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Subject: Don't like gaming with my friend's GF... rss

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Sean Ramirez
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Am I being unreasonable? I have a friend that I enjoy playing board games with, but I can't stand his girlfriend. I have stopped inviting him to play for fear that she would come over.

Background: She and I generally get along. There are a number of other women that play at our house on a regular basis, but they're mostly S/Os of male gamers.

I don't have thin skin, and can take as good as I give it. However she seems to be overly snarky towards me, and only me (this has been confirmed by others). It's possible I just irritate her.

In back-to-back weeks, we played Cosmic Encounter. Both games ended similarly.

Game 1: She was capable of winning if her turn came around again. I was being attacked by someone else, who has an ability to win an attack with a coin flip, essentially. If he won the attack, he would win the game. She had an on-board power to stop it. Everyone at the table reminded her, and she said, nah, well let chance determine it. He won.

Game 2: Again she was capable of winning if her turn came around again. However, my turn would come first, and it was very possible that I would win, though not certain. Same with the player after me. On the player preceding me's turn, she again chose not to use a power that let the active player and another player win (she did not win).

To me this isn't an issue of king-making. She was very much in contention in both games. Another player involved in both games was also quite annoyed, and prefers not to play with her.

It also doesn't help that she tries to set up her boyfriend in a lot of games. Those kind of couple gamers drive me crazy. My girlfriend and I play nasty with each other, and it has no bearing on our relationship - I love it when she pulls off an epic move against me.

So is this just sour grapes?
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Matt Connellan
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
dvdhwkaz wrote:

So is this just sour grapes?


Would it matter if I said "yes"?
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Kyle
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
Talk to her.
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Sean Ramirez
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
Pintsizepete wrote:
dvdhwkaz wrote:

So is this just sour grapes?


Would it matter if I said "yes"?


I'm not looking for an echo chamber, I'm looking for perspective.

I don't have any issues losing a game, I love hard-fought defeats. Can you tell me why you think it's sour grapes?
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Sean Ramirez
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
p4warrior wrote:
Talk to her.
That makes too much sense.
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Richard Poole
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
Talk to her.

When that doesn't work, continue not inviting friend if the pain of having someone irrationally gunning for you outweighs the pleasure of playing with her SO (your friend).
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Leo Chell
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
Couple gamers are annoying and really there's not much you can do about it other than (as you have done) not inviting them to play. Is there any way at all you can invite your friend without her coming over? Or perhaps a word with him about not bringing her over? May a game that requires X amount of players would he like to take the last spot etc etc.
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Matt Connellan
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
dvdhwkaz wrote:
Pintsizepete wrote:
dvdhwkaz wrote:

So is this just sour grapes?


Would it matter if I said "yes"?


I'm not looking for an echo chamber, I'm looking for perspective.

I don't have any issues losing a game, I love hard-fought defeats. Can you tell me why you think it's sour grapes?


Because she was under no such obligation to stop that person from winning. Now, I fully expected the second story to be different in the fact that she specifically stopped you from winning in a very similar occurrence, but in both of these cases she seems to be internally logical and apparently just doesn't really care enough if she wins to do everything necessary to ensure it.

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to play with her, but her actions don't seem especially odious.
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Matt Connellan
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
p4warrior wrote:
Talk to her.


I think you should consider changing your overbadge to this. It would save you some time, I think.
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Mark Aasted
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
I'm probably the WORST person to give perspective or advice but having said that here goes. Off the top of my head it sounds as if she's not a "gamer", meaning that winning the game isn't important to her. Will or does she play games without her boy friend? If not then that would confirm my suspicions. If she does play games without her boy friend then you're probably going to have to talk to her. You may want to check with her boy friend too to see if he's aware of it, if so he might be sympathetic to your plight and be willing to help.

Best of luck. It's a bummer to have a game group and not everyone is compatible.
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Johnny Gee
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
I have a couple of friends like that and the way I resolve it is to have different circles for different game nights. Now, if we go to their house it's usually for smaller 4 player game nights and typically they'll be team games that make sense for her and her bf to play on a team. It sucks not being able to play ANY game that I may want to, but at least that way everyone has fun and we know not to invite them to anything more elaborate.

It's just her play style. It doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it bad .
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Sean Ramirez
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
Here's some quick background on me: I'm not perfect.

I tend to be competitive (maybe even leaning on the overly-competitive side). I hope this is tempered by fairness. I allow people to do take backs, I offer suggestions, diplomatically. I also win more often than anyone else in my group (I chalk most of this up to owning all the games, and having played them more than any one other person in the group). I want my wins to be deserved, and so I want to make sure that everyone is bringing their A-game.

I have no issues with king-making, but only when that is literally the only option left to someone. I will try to convince them that I'm the one that should win, but if they don't choose me, then I should have played better throughout the game to have not been in the position where I needed their help.

I tend to point out the board state, who needs to be kept in check, who needs to take one for the team. Often (not always) that will include when I'm the person in the lead.

