Recommend
12 
 Thumb up
 Hide
55 Posts
1 , 2 , 3  Next »   | 

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Gaming Related » General Gaming

Subject: Sore loser at some games rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Matthew Brown
msg tools
I'm reluctant to put this up here because some in my gaming group might see it. I know that this has been discussed at length before, but I think I only struggle with being a sore loser with some games.

Anyway, I can be a sore loser at times. I've thought about it a lot and it mostly seems like its American style war games that make me upset.

I've lost many times at Powergrid and 7 Wonders. I've never gotten upset. I love the mechanics and the act of building. 7 Wonders does have a military element, but for whatever reason, it doesn't bother me that my neighbor attacks me.

Games like Twilight Imperium, Eclipse, and Runewars really make me upset. I enjoy playing them until I make a bonehead move and get crushed. I've learned not to get visibly angry. What I now do is I just get up and calmly say I need to leave, even if it's the middle of the game. I want to tip the board over, or yell, but I don't. I just say goodbye and leave.

It's weird, but I've never gotten upset about Game of Thrones tbg, maybe because everyone's resources are so limited and it seems that the rules constrain someone from running away with a lead.

Am I being a jerk if I tell my gaming group that I don't want or can't play those games anymore? Any tips on playing certain games that I don't enjoy losing?
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
United States
Belvidere
Illinois
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I would say you are not a jerk if you tell your friends you are not willing to play those games.

You would be a jerk if you didn't tell them and kept quitting in the middle of games. That's bad form.
44 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Tom D.
United States
Alabama
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
If you were in my group I would rather you tell me that you can't enjoy those kinds of games. I will say that if you were in my group and left in the middle of a game of TI3 or Runewars I would probably just not pull those games or similar out whenever you were over.
7 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paddy Bourbon

New Boston
New Hampshire
msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You're a jerk for getting up and leaving in the middle of a game. The right thing to do is tell them what games you don't want to play. Everyone has games they would rather not play so tell them.
31 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Matthew Brown
msg tools
mightypaco1 wrote:
You're a jerk for getting up and leaving in the middle of a game. The right thing to do is tell them what games you don't want to play. Everyone has games they would rather not play so tell them.


Ok, that sounds reasonable. What should I say when a new game is introduced to our group? Should I ask what kind of game it is and that I don't do well with American style war games? I don't want to be the guy who ruins people's fun by saying I only play non aggressive euro games.
9 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alison Mandible
United States
Cambridge
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I would not think somebody was a jerk for saying, "I get really upset when that game doesn't go my way. I don't think I'm up for playing it."

I also wouldn't think someone was a jerk for saying in mid-game, "I'm actually really upset now. It's not your fault; you're just playing the game. But I can't deal. I think I need to stop. Is there a way I can do that without ruining the game for everybody else?"

I would think somebody was a little bit of a jerk if they just got up and left without explanation, though usually it's pretty obvious that that means "I'm so angry I can't even talk right now". Still, you want to make sure your friends know you're angry at the world or the game, and that you don't think they actually did something wrong by crushing you.

I would think someone was quite a jerk if they left the same game mid-play several times, or if they kept leaving different games unexpectedly. You're trying to find the pattern, which is great; when learning a game, you should ask the person teaching it if it has the qualities that get you wound up.

I would think your FRIENDS were jerks if they insisted on playing games that made you upset. It sounds like they enjoy a variety of games; unless you're at every single game night always vetoing someone's favorite game, they should work with you to find games you all enjoy. Because that's the point, right?
20 
 Thumb up
0.01
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Joe Salamone
United States
Billerica
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
badge
Aggravating people worldwide since 1964
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
matbathome wrote:
Any tips on playing certain games that I don't enjoy losing?


This is a personal issue. I don't think many people "enjoy" losing, but most people can at least tolerate losing. As for me, I don't really care if I lose 100 games in a row. I just enjoy playing. Of course, I prefer to win. But a couple of months after an all-day gaming session, I doubt if I could remember all the games I played much less whether I won or lost. I just play, put the game away, and move on to the next one. Life is too short (CLICHE ALERT!!!!) to get upset about losing games.




3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bruce Gazdecki
United States
Lindsey
Ohio
flag msg tools
badge
mbmbmbmbmb
Maybe you need to go about it differently. Find out if the game you're playing is similar to the ones that have made you upset in the past. If it is, go in expecting lose, and just try to play the best you can and try to learn how to better play those types.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, and try to maybe learn form each game until maybe you get better at this type.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alison Mandible
United States
Cambridge
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
matbathome wrote:
I don't want to be the guy who ruins people's fun by saying I only play non aggressive euro games.


