Recommend
1 
 Thumb up
 Hide
27 Posts
1 , 2  Next »   | 

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Gaming Related » General Gaming

Subject: Would you play with someone whos short tempered? rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Leroy Hedgpeth
United States
Citrus Heights
California
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
I have a friend that regularly joins in on games with my other friends. He loves to argue about rules and how a game is played. Frequently we get together and I bring a game over and he thinks he knows the rules better than me, and I own the game. He thinks he's in charge. He also gets pissed when he starts losing. He will, as my other friend says "Flies off the handle". Should I still play games with this person, or avoid him all together? How do you deal with personal conflict with others in games? I'm not scared of him (I was a US Army Ranger). I just don't like argumentative people. Thoughts?meeple
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Olivier Lamontagne
Canada
Montreal
Quebec
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I actively avoid these people. Play for fun.
11 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Phoebe Wild
Australia
South Melbourne
VIC
flag msg tools
publisher
Cardboard Vault Reviews!
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmb
A recent thread was discussing a very similar issue, about the best way to manage people in these situations, and whether it's better to give them more chances or just learn not to play games (or certain games) with them.

Calling out another gamer
(Hopefully I linked that correctly, never tried to do that before)

I would strongly agree with the opinions on that thread that being a sore loser is unacceptable, and you can't give people endless chances. At some point you have to realise that not only are they ruining the enjoyment of the game for everyone else, but they're also engaged in a form of bullying. By throwing tantrums when he's not getting what he wants, he's attempting to shape the behaviours of the other player.

In games that I've played where people have acted like this, it's easy to become very uncomfortable when you realise you're in the lead or doing better than the person who can't handle losing. If you have to be tip-toeing around him, and his behaviour is detracting from the game, then let him know. If he doesn't change, then politely explain in the future that you think it's best not to play games with him because you don't feel like he enjoys it and you could do something else better together. (You don't have to be this diplomatic, but this in my experience is the best approach that leaves you open to remaining friends in other contexts)

Games shouldn't be about winning or losing, they should be about the experience of the game.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Christian Gienger
Germany
Germany
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I think the question is what do you want. We can't give more than bad tips as we don't know how close you are, what you are doing if not playing games together etc. but I suggest talk with him about it.

Just my non-professional analysis of the situation: You both are alpha males and want to be in control. For you the person owning the game is in charge of rules etc. It may as well be that he knows the rules better. Owning a game doesn't automatically mean that you know the rules, questions and discussions in rule-forums for almost every game prove that.

As with the sore loser problem: Talk to him. If gaming with him isn't fun as long as he isn't winning afterwards, you should stop playing with him and if you still want to meet with him, do other stuff.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Leroy Hedgpeth
United States
Citrus Heights
California
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
Unfortunately he's a "Package Deal" He lives with my friend that I play boardgames with..
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Rami Finkelshtein
Canada
Waterloo
Ontario
flag msg tools
badge
Just another day on the staircase
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
While I can't help you with the whole "I know the rules better than you even though I never played but I am totally in charge" thing but I have seen the gets upset when starts losing thing.

So I had a friend who I gamed with that was a pretty big gamer. They (I will use they/them to protect the person) loved strategy and on some level I believe they put value on their ability to win games. Whenever we played games with luck or that couldn't be solved with a strategy that involved a social aspect they would fall behind and just get very upset during the whole thing. During larger games we just ignored them. Basically if we didn't acknowledge them then they just seemed to brood in the corner. In fact if we knew we would be playing games that we know would upset them when they were losing we would just skip inviting them. This actually also let them to be upset and when they brought it up later I personally explained why we did what we did and told them that if they wanted to game with us it can't be work for us.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Leroy Hedgpeth
United States
Citrus Heights
California
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
I agree. I enjoy playing games more than winning. It's about the social aspect and It's a stress reliever, for me. I actually get stressed when I have to go over there, just because he's so unstable. But my other friends are cool that are there. They won't talk to him about his behavior cause they "Know what he's like". Thats "Just the way he is" line.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Boss Beau Blasterfire
United States
Berrien Springs
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
If it is something that bothers you a lot, then I would avoid him. Some people are just annoying.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Greame Johnston
United Kingdom
East Grinstead
West Sussex
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
No. Life's too short!
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Diz Hooper
Japan
Osaka
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You have to talk to him. He's probably not aware of how other people are seeing him. Tell him how others feel when he behaves poorly. Also be sure to point out that most of the players at the table are losing. Only one player can win, so if you're playing with four or five players then most of the players at the table are "losing".

