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Subject: Heave the Heffers: my view. rss

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Rob Mortimer
United Kingdom
West Yorkshire
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Heave the Heffers: my view.


I have no idea what possessed me to buy this game, but I think it cost me something like 49 pence in a sale, so at least it wasn’t too expensive. It’s a bovine version of pass the pigs based on a comical TV Heffer character used to advertise Boddingtons Beer.

This review needs a disclaimer for those Brits reading it since I make various references to Manchester and I don’t really want to rekindle the War of the Roses. That disclaimer is that although I live and work in West Yorkshire, I also occasionally also work in Manchester, and I have no claim to be a native of either place since I’m actually from Norwich!

The game comes with 2 small plastic Heffers (about the size of a large six sided die), a pencil and a pad of paper. The components work, but I can’t help wondering if taking them out of the game and using the pencil and pad of paper for ‘phone –messages, and the Heffers for ear-rings or cufflinks might be an improvement. Worse still, for a game about Heifers (young cows), they can’t even spell it correctly (or is that regional dialect?).

The aim of the game is to get a score as close as possible to 32 (the average annual rainfall in Manchester in inches). Any player who exceeds 32 is out. The only good thing about the aim of the game is that it reminds us lucky ones who are across the Pennines how nice and dry it is hear because Manchester conveniently takes all our rain for us!

Players throw the two Heffers in the air and then score points depending on how they land (ranging from 1 for ‘A Bit on the Side’ to 8 for ‘Nose Dive-Other’). Double points are scored if both Heffers land in the same position (‘Mine’s a Double’). Play continues interminably, with players adding their points to their previous total. Players are put out of their misery when everyone passes, at which points the player with the closest score to 32 wins. But who cares! It is more exciting if the first person tosses the Heffers up in the air and everyone else tries to stamp on them… game over in 1 minute (and thankfully you never have to play again)!

So What Do I Think?
I give Heave the Heffers a miserable 2 out of 10. The only reasons that I don’t give it 1 are:
(1) I can use the pencil and paper for more fulfilling tasks.
(2) I’m happy to be reminded how wet Manchester is since I live and work in West Yorkshire.
(3) But I’m equally happy to be reminded how nice Boddingtons beer is, because the Tetleys they serve over this side of the Pennines is like ditchwater.
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