The Crypt
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Halloween is my favorite holiday. To celebrate the time of year when dismembered body parts scattered across your lawn wont get you arrested, I present my third full blown contest list (I'm even putting on an avatar "costume" for the occasion). This time there are eight contests (possibly more) to compete in. Tales from the Crypt takes place in the game section of the list. BGG Jeopardy takes place at the list comments section at the bottom. Both of these contests are open through Friday 10-29. There will also be one mini contest released each day (two on Monday) that will end on the day it is posted. These will be posted in the game section of the list as well, so keep an eye out for them (it may get crowded). Not all the contests will deal with things that go bump in the night, but hey, there's more to Halloween than frights. For now though, let's shamble down to the mausoleum, pull open the creaky door, and listen to some...

Tales from the Crypt http://www.angelfire.com/movies/renhorror/crypt.html

Heh, Heh! Welcome boils and ghouls! It's me, your host in horror... The Crypt Keeper! Welcome to The Crypt of Terror! This time I have a really chilling tale from my collection of spine-tinglers to relate to you! Now, lie back in your caskets! Tuck yourselves in with your shrouds! Comfy? Good! Then I'll begin! I call this story... OBITUARY

What if a game was human? What if it died? What would its funeral be like? For this contest you must choose a game and write its obituary. I've provided an example below. The game you choose does not necessarily need to deserve to die (as the example does), in fact, it could be a great game that will be sorely missed - cut down in its prime. It's all up to you. Only one entry per contestant. A game can only die once - duplicate entries will be deleted. This contest will end Friday at midnight CST when winners will be selected.

1st place - 8gg, 2nd place - 5gg, 3rd place - 3gg, 4th - 2gg

...So put on your press fedora and give us the news of the dearly departed! Dig up some dirt! Then grab a shovel and start digging in it! Heh, Heh, Heh!
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1. Board Game: Assassin [Average Rating:3.54 Overall Rank:21825]
Board Game: Assassin
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Assassin 1993-2004

The game Assassin was himself assassinated last night after being hurled from a 12th floor apartment window by what authorities are describing as a "disgruntled boardgamer". Police arrested the suspect, but, upon learning that he had paid full retail for the product, released him on the grounds of justifiable homicide.

Funeral services will be held next week. Here the mortal remains will be sent through an industrial shredder and force fed to the AH executive who green lighted its publication (no one is expected to attend). The resulting bodily waste will then be cremated and the ashes given to European bicyclers who will sprinkle them across the continent every 25 to 50 kilometers (assuming that they are ever allowed to move at all).

Assassin is survived by his father Mr. Mille Bourne who still vehemently insists that, "HE'S NOT MY CHILD!!!".
 
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2. Board Game: Haunted Mansion Game [Average Rating:6.84 Overall Rank:14012]
Board Game: Haunted Mansion Game
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mini contest

Welcome foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host - your... Ghost Host. The Crypt Keeper has asked me to take you on a tour of my home. Sadly, it's currently overrun by Jack Skelington, but I've found an even more frightening home to show you: http://www.cyberhaunt.com/site/fun/attractions/mansion.html

I find it delightfully unlivable - all rooms have wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills.
Pay attention to the scenes and then answer the clues below. But wait! Is this haunted contest actually stretching? The hyphens (and the X) after a clue show how many letters are in the answer. The X tells which letter in the answer to write down. For example, if the answer is dog, and after the clue is --X, you would write down the letter G. When you finish with all the clues, unscramble the X letters to discover the name of a game. The first player to message me the revealed game's name AND its BGG ID number wins 3gg, the second person wins 2gg, the third person wins 1gg (and ends the contest). DO NOT POST THE ANSWERS HERE! But now the spirits are gathering for a swinging wake... They'll be expecting me. I'll be seeing you later...

