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Subject: Joke on me .... rss

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James Nelson
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Hi Everyone -

I thought that I would share a wicket joke that my so-called friends pulled on me this weekend. It was a good one I will give them that much, but a bit of an overkill in my opinion and to that end payback will be hell.

Everyone that knows me really well also knows there are 2 things that I really enjoy doing when there is time. Fishing and pulling off jokes on anyone that I get into my sights. But, this weekend I was the butt of a really well executed joke and everyone was laughing - not me, however.

Late Friday afternoon, a couple of friends stopped by my home to show me their catch of fish. There were several large catfish weighing in the neighborhood of 20+ pounds and about 15 mid-size crappie. Its still a bit early to catch many slab crappie here in Tennessee, but the larger catfish have been producing very well.

When I saw their catch - I attempted to get them to tell me where they were fishing, but they didn't devulge the information so easily. Finally, after I offered to treat them to a steak dinner, they told me that they would pick me up the next day and take me to where they caught all of these fish. I was excited to say the least.

About 4am early Saturday morning Chris and Kevin arrived and off we went to the lake. After unloading the boat into the lake and turning on all of the electronics and baiting the hooks, we were finally ready to catch some fish. I for one don't usually use radars or fish detectors, but the others do, so I thought why not - it might help us at least save some time finding the fish.

After fishing about 3 hours and not having caught any fish - both Chris and Kevin were wanting to head back to the truck and head over to the store to get something to eat. So, we did, but I wasn't ready to leave just yet. I was left with the boat to fish some more, but before leaving Kevin set the fish detector to the proper settings and off they went and so did I.

I continued fishing for a while as my attention became fixed on the fish detector. Suddenly, the detector started beeping and showing fish everywhere around the boat. Now, I just knew that I was going to start catching loads of fish. I tried everything, but still no bites. I fished deep and shallow, but no bites. I switched baits several times, but no bites. What the heck was going on?

I faintly heard someone shouting my name, so I started over to the boat ramp and saw Kevin waving from the bank. "Do any good" he asked. I was still a bit baffled about watching the fish detector displaying all of those fish, but not even getting a nibble. I answered him and you all know the answer by now. I cruised over to the bank to pick them back up, but to my surprise they didn't want to go back out for a while. They were instead, ready to leave and go back home.

I didn't even notice how long they had been gone to the store until we stopped to get some fuel. It had been four hours - time flies when your fishing. I went into the store to pay for the fuel and got into a conversation with another fisherman about the lake that we had just been fishing and suddenly he started laughing. "Someone is messing with you, because that lake hasn't been stocked with any fish, yet", he told me. But, that could not be, because the fish detector was showing loads of schooling fish all around the boat. I just thought he was mistaking the lake with another lake.

I started back to the truck and overheard my friends talking about the prank that they just pulled off. Chris turned around a saw me standing within earshot distance from them and quickly became silent. He nudged Kevin and he turned to see me now standing about 3 feet behind him. They both starting laughing and shouting "We got you!". And, they did too.

The fish detector had a video game setting and before they left for the store - he set it on that setting. This is the reason that there were so many fish all around the boat. The fact that the lake was freshly dug and had not been stocked was the other reason that no fish were biting. These two reasons, is the reason that Kevin and Chris headed over to the store to kill some time I thought, but actually they had drove over to a patch of woods near the lake and videotaped me cussing and confused by what had been happening.

Now, I have had to sit through several airings of the taped show they had filmed and I guess everyone that I know have seen the tape by now. What's next - YouTube.com? Well, payback is hell and I am already planning a wicket response to be carried out in the near future.

Its not often that my friends get the chance to prank me, but every dog has it's day. Good for them, but they better watch their backs from now on...seriously.

James (nventit)
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Brilliant!!
 
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Phil Alberg
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Yep, they got you good. However, I was waiting for them to fess up and tell you that the fish were actually purchased at that store, and that they could truly say that they brought you to the place where they "caught" them.
 
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Robert Wesley
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"a BAD day gaming is better than a GOOD day fishing!" I'm of the 'mind-set' that the very BEST 'way' to "fish", is with 1/4-lb sticks of "dynamite"! Just light one and toss this into the water, wait for the BIG *BOOM*, then gather up those and be on your way. Actually, I don't even bother to go "fishing" anymore, as it is so bo-r-ing and only surpasses watching "Baseball", since at least you could end up with 'dinner' doing this "fishing"!
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James Nelson
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GROGnads -

While I have never tried to fish with TNT as handling it can be extremely dangerous. I and a friend once did try to use an old time hand crank phone to shock up some fish. Little did we know that this was going to turn out badly. See we were standing in a metal boat and the phone sent a strong enough current that it not only shocked the fish, but also shocked the heck out us too.