I have no doubt that there's something about me that irritates her, and it could be any and all of that plus a great deal more, for all I know.

My parents taught me to be a good host, and I enjoy having people over to my house. I try to make everyone fee welcome; but I don't like having to bite my tongue when someone makes me uncomfortable in my own home.

I will try to talk to her, though I'm not inclined to invite them any time soon (I know eventually they will come over again at some point).

And there is one other player in the group who prefers not to play with her as well.

I would definitely let him know we would only have one slot, but we don't do a lot of "event" gaming. People just show up, and based on how many we figure out what we all want to play. Maybe for my birthday next month, when we do Twilight Imperium, I could let him know the last spot can be his.
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Tonny Wille
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
I have a female friend who rather throws away her chances of winning if it means that I would lose to.

I could stop inviting her to play but I'm always happy that I can play a game and besides her game grudge against me, she is nice company. What I try to do is to play games where she has less opportunity to screw me over. To give a few examples... El Grande or Survive: Escape from Atlantis! would not be a good games because I would always be the target.
In the Year of the Dragon or The Adventurers: The Temple of Chac on the other hand I'm still able to have a fair chance of winning.
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
dvdhwkaz wrote:
I don't have thin skin, and can take as good as I give it. However she seems to be overly snarky towards me, and only me (this has been confirmed by others). It's possible I just irritate her.

She likes you.
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Sean Ramirez
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
cornixt wrote:
dvdhwkaz wrote:
I don't have thin skin, and can take as good as I give it. However she seems to be overly snarky towards me, and only me (this has been confirmed by others). It's possible I just irritate her.

She likes you.


Damn my sexual charisma and animal magnetism!
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Laura Blachek
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
dvdhwkaz wrote:
Am I being unreasonable? I have a friend that I enjoy playing board games with, but I can't stand his girlfriend. I have stopped inviting him to play for fear that she would come over.


Can't stand playing games with her, or can't stand her in general? If it's the latter, perhaps the reason she's being snarky is because she knows full well that you don't like her, even if the two of you can mostly get along together fine outside a game session.

 
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Richard Irving
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Re: Don't like gaming with my friends GF...
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Because she was under no such obligation to stop that person from winning.


There is one social contract in gaming: When someone plays a game they play the best they can within the rules to gain the victory.

In all games where the end game condition is "someone achieves a victory", if someone else wins on this turn, you won't win. (Cosmic has ability for 2 or more players to win jointly, but the same principle applies if you are not a player in the winning alliance.) There is no more tomorrow if they win this turn. You have the duty under the social contract to do anything to disrupt that victory--even if only to give yourself a chance later.

In these cases, the girl friend didn't to this--she broke this social contract. I can see why OP is PO'ed.

This girl friend may be fine other "nicer" games, where the game limits the ability to attack the prospective winner. (Fortunately there are many such games.) But she shouldn't be playing games like Cosmic Encounter until she realizes her duty to the other players.
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Sean Ramirez
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I can't stand her in light of recent incidents. I had no issues with her before, and thought she was pleasant enough. We had engaged in small talk, and have been quite pleasant with one another.
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Raf Cordero
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It's entirely possible that she doesn't like you explaining the board state, telling everyone who they should attack based on current board state, etc etc and just takes joy in doing the opposite of what you recommend on the principle that it's you who recommended it.
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Joel Hills
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I think somebody who is always explaining the board state, gets on my nerves more, I see her position, If the endgame was near and I was tired of being told what to do on my turn I would not do something that would extend the game time.
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Keith
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Maybe she doesn't enjoy Cosmic Encounter and is happy to let it end as soon as possible. I know in games of Fluxx I've said "I have a card that will make someone win" and half the people said "Play it!"

I realize there are things outside of those incidents that make your relationship difficult, but maybe trying to find correlation is causing undue frustration for you.
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Destrio Dai
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I think Raf might be right. Maybe try an experiment and keep the table strategy talk to a minimum until post game. I once tried to be helpful to opponents while I was in the lead and that just ended in sour grapes when the game ended as predicted. Unlike OP, I actually prefer to keep that sort of talk to a minimum since it boils the game's tension down too much for all involved.
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Rich Charters
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dvdhwkaz wrote:
I want my wins to be deserved, and so I want to make sure that everyone is bringing their A-game.

I tend to point out the board state, who needs to be kept in check, who needs to take one for the team. Often (not always) that will include when I'm the person in the lead.

I have no doubt that there's something about me that irritates her, and it could be any and all of that plus a great deal more, for all I know.
It sounds to me like you might have told her what to do on her turn one too many times??
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Sean Ramirez
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I'll be clear... I tell people the board state. Not what to do. Do I do that in cooperatives? Yes... but they ask (I do go out of my way to ask what they think they should do first... I know I'm an alpha gamer, and I try to keep it under control). So I know the difference between telling people "we need to keep this person in check" vs "do X, Y and Z to keep this person in check."
 
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Vast Aire
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You definitely need to sleep with her.
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