Excuses, excuses
Jamie
United States
California
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Of course my victory wasn't due to my rugged good looks, dazzling smile, or my awesome cape and debonair style, and it certainly wasn't due to careful planning or a sound knowledge of how the game works.
It seems like even when I win, I lose. Somehow, when I win, those less victoriously inclined than myself always find some excuse as to why my victory is hollow. I myself generally blame crappy dice rolls when I lose, but the following are some of my favorite excuses my friends use when they lose.
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1. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.39 Overall Rank:15319]
Jamie
United States
California
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"I didn't get the racecar!"
Man, the racecar is like the first-person controller on a Nintendo. It confers no benefits whatsoever, yet people are willing to do anything to get it. Often two contesting players will settle the problem by duelling at dawn, crowbar fencing, playing Crossfire, or challenging each other to that most violent of contests, Red Rover.
 
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2. Board Game: Heroscape Master Set: Rise of the Valkyrie [Average Rating:7.42 Overall Rank:270] [Average Rating:7.42 Unranked]
Jamie
United States
California
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"You got the good guys!"
No matter which army I choose, if I win, it was because I had the "good guys." I am always accused of using my good guys to kill off their good guys, which is apparently being "cheap." I call it "winning."
Anyways, as I tell my friend every time, it's not that my guys are "good," it's that his guys "suck." Honestly, who chooses the vikings as their first round draft pick? He seems to think that since they seem bad (slow, no ranged attack, stupid special ability) that they must somehow be good, but as is usually the case, when it seems like something sucks, it is most likely because it really does suck.
 
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3. Board Game: Axis & Allies [Average Rating:6.55 Overall Rank:1184]
Jamie
United States
California
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"Russia is too poor to do anything!"
"Britain's territories are too far away from its factory!"
"The US is too far away from anything!"
"Japan sucks the fat ass!"
"Germany has to take on everyone because Japan sucks!"

Heck, I don't even know if we've ever finished a game of this because when it becomes obvious that one side is going to lose, it become unbearable to finish the game. That's when the excuses start to fly.
I've got news for everybody: every country in this game sucks! It's the whole point of the game! You are strong where they're weak, and they're weak where you're strong.
 
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4. Board Game: Catan [Average Rating:7.23 Overall Rank:279] [Average Rating:7.23 Unranked]
Jamie
United States
California
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"You won 'cuz you have the green pieces."
Yeah, you read that right. They accuse me of winning because I'm the green pieces. I'm always green in every game because that way I can easily remember who I am. It's not a problem except in Settlers. Apparently, it enables me to blend in so no one notices how good my empire is. I'm still speechless about this one, and it's been, like, a year.
 
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5. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.45 Overall Rank:157] [Average Rating:7.45 Unranked]
Jamie
United States
California
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"If I'd been playing my OTHER deck..."
Ah, the mysterious "other deck." Like the sasquatch, leprechaun, and Dan Rather, it is a mythical beast that does not actually exist. If in fact an "other deck" is actually produced, it in all probability sucks just as hardily as the one just bested, prompting the vanquished to refer to yet ANOTHER "other deck."
 
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6. Board Game: Pictionary [Average Rating:5.82 Overall Rank:3851]
Jamie
United States
California
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"My partner is an idiot!"
I have found that in general, it is the team that works best together that tends to win. The individual talents of the players make no real difference.
Occasionally, yes, you will see the dreaded idiot partner who keeps guessing "box" or "rhombus" when the word is "square," but more likely you will see an irate player blame his partner for his inability to draw "Alan Greenspan" or "molecluar spectroscopy."
 
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7. Board Game: Trivial Pursuit [Average Rating:5.21 Overall Rank:15255]
Jamie
United States
California
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"How was I supposed to know that?"
I got news for ya, chief, none of us are supposed to know that. We're a bunch of 20 year old college students sitting around playing a 30 year old genius edition of Trivial Pursuit that's asking us what wine Charlie Chaplin liked to drink with his brie. All of us are on equal footing here because none of us know anything about silent film stars, the origins of jazz or anything about polo.
 
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8. Board Game: Clue [Average Rating:5.65 Overall Rank:7554]
Jamie
United States
California
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"You peeked!"
I don't even dignify this one with a reply. There's no way in hell anyone could possibly peek in that little envelope. If we as a country could get kids to care enough about national security as they do about protecting the sanctity of that stupid little clue envelope, we would have zero problems with espionage.
 
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9. Board Game: Chess [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:414] [Average Rating:7.09 Unranked]
Jamie
United States
California
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"Chess is for dorks!"
This is hardly a suitable excuse. The vanquished is trying to minimize his loss by insulting the game. In fact, it is a rather immature and childish excuse. The only suitable way to respond in an adult fashion is to say that the vanquished is a "dork times a million." Or, if you want to checkmate him right away, go straight to "dork times infinity plus one."
 
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10. Board Game: Pirate's Cove [Average Rating:6.59 Overall Rank:1020]
Jamie
United States
California
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"This game sucks!"
Yes, yes it does. But how does that affect your gameplay?
 
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11. Board Game: Excuses, Excuses [Average Rating:4.75 Unranked]
Jim Pulles
Canada
Regina
Saskatchewan
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"I only played it because you wanted me to."
 
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12. Board Game: Excuses, Excuses [Average Rating:4.75 Unranked]
Jim Pulles
Canada
Regina
Saskatchewan
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"I only played it because you wanted me to."
 
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13. Board Game: Attika [Average Rating:7.02 Overall Rank:563]
Tom Thingamagummy
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Oakland
California
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Panda is a Werewolf. The Village wins!
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"well I stopped him last time"

I can't tell you how many times someone has one because nobody wanted to be the person who made the blocking move.
 
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