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Subject: Coming Out of the Board Gaming Closet rss

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Brian Schwartz
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Hey all,

Despite the title reference to me being a gaymer, I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on when it is appropriate to tell a prospective partner about your love for the hobby. I've told people online that I'm into gaming, and I've shown my dates and I think it has scared some people away :-(

At what point is it appropriate to show your dates your game room/closet (in my case)?

And when is the best time to start playing a game with them?

And if they HATE games, can a relationship truly be in your future?

I realize that not all partners share the same hobbies, but do any of you live with a person who absolutely has no interest in playing games?
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Sukunai Yori
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Hmm any person that would shy away from a board gamer, hmm is someone you want to avoid.

Let's look at it another way, what's so bad about playing board games?

Oh would a prospective partner prefer you to be a boozing doofus? Or perhaps a lazy unimaginative oaf in general?

I personally would consider finding someone that was acceptable to me, and liked me and also liked gaming in the board game sense of the word to be the same as a major score.

I think a hubby that can cut the grass, take out the trash, and spends his time enjoying a board game when possible to be quite appealing sounding. If he had an ordinary job, and liked socializing on the weekends at a table playing a game, hell that sounds veeeeery nice eh.

I can't seem to understand how that sort of person is a problem.

I wouldn't mind if they were into playing a console game in front of the TV. I wouldn't mind if they liked getting into an MMO online. As long as they are ok with me playing my games, and putting together models like I do, hey where's the down side?
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Clay Hales
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WittyreaderLI wrote:

And if they HATE games, can a relationship truly be in your future?

Whether they hate gaming or not is irrelevant. The better question is whether or not they can handle a relationship with someone who has a hobby. I don't think I need to say don't get in a relationship with (or be) that person.
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Brian Schwartz
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I guess something I may be (unrealistically) hoping for is to find a person who would be willing to play games with me whenever we feel like it.
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Shawn T
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Hi Brian,

My wife is very tolerant of my gaming obsession, and will sometimes want to play for a family game night. But she's not a gamer, and while she does like watching Wheaton's TableTop with me, I can't talk to her about the little amazing things that make the hobby so fun. But she's cool with my interests.

And that's all I need, really.

I have friends with whom to share this part of my life. So long as she's happy that I'm happy playing, all's well. Just support is enough.

I have dated women who weren't into any of my hobbies and wanted little to do with them. They would've been thrilled if I'd lost interest in gaming and had become the guy they wanted me to be, with interests that matched their own. Needless to say, it didn't work out.... whistle

So yeah, just someone who can say, "Oh, have fun," and maybe sometimes get in on the more casual games, is all you need. But make sure to support his interests, too!

Catch you soon,
Shawn

WittyreaderLI wrote:
Hey all,

Despite the title reference to me being a gaymer, I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on when it is appropriate to tell a prospective partner about your love for the hobby. I've told people online that I'm into gaming, and I've shown my dates and I think it has scared some people away :-(

At what point is it appropriate to show your dates your game room/closet (in my case)?

And when is the best time to start playing a game with them?

And if they HATE games, can a relationship truly be in your future?

I realize that not all partners share the same hobbies, but do any of you live with a person who absolutely has no interest in playing games?
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Josh Chen
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I often tell my patients (the regular ones) that I love to play board games.

I get so many "Like monopoly?" questions at first but I never am tired to introduce them to modern day board games.

Lots of them are surprised that Target and B&N carry some of the well known titles. They aren't into the hobby so they don't even see them when they browse said stores.

Some even asked me for recommendations, but as far as I know, they never really went for it.
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Bryan Thunkd
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I'm pretty sure my wife figured it out when one wall of the den was hidden by games.
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C Bazler
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A few months back I ran into one of my graduate students at my FLGS. I was with my husband, saying something in an excited tone over the new Android: Netrunner data pack, and I turned to see my student standing next to me. After awkwardly saying hi, mildly embarrassed, I asked in a hushed tone:

"Are you... a gamer?"

My husband roared with laughter and responded, "It's not like we're in a gay bar!"

Ironically, I had come out as gay long before to this student, but never as a gamer. We even had a funny conversation about who in our department "knew" about us. It was pretty funny.
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Christian Strain
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First, look for a gamer, not someone who will tolerate it. They exist and everyone deserves to be with someone who embraces what they love. Don't settle.
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chris phillips
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My wife doesn't mind. I play games with my kids, so she knows it's for the family. She doesn't play games except likes sequence or tok. As long as I spend my own money she is fine. Ill sell. Older games etc to get newer ones. Although taking a 50 min ride today for a sale at a store gets me a look she is fine with it.
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krakengames wrote:
First, look for a gamer, not someone who will tolerate it. They exist and everyone deserves to be with someone who embraces what they love. Don't settle.