It sounds like that's not quite it, though. You like some cutthroat games, just not certain kinds.

Is the problem sitting around feeling like you have no chance, waiting for the game to end? There are shorter games, or games with lots of endgame scoring.

Is it having your hard work undone, rather than just losing the edge to someone else? There are games where the conflict is always over future resources, not destroying what exists.

Is it "why did you attack ME in particular"? There are games without targeted attacks.

Is it "hey, I'm already losing, why go after me"? There are games where losing players can't be farmed for points.

It might take a while to figure it out!

Also, have you tried sticking with these games that upset you? If you have, and they stay frustrating through to the end, I'm not saying you should just persevere-- not at all. But I have a friend who ragequits halfway through games all the time (I wish he was as calm about it as you!) and what *I* find most frustrating about it is that he's a terrible judge of when he's losing. If someone convinces him to sit back down after his freakout, it usually turns out that he was doing fine, sometimes even still winning. If you've *never* seen a game through to find out, that might be worth doing.
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bryan Thunkd
United States
Florence
MA
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Tell your group that you don't think you can play Ameritrash games and that you would prefer Eurogames which have more indirect competition. Explain to them that not only are the high conflict games not fun for you, but that they make you seethe inside and it's all you can do to stop from yelling and screaming at people. If they are your friends, they should want to find a way to make gaming fun for you as well.
7 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
William Korner
United States
Tomah
Wisconsin
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Getting up and leaving during the middle of a game is bad form . I think maybe you should try another genre that doesn't make you so irate. We have a friend who very rarely plays and always gets frustrated/ornery when his strategy does not work , which is always. It's funny you mentioned 7 Wonders, that's about the only game he will play anymore so we never see him on game nights. Even though he is a good friend, we all prefer it this way because of the potential to ruin everyone else's fun has been eliminated.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Matthew Brown
msg tools
Thanks for all these comments. They've really given me some stuff to think about.
11 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Shane Hockin
United States
Tallahassee
Florida
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Test
Kudos to you for coming on here to say this. It takes guts to admit it is an issue. You clearly are open to constructive criticism, which is to your credit. We should start a support group. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. :-D
15 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bryan Thunkd
United States
Florence
MA
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Apocalypse Dude wrote:
Getting up and leaving during the middle of a game is bad form .
Why? If he had indigestion and had to go the bathroom it'd be okay, right? So he has mental indigestion and has to purge his ire. It's far better than losing it and yelling at everybody. It's not like he is deliberately getting mad. He's trying to handle his anger in the best way possible. While I agree, he shouldn't play this type of game, I have no fault with the way he's handled it in the past.

But now... knowing that it affects him like this, he shouldn't continue to play these games.


Edit: I've been working under the assumption that he left to calm down and then came back to the game. Yeah, just ditching a game midway through isn't cool. I'd be okay the first time if you explained that you were so furious you couldn't stand it... but then I'd expect that you either not play that game again or if you did, that you did so with the understanding that you were in it for the long haul.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Eva
Sweden
Unspecified
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
If someons said to me "I don't like this game" I would suggest another game in an instant. And be happy to do it. Gaming is supposed to be fun for everybody.

If someone walks out of a game, I would give that person another chance and if it ever happend again (without a good explanation like their train is leaving) I would never play with that person again. Walking out is one of the worst ways of ruin a game for everybody else.

So, my point is, I don't take offense if someone doesn't like a game.


I hope you find a solution that works for you. And I admire your courage to adress this problem on the BGG and kudos for being able to handle all comments in a good way.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Rich Charters
United States
Chandler
Arizona
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
matbathome wrote:
Games like Twilight Imperium, Eclipse, and Runewars really make me upset. I enjoy playing them until I make a bonehead move and get crushed. I've learned not to get visibly angry. What I now do is I just get up and calmly say I need to leave, even if it's the middle of the game. I want to tip the board over, or yell, but I don't. I just say goodbye and leave.

Here's my 2 cents:

Calming excusing your self and walking away is 1000 times better than turning the board over in a rage. So congratulations on that!

