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Subject: My Christmas Wishlist rss

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The Steak Fairy
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Dear Santa,

I have been told by Al Gore that your hometown will probably melt and dribble away over the next couple of years, so before that happens, please do what you can to grant these wishes that have been building up in me for almost 50 years of Judaism:

1) I would like to read just one good novel that includes a character named Quaazraht Fueller.

2) I would like to play Malawi with somebody who can actually prove the statement "it will always draw if you only defend".

3) I would like a new version of Malawi in case my opponent from number 2 should succeed in his or her proof.

4) I would like the $5.95 back that I wasted on the HD Video on Demand viewing of Hard Candy this afternoon.

5) I would like every person who ever watched Hard Candy to wake up on Christmas Morning with no memory of the experience, and, in a related note, I'd like the makers of Hard Candy to fall into a big ravine and never be heard from again.

6) I would like every big ravine in the world to be filled with the overflow of your hometown's meltdown.

7) I would appreciate it if French Canadians would just give it all up, and adopt English as their language, and I would be thrilled if the United States could finally just adopt Spanish as theirs.

8) I wish all women who want fewer periods would in fact have fewer of them.

9) I wish all men to have just as many periods as they always have, except Brentoon, who should be burdened with two per year.

10) I wish cooking shows wouldn't feature so much butter being used in asinine fashion, such as crisping the casings on hot dogs. Hot dog casings don't require milk-solid infusion to be any less edible.

11) Please get the U.S. Military out of Iraq, and let the members of the armed forces of the world work full-time on Toys for Tots, and Unicef. Unicef is a perfect cover for black ops, and Toys for Tots can always use a hand.

12) I would like all game designers to be chased by tigers around and around a tree, until the tigers all turn into butter. Then I would like the designers to cook hot dogs with the liquified tiger butter, and see if it works better than milk-based butter. The designers can eat the hot dogs.

Thank you Santa, and remember: Those northern European villagers who accused you of pedophilia and sent you packing to the Pole (Pole packing being a fabulous euphemism for all sorts of things) were just jealous.

Your friend in favor of fewer periods for Mrs. Claus,

Cranky
 
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CHAPEL
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Round Rock
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"that's a smith and wesson, and you've had your six"
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mmmmmmmm...tiger butter....
 
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Nairb Attobas
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Pittsburgh
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Merry Christmas to all and to all butter tigers!

 
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Jon Cormier
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I would like my school to have unlimited access to money to support their campaign of teaching children and the military to have to hold a bake sale to get their new bomber.
 
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Simon W.
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I just want to play with my damn Wii. By myself. In the dark.

What?
 
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United States
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Nothing for Alan?
 
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The Steak Fairy
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GrimJester wrote:
Nothing for Alan?


I am not certain to whom you refer. If you mean somebody other than Alan Kaiser of Columbus, OH, then no. If you're speaking of Alan Kaiser, then I wish him good luck in his attempt to overthrow the WBC.
 
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The Steak Fairy
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Not for nothing, but I tried the Rachael Ray method of cooking hot dogs this evening, and I made my wife ill. There may be actual military applications for what I once perceived as an asinine idea.
 
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Rob
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MisterCranky wrote:
If you're speaking of Alan Kaiser, then I wish him good luck in his attempt to overthrow the WBC.


Can he do anything about the BCS?
 
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The Steak Fairy
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Sinister Dexter wrote:
MisterCranky wrote:
If you're speaking of Alan Kaiser, then I wish him good luck in his attempt to overthrow the WBC.


Can he do anything about the BCS?


Perhaps. You can contact him via CABS and find out. I'm far too busy planning my Hannukah wishlist. As soon as I figure out whom exactly it is that grants Hannukah wishes. Man, some holidays are just so vague.
 
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