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Subject: SV Celebrity Roller Derby Week 7 - Championship rss

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clay skaggs
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Week 7

ChampionshipFox’s Fanatics vs. Lohan’s Lowlifes

These two teams have had a hard fought season. Both teams lead the league in dirty play but it has clearly paid off. The Lowlifes enter tonight’s game undefeated taking down teams that clearly gave the Fanatics trouble in the past weeks. But the Fanatics can’t be underestimated. Not only have they never lost by more than 2 pts, but they also took the Lowlifes into their only Overtime period of play, narrowly losing by 1 pt. And when they win, the Fanatics win big; always by 7 points or more and they tied the Lowlifes with the largest victory margin in the league when they crushed the Hulks by 17 pts! The Fanatics may have home team advantage but one thing is for certain, both teams are fired up for some senseless violence and ready to Rumble!

P1 – And the men take the track. It’s Gary Coleman(FF) who draws first blood, but Canseco (LL) fires back with a crushing blow. Penn Jillette (LL) jams for 2 pts and it in a surprise Owen Wilson (LL) follows the lead blasting through pack for 4 pts! Something’s wrong with Wilson’s skates and Lou Ferrigno subs in. Something tells me Kanye West (FF) had something to do with that. Megan Fox calls a timeout. Don’t know what she said but it sure motivated the Rock (FF) as he blasts the pack for 5 pts! And the Fanatics are on the board. Kanye outwits Canseco and The Rock picks up 1 pt, but Penn Jillette blasts by picking up 4 pts. Fox’s Fanatics – 6 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 10

P2 – And the period opens with Tiffany unleashing her trademark “at the bell elbow”, bloodying Milla Jovovich (FF). A fight breaks out between Lohan, Fox, Kournikova (LL) and Janice Dickonson (FF), and play restarts. And in a display of brute strength, Kirstie Alley (FF) heaves Tiffany and Marie Osmond to the infield. Lohan takes advantage, sucker punches Fox, and jams for 4 pts. Shorthanded, the Fanatics take advantage and Fox jams for 3 pts while Jovovich shows off her speed picking up 5 pts! And the period ends when the ref stops play due to an illegal bear hug placed on Carmen Elektra (LL) by Kirstie Alley. Fox’s Fanatics – 14 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 14

P3 – Neither team can gain foothold, but with a stunning display of teamwork, The Rock and Kanye both jam for 2 pts. Penn Jillette answers back in the next jam picking up 5 pts. The Rock ties it back up quickly picking up 1 pt and calling off the jam. And Jose Canseco sends a clear message taking out Corey Haim, Emmanuel Lewis, and David ‘Bud Bundy’ Faustino. Fox’s Fanatics – 19 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 19

P4 – Brooke Hogan(FF) is on fire! And she sends Locklear is sent through the announcer’s table. The Fanatics are surged on by the cheering crowd, but with a poor showing Fox can only pick up 1 pt. And Kournikova (LL) and Tiffany are both called on penalties. Fox jams but Lohan is holding her back but she slips past the Lowlife jammers and nabs 2 pts. Fox tries it again chipping away with 1 pt but Lohan answers back grabbing 4 pts. Fox’s Fanatics – 23 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 23

Jillean Michaels: “If we lose it won’t be because we got beat! It will be because of this awful officiating”

Heather Locklear was seen dowsing Scarlett Johanson with water: “How do you like that #$%#$%!”

P5 – And the Rock looks like he is going to take the lead for the Fanatics, but Owen Wilson blazes by for 2pts. Kanye breaks into the pack but can only grab 2pts but Fanatic blockers hold back Wilson shutting him out. Kanye and Seagal switch off. Looks like Kanye has a plan. With a trip and a clip behind the knee, Kanye takes out the Lowlife blockers, allowing the Rock to pick up 3 pts. Fox’s Fanatics – 28 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 25

P6 – play starts and a nasty argument between Alley and Kournikova halts play. “If this keeps up, I’m going to do something that I’m gonna regret!” yelled Alley shoving the mic out of her face. Locklear takes over as lead jammer and grabs 1 pt, but the Lowlifes defenders can’t stop Scarlet Johanson as she blazes by for 4 pts. Johanson with a penalty. Lohan takes advantages of the power play picking up 3 pts. Fox’s Fanatics – 32 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 29

P7 – And with an unorthodox lineup, Wilson takes pivot handing over the jamming responsibilities to Kevin Sorbo. It seems to have paid off as he and Jillette make a great team, Jillette picking up 4 pts. But the Rock answers back with 4pts of his own. The Rock grabs another point, and with a brutal move, Kanye sends Sorbo over the railing before nabbing 4 pts! Fox’s Fanatics – 41 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 33

P8 – Marie Osmond opens with a weak attempt picking up 1 pt. Fox answers back with 1 pt. Chipping away at the Lowlife defense, Johanson assists and Fox picks up another 1 pt in the following jam. Fox subs out and Alley comes in. She manages to score 2 pts, but Lohan outdistances the Fanatics and makes her way through the pack for 4 pts. And we there are only minutes left. Dicksonson with a nasty blow to Kournikova. She is out but play continues. Roseanne comes in. Lohan breaks away the Fanatics block her out and she only grabs 1 pt. But her comes Alley plowing through the pack…and she picks up another 4pts cementing the Fanatics win and their place as the SVRD Celebrity Champions ! Fox’s Fanatics – 49 Lohan’s Lowlifes- 39
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