It's in-between the eyes and the intestines. ---X
It's the maximum number of ghosts visible in the graveyard. -X-
Where you see 3 skulls, it's in the upper right. X---
A tentacle rips this off. X---
It's the dead thing in-between the man and woman. --X-----
It gets dropped in the lab. -X---
It guides you through the rooms. --X---
It's filled with blood. -X-----
The little hand says it's this time. ----X
 
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3. Board Game: Betrayal at House on the Hill [Average Rating:7.06 Overall Rank:556]
Board Game: Betrayal at House on the Hill
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Heh, Heh! So you're back for more, eh? You like your horror stories eh? Well here's another one that will make your skin crawl. Yes, it's ME... The Crypt Keeper... your host in the crypt of terror! Come in! Just drag over that burlap sack and sit down! It's nice and soft! The corpse in it isn't quite stiff yet! Comfy? Good! Now listen to the terror-tale I call... Ghost Writer

Write and post a cartoonish caption for the picture on this box (1 per user). 1st place - 3gg, 2nd - 2gg, 3rd 1gg. This contest ends at 12 midnight CST tonight.

Heh, Heh! Are you a writer or a hack? I tried this one myself and was a hack... hacked to pieces that is! Heh, Heh!
 
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4. Board Game: Puerto Rico [Average Rating:7.97 Overall Rank:31]
Board Game: Puerto Rico
True Blue Jon
United States
Vancouver
Washington
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Puerto Rico died this morning in a horrible thing euphemistically called a "colonist revolt". The so-called colonists were pushed to their limits harvesting corn, indigo, sugar, tobacco, and coffee. They gathered their scythes and confronted Puerto Rico at its #1 spot on the BGG. After a brief verbal exchange that could not be printed here, Puerto Rico was bloodily dismembered by the angry "colonists". Many gamers will miss this game who is succeeded only by the Puerto Rico expansion. The expansion was last seen sobbing uncontrollably, lamenting "Who am I going to expand now?"
 
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5. Board Game: Axis & Allies [Average Rating:6.57 Overall Rank:1509] [Average Rating:6.57 Unranked]
Board Game: Axis & Allies
Paul Boos
United States
Falls Church
Virginia
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In an expansion on the War on Terror, the Bush Administration leavied a heavy bombardment on Axis & Allies mistaking it as part of the Axis of Evil that had infiltrated our Allies. It had been thought that the WMDs were hidden within the components, but none were found. A Bush Adminstration spokesperson was quoted as saying "we have so far not found any WMDs; however, an analysis of the rules indicates that delivery vehicles were a part of the research being undertaken. It is believed that the leader Milton Bradley is still at large. Regardless, no one likes seeing a game with a smirking Nazi on the front, so the subsequent destruction was justified regardles of whether WMDs are found or not. The world is a safer place." The Bush/Chey ticket has reportedly gained 13 percentage points amongst Jewish-American voters.

The Kerry campaign immediately charged that while he voted for military action, he thought more allies would have been involved in action. "Where's the involvement of Angola, of Mongolia?", he proclaimed. "I am certain that given proper diplomacy, we could have gotten Milton Bradley to disarm and remove its Candyland attacks on the gaming industry, but destroying an actual good game is inexcusable."

Identification of the remaining game pieces is difficult due to the fact that 2000 lb. bombs usually do not leave much, but a small fighter was found dead on its back 2km away from the blast site.
 
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6. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.37 Overall Rank:21893]
Board Game: Monopoly
Ron Smith
United States
Santa Ana
California
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Monopoly 1904-2004

The Grand Dame of board games passed away quitely in her sleep last night. Despite her greatly advanced age, and complete refusal to engage in any modern methods of gaming, the "Old Gal" continued to be a staple of family gaming well past her prime. The mother, grand-mother, and great-grand-mother of perhaps hundreds of games, Monopoly is both fondly remembered and widely critisized. But even her detractors admit that in her youth she was at the forefront of game innovation. Services will be held in Atlantic City this weekend. Donald Trump will deliver the eulogy.
 
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7. Board Game: Catan [Average Rating:7.13 Overall Rank:432] [Average Rating:7.13 Unranked]
Board Game: Catan
Tom T
United States
Durham
North Carolina
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The Settlers of Catan suffocated today beneath a slew of expansions, it appears to have been "Seafarers" which did it in due to extra water tiles found in the lungs.