This experience was bad, but not as bad as accidently peeing on an electric fence. This happened to me during a dove hunt on a buddy's uncle's hog farm. Everyone that was with me knew that first there was aa electric fence where I was going to pee and second they knew that the fence was hot and hot enough to make a hog think twice before attempting to escape the gate. I didn't know these things at first, but quickly realized what the others already knew, once the pee hit the wire.

That was the most painful experience that I can ever remember happening to me. It was even more painful than the time that I accidently shot myself while climbing out of my deerstand. The worse thing about the whole situation, was that I couldn't stop peeing. It was like the electric current was draining my dry. And, oh, how it hurt - sadly still it hurts even recalling the memory.

I was finally able to break free after Lee my hunting partner walked over grinning and laughing and touched me on my arm. The electric current passed right from me and into him - allowing me enough time to block the pee with my other hand. After I was free I dropped to the ground moaning and groaning. It took about 2 weeks to fully recover from that experience.

James (nventit)
 
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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nventit wrote:
The worse thing about the whole situation, was that I couldn't stop peeing.

OK, stop right there. From now on, can we all agree that one paragraph about the dangers of urinating on an electric fence is enough?

Now, accidentally shooting yourself, that's a three-paragrapher.
 
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Quote:
radars or fish detectors




Radars and fish detectors? This means you are fishing for food and not for sport, right?
 
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James Nelson
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BaSL -

Yeah...On this day I was fishing to food - no actually a fish fry, i guess its the same thing really.

I for one enjoy fishing without all of the electronics, because 99% of the time I fish for sport. The catch and release type of fishing. Now if I ever catch a bass or crappie larger than any others that I have caught in the past - I will have them mounted.

The best thing about fishing for sport is that you have more time on the lake, because you are releasing those fish and not having to allow enough time to clean them. The last time that I fished for a fish fry I sliced my index finger to the bone while cleaning the fish. Good thing I wasn't using an electric knife, because chances are that I would have cut it right off.

I guess by now everyone knows that I am accident prone. Often I am told by friends and family that I should write a book based on all of the bad situations that I have found myself in while hunting and fishing. Others think that I should also include a chapter or two about all of the weird theories that I had investigated when I was in my youth. But, if I did that, then I would have to commit to at least two books and that takes a lot of humble-pie to swallow all at once.

One of the theories that I had when I was younger and actually tried to prove it was; the time that I thought that I could grow a sweeter watermellon simply by adding sugar water to the daily watering of the vine. Needless to say that the sugar water actually killed the vine, but that didn't stop me from trying again the next year with the same outcome.

There are many more stories about my gardening experiences, but there's not enough time here to tell them all. Oh, yeah, I did learn one thing and that was any corn can be grown as popcorn when harvested at the right time. No need to try to grow popcorn from a kernel of popcorn from a store bought bag.

And, don't ever try to smoke grapevine - it will get you really sick. I learned that lesson the hard way, too.

James (nventit)

 
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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nventit wrote:
Needless to say that the sugar water actually killed the vine, but that didn't stop me from trying again the next year with the same outcome.

Now, hold on a second. Did you tell your "friends" about the experiment?

And, subsequent to your vines' mysterious deaths, did your friends show up with a variety of remarkably sweet fruits & vegetables?

Just asking.

P.S. I wasn't kidding about the gunshot wound: if we had to sit through three paragraphs of your electrically induced non-consensual urination episode, I believe we are entitled to hear more about the time you accidentally shot yourself. I bet it's funnier than the time I accidentally shot a friend's new leather sofa with a yellow Nelson Precision paintball...
 
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James Nelson
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Rusty -

Quote:
Now, hold on a second. Did you tell your "friends" about the experiment?

And, subsequent to your vines' mysterious deaths, did your friends show up with a variety of remarkably sweet fruits & vegetables?


Yeah...I was sort of weird as a kid back then and my bestfriend Lee encouraged me to test my theories. However, he usually brought up my test results while we and our other friends were sitting in the circle (Think of That's 70's Show). But, really I did truly believe that it made perfect sense that feeding sugar water to the plant would produce a sweeter mellon.

Quote:
I believe we are entitled to hear more about the time you accidentally shot yourself. I bet it's funnier than the time I accidentally shot a friend's new leather sofa with a yellow Nelson Precision paintball...


It was 1986, when the accident occurred while I was deer hunting. Earlier in the day I was trying to stalk the deer, but after a while I had gotten tired and decided to take up my position in one of my deerstands. The day was unusually cold, so I took a few sips of my Jack & coffee to try to keep warm.

Since there was no deer activity around my stand I began to fiddle with my .303 British Infield, as the day before the hunt I had attached a little gadget that I had designed to prevent an accidential shooting when climbing into the stand. I had not tested the gadget until this hunt and had no idea that there was a bug that I overlooked.

