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Subject: Bad Attitude During Gaming rss

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Brian Schwartz
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Hey all,


I've posted about this a while ago, and wanted to ask for an update in opinions. I have a friend who I will call "Greg," who is a good friend of mine. We go out to dinner once a week, and I invite him to my game nights which occur twice a month.

During the game nights, he often gets angry during games.

Several examples:

During Citadels, he kept picking the king over and over again, so he got to choose the cards first. He didn't understand why people kept picking on him.

During Suburbia, he overexpanded his city too quickly, and his income and reputation kept going down. I didn't realize he was upset until it was his turn and he said "PASS!" and I said you can't pass. And he said "What's the point anyhow?"

During Shadows over Camelot, he played normally, and then said he didn't like the game because he didnt understand the point.

He's gotten angry when other players pick on him, like in Saboteur 2 and someone stole gold from him, he called my friends "little tattletales."


Most recently, we played Belfort and he kept trying to place workers during the phase where you build buildings. I corrected him and he did it again, then he proclaimed loudly that he hated this game and thought it was stupid.

I've been very patient. I've tried talking to him about this, reminding him that this is just a game. He agrees but then it just happens again. IT has grated on my last nerve. I'm definitely going to invite him to less game nights/parties. Am I being unreasonable? Is there a better way to deal with this?
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Einmal ist keinmal
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Stop inviting him to play games if he can't act like an adult.
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jumbit
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Greg has deep-seated emotional problems that cause him to perceive that everyone is trying to unfairly get him. He lacks the ability to see "it's just a game" and takes it seriously.
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George I.
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
Am I being unreasonable? Is there a better way to deal with this?


You are missing the point. He doesn't have any attitude problems at all. That's him, you can't change him. The problem is yours for continuing to include him.

Exclude him from your gaming nights and problem solved. Unethical? Not correct? You like giving 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc... chances? Still, the problem is yours, not his.

Board games are just not for everyone. Try to go fishing with him, instead; quiet, simple, slow-paced hobby, no interaction. He might start arguing with the fish for not biting, but that's another story...
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Greg Austin
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He can be a good friend and be separate from game night.

I'm not sure why he would keep accepting the invitation when he seems to really not enjoy the games.
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Nate Edwards
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Greg is funny
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Brian Schwartz
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I think the problem is that he claims to enjoy game nights. He just has several games he has proclaimed his hatred of. There are many games I don't love playing, but I don't "hate" any of them. If I did, they would not be in my collection.

HIs life is pretty sad and empty without my game nights which is why I feel bad.
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Nate Walker
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12 year olds are annoying.
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Tunguska's CPA
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I tried introducing an acquaintance to Mille Bornes with.... less than stellar results.

She simply wasn't used to games beyond roll and move and when presented with Milles Bornes' stop/go mechanic and it's several rounds = a single game scoring, she just couldn't reconcile it all.

She did great the first round and then, while losing the second pretty badly, hollered "what's the point!?" and stormed outside for a smoke. She would have lost the second round, but oddly enough, would still have been in the lead by a healthy margin.

My friend broke up with her a couple weeks later.

Point is, in addition to potentially lacking the maturity for the games, he may simply not understand game theory/how to play these games. Sure, he knows that you place workers here, or play cards there, or whatever, but the underlying concepts may be eluding him.

When I teach Android: Netrunner, I explain that both players are balancing economy and efficiency (funds and actions) while the Runner balances aggression without over-extending himself and the Corporation balances defense, while being just aggressive/active enough to advance his agendas (and win).

Anyway, if you want to include him, try to help him grow into a proper gamer. Don't expect him to just get games, help him understand them. Grok them.

Also, co-op games.
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DigitalMan
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
I've tried talking to him about this, reminding him that this is just a game. He agrees but then it just happens again. IT has grated on my last nerve. I'm definitely going to invite him to less game nights/parties. Am I being unreasonable? Is there a better way to deal with this?


1. You've talked with him.
2. He's ruining your fun. (And presumably others as well?)

If he's not showing any signs of improvement and/or recognition of how his behavior is negatively impacting others, I say he's got to be out of the gaming group (at least for a while).
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Scott Kelly
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I use to play Magic The Gathering 1-2 times a week with a group where I live. They kept spending money but getting spanked nonstop because they didn't understand concepts, even though they had been playing for 10-20 years. So they would cry nonstop whenever they'd get whipped or picked on because they were about to pull off some ridiculous move, but would be sore sports if you let them pull it off and win. Therefore, I stopped inviting them to my house and playing with them. My time is too valuable to game with douchebags.
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Tunguska's CPA
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
[...]

HIs life is pretty sad and empty without my game nights which is why I feel bad.


