Tobias Strobe
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All the political shit bores me. It's my turn to start a sex thread!


An "alternative relationship" is a consensual romantic arrangement that isn't traditional monogamy. Here are some examples (copy-paste from wiki incoming):

Polyamory: The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Swinging: A non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.

Cuckolding: Men who enjoy watching their wives have sex with other men. There is some variation (women watching their men, gay partners, etc.), but generally it means the wife plays while the husband enjoys the anguish.

There are many others, and any discussion of terminology quickly devolves into Semantics Wars, so it's best avoided.



So, what are your thoughts? Has anyone here been in an alternative relationship? Are you in one now? Does it sound interesting on an intellectual level? Does it disgust you? Does it make you smile and giggle?
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Derry Salewski
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Yeah, it's something I'm sure I'll end up in in some form or another someday. Not really experienced to much yet. (I guess I've been with plenty of people who were currently not subscribing to monogamy, though.)

I like playing music with different people. I like reading different books. I like different gaming groups. The idea that another hobby/passion (kinky, kinky sex) should somehow not follow such an equally varied and exciting pattern is perplexing.

And I love my friends as much as I'll love whatever partner(s) Ihave someday.

Logistically I don't think true polyamory would work for me, as much as it's appealing (like, having two wives.) Finding one person to connect with is heard enough. Exponentially harder to connect more people together!

But I get bored too easily to be happy fucking one person for the rest of my life, and wouldn't believe someone who told me otherwise , and I'd rather just be honest, open, and fun about it.

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No, never have been into any of those. I'm fine with them existing, although I'm a bit sceptic about their success in a long term.

I will point out that swinging and cuckolding are not romantic arrangements, they're only boning arrangements, which is an important distinctionn.
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Derry Salewski
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Asur wrote:
No, never have been into any of those. I'm fine with them existing, although I'm a bit sceptic about their success in a long term.

I will point out that swinging and cuckolding are not romantic arrangements, they're only boning arrangements, which is an important distinctionn.


It's possible that the bull might just be boning, but for the couple in cuckolding for example, couldn't it be very romantic?

I mean, I get way more arroused by jealousy than I do by other mushy things these days.
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But isn't one of the pillars of swing/cuckolding the absense of jealousy?
 
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Derry Salewski
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Asur wrote:
But isn't one of the pillars of swing/cuckolding the absense of jealousy?


I think letting it upset you has to probably be absent to want to keep doing it.

People like strange things sometimes though.
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my only 2bits on this really is that i find it utterly bizarre that:

it is legal to be married to someone that you dont love, cheat on them all you like behind their backs and you are still not breaking any law.

yet it is illegal to marry two people both of which you love and both of which know about the arrangement and are happy in such a relationship.

not that such a relationship is for me..
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galad2003 wrote:
Being in a monogamous relationship is hard enough.

That sums up what I think quite efficiently.
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Chad Ellis
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I've been in two fairly brief poly relationships and a somewhat longer period of open dating which ended abruptly when I got engaged.

I'm very comfortable in a poly relationship. My sense is that poly relationships bring their own challenges but also their own opportunities and that for some people poly is a great choice -- for others, not so much.

I'd echo the sentiment of a previous poster who distinguished between polyamory, which is about relationships, and swinging/cuckolding, which is about non-monogamous sex.
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Chad Ellis
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galad2003 wrote:
Being in a monogamous relationship is hard enough. Trying to be in a polyamorous one is insanity unless it is for the sole purpose of boning.


I get this perspective, and for you it's probably true. (That's not a shot; people are wired differently.) For others it's not necessarily true at all.

I have relatively little interest in polyamory "for the sole purpose of boning". Casual sex has never been my thing and being married for eleven years (as of last Saturday) hasn't changed that. My past enjoyment of polyamory and my purely-theoretical interest in it today would certainly include amazing sex but that's not the primary reward.
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Chad Ellis
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Asur wrote:
But isn't one of the pillars of swing/cuckolding the absense of jealousy?


Not necessarily. I'm not expert on either, but my understanding is that some swingers self-report as having almost no jealousy while others feel jealousy but manage it. The one couple I know personally who swing (or swung; we fell out of touch years ago) talked about what pushed their jealousy buttons and had agreed ground rules, like only sex (no dating), some limit on how many times they would swing with any particular couple, etc.

My impression of cuckolding is that jealousy is often an important part of the kink. Some guys seem to like the discomfort or even humiliation that comes with it. I don't know how typical that is, though -- this is a kink I didn't even know existed as a thing until recently and isn't something I have any interest in or understanding of.
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You left out monsexuality, or as it's called scientifically wanking.
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Chad_Ellis wrote:
galad2003 wrote:
Being in a monogamous relationship is hard enough. Trying to be in a polyamorous one is insanity unless it is for the sole purpose of boning.


I get this perspective, and for you it's probably true. (That's not a shot; people are wired differently.) For others it's not necessarily true at all.


That's an opinion you already stated. Of course I know next to nothing about your private life, but it seems to me that you have one partner in your life, so at some point you have made that choice. There must be a reason.
 
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HavocIsHere wrote:
Chad_Ellis wrote:
galad2003 wrote:
Being in a monogamous relationship is hard enough. Trying to be in a polyamorous one is insanity unless it is for the sole purpose of boning.