The gadget worked exactly the way that I had designed it to work when I climbed into the stand. I mean it worked great. However, I never thought about the climb down and this is where I messed up. The gadget helped to prevent the safety switch from being accidently jarred from safety on to safety off. It was really a simple concept and worked very well climbing up the stand and not so well climbing down.

Actually, the gadget automatically switched the safety off when I started my climb down. Since the gadget clipped onto the gunsling and the safety switch at the same time and using tention of the gunsling to keep pressure on the switch to help keep the safety on when climbing up. What I figured out was that the tention that was used to secure the switch on the way up, also worked in reverse on the way down.

As I started climbing back down the trigger brushed against a raised nail securing the ladder. All I heard was a ringing in my ears as I laid back first on the ground beneath. My gun somehow had gotten freed from the sling and was laying about 7 feet away from where I was now laying. The ringing just wouldn't stop.

I tilted my head and shifted my eyes in an attempt to focus on my shoulder, because I originally had thought that I fallen into a puddle of water or something. No it wasn't water at all - it was blood. I think that I fainted for a few minutes and when I came to...standing over me was John my hunting partner. He lifted me off of the ground and rushed me to the truck and raced to the nearest hospital.

I had gotten very lucky, because the round passed straight through my right shoulder. I had a shattered shoulderblade and lost a bit of blood, but otherwise was ok. As for the gadget that I invented, well it went right into the trash, but to my surprise - my younger sister dug it out and added it to her collection of things that were really bad ideas. She collected the strangest things back then and I discovered that a few of my earlier inventions found their way into her collection.

First, I thought that it was somekind of joke, but it wasn't. Then, I thought that she was collecting inventions that nearly killed her brother (me), but that wasn't it either. She just collected products that she thought was really bad ideas. I am glad that when she had gotten older, she tossed the collection out (I think?).

James (nventit)
 
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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nventit wrote:
I had a shattered shoulderblade and lost a bit of blood

OK, that's not funny at all! I feel like even more of an ass than usual now.

nventit wrote:
my younger sister dug it out and added it to her collection of things that were really bad ideas.

Ouch.
 
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James Nelson
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Rusty -

Quote:
nventit wrote:
I had a shattered shoulderblade and lost a bit of blood

OK, that's not funny at all! I feel like even more of an ass than usual now.


Well, I will tell you that I felt like an ass a number of times after an invention nearly rushed me into the light. The shooting accident wasn't that funny and that is the reason I intentionally avoided telling the whole story earlier, but no need to feel like an ass - Rusty.

Ok, my turn...You mentioned shooting your friend's new leather couch - what happened there? I have several stories of paintball wars going horribly wrong, but I never executed harmless furniture with my paintball gun.

And, if anyone else reading this thread want to share any funny stories of good ideas going bad, please by all means share them here on this thread. I could use a good laugh (at your expense - ).

James (nventit)
 
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Leo Zappa
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nventit wrote:
Rusty -

Quote:
nventit wrote:
I had a shattered shoulderblade and lost a bit of blood

OK, that's not funny at all! I feel like even more of an ass than usual now.


Well, I will tell you that I felt like an ass a number of times after an invention nearly rushed me into the light. The shooting accident wasn't that funny and that is the reason I intentionally avoided telling the whole story earlier, but no need to feel like an ass - Rusty.

Ok, my turn...You mentioned shooting your friend's new leather couch - what happened there? I have several stories of paintball wars going horribly wrong, but I never executed harmless furniture with my paintball gun.

And, if anyone else reading this thread want to share any funny stories of good ideas going bad, please by all means share them here on this thread. I could use a good laugh (at your expense - ).

James (nventit)


James - didn't I read another post of yours awhile ago, something about you tying weather balloons to a lawn chair, grabbing a BB gun, and...oh, wait, that was another guy I read about - sorry for the confusion...
 
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James Nelson
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Leo -

Quote:
James - didn't I read another post of yours awhile ago, something about you tying weather balloons to a lawn chair, grabbing a BB gun, and...oh, wait, that was another guy I read about - sorry for the confusion...


Yeah...I saw a tv program about a guy that tried that once a while back and I think the Myth Buster guys recreated that myth and as it turned out - they proved it to work. Nevertheless, I would never attempt that sort of thing especially with my luck and furthermore I am strangely scared of heights, well heights higher than 20 feet.

Knowing my luck would have it, I would forget to load the bbs in the gun or just plain miss the balloons that I attempted to shoot. Floating away into forbidding airspace and getting shot down by US fighter jets or something like that. The whole situation would end up in Project Blue Book and the balloon material photographed and reported in the Washington Post or something like that.

Just like my luck would have it! LOL

James (nventit)
 
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