It was thought that the longest road or largest army might save the day for the Settlers game, but neither seemed to help out a game where luck sometimes rules your fate.



Settlers has surviving offspring, including "The Settlers of Catan cardgame" and "Settlers of the Stone Age", and "Settlers of Zarahemla" but the expansions sadly are now expanding on bits of pulped up colored cardboard.

We hope that Settlers spends its time in the netherland dreaming of excess sheep jumping through trades.
 
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8. Board Game: Through the Desert [Average Rating:7.08 Overall Rank:526]
Board Game: Through the Desert
John So-And-So
United States
Fresno
California
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Died: "Through The Desert" - Known to close friends as "Durch Die Wuste", Desert was killed this Halloween when a non-gamer friend of wealthy gadabout and prominent Geek-around-town Gialmere ate all the little pastel camels.

"I thought they were those crappy powder-mint candies" the non-gamer friend claimed, "and I was hungry. After all, who would think that those were GAME pieces? A guy expects game pieces to look like little silver shoes and dogs, or maybe plastic cannons."

The non-gamer friend then added "Now we are what? Beduoins? You try to take over the desert with camels that look like breath mints? This is about the gayest game ever. I mean no offense to homosexuals, but this game is way gay."

Homosexuals everywhere were, of course, offended.

Through the Desert is survived by hundreds of better-known and more-popular siblings, most of whom are bidding games.
 
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9. Board Game: Cosmic Encounter [Average Rating:6.91 Overall Rank:1202]
Board Game: Cosmic Encounter
Once again we gather to acknowledge the passing of our dear friend. Although considered a monster to some, this unwieldy chaotic being was dearly beloved to many of us even in his latest, gawdiest form.

Born in 1977 in the laboratory known as Eon our dear Cosmic Encounter sprang to life and immediately gave birth to nine expansions. With such amazing success the lads at Eon developed somewhat of a clone of Cosmic called Dune for another laboratory called Avalon Hill with great success.

Cosmic Encounter was an inspiration to gamers at a time where it's chaotic nature and infinite replayability allowed it to stand out amongst it's peers. It's said that Cosmic Encounter even went on to father that greatest monster of all games - Magic the Gathering - but we cannot be certain.

What we can be certain of is Cosmic Encounter first died in the early 1980s at around the same time that the great laboratory known as Eon closed.

But, alas! Cosmic Encounter would not just die and go away. While the labs at Eon were no more, the bright fellows who had brought Cosmic Encounter to life kept their formula and sold it to many other laboratories all over the world. From West End Games to Hexagames to Alga and Games Workshop and from France and Sweden to Brazil Cosmic Encounter was reborn.

But these new Cosmic Encounters failed to reproduce like the original and each in turn perished.

The only exception is the laboratory known as Mayfair. The fine lads at Mayfair succeeded in helping Cosmic Encounter to give birth to one full size expansion and one diminutive lightweight version of himself. However, this was before Mayfair discovered the great gravy train known as all things Settlers (which they got from a German lab known as Kosmos). Mayfair went into financial difficulty and was unable to keep Cosmic Encounter anymore. Once again, neglected and unloved, Cosmic Encounter died again. People began to wonder if Cosmic Encounter was cursed.

Then one day, the big suits at the great giant lab known as Hasbro came to the fine gents who were formerly of Eon.

"The formula! We wants it! And we will haves it! My precious!"

So Hasbro opened their great checkbook and bought the formula from Eon and bought out all the other game companies in the USA.

But Hasbro a gentle parent did not make. Cosmic Encounter was expected to spread like a virus or a fungus. But Hasbro made Cosmic Encounter the butt-ugliest game of all time, and the love was not there. And so with many other great games that Hasbro owned that lived multiple lives (like Diplomacy and Acquire) and did not sell like they had hoped, Hasbro decided to abandon Cosmic Encounter and let him die. The promised offspring never materialised, and Cosmic Encounder died alone.