I get this perspective, and for you it's probably true. (That's not a shot; people are wired differently.) For others it's not necessarily true at all.


That's an opinion you already stated. Of course I know next to nothing about your private life, but it seems to me that you have one partner in your life, so at some point you have made that choice. There must be a reason.


Sure. The reason is pretty simple -- I met someone who a) isn't wired for polyamory and b) I wanted to marry more than I wanted to be in a poly relationship.

It's like if someone said that living in the wilderness is insanity and someone replied that they would be happy living in the wilderness. The second person might be right or wrong about their self-assessment, but the fact that they fell in love with a city girl and made the choice to live in the city in order to be with that person wouldn't tell you either way.

It seems to me like every time there's a poly thread we see people who have no interest in it and for whom it wouldn't be suitable making what sound like sweeping statements about how it can't possibly be a good option for anyone else, either -- unless it's just about casual sex. As someone who has enjoyed some pretty significant emotional benefits from two poly relationships I find that a little annoying and narrow-minded.
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Personally I'll echo the sentiment that making one relationship work out is hard enough. But ever since I've started attending cuddle parties I've developed a bit of an understanding on how more open arrangements might work. It's not a very good comparison since cuddle parties purposely exclude the aspects of sexuality or even romantic love. But still it is a very intimate and emotional thing that you're essentially sharing with multiple people without anyone getting upset over it.

The boardgamer in me says that it's pretty much irrelevant what rules you play by as long as all participants can agree on them...
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I like the safety of monogamy. My wife and I both went for testing early in our relationship, once it was clear we were headed for unprotected sex territory (a great band name, btw). I have lots of fantasies about lots of situations, but when I actually consider being part of such a situation, all I can think of is Herpes, Genital Warts, Head and Neck Cancer, AIDS, Syphilis, Craaaaaabs...
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Shit, I was lucky enough just getting one girl.
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Chad_Ellis wrote:

It seems to me like every time there's a poly thread we see people who have no interest in it and for whom it wouldn't be suitable making what sound like sweeping statements about how it can't possibly be a good option for anyone else, either -- unless it's just about casual sex. As someone who has enjoyed some pretty significant emotional benefits from two poly relationships I find that a little annoying and narrow-minded.


The reason is simple. In any kind of endeavour, it's easier to manage the relations between fewer people. I don't understand why romantic relations should be an exception. I don't think it's being narrow minded to simply answer a thread which seems adressed to everyone, nor to draw parallels with other experiences.
 
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Tobias Strobe
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Asur wrote:
I will point out that swinging and cuckolding are not romantic arrangements, they're only boning arrangements, which is an important distinctionn.


They most certainly are romantic arrangements. At the very least, the arrangement is between the husband/wife. In cuckold relationships, the wife often forms romantic bonds with the other men. In fact, some cucks get more of a charge out of the exclusionary romance than the sex.

Also, the lines between swinging and poly are often blurred.

This is why alternative relationship Semantics Wars are not cool, by the way. Few people fit exactly into one category or another.
 
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Do not confuse sex with romance.
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Tobias Strobe
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Geosphere wrote:
Do not confuse sex with romance.


Is anybody here doing that?
 
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Chad_Ellis wrote:
galad2003 wrote:
Being in a monogamous relationship is hard enough. Trying to be in a polyamorous one is insanity unless it is for the sole purpose of boning.


I get this perspective, and for you it's probably true. (That's not a shot; people are wired differently.) For others it's not necessarily true at all.

I have relatively little interest in polyamory "for the sole purpose of boning". Casual sex has never been my thing and being married for eleven years (as of last Saturday) hasn't changed that. My past enjoyment of polyamory and my purely-theoretical interest in it today would certainly include amazing sex but that's not the primary reward.


Congratulations on 11 years!

I've known swingers and their stories made it sound like it had a partying aspect plus lots of casual sex. I've read studies that swingers who marry swingers stay married longer and report higher happiness than regular marriages.

I've had quasi poly situations but no true poly situations. They were fun and had good sex. Essentially- everyone involved wanted a relationship but definitely not a full time relationship. This particularly suited me as I can spend 40 hours a week gaming. No standard relationship can suit this. I think many would think of it more as a bachelor with a stable set of girlfriends. It was nice for about 10 years each time.

Somehow I avoided being exposed to the cuckolding concept until about three years ago on "Nip & Tuck". I find it very emotionally distressing. The males seem to want to be humiliated, feel jealousy, be in chastity, and be denied sex while their wives have lots of sex with other guys potentially with their husband sitting next to them holding their hands. It seems like an alternative for submissive and potentially bisexual males as well.

The largest area where I see extra-relation sex is mismatched sexual drives. It's often secretive. People don't want to end their main relationship but one partner has become unwilling or unable to continue having sex.
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Ilthuain wrote:
Geosphere wrote:
Do not confuse sex with romance.


Is anybody here doing that?


Yes.
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Tobias Strobe
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Geosphere wrote:
Ilthuain wrote:
Geosphere wrote:
Do not confuse sex with romance.


Is anybody here doing that?


Yes.


Provide quotes plz.
 
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Edit: NVM, didn't read the OP close enough.
 
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