This is horrible advice.

People who will only date people who have the same passions as them are doing themselves a disservice. You can have different hobbies as your partner, and you SHOULD because you are, you know, different people.

Things you should look for in a partner include things like compatibility, similar outlooks on major areas of life like children and finances, mutual attraction, tolerance of each others foibles, lack of spite in arguments, etc. Oh yeah, look for someone who you love and who loves you back. That is important too. Enjoying oddly specific hobbies is super low on the list.

This would be like saying "I like to eat sushi a couple times a week. I will only date someone who is passionate about sushi."
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
Hey all,

Despite the title reference to me being a gaymer, I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on when it is appropriate to tell a prospective partner about your love for the hobby. I've told people online that I'm into gaming, and I've shown my dates and I think it has scared some people away :-(

At what point is it appropriate to show your dates your game room/closet (in my case)?

And when is the best time to start playing a game with them?

And if they HATE games, can a relationship truly be in your future?

I realize that not all partners share the same hobbies, but do any of you live with a person who absolutely has no interest in playing games?


i dont get this post's purpose , i mean between a husband and wife , there exist more things that can ruin your relationship other than boardgaming.

the worst thing a wife can do to her husband's secret boardgaming hobby is to laugh it off saying 'why you still playing kiddie game'..

if a relationship is in danger of unraveling just because a secret boardgaming hobby is revealed, then that relationship is weak in the 1st place and a light wind will unravel it sooner or later..

NOTE : this can be applied to any of the husband's hobbies, like having electronics hobby or carpentry hobby , that wives dont like.. just like wive's gardening hobby, or knitting hobby that the husband dont like..
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Sam Phillips Beckerman
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WittyreaderLI wrote:
I guess something I may be (unrealistically) hoping for is to find a person who would be willing to play games with me whenever we feel like it.


Hmm, that's a more reasonable hope for a woman than a man...just saying.
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Michael Carter
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dprijadi wrote:
WittyreaderLI wrote:
Hey all,

Despite the title reference to me being a gaymer, I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on when it is appropriate to tell a prospective partner about your love for the hobby. I've told people online that I'm into gaming, and I've shown my dates and I think it has scared some people away :-(

At what point is it appropriate to show your dates your game room/closet (in my case)?

And when is the best time to start playing a game with them?

And if they HATE games, can a relationship truly be in your future?

I realize that not all partners share the same hobbies, but do any of you live with a person who absolutely has no interest in playing games?


i dont get this post's purpose , i mean between a husband and wife , there exist more things that can ruin your relationship other than boardgaming.

the worst thing a wife can do to her husband's secret boardgaming hobby is to laugh it off saying 'why you still playing kiddie game'..

if a relationship is in danger of unraveling just because a secret boardgaming hobby is revealed, then that relationship is weak in the 1st place and a light wind will unravel it sooner or later..

NOTE : this can be applied to any of the husband's hobbies, like having electronics hobby or carpentry hobby , that wives dont like.. just like wive's gardening hobby, or knitting hobby that the husband dont like..


I think the OP was talking about when is the right time to reveal your hobby to someone who you are just starting to date.
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Sam Phillips Beckerman
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fifteenkeys wrote:
krakengames wrote:
First, look for a gamer, not someone who will tolerate it. They exist and everyone deserves to be with someone who embraces what they love. Don't settle.

This is horrible advice.

People who will only date people who have the same passions as them are doing themselves a disservice. You can have different hobbies as your partner, and you SHOULD because you are, you know, different people.

Things you should look for in a partner include things like compatibility, similar outlooks on major areas of life like children and finances, mutual attraction, tolerance of each others foibles, lack of spite in arguments, etc. Oh yeah, look for someone who you love and who loves you back. That is important too. Enjoying oddly specific hobbies is super low on the list.

This would be like saying "I like to eat sushi a couple times a week. I will only date someone who is passionate about sushi."

The other argument against tat is that people do change. Priorities change. Your favorite games will change. Your favorite foods will change. Raising children will consume 20 years.
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Michael Carter
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Catherine the Great wrote:
Hmm any person that would shy away from a board gamer, hmm is someone you want to avoid.

Let's look at it another way, what's so bad about playing board games?

Oh would a prospective partner prefer you to be a boozing doofus? Or perhaps a lazy unimaginative oaf in general?

I personally would consider finding someone that was acceptable to me, and liked me and also liked gaming in the board game sense of the word to be the same as a major score.

I think a hubby that can cut the grass, take out the trash, and spends his time enjoying a board game when possible to be quite appealing sounding. If he had an ordinary job, and liked socializing on the weekends at a table playing a game, hell that sounds veeeeery nice eh.

I can't seem to understand how that sort of person is a problem.

