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Subject: RSP RPG Theater: The Characters rss

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RSP RPG Theater Story Thread
RSP RPG Theater Rules Thread

These are the four playable characters for the RSP RPG Theater: The Caverns of Irene (link to rules thread above): Gronk, Samm, Elwando and Murph.

Their stats are on a 1-10 scale to give a rough approximation of their ability to do various things. Any die-rolling will be done in secret, but sometimes success or failure will be determined on the fly for the sake of entertainment.

This is just to guide you in choosing (wisely or unwisely) to suggest various actions in the course of game play. In case you've been living under a rock, the abbreviations refer to Strength, Dexterity, Intelligence, Charisma and Hit Points and roughly approximate how likely a character is to do or know something related to that stat. Stats, items carried, etc., will be updated as the story continues.

Skills, quirks, gear and stuff are pretty self explanatory and are a rough guide to how a character might react, what equipment she might use, etc. But as always, use your best (or worst) judgment: This is for entertainment purposes after all.


Gronk
ST 11 DX 3 IQ 3 CH 3 HP 10
Skills: Toughness, magic resistance
Quirks: Impulsiveness
Gear: Club (now with improved spikiness!), Thick hide armor
Stuff: Rocks

Gronk is a Gronk, which goes without saying, because all Gronks are named Gronk for reasons that probably make sense to Gronk mothers. But as far as the age's most learned scholars can determine, no one but other Gronks has ever seen a Gronk mother. Another thing the age's most learned scholars agree on is that the reasons probably aren't that interesting.

In any case, a squat, hirsute Gronk occasionally wanders into a civilized area and asks for work lifting cows or pulling the heads off of marauding Gortaks. Ambitious Gronks tired of ungrateful cows and even more (if only briefly) ungrateful Gortaks might seek adventure in order to see the world and expand their repertoire to include hitting things and pulling off the heads of things that they have just hit.

Gronk has already defiled* the rule of 1-10 with his 11 strength, but this is necessary because he is exceptionally strong, even by Gronk standards. Any feat of strength that a person could plausibly do, he can do—plus one! He's tough, nigh invulnerable, in fact, and can shrug off lesser wounds and survive severe ones. He makes up for this by being slow, dim-witted, charmless, unattractive and impulsive. He carries an intimidating club and wears thick, foul-smelling armor fashioned from the hide of a large animal. His only other “possessions” are a few rocks that he carries in his pocket.

*Likely not the last thing to be defiled before we're through.

Samm
ST 4 DX 8 IQ 6 CH 4 HP 5
Skills: Master swordsman
Quirks: Shy
Gear: Longsword, daggers, short bow, light leather armor
Stuff: Fanny pack, book of mediocre poetry, sticky resin, magnetic comb
Story items: "Lucky" rock

Samm is the least attractive, least charming Whelfling ever seen around these parts. This is partly because he's technically a half-Whelfling (half Whelfling and half something or other) and partly because he's chubby, has droopy ears and is cripplingly shy. But mostly it's because he suffers in comparison to other Whelflings and their half-breeds, who are, as the local ladies are wont to say, “right brony studs.”

When Samm turned out to be on the homely side and predictably failed to live up to the superfluous and (let's be honest) pretentious second “m” in his name, his parents cried for several minutes before remembering they had other children. Thus rejected, Samm learned the useful trade of creative stabbing and set out to find adventure in places where the women were known to have low standards.

Samm carries a longsword and several daggers, with which he is surprisingly good, and a short bow, with which he is pretty good. He tries to dazzle the ladies by spinning, twirling and tossing his blades in a display of death-defying brilliance, but to no avail. Terrance set the bar pretty high by chopping off both hands that way a few months ago, and seriously, how are you going to top that? Samm's no genius, but he's smart enough to recognize a town short on job prospects and desperate women.

Elwando
ST 3 DX 4 IQ 9 CH 6 HP 4
Skills: Elementalist (major—lightning; minor-fire; trivial—air)
Quirks: Absent-minded academic
Gear: Steve's Fairly Amazing Staff of Wonder
Stuff: Three healing herbs, piece of rope, Gorgonzola cheese, "Magic Wands for Dummies"
Story items: Small wad of groatpod

A hometown girl who stuck around because “one shithole is as good as any other,” Elwando is a brilliant, bookish sorceress and very talented for an autodidact. She is also the sort of person who would say autodidact rather than self-taught in a town where the smart people have to stop and think about whether to play a game of “catch the dagger.”