If that fails, then I usually approach these players with a sense of humor. If they start arguing about the rules, then I argue back in an exaggerated way with lots of hand gestures and then laugh about it. If they start acting childish when they are losing, then I start complaining loudly how much more I am losing than they are (which is often true in my case) and then laugh about it. This helps the other player see how absurd their behavior is and they generally tone it down after that.

If even that fails, then I avoid that player. It's a waste of time to spend time with someone you don't enjoy spending time with.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Gary Tanner
United States
Logan
Utah
flag msg tools
BryceCon Game Convention Jan 15-18 in Southern Utah www.brycecon.com
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Next time he starts arguing, stop playing. Take a deep breath and say:

"You know, I play games for enjoyment. To get together with friends, relax and have fun. I'm not going to sit here and argue with you on things during game night. If you're sure you're right, next time we play, bring the part of the rules that back it up. No argument needed. But as long as we're playing, I want to enjoy the game, not fight over it."

If he throws a fit about losing, or if he continues to argue after the above comment try:

"Okay, here's the deal. We're supposed to be able to handle a game maturely. When you can come to the table and act like an adult, you can play. Until then, you're not welcome at the game table."
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Owen Duffy
Scotland
Glasgow
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You say he's a friend, which complicated the situation a little. It might be a matter of diplomatically suggesting that while you're happy to hang around with him for other activities, you just have a different approach to gaming and that it'd be more fun for both of you if you each found players with a similar mindset.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brook Gentlestream
United States
Long Beach
California
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I think the important thing is to ask to speak to this person in private next time he is being a problem and try to gauge whether or not he's willing to cooperate in adjusting his behavior for the good of the group. That's really what you need to know.

Speaking from experience, temperamental people can make the best group members over time because they genuinely care about the experience and want to get involved. I find apathy so much worse. I can deal with someone who is over passionate, but I don't know how to motivate someone who just doesn't care.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Zeb Larson
United States
Columbus
Ohio
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
If he's a friend who you like spending time with in spite of the temper issue, then I would be up front and honest about his problem. Try to be kind about it, frame ways he can improve, hell, even use gaming as a way he can learn to be a good loser. I say, as a recovering poor sport, that using gaming as a motivator to be decent during play is a tactic that works.

On the other hand, if you don't really like him, only invite him because of your other friend or whatever else, just stop inviting him. That might sound cold, but life is too short to spend with unpleasant people. I usually refer people to this website in these cases.
http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paul Kimmel
United States
FPO
AP
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
When he's in the middle of a fit is the wrong time to talk to him about it. He won't be thinking clearly, and that's what you want him to do.

I'd say prepare ahead of time, with everyone else who's playing, and talk to him right before the game starts. Make sure everyone is on board, and everyone lets him know that throwing a fit isn't fun. But talk with him about it and prepare him to notice it as it's coming on. It's probably the case that losing makes him really anxious and he habitually reacts to anxiety with hostility. He learned that behavior, though, and he can un-learn it.

Then, after making him aware of it, if it happens again you can model for him how to respond in a more positive way. If your group is comfortable with trash-talking then try that. If you turn it into a joke and then let laughter be the release then try that. But the thing is, he will need someone to actually model the appropriate behavior for him, because this is a maturity issue.

