Recommend
3 
 Thumb up
 Hide
9 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Religion, Sex, and Politics

Subject: Poo Doozy rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Bat Profile
United States
Sandworms USA
Plateau of Leng
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Alright Koldfoot.


After your story mine involves a band, an old man, my comic shop basement, an ex-roommate and lies.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bat Profile
United States
Sandworms USA
Plateau of Leng
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Well.

Can't really top molestation AND a shit story.

Shoulda fucking had you go last.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Welcome Rolling Stones
Latvia
Bullshit
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb

Isn't it odd how everyone who has spent some time in the military has some sort of horrific shit story?
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
United States
Texas
flag msg tools
badge
"that's a smith and wesson, and you've had your six"
Avatar
49xjohn wrote:

Isn't it odd how everyone who has spent some time in the military has some sort of horrific shit story?


I think it's because of what they fed us.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bat Profile
United States
Sandworms USA
Plateau of Leng
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
This is maybe 17 years ago. Came into work on a Monday and the store kinda smelled funny. The store can always smell funny with the gross carpet and all...maybe someone brought in boxes of moldy comics. Anyway about 1PM I need to go take care of some business. I go to the back room and open the door to some Exorcist/Amityville sights.

First thing I get hit with when I open the bathroom door is a turgid, humid, stink punch right in the snoot. Someone did a big old splatter poo in an arc in, on and around the toilet. Meaning they started shitting themselves BEFORE they sat down. I also know that it went on for quite sometime because all 6 rolls of TP and 2 rolls of PT were used, most of which are layered up in the toilet like some sort of Satanic tiramisu.

I have just now realized my mouth is hanging open from shock and as I turn away to run I see my 35 gallon trashcan piled high with used paper including the last of the TP and PT which I can assume is there since the toilet stopped accepting new applications about 4 quarts ago. AND right there like a big brown cherry on top is a pair of poopy drawls. Boxer briefs.

I have to go really bad so I head back in. I had to get sticks to pry wedged in tight, doody filled paper towels from the bowl. I about shit myself from shock and awe.

After finishing I immediately call Astroboy, the stoner kid I have working on Sundays.

Me: "Got anything to tell me?"
Astro: "Uh,no."
Me: "Nothing exciting happen yesterday?"
Astro: "Oh, yeah. My grandpa stopped in for a while."
Me: "What size boxer briefs does your grandpa wear?"

From this point the conversation went a little strange until it was decided that this little old man neither wears boxer briefs nor could hold 5 gallons of pudding inside him.

Next suspects: the band.

I let a band practice in my basement, one of the members was an old roommate of mine. I can explain him in many, many examples but I will use the two most commonly cited ones.

1: He once walked past the post office (I am caddy-corner from it) to ask me for a stamp.

2: His birthday was the week we moved in, when we moved out he threw out his cake.

Now we know the extent of laziness and slobbery of this roommate. He will walk half a block to be lazier than he already is. Fucker would complain about finding a box of money.....anyway

So I give him a call.

Me: "You practice last night?"
He: "Yeah."
Me: "You left cigarette butts all over the stairs again."
He: "Oh, yeah, sorry."

blah blah blah, anyway he denied it and blamed the 85 year old man AND the rest of his band. To me anyone that is ready to throw EVERYONE under the bus is obviously the one who did it. So I called one of the other guys and he confirmed that he was the only one that left, and for quite some time. On a fucking Turd Quest.

Denies it to this day. I would be out somewhere (I stopped hanging out with Poops McGee after the incident) and he would come up to tell me it wasn't him. I don't even care anymore who did it, it will always be him even if I get a manila envelope in the mail with a hand written confession. The story has made the Christmas party every year and I don't need to re-write it now. It is enough like something he would do.


Took me all day to clean that mess. I spent about $50 in bleach and goggles and gloves. I threw out everything in that bathroom except the toilet and sink. Even had to pry up and pitch some of the floor tiles because there was so much watery crap that it seeped between and bubbled when you walked on them.


Customers are not allowed in the bathroom, no sense in taking chances. I just send them across the street to other business. I paid my dues.

Astroboy even worked the incident into a song the minions put into a movie for me.

Done to the tune of Paint it Black. I'll see if he remembers the lyrics and post them.
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Rusty McFisticuffs
United States
Arcata
California
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Altair IV wrote:
Done to the tune of Paint it Black. I'll see if he remembers the lyrics and post them.

"I see a white door and I want it painted brown..."
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Rusty McFisticuffs
United States
Arcata
California
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Altair IV wrote:
Done to the tune of Paint it Black. I'll see if he remembers the lyrics and post them.

I see a white door and I want it painted brown
What happens here is something that will cause a frown
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I wish I wore a skirt, it's easier to go
I see a line of cars and they're all painted brown
The train is leaving from the station that's downtown
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just needs deliveray
I look inside myself and see my heart is brown
I see my white door and it has been painted brown
Maybe then I'll fade away and not clean up the mess
They'll never know for sure, the best they'll do is guess
No more will my TP absorb these things I do
I could not foresee this thing filling up with poo
If I look hard enough beyond my steaming buns
I'll make my exit long before the mornin' comes
I see a white door and I want it painted down
What happens here is something I cannot live down
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I wish I wore a skirt, it's easier to go
Hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmm hmm...
15 
 Thumb up
0.07
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Born To Lose, Live To Win
United States
South Euclid
Ohio
flag msg tools
badge
Metal Undivided, Chaos For All
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I have a military shit story also, not as good as the previous though. When I was in Saudi for Desert Shield/Storm we had outhouse style latrines on our site (nothing like an outhouse in desert heat). Somebody had really bad intestinal problems and had hit one of them with what looked like a shit fire extinguisher. There was literally a brown coating on not just the toilet, but all up the back wall chest high. The person must have just got their pants down in time and just erupted before they could sit down. The fly drone from that latrine sounded like a far away prop plane.

It wasn't clear who did it until this woman (I didn't know her) literally exploded while sitting on a hard case that milspec electronic equipment is lugged around in in mobility units. She had to be medivac'd back to Germany her plumbing was so screwed up.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.