Games I hate, despise, loathe, and spit upon.
Tom Vasel
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A few people on the internet seem to think that I love games too much. This, apparently is a huge fault, as you must hate games to be considered a fine critic. It's kind of like movies ("What, you like Star Wars? Have you no class?").

I normally write fairly positive reviews of games, as I really do enjoy most games. Even games I'm not fond of I can usually find some kind of good quality about them.

But there a few games that I absolutely despise, for whatever reason. So I'm making this list to send to people who email me, telling me I'm entirely too positive (a horrible thing, apparently). There are many games I dislike - here are eleven examples for your viewing pleasure.

Give me a Monopoly marathon any day over any of the stinkers listed below!
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1. Board Game: Crocodile Pool Party [Average Rating:4.37 Overall Rank:15232]
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Boo! Hiss! Most of the games in the Kosmos 2-player line are quite fun, and even though a couple of them are a little bland (The Reef, Tally Ho!), none of them compare to this pile of compost. A horrible little game, I really tried to like it - but the game has NO redeemable qualities. If you throw twelve random counters into a box you'll probably get a better game than this one. Bleah!
 
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2. Board Game: Word Blind [Average Rating:4.42 Unranked]
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I know! Let's make a game that has millions of board combinations. What's that, Susie? You say that all the combinations are basically the same thing, which is boring? Well, Susie, that's okay, because we'll sell this dreck at a national bookstore chain, and foolish mortals will buy it. Then they'll attempt to gouge out their eyes rather than play this "party" game. What a good game executive am I!
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3. Board Game: Bibleopoly [Average Rating:3.66 Overall Rank:15045]
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This game stands for my pure hatred of "Christian" games applied to inferior games. I am a Christian, and am discouraged when I see nonsense like this published. I mean, who had the bright idea of taking a mediocre game like Monopoly, and making it even worse? On a good day, you can convince me to play Monopoly. At point of death, I'm not sure I'd play this.
 
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4. Board Game: Chinese Checkers [Average Rating:5.08 Overall Rank:15261]
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This game has been around for over one hundred years, bla bla bla. How people have been playing this boring combination of marbles and board is beyond me. I so fondly remember memories of Chinese Checkers when I was a kid - but they mainly involve the precious moments when we put it away in the box, banishing the demon back to its fiery abode.
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5. Board Game: Phase 10 [Average Rating:5.08 Overall Rank:15277]
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I know! Let's make a game that takes forever to play, and where one person can get so far ahead of the others that they sit there in misery, enduring unto the bitter end. Not only that, let's make it more boring than any other game in existence. What fun!
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6. Board Game: The Haunting House [Average Rating:5.07 Overall Rank:15183]
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I like most of Twilight Creation's games, even though you have to be in the proper mood to play them (Zombies and the like). But this game is utterly horrible. I'm not sure who thought players would enjoy a game so random that they might as well just roll a die to see who wins. The game has such potential, but the rules destroy it - and the hideous mess that ensues sucks all the fun out of the room faster than any game I've ever played.
 
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7. Board Game: Solomon's Temple [Average Rating:4.17 Overall Rank:14642]
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Yay! Another Bible game. But this is a modern, good one, isn't it? But wait - the fun hasn't started until you've played for thirty minutes, simply drawing cards until you get the one you need. That, my friends is the epitome of fun - if you are a brainless vegetable! Excuse me while I go spit the taste of this monstrosity out of my mouth.
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8. Board Game: Tenjo [Average Rating:5.02 Overall Rank:14850]
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I can say one nice thing about Tenjo - it has beautiful, beautiful bits. And it has horrible, terrible gameplay. When an hour of my planning, and an army of 500,000 troops was destroyed by one card - I came the closest to game rage that I have even been. I wanted to burn the game, destroying all copies so that mankind would never have to deal with this menace again. Oh, the anger is still building in me as I think of this wretched terror.
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9. Board Game: Star Trek: The Game [Average Rating:4.36 Overall Rank:15124]
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This game stands for all trivia games about a certain topic - where the geek who knows can proudly stand up and show that he is - oh yes! - a geek of great standing. The questions in this game are of such difficulty that the game is virtually unplayable. And isn't that just fun?
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10. Board Game: Buck Rogers: Battle for the 25th Century Game [Average Rating:6.42 Overall Rank:2978]
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Simple proof that throwing a bunch of plastic pieces in a box and having a monkey write the rules isn't good enough to produce a good game.
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11. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.06 Overall Rank:500]
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Oh no, I dare to defy the "GAME". There are many reasons I hate this game, but probably the number one reason is the fact that game thrives on hatred and treachery. That, and the fact that some people treat it as a sport and have every move in the game memorized. That, and that the game can be TEN HOURS of agonizing misery if you are out of contention early on. I have sworn never to play this game again, and you know what? It's not that hard of a promise to keep.
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