Elwando is no beauty, but she lacks neither appeal nor prospects. Unfortunately, “prospects” means “marriage to a guy who doesn't always smell like fish oil and goat manure and is willing to install a wooden seat over the latrine in the back yard.” Luxurious, to be sure, but she has something more in mind, something with a library, say, and maybe some comfortable shoes.

Her burgeoning magical skills were amplified by the fortuitous find of an oak staff carved with intricate runes and the name “Steve” in large, comic sans letters near the knobby base. With its power as a focus, she can cast a few spells. She specializes in conjuring lightning: a short-ranged arc that can hit multiple targets; a medium-ranged bolt that strikes fiercely and precisely; and a long-ranged ball that seeks metallic targets with marginal accuracy. She can conjure fire, but only enough to inflame the tip of her staff, strike a torch or set your hair on fire if you annoy her. She has been practicing with air spells but can barely summon a wisp that might snuff a candle. She is not the sort of person who would make a “silent but deadly” joke here but understands that you probably are.

Murph
ST 7 DX 6 IQ 5 CH 8 HP 7
Skills: Sergeant, tactician
Quirks: Confident
Gear: Shortsword, spiked shield, padded armor
Stuff: Canteen, basic survival kit, barbecue sauce, bacon grease, "Iron Fortress" paperweight

Murph is a grizzled veteran of recent battles (which were conveniently confined to a neighboring province with prettier women and better taverns). His scars have scars, and age has slowed him a step. But he fairly oozes charm and was once voted “Most Interesting Man in the Province” by a 2-1 margin. In fairness it was 6 votes to 3 votes, with a contested 10th vote for “Thar fella with beard.” But he remains ever confident of his ability to lead men into battle against monsters and then order men to go away so that he can have his pick of the women.

When scholars studying the war's origin discovered that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding related to overconsumption of ale and reliance on a translator of questionable credentials, war-weary leaders agreed to let peace break out. A disappointed Murph grabbed his sword and shield and became an itinerant mercenary.

His travels eventually brought him here, where he finds the ale agreeable and the women more so. But it's been months since he's seen any action that did not involve nudity, and he's getting itchy. With the encroaching grey in his hair, aches in his joints and the aforementioned itchiness around his groin, he knows his adventuring days are coming to an end. He needs one more fight, one more rush, one more march to glory, one in which blood is spilled. Preferably someone else's blood.
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J
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Murph rules.
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Junior McSpiffy
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mistermarino wrote:
[Gronk is...] nigh invulnerable, in fact, and can shrug off lesser wounds and survive severe ones. He makes up for this by being slow, dim-witted, charmless, unattractive and impulsive.


SPOOOOOOOON!
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Dave G
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Brilliant. I predict full on fistfights over who gets to play Gronk every time.
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Ken
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Gronk brings back fond memories of "Duh," a character I actually played in a AD&D campaign back before dinosaurs turned in to birds. His real name was Sir David Arthur Robert Collingham IV or something like that, but I'd rolled a 5 intel and a 18/98 strength. So I traded 2 points of intelligence for that last 2 percentile points. Which meant he couldn't actually remember a name that long so we used the word that he said most as his name instead.

Only character I ever played who was dumber than the horses and he was a riot for a while.
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I wish I could leave my bones and my skin and float over the tired, tired sea, so that I could see you again
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Prologue and first decision point to be posted tonight. Stay tuned.
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Walker
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"The significance of a person's life is determined by the story they believe themselves to be in." - Wendell Berry "If nothing lies beyond the pale of death, then nothing of value lies before it." - SMBC
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Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song, the joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue. Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last, has won my affection and bound my soul fast.
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jarredscott78 wrote:
Murph rules.


Murph is awesome.

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Dan Schaeffer
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perfalbion wrote:
Gronk brings back fond memories of "Duh," a character I actually played in a AD&D campaign back before dinosaurs turned in to birds. His real name was Sir David Arthur Robert Collingham IV or something like that, but I'd rolled a 5 intel and a 18/98 strength. So I traded 2 points of intelligence for that last 2 percentile points. Which meant he couldn't actually remember a name that long so we used the word that he said most as his name instead.

Only character I ever played who was dumber than the horses and he was a riot for a while.


In college, I had a barbarian named Tarmac mac Adam who was so stupid that (for example) he left camp to scout and his companions told him to stay within earshot, so he walked off bellowing at the top of his lungs, figuring that when they couldn't hear him any more, it would be time to turn back.

EDIT: I would play any or all of these characters.
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J
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I plan to participate, just haven't had the time recently. Keep it up, A.
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I wish I could leave my bones and my skin and float over the tired, tired sea, so that I could see you again
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Updated 4/21 with all items purchased or acquired so far.
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