Not being able to calmly finish out a game when you find yourself losing badly is not really a mature or a normal reaction. If you really feel that you can't finish that type of game, you might want to do some serious self-reflection.....we could ALL use some self-reflection from time to time.

matbathome wrote:
Am I being a jerk if I tell my gaming group that I don't want or can't play those games anymore?
I don't see a reason to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation, so I think it's fine to lobby for games that you know you will enjoy. And I think it's fine (although not overly fair) to decline to play games if the group decides to go with a game you don't particularly want to play.

I think the right long-term solution is to figure why/how a board game can make you so angry and deal with those fundamental issues.

matbathome wrote:
Any tips on playing certain games that I don't enjoy losing?
It's hard for me to relate to the emotions you are experiencing, but you might want to try to put some emotional distance between you and the game pieces you are playing. If playing Elipse, just consider yourself as watching the game develop. Keep in mind that they are attacking the red-pieces, not you. Play to experience the game and to learn from the game, and to interact with your friends. Don't play to win at all costs. Have fun!
5 
 Thumb up
0.01
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Joe Salamone
United States
Billerica
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
badge
Aggravating people worldwide since 1964
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
richcharters wrote:

Calming excusing your self and walking away is 1000 times better than turning the board over in a rage.


I hope I never reach a point in my life where a game has enough influence on my mood to make me turn a board over in a rage.

4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Matthew Brown
msg tools
Perhaps I should clarify some things.

I've never turned over a game table or board in rage. I've gotten pretty mad and said "I'm never playing this game again!".

And I've played many games, such as 7 Wonders, Powergrid, Catan, etc and not gotten upset when I've lost. I actually think I've lost every single game of Powergrid I've ever played.

I know one of the things that annoys me is that when I'm unfamiliar with rules.

I've played TI maybe 6 times. TI is one of those games that has little nitpicky rules. The last time I played, for whatever reason, no one had ever told me that you could trade in political cards for trade goods. I don't remember anyone ever telling me that. The owner and game runner told me that I had played TI plenty of times and wouldn't let me trade them in after a technology phase had passed. The whole situation soured me towards that game and a couple rounds later and some bad events, I quit the game.

When I run a Mansions of Madness game (a game with even more nitpick rules then TI), I bring cheat sheets and go through the cheat sheet and rules with all players, newbies or not.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Liam
Scotland
flag msg tools
admin
badge
I am BGG's official honey trap
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I empathize with your position. That sounds really difficult. I strongly agree, well done for walking away rather than going ballistic! Though I equally agree that while a good decision at the time, it's not a longterm solution as it doesn't solve your root problem. I'm sure your not alone with this, so thanks for bringing it up.

I think I'd try to be honest with the group and see if there are any solutions that can be devised. For example playing shorter games where one error doesn't ruin your experience or identifying games or situations that trigger your anger response.

I can't say I've always remained totally cool at the games table. What I try to bear in mind is what happens is irrelevant all that matters is how one responds (as in life). In a gaming group's history everyone will make a mistake sooner or later, get crushed completely, lose narrowly, get ganged up on, be unfairly targeted, have terrible luck or even win by a great margin - it's part of the game. Everyone has to take a turn at this and taking it personally or allowing it to spoil your night or anyone else's is self-defeating and harmful (this is a truism but consciously reflecting and moderating your behaviour in line with this understand may help).

(Take with a pinch of salt)
The wider thing I'd say is to be a better friend to yourself! Anger isn't good and if any negative emotions are playing a wider role in your life - seek some sort of anger management or other form of help. It's not your fault and I suspect someone who deals with these issues on a regular basis could provide some simple ideas or tips on how to overcome any issue. Ultimately, it would appear board games have created a safe environment for you to identify this potential problem, better to try to tackle it now than risk having an fit of anger in a real-world environment.
11 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dennis Ku
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
flag msg tools
badge
"You can spend all your time making money / Or you can spend all your love making time."
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Sorry, I can't understand why you're getting upset when you're spending time with friends doing something you enjoy.

This is harsh, but if you were in our game group, you wouldn't be welcome to come back.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brandon
United Kingdom
Cambridge
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
monkeyhandz wrote:

(Take with a pinch of salt)
The wider thing I'd say is to be a better friend to yourself! Anger isn't good and if any negative emotions are playing a wider role in your life - seek some sort of anger management or other form of help. It's not your fault and I suspect someone who deals with these issues on a regular basis could provide some simple ideas or tips on how to overcome any issue. Ultimately, it would appear board games have created a safe environment for you to identify this potential problem, better to try to tackle it now than risk having an fit of anger in a real-world environment.


I read through the entire thread waiting for someone to say this.