But Cosmic Encounter is not forgotten. The love is still there. Somewhere and someday, perhaps, some lab somewhere will once again procure the formula from the fine gents from Eon and give life again to all things Cosmic. So for now we mourn and yet, we hope that the promise that is Cosmic Encounter will someday be fulfilled.
 
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10. Board Game: Heroscape Master Set: Rise of the Valkyrie [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:394] [Average Rating:7.43 Unranked]
Board Game: Heroscape Master Set: Rise of the Valkyrie
Ken H.
United States
Amherst
Ohio
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HeroScape Obituary

One of the brightest up-and-coming stars in the gaming world was tragically killed this morning in a freak dice accident. Much loved for its beauty, HeroScape will be sadly missed by family, friends, and the community, due to its non-collectible nature.

One bystander stated that the players were apparently so dazzled by the game's alluring physical presence, that they confused dice rolling with gameplay. The accident occurred when one player, after rolling 729 dice during his turn, fell asleep from the lack of strategic options. As the sleeping player fell, he tragically crushed HeroScape, along with one of the game's closest friends, Legos.

Undertakers reportedly had trouble fitting the deceased into the casket. Services will be held as soon as the board is assembled, which means some time in December.

HeroScape's parents (Hasbro) requests that in lieu of flowers, please send cash.
 
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11. Board Game: Legend of the Five Rings [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:1564] [Average Rating:7.15 Unranked]
Board Game: Legend of the Five Rings
Jonathan
United States
Maitland
Florida
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Legend of the Five Rings 1995-2004

The collectible card game Legend of the Five Rings was found dead last night, an apparent suicide. Authorities are reportedly baffled as to what sort of dishonor would be so great that the game would commit "seppuku" or ritual suicide. Anonymous sources have speculated that a campaign of rumors and whisperings in court propagated by the Scorpion Clan may be to blame. Others have laid responsibility at the hands of one of Rokugan’s mysterious secret societies, such as the Kolat. Master Tiger has denied any involvement.

A grand Imperial Funeral will be held next week in Toshi Ranbo, Violence Behind Courtliness City. Remember, mourners should wear white! The game’s body will be cremated, and the ashes will be scattered on the wind, just as was the case with its younger brothers, L5r: Clan Wars, and Legend of the Burning Sands. Legend of the Five Rings is survived by a successful role-playing game and an unacknowledged bastard, the Legend of the Five Rings Diskwars game. Mourners are encouraged to send flowers to the Children’s Hospital of Rokugan.
 
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12. Board Game: Can't Stop [Average Rating:6.86 Overall Rank:752]
Board Game: Can't Stop
Gil Hova
United States
Jersey City
New Jersey
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It did.
 
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13. Board Game: Clue [Average Rating:5.67 Overall Rank:8971]
Board Game: Clue
Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
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This just in:

Police are investigating the death of Parker Brothers' classic board game Clue under extremely suspicious circumstances. The prime suspect in this case is one Colonel Mustard. It is known that Clue served with the then Lutenant Mustard in WWII. Clue was honorably discharged soon after while Mustard still retains hopes for becoming a brigadier general. The bemonocled military man could not be reached for comment.

Though the body was found in the billiard room of Col. Mustard's estate, police are not leaving out the possibility that the alleged murder could have taken place in the library, kitchen, or conservatory. Various possible weapons have been strewn about the house, and all are being taken under consideration. Detectives from police departments all over the tri-state area are being called in for this extremely high-profile case. Said the local police chief, "We're gradually eliminating all the possibilities here. We're not ready to come to a conclusion. For now, we'll just have to roll the dice and see what happens."

More on this breaking story at 11.
 
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14. Board Game: Loser [Average Rating:4.33 Unranked]
Board Game: Loser
Ken Dozier
United States
Wilson
North Carolina
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An anonymous gamer found Loser dead this morning in a dirty alley behind a small town police station. Loser, also known as A-Game-I'll-Never-Play-Again-Not-Even-for-Money , apparently overdosed on a kilo of Brainless Mindrot and subsequently choked on his own boredom. Those who knew Loser described him as a funny guy the first time you met him but who later turned out to be nothing but shallow, mindless, and boring. Loser had been known to show up at game nights and cause trouble with strategy gamers; consequently he struggled with intense unpopularity throughout the rest of his miserable life. Before his demise, Loser was last seen in the company of an unnamed openly loserexual gamer who is currently under investigation for coercing strategy gamers into having boring game relations with Loser. One of those victims was quoted as saying, "Some games just need killin'." Officials say Loser's death will not be investigated since "so many people just wanted him dead."
 