It should be possible for him to un-learn this bad behavior. I'd wager he's been throwing fits after losing games since he was in kindergarten, though, so it won't be as easy as saying "Don't do that."
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Morten K
Denmark
flag msg tools
Avatar
mb
Personally, I would much rather play with a short-tempered person (and I do regularly) than one who is AP-prone
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Roger
United States
Montgomery
Alabama
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Tell the ate up troop to shape up or ship out. Or be evil. Invite all your navy buddies over to the next army navy game and then invite him.
No. Don't care what your MOS is or his MOS is. Talk to him once about his bad behavior then tell he can't play.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jacq L
New Zealand
flag msg tools
What are YOU lookin at?
badge
poof
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
From your posts it seems it would be best to just not play with them any more (I know, I know, easier said than done).

I've gamed with a few short-tempered people regularly in the past, and it was never really a huge issue. Though not Francis levels of table flipping, this person would shout sometimes and accuse various players and games as "B***s***! It's B***s***! A steaming crock of B***s***!" We kind of found it funny, and I think maybe in our case the person was hamming it up a bit for us.

"Hey, what did you think of this game again? I can't remember..."
"B***s***!!!!!"

Some people just act that way... I guess brash might be the right word?

But it sounds like the person makes you uncomfortable and ruins the experience. If that's the case, I think it's find to tell him he's not invited any more. Whether you want to give him a "chance" or not is up to you.

But I'm of the school of thought where that's acceptable behaviour, to refuse to play/engage with someone that makes you uncomfortable, full stop. I've refused to play with someone who uses too many slurs (arguably not a "cardinal gaming sin"). Gaming's my fun time. Don't make it no fun.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Maarten Schopman
Netherlands
flag msg tools
A lot of advice on what to say, but I like to suggest a different approach. What works good for me in situations when you wan't to address someones behavoir, is asking questions.

Usually you make sure it's not a public discussion, but just the two of you. (Unless you catch the situation / behavior in mid-flight and want to address it on the spot.) Then introduce the issue with one or two facts. (Examples that he cannot deny.) If you wish you can add how this makes you feel / affects you or the entire group. Next ask why he behaves this way, how he feels about this himself and if he understands what it does to the group. Lastly (try to) agree on / ask him how he will handle the situation next time. (And if you like, you can also ask how you can help him with this.)

Based on the answer(s) it's usually a lot easier to judge whether you want to give someone a second chance or not.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Simon Paulton
United Kingdom
St. Andrews
Fife
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
My dad and I recently stopped playing with someone who's short tempered because it was ruining our fun.

Just so happens it was my Mum who is tragically short tempered, gets incredibly angry when we stop her playing either out of turn or making moves in the wrong order (eg. King of Tokyo - buying cards before rolling) and even aggressive moves agasint her and she practically goes all table flip gif on my dad and I!

Hardly fun when a game breaks down halfway through when someone rage quits because they're losing
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jeremy Cooper
United Kingdom
Cheltenham
Gloucestershire
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
Psymonkee wrote:
My dad and I recently stopped playing with someone who's short tempered because it was ruining our fun.


I'd rather be in your shoes than mine.

I play once a week with my parents, and my dad is the short tempered one.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
J Holmes
New Zealand
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmb
I avoid short people in general.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Enrico Viglino
United States
Eugene
OR
flag msg tools
Slowed - BGG's moderation policies have driven me partially from here
badge
http://thegamebox.byethost15.com/smf/
Avatar
mb
Capitaine Grappin wrote:
I actively avoid these people. Play for fun.


I get fun out of pushing such people.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brian McCormick
United States
Lansing
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
Tasteless Brute
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
In response to the OP.

No.

I know far too many friendly people. Why waste the time? I know that I'm lucky and that not everyone has access to a wide pool of people willing to play boardgames, but I do and I take advantage of it.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
1 , 2  Next »   | 
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.