You clearly recognize that your emotional response sets you apart in this group. You might have to step back and do a self-appraisal to figure out why you let your emotions spiral out of control in some cases when others don't have the same experience. To put it bluntly, the problem isn't with the games but rather it's within you and only certain games trigger it. Avoiding some types of games will help smooth over potential social conflicts for now but it will by no means solve the problem.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dezza
Australia
South Australia
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Maybe as a way to play the games you don't like so much, and thus be able to be a good friend when others want to play, is to give yourself a different, mental, win condition.

TI comes out, and don't think that you want to play to win, but perhaps play to help X person win.
Alternatively, and perhaps not as game breaking, is to set smaller victory points and just aim to achieve them. Do X amount of combats (win or lose), claim Y amount of planets. Give yourself a 'victory point' for every simple action you manage to complete (building a ship). If the game is played again, these points could be a personal goal to beat.
For eclipse and TI, I think it's possible to play without combat, maybe play as a 'peaceful' race, and expand away from players.

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Chris in Kansai
Japan
Otsu
Shiga
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
When you feel the red mist descending, please do the following:

1. Calmly get up and excuse yourself from the table.

2. Leave the room and find a private place - the restroom or other empty room.

3. Unburden yourself of your rage by screaming incoherently for as long as necessary. As long as you do no damage feel free to hammer on the walls with your fists. Please ensure that the room where you do this is within earshot of the games room.

4. Calmly reenter the game room, take your seat, and continue the game. Make no comment regarding what you have just done.

5. If asked whether you are alright, say yes, but allow one of your eyelids to twitch slightly.

This will certainly make you feel better, and as a bonus may unnerve another player sufficiently that they make a bonehead move of their own.
11 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
David SL
United Kingdom
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmb
Chrysm wrote:
When you feel the red mist descending, please do the following:

1. Calmly get up and excuse yourself from the table.

2. Leave the room and find a private place - the restroom or other empty room.

3. Unburden yourself of your rage by screaming incoherently for as long as necessary. As long as you do no damage feel free to hammer on the walls with your fists. Please ensure that the room where you do this is within earshot of the games room.

4. Calmly reenter the game room, take your seat, and continue the game. Make no comment regarding what you have just done.

5. If asked whether you are alright, say yes, but allow one of your eyelids to twitch slightly.

This will certainly make you feel better, and as a bonus may unnerve another player sufficiently that they make a bonehead move of their own.


Great way to never get invited back, as well.

Personally I'm gonna go the harsh route and say you need to grow up. If you're at a maturity level where you actually get SO upset at a board game that it causes you to fly into an uncontrollable rage (as suggested above) then you have problems (and we all have problems, so don't feel bad about it) that you should do something about. It sounds like you just need an outlet, like running, or video games, or anything that basically allows you to take out your rage. If you're getting so wound up about a game that it's causing you to quit games mid-way through, or simply to not play them, then perhaps you shouldn't be playing games. This kind of behaviour isn't going to win you many friends.

We have a friend who gets ultra-competitive and visibly miserable when he doesn't win. Let's just say he's not exactly a favourite to invite to game nights - and he's our friend. This is something you need to deal with.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Rich Hall
United Kingdom
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I can sympathise, I've certainly been a bad loser at a lot of games our group plays - although I can't say I rage when I lose - my bad losing activities typically involve complaining or moaning about things that didn't go my way or lamenting my supposed crappy luck. I do feel like I've got better at this in the last year or so.

I tended to put quite a bit of pressure on myself when I played. I own the majority of the games my group plays and I'm generally the one who explains the rules to everyone. What I found was that I tended to feel like I "should" be better at the games we are playing because of this. My line of reasoning then went something like "I didn't win - I know everything about how to play the game - I should have won - I had really crappy luck etc".

I came to realise that this line of reasoning is actually pretty insulting to the intelligence of the other people playing; everyone in the groups I play in are smart, bright individuals and it's pretty arrogant to think that I will be better than them at everything we play. Other players are likely to be just as good or better than me at a lot of things. After we've played a game that I don't win I try to focus on how the other people played well and congratulate them on their strategy. Also when dissecting the game afterwards I try to avoid moaning about why I didn't win or giving excuses. I find focusing on how well others did afterwards helps also stop me feeling bad or let down by my performance in the game.

I also try to keep in mind that I'm playing the games to have fun and that winning really isn't important in the grand scheme of things!

Best of luck
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
1 , 2 , 3  Next »   | 
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.