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15. Board Game: Lumberjack [Average Rating:5.74 Overall Rank:14942]
Board Game: Lumberjack
Who Am I Now?
United States
Lexington
Kentucky
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A lumberjack recently fell dead in the woods. Nobody heard.
 
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16. Board Game: Wicked Words [Average Rating:5.83 Unranked]
Board Game: Rage
Crypt Keeper
United States
California
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[Note: this contest was accidentally deleted. I've reconstructed what I could for my own future reference.]

Heh, Heh, Welcome back Fiends! Welcome once again to the Crypt of Terror! This is your host of howls, The Crypt Keeper, ready to narrate another nauseating tale from my collection! So lie back on the marble slab, pull the sheet over your head, and listen to this sickening saga that I call... Famous Last Words

Write and post the last words heard at a gaming table just before the board is grabbed up and viciously embedded into someone's forehead. Such as: "Hey! I really kicked all you asses! Look at the scoring track! I lapped you all twice! God! You guys really suck! I mean you're pathetic! Let's play this again next week so I can spank you all agaaaaaarrrrrggghhhh..." This contest ends at midnight BGG (CST) time.

Heh, Heh! I'd say that gamer has a splitting headache! Oh well, take two aspirin and call me in the mourning Heh, Heh, Heh!
 
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17. Board Game: Pass the Pigs [Average Rating:5.39 Overall Rank:21715]
Board Game: Pass the Pigs
Crypt Keeper
United States
California
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mini contest - Wed 10/27

Heh, Heh. Welcome back Game ghouls! Welcome to the Crypt of Terror! This is your host, The Crypt Keeper, spooking! Another day, another Geek Gold, eh kiddies? Well don't be pigs, or maybe you should be! I've chosen a real meaty tale for this outing called... Pearls Before Swine

Win this flash game: http://www.transience.com.au/pearl2.html Then answer the questions below. The first person to message me the correct answers wins 3gg, 2nd - 2gg, 3rd - 1gg. A lottery winner will be chosen at random for the late posters.

When he loses...
1) What do his eyes do?
2) What does he say?
3) What happens then?

Heh, Heh! If you've played this before, don't be a boar and hog the answers. Let the fresh meat have a chance... I've been feeling rather hungry lately! Heh, Heh! Oh, by the way! I've talked Rod Serling into opening up The Night Gallery again! I took his new tour myself and must say, easel kill ya'. Heh, Heh! Look for his post in a few hours...
 
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18. Board Game: The Fine Art Game [Average Rating:4.29 Unranked]
Board Game: The Fine Art Game
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United States
California
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The Night Gallery

Good evening. We welcome you to this palladium of art treasures that range from the kooky to the uncommon, from the bestial to the bizarre, and I'd like to take you on a guided tour through the Night Gallery. A collection of pictures on display for only the most discriminating because it's best that they be seen both after and in the dark.

Submitted for your approval this collage of cadavers - on display for 1 day only. There is more, however, to this group of ghastly games than meets the eye, for its value does indeed add up to more than the sum of its parts. Examined in the correct way, the name of a famous film is revealed. The first person to message me with the correct answer wins 3gg, the second wins 2gg, and the third receives 1gg. Do not post your response here or you risk becoming an exhibit yourself. The name of this place is The Night Gallery...
 
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19. Board Game: Stay Alive [Average Rating:5.03 Overall Rank:21756]
Board Game: Stay Alive
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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Unfortunately, he didn't.

Due to an unexplainable sinkhole, no trace remains. Somehow, however, police suspect foul play, blaming the enigmatically named "Sis" as somehow being responsible for some shifty actions.
 
