Andrew Prizzi
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On occassion (either on BGG or somewhere else) one will come across a joke involving Winston Churchill and a woman at a party/dinner/whatever. Examples:

Woman: You sir are drunk!

Winston: Yes. But in the morning I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly!

or

Woman: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your drink!

Winston: Madam, if I was your husband I'd drink it!

So my questions are:

1) Are these jokes in anyway based on historical events? If so, can someone provide a reference?

2) If there are not based in reality, where these jokes around while Winston was in power, or did they come about at some later point? If later, when?]

3) Does anybody have any other good ones?

 
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Andy Leighton
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Thr drunk/ugly quote was supposedly to Bessie Braddock an MP in 1946. There is some evidence that Churchill actually said it however it definitely did not originate with him as it originates much earlier.
 
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Lyman Hurd
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My personal favorite states that Shaw sent Churchill two tickets to the opening of one of his plays with a note saying "Bring a friend, if ou have one." Churchill sent them back saying that he regretted he could not make the first performance but would gladly attend the second "...if there were one."
 
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Chris Bailey
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Winston was a very witty man. While visiting a home in the United States he was sitting down to a chicken dinner he asked for a breast. The woman of the house informed him that "in this country we refer to the breast as white meat." He later sent her a flower and a thank you card for the dinner and her hospitality and said he would be honored if she would pin the flower to her "white meat."
 
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Elijah Lau
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Another story, which definitely occurred although there are different reported versions of Churchill's exact words:

Clement Attlee, who defeated Churchill in the 1945 election, was a strong proponent of government intervention in private industry, a policy which Churchill opposed. When Churchill met Attlee in the House of Commons' toilet, Churchill takes the urinal furthest away from Attlee.

Attlee said, "Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?"

Churchill replied" Well, when you Socialists see something big, you want to nationalise it."

 
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J
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thumbsup, just for Elijah's anecdote. Beauty!
 
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Jacco Versteeg
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There is a joke that apparently did the rounds in WWII, just after the whole malarky got started.

According to the joke, just after hostilities broke out, there was a secret meeting between Hitler, Musolini and Churchill, to discuss the war over tea. Hitler suggested that, to avoid further casualties and unnecessary damages, the British were to surrender, and, being good folks and all that, would be treated kindly. Churchill in turn proposed a bet to settle this thing, it being the 'gentleman's way' to solve such issues. The bet was, that whoever could catch the fish that was swimming in a nearby pond would be declared the winner.

Hitler tries shooting the fish, but fails. Musolini jumps into the pond, but the fish is too slippery. Then Churchill walks up to the pond with his teaspoon, and starts scooping out the water. When asked what he is doing, he replies 'It may take a long time, but we are going to win this war!'.

I always quite liked that one(even though this is a very abbreviated version). And of course, it's purely fictional.
 
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Necessary Evil
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Before we proceed further let us get one thing clear. Are we talking about the brown Indians in India, who have multiplied alarmingly under the benevolent British rule? Or are we speaking of the red Indians in America who, I understand, are almost extinct?

Helen Ogden Mills Reid, sister of the anti-British owner of the Chicago Tribune, encountered Churchill at a White House lunch in 1943 and immediately attacked him on the grounds of Britains's treatment of India.

do not see any other way of realizing our hopes about World Organization in five or six days. Even the Almighty took seven.

To Franklin Roosevelt on the likely duration of the Yalta conference with Stalin.


Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.


Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.


It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

If you're going through hell, keep going.





 
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Robb
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"History will be good to me, because I intend to write it"
- Winston Churchill
 
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Alex

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Quote:
Woman: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your drink!

Winston: Madam, if I was your husband I'd drink it!


I read that one in the newspaper. It is supposed to be true and to have happened in the Parliament.
 
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Rick Holzgrafe
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"the understandably frightening and chimeric semicolon" -- HiveGod
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My favorite Churchill story is the tactic he supposedly used to take the starch out of his opponents' speeches in Parliament. Whenever a particularly long and effective speech was underway he would light a cigar... and never tap the ash off. The ash would get longer, and longer... until most of Parliament was watching Churchill's cigar instead of Churchill's opponent, waiting to see when the ash would finally fall.

Years later, he revealed that he put a hatpin lengthwise through his cigars, to ensure that the ash would stay put!
 
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David Seddon
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During the early war, via the Arctic convoys, the British would send the Soviets various items that they needed to keep going against the Nazi invaders.

One shipment included a request for condoms for the soldiers. Churchill had a special batch made to a very large size and had them labelled "small."

That's another true story.
 
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Robert Wesley
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laugh a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ummmmm
WIN-STON, WI-N-STON
under 6-foot, & weighed an "imperial" TONNE
Fascists beware, Nazis Beware
he's going, he's going, he's going...

He'll lay it on the "Party Line"
while he perplexes their 'mind'
I believe he did this
in order to keep `em in line
In the cockpit of a "Spitfire"
he patrols the Royal 'skies'
while the 'Blitz' goes on
and draws his "ire"

Here goes 'Winnie' out of control
with his "hat" upon his head which looks like a "bowl"
Ugly women try to dis`im
but he just dis`misses`em
he's going, he's going, he's going...

WIN-STON, WI-N-STON
under 6-foot, & the tales that he's 'spun'
cross, cross, the "English Channel"
he's going, he's going, he's going...

Pur-sue...YOU
if you're a "Fascii"
while the S.O.B.s
just wished that he'd flee
He's got a cigar for a cigar
and a penchant for Nazis dying
he'll send `em crying, he`ll send `em crying
o-o-o-o
He'll save children, but NOT the "Fascist" children
He'll save children, but NOT the "Nazi" children
He'll save children, but NOT other "Party" children
He'll save children, but NOT just any children
juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juu-juuuuuu
With a pocketful of good intentions
"F"d the shat out of his opponents
who are hardly worth the mention
and truly put off by their stench'n
He had his love of drink & smokin'
for which some would decry `im
yet when the "goings" get tough
then they'd be looking forward towards HIM
Killed any "Fascists" & "Nazis" he'd see
Without blinking an 'eye'
but he always had
his reasons WHY

WIN-STON, WI-N-STON
bigger than LIFE and holding a "gun"
Present company beware, future company beware
he's going, he's going, he's going...
Did I 'mention' his drink'n & smokin'?
and no I ain't "jokin"
I mean he doesn't wish to be unkind
as he verbally whups your behind
if you remove his "boots"
then you'll espy his not so dainty "foots"...
cool
 
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David Seddon
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Nice work!
 
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How about:

"Most people hate the taste of beer - to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome."


 
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