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Subject: When I am beaten by an inanimate object and my kids mock me rss

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Paul DeStefano
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Cassie spreads the Dora Candyland board on to the dining room table, knocking over Spencer’s Marine from our long running Doom game. I fix the marine back to his place and guide Cassie to a more open part of the table.

“I be Dora, you be Boots, Teddy will be Backpack.”

I dutifully take the Boots (he’s a monkey, for those of you without preschoolers) and place him on start.

I have taken the liberty of introducing advanced rules to Candyland. They make it faster, reduce the luck and add a bit of gambling.

OK, maybe it isn’t all that exciting. The way we play is you flip a card. You then get the option to play that one or the next one, sight unseen. This basically allows you the chance to not get sent back mighty expanses of the board, and generally chugs the game along faster. Which means you get to play again in the same amount of time. Whee.

Cassie gets her card. “Blue.”

“You want that or the next card?” I ask.

“Next card! Green Green!” she squeals excitedly as her gamble has paid off.

I go. Orange. I decide to take the next card. Orange. Must be fate.

Teddy goes. I flip a card for Teddy.

It’s the Ice Cream Cone. Teddy gets the freakin' Ice Cream Cone and whips past us, 75% of the game behind her. Oh, Teddy is a girl. Actually she’s a Gund bear that used to be my wife’s and somehow has become inseparable from Cassie.

Teddy never gets the second card, Teddy always gets the first draw only.

Now I begin to think.

I passed up an Orange to get an Orange. Had I stuck with my first Orange card, and not been greedy, Cassie would have pulled the Ice Cream Cone and I would not have to suffer a humiliating defeat to a plush toy.

The only hope now is that Teddy pulls a candy that sends her back.

Nope. Teddy just rips along as Cassie gleefully points out that I’m in last place, losing to a three year old and an inanimate object.

It is with no surprise that within four more turns, Teddy is swept into the air and danced around the room to chants of “Teddy wins! Daddy loses! Teddy wins! Daddy loses!”

Apparently, Cassie’s position in the game is of no consequence as long as I lose and her animals win.

Spencer wanders in, a lollipop in his mouth. I have no idea where he was or what he was doing, but he comes in just to look over the board, wipe his nose and look up at me. “No wonder I can beat you at Doom, Dad, you lost a game to a teddy bear.”
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T. Fred
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You should retire from gaming. You are a disgrace to all here on bgg. If you aren't cheating at candyland, then you aren't trying. Win at all costs! Teach your daughter that life is brutal! Kick that teddy bear!





















Great story.
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Mike James
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Oddly enough, I once lost a game of Snakes and Ladders to a four year old, a small piece of playdough, and a book about European castles.
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MK
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Paul, have you considered playing this version of Candyland solo? I often find that doing so with just about any game increases my skills in that game considerably. I did this with several games and managed to get good enough to beat my stereo, table lamp, and a can of Spaghetti-O's. Oh, you should have seen it when I beat that can... that was the last time it ever played Risk with me, I can tell you that.
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Justin Dion
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Funny, I read the thread title and thought - "crap, that just happened to me in Alhambra a couple of weeks ago" . . .

Though in that case, I suppose the sting was eased a bit by the fact that I was mocked by my significant other rather than a five year old. (In fact, being mocked by the missus is hardly a rare event for me, so it really didn't bother me much at all.)

Thanks for the chuckle.
 
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Brian Workman
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Candyland is the shortest game in the world. Once the cards are shuffled the game is over. It just takes a half an hour then to find out who won
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Mike Smith-Stoe
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KillerB wrote:
Candyland is the shortest game in the world. Once the cards are shuffled the game is over. It just takes a half an hour then to find out who won


Not if you have to shuffle again.



(And yes, I realize I'm responding to a two year old post.)
 
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