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20. Board Game: Poisson d'Avril [Average Rating:6.90 Overall Rank:7838]
Board Game: Poisson d'Avril
Patrick Schultz
United States
Eugene
Oregon
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The game Poisson d'Avril, known by the rest of her community for being somewhat of a recluse, passed away last Thursday night. A service was held for her this morning at the local funeral home.

About half of the attendees admitted they did not know the deceased, and were only there out of curiosity. They all appeared to be quite confused. The other half of the attendees said they were close friends of the deceased, and each of them in their turn delivered a wonderful eulogy. Although the friends and family disagreed to a surprising degree on the details of her life, most agreed that Poisson had been one of the most amazing games they had ever had the privilege to know. Strangely, two of the attendees said they saw the friends of the deceased exchanging smirks during the eulogies, though what about they couldn't guess.

Except for a few people who seemingly came only to bad-mouth Poisson d'Avril, it was all-in-all a very lovely service. May those fortunate enough to have known her continue to share their stories of her incredible life, that her memory may live on.
 
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21. Board Game: Dweebs Geeks & Weirdos [Average Rating:4.99 Overall Rank:19663]
Board Game: Dweebs Geeks & Weirdos
Crypt Keeper
United States
California
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mini contest - Thursday 10/28

Heh, Heh! Welcome, dear fiends! Come in! Come in to the Crypt Of Terror! I am your host in horror, the Crypt Keeper! I see it's time to tell you another of my spine-tingling tales from my vast collection here in the crypt! Hmmm! Let me see! Ah! I know! This one is sure to freeze the blood in your veins...guaranteed to make little shivers run up and down your crawling spine! This chilling ordeal is about to happen to YOU! You are the main character! Ready? Then listen to the yelp yarn that I call... Newbie Nightmare

You're a lone board game geek dying to play the games in your collection. One evening, while on the internet, you make contact with a local guy who says he has a group of serious gamers that meets once a week. He invites you to come over and join tonight's session. Excited, you grab Puerto Rico, High Society, and A Game of Thrones (hoping to cover all the bases) and rush to the address you were given. You ring the bell and are told to come on up. Thrilled that you'll finally be getting your gaming fix, you leap up the stairs, burst through the door, and see this scene...

 


What are the first words that come out of your mouth?
The most entertaining response wins 3gg, 2nd wins 2gg, 3rd wins 1gg. This contest ends at midnight CST.

Heh, Heh! Let that be a lesson kiddies! If you think you're a geek, and you find that you’re the coolest person in the room, YOU LOSE!
 
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22. Board Game: Dawn of the Dead [Average Rating:6.01 Overall Rank:10006]
Board Game: Dawn of the Dead
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mini contest - Friday 10/29

Heh, Heh! Back again I see! Back for more chills in Tales from the crypt! Welcome then! Welcome to the Crypt of Terror! It's your host of horror, The Crypt Keeper, ready to curdle your blood with another creeps collectors item! In this yarn, you'll once again be the main character! Oh, you'd like that? Well, we'll see! Ready? Then start living this putrid potboiler entitled... I'm Baaaaack

Suppose you died while you were reading these words. What bit of unfinished gaming business do you have that is SO important, you'd come back from the dead to complete it? You'd literally crawl out of the sod of your own grave, and shamble down the streets while people screamed and fainted around you, just to complete this task. The most entertaining response earns 3gg, 2nd earns 2gg, 3rd earns 1gg. This contest ends tonight at midnight.

Heh, Heh! Try not to fall to pieces, or at least pick up the pieces that fall off of you!
 
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23. Board Game: Slapshot [Average Rating:6.32 Overall Rank:3950]
Board Game: Slapshot
Scott Russell
United States
Clarkston
Michigan
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This game started as Team, morphed into Slapshot, took too many pucks to the head and passed on. However, this funfilled game was resurrected as Phantoms of the Ice for one more spectral season in the hockey rink. Alas, White Wind blows no more and the Phantoms are laid to rest (for now...) Mourners are many and sundry, chief among them a six year old hockey fan who loves to collect the bruisers.
 
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