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Subject: 'Stand back lads, this is how you do it.' rss

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The One
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As I've enjoyed reading many of the session reports on here, I thought I'd try and contribute one of my own.


So, I have two weeks off work and as I'm always up first in our house I normally play a solo game or two. Normally It's Space Hulk: Death Angel, but on Monday I grabbed Chainsaw Warrior off the shelf, I've not played it in ages...


Nothing has changed, it's still a bugger to beat. I'm 12 games in (spread over 4 days) and although I've stood toe-to-toe with Darkness on a few of those occasions he's always walked away laughing while wearing my head as a hat.


Not this time fella! With all these runs it's beginning to feel like Goundhog Day, but hey, that's cool. As Bill Murry's character developed with each reliving of that titular day, and so has the Chainsaw Warrior. Each failure has been a training session, a brutal bootcamp designed to prep him for the real fight which still lies ahead. Today it's real, and he's at his physical peak.


Basically I selected maximum values for all his stats and equipment. In addition to the laser lance he's packing steel gloves, the chainsaw, IR goggles, an automatic rifle with CATS, the rope and launcher, and a +1 in marksmanship. As the most special of the Special Forces Vets it makes sense that he goes in tooled up, rather than just filling his pockets with whatever happens to be lying about. His focus is clear, go in fast and hard.


Doors open and it's slime time. No worries, the flare gun easily dispatches it and it's onwards and upwards! For the first few minutes our Hero faces a gauntlet of traps which he easily overcomes. I can't help feeling Darkness might be feeling a bit apprehensive, which is why he has put this much work into the front of house welcome. 'Oh yeah, Flat Top's commin' for ya baby!' Traps cleared and it's wave after wave of Zombies and Chaos Agents, meaning it's soon looking like the climactic scene from Braindead as he carves his way through them; even Mutants can't stand up to targeted wrecking ball he's become. Using the rope and launcher where possible he locates Darkness at 25:30. He missed a medkit along the way, but he's unharmed so it's no big loss.


It's time to settle this. Easily passing my reflex roll I need to roll 8+ on two dice to put this MF to bed. I roll a 3 before Darkness launches himself into me, sending our Hero crashing to the floor. Man he hits hard! Flat Top's back on his feet, but not before Darkness lands another punishing blow, and then something magical happens... I win a round of hand-to-hand combat. Against Darkness. Let me say that again just in case you missed it, I won a round of hand-to-hand combat against Darkness! He's invulnerable, but right now that doesn't matter, I got one over on my old nemesis. I've two charges left on my laser lance and things are on the change, it's time to meet the new Boss! I've barely time for all this to register before he's back on me again, slamming a heavy blow into my ribs that knocks me back, back far enough to attempt a lucky shot, which again misses (I still need an 8, I got a 7. Curses!). Another flurry of blows and he's obviously learned from his mistake, I'm backed into a corner where I can't open up the space I need to give him a thorough lancing and end this madness. But bootcamp includes milling, and using the footwork I picked up in the ring I'm able to slip past and create the space I need to fire. It's my last charge, I know it's all I need. I roll a 4. FFS!!!


Meet the new Boss, same as the old Boss.




Post-script: It was a fun game. Years before Space Marines, the only hope for humanity was the Chainsaw Warior and in this set up he truly felt like a superhuman against whom few enemies could stand (except for damn Darkness), a worthy ancestor to the Emperor's finest. On reflection I'm glad I lost; I've had this title for a few years and I'm yet to chalk up a win. This experiment has shown me it is possible to win and to stick at it, but by losing it means that first win (when it comes) will be ever so sweet. And even sweeter because it's legitimate.


Thanks for reading.

edits: spelling and clarity.
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Ian Finn
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FFS?
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The One
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For fu fornicate's sake blush
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Ed Sagritalo
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Nice read. Made me relive my old glory days with this game. Might need to pull it out again.
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Joseph LaClair
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I actually blew him up with the implosion coat for a tie. ( at least that's what I think it was called). And one other time I made it to the boss and I got so nervous I shot myself in the foot. (scary dude).

I've only ever made it to him twice, fun game. People complain that Ghost Stories and Robinson Crusoe are hard, they don't know the meaning of hard.
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