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Subject: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second review. rss

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Derek Gallacher
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Time me. Ready? Go!

It's currently # 2 on the BGG Top 10.

Box art is crappy.

Rules are intense.

You want to know more about rules? Go read them.

Here's what you need to do to win every time.

You've got to build the castle - don't even think about not adding any castle sections. No Castle sections? = You Lose!

There is a way to win without building Castle sections. You don't know it? = You Lose!

You've got to manage your money like the Swiss. Lose track of every possible way of spending your money, where your money is, or how you can obtain more = You Lose!

Use Poker chips instead of the crappy plastic they give you. You don't use Poker chip = You Lose!

You want to go first as much as you can UNLESS it works better for you not to go first. Lose track of when it's better to go first or not = You Lose!

Passing first is the key to victory. Passing first will most assuredly secure a loss. Clear? No? = You Lose!

Get favours. Always get favours. You don't get favours = You Lose!

Sometimes it's better to let someone else the get the favour instead of you. If you don't know when that time is = You Lose!

Every single avenue on the prestige track is exactly as improtant as the next. Unless it isn't. You can't figure out which is which? = You Lose!

Cube production is essential to winning. You have a hard time getting exactly the production cubes you need each turn? So sorry - You Lose!

Build to improve the game track every turn. You don't build every turn = You Lose!

On some turns it may be better not to improve the game track. You don't know when to build and improve and when not to build? = You Lose!

You need masons to improve the track! No masons out? = You Lose!

Gold is very important. Get gold and you win. Gold does not guarantee that you win. Can't figure that out? = You Lose!

Prestige buildings give you points. You need points to win. Therefor Prestige buildings will make you win. Except they don't. You don't know when to focus a build towards a prestige building and when not to? = You Lose!

You need to keep track of everybody else's options for every single second of their turn while ballancing how each option will affect you come the end game, realizing of course that are doing the same and are much better at it than you. You can't do this? = You Lose!

The instructions say it takes 120 min to play. It lies. Every game is longer than it needs to be, but is exactly as long as it has to be. Can't handle the truth about time? = You Lose!

The Provost is a bully! Didn't know that? Perhaps you thought he was helping you? Wrong! = You Lose!

The Provost is helping someone else. Didn't see that one coming? You weren't paying attention. = You Lose!

Everytime that you perform an action in this game that you are sure is leading to victory, it isn't, except when it is? Can't figure that one out? Then you've never won a game of Caylus! = You Lose Often!

I won once. I'm sure it was an accident. cry
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Jim Cote
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
This is funny, but not a review, nor a session report, nor a strategy article.
 
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Tim Seitz
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Glen Allen
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Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. 2 Sam 14:14
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
Are you sure it was funny?
 
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zippy grey wedge owner
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I'm almost sure this is a strategy article [not a review] on ... how to lose.
 
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Frank Hamrick
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
Took me more than 60 seconds to read. robotBut I'm a slow reader. snore
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Derek Gallacher
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
You must be the people who actually win when playing Caylus. yuk
60 seconds people!
Full review.
Top to bottom.
Current rank.
What it is.
Where to find out how to play.
Under the assumption of previous knowledge - the key elements of game play.
How determining the variables of the extensive gameplay affect the player ie: focus only on this = you lose
I even managed to throw in my reserved opinion - not complicated = you lose and some else always wins.
I could have spent 2 hours highlighting the wondrous elements of Caylus as a complete rip off of the better mechanics from 7 other games, set to a medieval theme purely to draw on the Euro-trendy gamimg market, where wood cubes + cute theme + AP = good game. But after a dozen games of Caylus I reviewed what the key elements were.

2 second summary = you lose and go crosseyed, and someone else wins. It's how I feel when I play and therefor a legitimate review as such. cool

P.S. Hasn't stopped me from playing it yet. cry
 
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Damon Asher
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ekted wrote:
This is funny, but not a review, nor a session report, nor a strategy article.


I'd say this is actually a decent, if unconventional review. It certainly does convey the feeling one gets (or at least I get) when playing Caylus. I'm glad this isn't the only Caylus review on BGG, but in context, this is a worthy addition! Well done!
 
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Rob Leveille
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
It's almost a haiku review. A Free Verse Review at the very least.

I believe that it sums up the essence of the game better than a standard review.

I only won once myself, by one point, against the Caylus-savant of our group. It was my best win ever (I still get warm and fuzzy thinking about it).

Caylus is the most overrated underrated game going. It is both the best bad game and worst good game. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. It is far less than all of this.
 
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Gustavo Orozco
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
Well, what to say ... Caylus is a great game in my opinion, a little hard at the begining...too many decisions and not always with a reasonable cause-efect analysis, just give it an oportunity and surely you will start to realize how to chain your moves ... Thanks for the review it is a good way to know how people can feel the first time they play and how to "guide" them in the use of the elements of the game.
 
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Paul DeStefano
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I've never played Caylus, and now fairly little about it.

I know absolutely nothing more from this 'review'.
 
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Jeff Dawson
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You got one thing right. Caylus has a steep learning curve. If an inexperienced player plays a good player, they will always lose. Victory, in a 2er anyway, always goes to the better player; there is no luck involved. What is not to like about a game like this, as long as you are willing to take the time to learn?
 
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Boris Dvorkin
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I don't see why this is being berated as a bad review. It's in the "General" section, not the "Reviews" section. The poster didn't make any GG out of it. So what if it's not informative? It's funny. If you want a real review, go read one of the Reviews.
 
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Jim Cote
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Re: Now I've done it! I've gone cross-eyed! A 60 second rev
Boarass wrote:
I don't see why this is being berated as a bad review. It's in the "General" section, not the "Reviews" section. The poster didn't make any GG out of it. So what if it's not informative? It's funny. If you want a real review, go read one of the Reviews.


It was a review, but it got moved (by the admins?). He still has credit for it, because the modders thought it had some redeeming quality. Fine. Doesn't change my opinion.
 
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Clare C
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Yikes! I liked this review. And it did tell me something about the game I didn't know before.

 
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