His outbursts probably have nothing to do with games at all, then. More likely, they're his (poor) coping mechanism.

It may help to spend time with him outside of gaming.

I know a lot of people with, well, issues, but they're people and if they're your friends, they deserve your help.*

Good luck!

*Unless they're toxic, but I can't tell you if he is or not.
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Michael Carter
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Your description makes it sound like Greg doesn't understand the games and then feels embarrassed about his inability to understand a board game so he vents out his frustration at the fellow gamers.
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Brian S.
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From one Brian S. to another. I also had a buddy who couldn't handle losing or even winning if it was close. But instead of saying "what's the point anyhow" like your buddy, mine said "why do I even bother!" I had known the guy for nearly twenty years and I finally threw in the towel. He wasn't going to change, so I changed and quit hanging out with him. Kinda sad, but life's too short to indulge people who ruin the fun for others.
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Andreas Krüger
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
I think the problem is that he claims to enjoy game nights. He just has several games he has proclaimed his hatred of. There are many games I don't love playing, but I don't "hate" any of them. If I did, they would not be in my collection.

HIs life is pretty sad and empty without my game nights which is why I feel bad.


Find out what he likes better. But maybe he is a difficult person which may explain the emptyness of his life. In this case, he needs to seek professional help. Someone who is not his friend may be able to teach him some techniques for being more social and controlling his emotions.
 
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J Holmes
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Options include:

2 Player games: Rivals for Catanwith the less aggressive set-ups will work

Co-ops such as Castle Panic and Pandemic

If they all fail get Battlestar Galactica: The Board Game – Pegasus Expansion and airlock him or just play Poker with him.
 
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Play Co-Op games..

I really really dislike games that have events that change your turn order in such a way you will never win. There is this one game I played where if you are behind in the first 15 min you already lost. While the game forces you to keep playing for the next hour or so..
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John Wrot!
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jumbit wrote:
Greg has deep-seated emotional problems that cause him to perceive that everyone is trying to unfairly get him. He lacks the ability to see "it's just a game" and takes it seriously.


+1

I'd venture a guess at previous abuse. Whether he's 16 or 48, he's suffered some form of abuse in his past. Period.

Don't invite him to games (the competition is reminiscent of his abuse and being outcasted for its effects), invite him instead to dinner with the top 3 upstanding people you know.

If you're a church go-er invite him to dine with some great church friends.

DON'T hang out with him with people that you know are sarcastic, moody, or antagonistic.

Whoever you got that can be as patient and Loving as you. Have the GROUP love on him. And let the group know he's coming, and you want to do this uniquely for him. Don't have an "intervention", it wont' work.
He won't heal alone, and you'll burn out carrying his burden solo.

Just my 2 cents from previous experience being in similar or worse scenarios.

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Enrico Viglino
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WittyreaderLI wrote:


During Citadels, he kept picking the king over and over again, so he got to choose the cards first. He didn't understand why people kept picking on him.


Picking on him as in making fun of him because he wasn't using
the ability for anything useful? Or actually hurting him more
than his foolish choice was?

I can see a reason to target someone here though too - because you
want the king token to move, and by lowering the value of his bad
choice even further, maybe he'd choose something that actually helps him.
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Joe Salamone
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"Gets angry during games." Right off the bat, he doesn't seem to understand the point of playing games. Do you think he shows up for the actual gaming experience or is he just there so that he doesn't have to sit home alone?
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Larry Welborn
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He doesn't sound like he is much fun to game with but it also sounds like he has other issues as well.

How about asking him if there is a game or games that he enjoys and giving it a try? Sounds like he may be more suited to games where there is not direct attacking.

I wouldn't give up on him just yet.

 
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Andreas Krüger
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KeeperoftheGate wrote:

I'd venture a guess at previous abuse. Whether he's 16 or 48, he's suffered some form of abuse in his past. Period.




Well.... maybe. Perhaps his parents died in a horrible car crash. Maybe he shot his little sister accidentally. Maybe he is just a dick. The one thing that seems to be sure is that he is not happy, so he should change something in his life.
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The War Chief
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Cowboy up and stop inviting him. Life is too short to play with douchebags.
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Russ Spears
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Springheeledjack wrote:
Cowboy up and stop inviting him. Life is too short to play with douchebags.

Amen to that, all parts of that.
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Samuel Hinz
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Springheeledjack wrote:
Cowboy up and stop inviting him. Life is too short to play with douchebags.


Quite bloody rude there. The OP said it was his friend. Perhaps you are the douchebag.

The the op: perhaps gaming is just not for him, or maybe you could have him over for some 2 player games where it's just you and him.
Either way coming to games night doesn't need to be your sole outreach to your friend.
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