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Subject: "The Dilitihium Incident" rss

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[Communique from Klingon Outpost 481 to Klingon High Command; U.S.S. Huachuca intercept and decode]

Success! The recent operation at Planet V'hakh* has been executed with glory. Acquisition of the dilithium crystals has been accomplished.

[*: "Velox"]

The battleship Negh'Var, under the able command of noted Klingon intellectual Nu'daq, entered the V'hakh system and headed toward the mainworld. Already patrolling the system was the notorious hypocrite Picard, at the helm of the over-engineered U.S.S. Enterprise-D. Unfortunately, entering the system at the same time was the I.R.W. Praetorian, a D'deridex-class warbird of the treacherous Romulans! Her captain is not known to Imperial Intelligence at this time.

Picard's stated goal was to defend the cynical dogma of the Federation's so-called "Prime Directive", but of course his duplicity was evident: he planned on using sophistry and pretty words to talk the intellectually defenseless natives out of their dilithium! Why else would the Federation take such an interest as to send their chief lackey?

The Romulans, based upon Commodore Nu'daq's observations, were surveying the planet for the use of something called a "coherent Tau Lepton pulse cannon" which Intelligence believes would draw the planet's dilithium to the surface and concentrate it, at the expense of burning off the planet's atmosphere.

Negh'Var entered the system and moved slowly, cloaking. Praetorian also cloaked, but approached the planet rapidly. Enterprise appeared to suffer from an intoxicated helmsman, and turned sharply to port for no apparent reason.*

[*: Personnel Office indicates that it was Ensign Nate's first day on the job.]

Praetorian and Negh'Var both came within range of the planet. The villainous Romulans sent down a survey team with their captain. The heroic Commodore Nu'daq also beamed down with his trusted XO, Klag, and a squad of Science Marines. Nu'daq's plan was simple: find all the loose dilithium possible (the natives simply leave it laying on the surface!) and stuff it into burlap sacks. The commodore's pet targ was fitted with special saddle bags so that the animal could render its endearing assistance in this task.

The two ships began circling the planet, Negh'Var skillfully positioned aft of Praetorian for heightened tactical effectiveness should hostilities happily develop. Enterprise-D continued its ingenious yet baffling circuitous course.

Burlap sacks filled to bursting and the targ maximally encumbered, Commodore Nu'daq gloriously returned to his ship. The Romulans, their evil machinations on the planet also completed, likewise returned to their ship. Praetorian was vulnerable with her shields down, but had sneakily slipped slightly outside Negh'Var's firing arc.

Enterprise, however, stunned everyone by making a sharp, decisive turn directly toward the planet. In so doing, it effectively positioned itself for an optimum firing pattern. The bellicose imperialist Picard, enraged at the violation of his arcane bureaucratic statutes, opened fire on the defenseless Praetorian. Several direct hits were scored resulting in catastrophic critical damage. Praetorian disintegrated in a nova of destruction; truly, the Federation gunner was a man worthy of death at the hands of a Klingon. We must make a note of his honorable performance.

Sensing an opportunity, Commodore Nu'daq began to head out of the system, away from the planet, hoping to preserve the dilithium gains before Federation reinforcements arrived. Our fire at the Enterprise-D stripped away most of her shields but did no further damage. Her return fire struck our shields but they held.

At this point Negh'Var sped away in accord with the honor of adhering to sensitive mission parameters. Further honor was gained as the blustering plutocrat Picard was left shouting red-faced at his monitor* as Negh'Var entered warp with a fortune in dilithium in her hold! Success!

[*: Captain Picard disputes this account but the mission records on Enterprise have been expunged and are unavailable for reference.]

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That game sucked Bucky Balls. soblue

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