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Subject: Scotch tape and Scotch rss

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Michael
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Lincoln
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My wife and I had found Goosebumps: Terror in the Graveyard Game recently at a shop somewhat redundantly called "Antiques; From the Past". We had both spent our formative years reading R.L. Stine so this was of definite interest to us.
"I'm pretty sure it has all the pieces," said the clerk helpfully as we handed over the five dollars. We didn't let the stellar salesmanship or the fact we were over double the suggest age group deter us.

Several days later, after having a few drinks, we decided to play it. When we opened the box, we mocked the fictional characters' appearances for a good half an hour. This was an important part of gameplay.

Next we began to put the game together. We could tell that the previous owner had never got as far as playing the game. Half the pieces weren't punched out yet, and many of those that were punched out, were held together by a good amount of scotch tape. We took a drink in memory of the parents who had failed in this herculean task before us. Then we followed the IKEA-esque assembly process to set up the game. We also used a great deal of scotch tape. Many of the cardboard pieces would snap like peanut brittle on the "Fold Here" line and were as sticky as peanut brittle too. Some pieces were missing. Finally it was time to play.

GRAVEYARD TERROR
Gabe and Sari stepped into the graveyard entrance.
"This isn't so spooky," said Gabe
"Don't let it fool you," said Sari cautiously, "There is a headless ghost near the exit that we must kill." Gabe nodded thoughtfully. This graveyard was exactly like his haircut. Business in the front, and unspeakable horror in the back.
Meanwhile, at the exact same place, Terri and Jerry were also looking to kill the headless ghost.
"Why don't we work with them?" suggested Jerry. Terri slapped him across the face.
"I'll be damned if I let those inbred yokels save the graveyard before we do!" Terri took a huge pull from her flask. "Now let's get going."

The two teams began weaving their way through the graveyard. Suddenly Gabe started growing hair all over his body - much more rapidly then health class had led him to believe!
"Oh my stars, I'm a werewolf!" cried Gabe.
"That's terrible," said Sari, "We have to hurry up and defeat this headless ghost!"
"No can do sis," said Gabe, "I have to go to werewolf stuff."
So Sari decided to dig into one of the graves. When she did, she found a magic ring!

"Curses!" said Terri, "We need to find a magic ring to! That's the only way to kill the headless ghost!"
"I still don't understand why we don't work together." said Jerry. Terri sent Jerry to go stand on a patch of the grave yard marked "DANGER". The ground itself began to shift. The clear bindings that held the tombs, graves, and even some of the grass together was strained. The children all screamed in peril as the grass beneath them moved. When it was all over, Jerry had fallen into an empty tomb. "Help me up sister!" he yelled.
"No," said Terri. "You need to stay in there, and contemplate what it means to be in this family." She took a giant pull from her flask.

Gabe stopped being a werewolf forever.

The children advanced further into the graveyard, except for Jerry, who was stuck in a dark tomb. They continued to dig up the graves they walked passed, finding magic rings, skeleton hands, and some spooky events happened. Once, a gigantic cat pounced upon the graveyard from the sky itself. The children were knocked to the ground and dazed, as the cat began to bite one of the plastic tombs. When the children awoke, they were basically where they were before. The only difference was there seemed to be a lot more clear binding holding the graveyard together.

The final tomb was in site now. Sari was almost there. Terri took a giant pull from her flask. She had to beat Sari to that headless ghost. Terri shoved Gabe into a tomb for no real reason.
"I'll avenge you," yelled Sari as she sprinted toward the finish. Terri was forlorn. Her flask was empty and Sari was way ahead of her. Suddenly the ground shifted once more, and as it did alcohol rained from the sky, getting the graveyard of terror all sticky. Maybe I have hope after all, thought Terri as she held her mouth open to catch the rain. And sure enough, when Terri looked up a skeleton hand was gripping the foot of Sari. Terri brushed past her and ran towards the headless ghost's tomb. Sari broke free and began to follow.

"MWAHAHAHA! I am the headless ghost! You fools, you cannot defeat me. Not without a magic ring!"
"I have two magic rings!" yelled Terri.
"And I've got three," said Sari.
"I bet you didn't think us kids would be so good at grave robbing," said Terri smugly. And with that she picked up a skull she found on the ground and threw it into a hole in the monument. That's how you defeat headless ghosts.

Tragically the skull rolled left instead of right, so the ghost was not defeated. So that's why people in the olden days viewed left as the sinister direction! Thought Sari. She grabbed the skull and looked Terri dead in the eye. "Now it's my turn you drunken skank!" she threw the skull with all her might into the monument hole. It got jammed.
"Great," said Terri, "Now we got to wait for the skull to get loose." Fortunately just then an earth quake happened and the skull rolled out of the monument. On the left!

"Give up now!" said the headless ghost. "Defeating me is a far too tedious task for children with your attention span!"

But Terri was too drunk to hear. She slammed the skull into the monument and this time it rolled right. Terri breathed a sigh of relief. She had killed the ghost before anyone else could.

"Aren't you supposed to fly away?" she asked the ghost.
"Yes, but that part is broken" the ghost just sort of walked off. Sari went to fetch her brother from the tomb, and Terri went to the bar to celebrate.

Meanwhile, Jerry called out for help, but no one answered. He soon realized that the empty tomb he had fallen in would become his coffin. Jerry would become the next TERROR OF THE GRAVEYARD!
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D. Watson
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Fantastic session. I literally laughed out loud.
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