I wouldn't mind if they were into playing a console game in front of the TV. I wouldn't mind if they liked getting into an MMO online. As long as they are ok with me playing my games, and putting together models like I do, hey where's the down side?


There is a stigma around gaming and people who play tabletop games because a majority of people are unfamiliar with this world and what they know comes from TV shows making fun of tabletop games and the awkward gamer stereotype. When you are first seeing someone, you don't want to scare them off with misconceptions before they have a chance to get to know you.
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Lance
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My wife came over to my apartment after our second date and saw 6 different bookcases filled with graphic novels, a closet full of games, and a computer that ran World Of Warcraft 90% of the time that it was on.

When she didn't run out of the room, I knew I had a keeper.
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Michelle Shanowitz
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If board gaming totally consumes your every being (like mine) totally mention it in that awkward getting to know someone phase. Then you can slowly integrate you BG life with their not BG life. Just suggest playing mini Agricola (all creatures big and small) they will be instantly hooked. LOL. Good Luck either way. I hoping you find your board game partner for life.
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Pete
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UndeadViking wrote:
My wife came over to my apartment after our second date and saw 6 different bookcases filled with graphic novels, a closet full of games, and a computer that ran World Of Warcraft 90% of the time that it was on.

When she didn't run out of the room, I knew I had a keeper.
Me too. My roommate set that apartment on fire shortly thereafter (he was there at the time and called the fire department, two rooms torched and we had to move out). Her first question was "are the games ok?"

Pete (has a wife who likes games, but isn't really a "gamer")
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Ms. Shug
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OP, were I in your shoes I think I would approach the situation as I would any non-gamer and simply suggest playing a board game as a recreational activity, something that you think might appeal to them and go from there. Or maybe even go to a game cafe if you have one in your area as something "new and different to do". If they agree then gauge their reaction during or after play. It will provide a context and perhaps dissuade any misconceptions they might hold. You can then mention how much you enjoy it and use it as a springboard to discuss your hobby. Maybe they'll be into it or maybe not but you've given them a chance to experience it in a non-threatening way. If they run for the door, consider it a great way to weed out the wrong sorts who would be so shallow as to judge you for so benign a pursuit. Good riddance. It might seem like a lot of tip-toeing around but I think a lot of people really wouldn't have a clue about this hobby so it couldn't hurt to acquaint them with it before giving them a chance to judge you.
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Never be in the closet about anything. But especially boardgames. That's just silly.

If they say "You play board games. Ew. Nerd. I'm leaving." Then you didn't want to date them anyway.

If they say "Oh, these games look awesome (optional: And I have some too) Can we try one on our next date?" Then you have something to do!

If they say "Oh, I'd rather go do X than board games, but you don't like to do X. That's cool though, at least you have a hobby." Then you can continue on normally.

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A Wong
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I may be reading too much into it, but I wouldn't 'show' them my collection, unless they inquired about it.

That's not to say I'd try to hide it, but emphasising it to someone who really isn't into it can be off-putting. Most people don't mind any hobby if it comes up naturally, but will shy away if the topic is forced.

They may ask themselves "Why is this person showing me this thing I obviously don't care for? Is this all she / he does with their life?"

If that sounds shallow and unrealistic, that's because it is. It's also human.

I think of it like this. If someone were to show me something I thought was esoteric, or I thought that only kids liked, how would I react?

If they were cool about it, but didn't seem 'Controlled' by it, I would be fine - maybe I'd even become interested.

e.g. They have a ton of sesame street records. They don't bring it up, but when it does come up, they say they like it because the songs are not all about drugs and sex, and they are actually witty - would I like to listen to one?

But if they seemed either TOO passionate, or ashamed, that's a red flag.

So if I walk in and their entire house is a Manchester United store, and they show me a jersey from player X, and then player Y, and they keep bringing up Manchester United, I'm gonna have to work extra hard not to judge them.

Or if see their board game collection and find the most worn out ones are Dominion, Pandemic and Agricola.

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Josh Chen
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Opps, the OP was asking for more of a relationship question and it went right over my head. I need to learn how to read. blush

I would say just let your partner know at your earliest convenience. If your partner hates gaming, then maybe they will love you enough to give you some room by going to meetups once in a while.
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On your wedding night. devil


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Brian Schwartz
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I posted this originally because I'm a single guy who struggles to find people to connect with, and as a new and very passionate gamer, this is just another roadblock in finding a partner. I have gone on dates with guys who really had zero interest in gaming. While I don't expect the person I end up dating to love gaming as much as I do, I dont' want someone who would outright refuse to play any sort of game with me.

I was asking (hypothetically) if it is better to just approach a prospective partner and tell them outright that I'm a gamer, or to just let it seep into the conversation naturally when talking about hobbies.
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