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This happened the other day. I could see the blaze from my yard and even then I found myself wondering, "Hmmm, might this be yet another poop-related range fire?"

Lo and behold! It was:

Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland

So. Here's my question. Who takes their trail bike up into the foothills on a heavily-trafficked trail accessible easily by thousands of normal, non-pooping, non-Lycra-sporting republican voters, and actually has toilet paper and matches with him?

Who does that? I have never, not once in my life loaded up my bicycle and thought, "Geez, I better take some Charmin' and a pack of matches to light it with just in case I need to shit while recreating."

I know, for a fact, this guy is one of the growing number of Liberal transplants from a heavily progressive state. Normal people don't pack butt wipe and matches while riding in the foothills.
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Carl Parsons
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"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"
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batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.
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DWTripp wrote:
batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.
Have some kale and a couple of IPA's and you'd be making a pit-stop too.
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DWTripp wrote:
batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


Can we please retire "tard" as a pseudo-suffix? It neither rolls off the tongue nor was ever amusing. It's just ugly English.
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Shushnik wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


Can we please retire "tard" as a pseudo-suffix? It neither rolls off the tongue nor was ever amusing. It's just ugly English.


Awwww; you'll take away 25% of Tripp's vocabulary if you do that!
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DWTripp wrote:
This happened the other day. I could see the blaze from my yard and even then I found myself wondering, "Hmmm, might this be yet another poop-related range fire?"

Lo and behold! It was:

Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland

So. Here's my question. Who takes their trail bike up into the foothills on a heavily-trafficked trail accessible easily by thousands of normal, non-pooping, non-Lycra-sporting republican voters, and actually has toilet paper and matches with him?

Who does that? I have never, not once in my life loaded up my bicycle and thought, "Geez, I better take some Charmin' and a pack of matches to light it with just in case I need to shit while recreating."

I know, for a fact, this guy is one of the growing number of Liberal transplants from a heavily progressive state. Normal people don't pack butt wipe and matches while riding in the foothills.


At least he turned himself in.
 
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Shushnik wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


Can we please retire "tard" as a pseudo-suffix? It neither rolls off the tongue nor was ever amusing. It's just ugly English.


You're such a grammartard.
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Wait, is burning toilette paper a thing? What happened to digging a hole and covering it up with dirt? It's biodegradable! If you're worried about ugly sightlines, then you shouldn't be crapping where people can see it!
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DWTripp wrote:
Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland.


You've got it wrong.

Pussies drink flavorless lagers that have multimillion dollar ad campaigns.

Real men like hops. Lots of 'em.

Darilian

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Darilian wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland.


You've got it wrong.

Pussies drink flavorless lagers that have multimillion dollar ad campaigns.

Real men like hops. Lots of 'em.

Darilian



Real men drink what tastes good to them and don't give a fuck what others drink.
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scott3387 wrote:
Darilian wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland.


You've got it wrong.

Pussies drink flavorless lagers that have multimillion dollar ad campaigns.

Real men like hops. Lots of 'em.

Darilian



Real men drink what tastes good to them and don't give a fuck what others drink.


Tell Tripp that.

Darilian
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DWTripp wrote:
I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


I hadn''t realize, until today, that I'm a radical conservotard!!
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Lautresault wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


I hadn''t realize, until today, that I'm a radical conservotard!!

It's true! A crap in the toilet is indistinguishable from a vote for Trump...
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Terwox wrote:


At least he turned himself in.


Honestly, that's the part that creeps me out the most. Think about it. It's obvious the guy got some sort of sexual thrill from wearing Lycra and then using a public trail to pinch off an Obama. Why else would you actually have TP and matches to light it with?

And then to call up and say, "I just wanted you to know that it was me out there pooping and then setting the foothills aflame. Yes, that's what I said, I was the guy pooping in public, on the hillside, me, the guy in sexy Lycra biking shorts complete with brightly colored sports logos that was pooping. Me, the guy pooping, here's my name and my number if you want to publish it so that anyone who needs more, you know, details about what it feels like to bare you ass and poop in a stand of wild rye."

Of course he could have just felt guilty but now he might have to pay $20K or so for a single moment of delicious indecency.
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Shushnik wrote:
DWTripp wrote:
batman wrote:
"Us conservatards wipe our butts with poison ivy and nettles like real men!"


I poop in a toilet. Air-conditioned and comfortable. Then I go do sport-like things. That's the conservotard way.


Can we please retire "tard" as a pseudo-suffix? It neither rolls off the tongue nor was ever amusing. It's just ugly English.



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I'd respond, but I've been packing in the kale and IPA and I need to go for a bike ride right now, you know, like we typical liberals do all the time.
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DWTripp wrote:
...then using a public trail to pinch off an Obama.


That got a chuckle. I'll be using it for other politicians now.
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ejmowrer wrote:
Wait, is burning toilette paper a thing? What happened to digging a hole and covering it up with dirt? It's biodegradable! If you're worried about ugly sightlines, then you shouldn't be crapping where people can see it!


That's what I thought. Whenever I'm camping for days, I'd never think of burning it rather than burying it. Doesn't the idea of burning it come from guerrilla warfare where you're covering your tracks from the enemy?
 
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I'd respond, but I've been packing in the kale and IPA and I need to go for a bike ride right now, you know, like we typical liberals do all the time.

i hope you pact biodegradable toilet paper like a real liberal what~
 
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einsteinidahosu wrote:
ejmowrer wrote:
Wait, is burning toilette paper a thing? What happened to digging a hole and covering it up with dirt? It's biodegradable! If you're worried about ugly sightlines, then you shouldn't be crapping where people can see it!


That's what I thought. Whenever I'm camping for days, I'd never think of burning it rather than burying it. Doesn't the idea of burning it come from guerrilla warfare where you're covering your tracks from the enemy?


My daughter is visiting from the Land of the Obese, Chicago. Being an avid hiker, camper and all-around outdoorsy person I felt we needed to talk this over. Especially since the area he poop-flamed is walking distance from the house I had when my older kids were growing up. We have all been there scores or more times and there is no way any sane person would ever poop there. It's a heavily-trafficked, smallish gulch with streams and some minuscule marsh areas and trails everywhere. Anytime I go now you never are alone more than 1 to 2 minutes. So pooping in that spot is moronic. Or purposeful.

Plus, at no time are you more than a 2 minute bike ride from the nearby park with a clean, well-lit and perfectly private row of public restrooms.

So yeah, the guy is definitely not a casual pooper.

As for burning the turds. He's clearly not familiar with the outdoors beyond the scope of getting his $3,000 bike off the Yakima rack on his $60,000 BMW SUV and riding it for 10 minutes or until he has to poop. Many here have probably camped in the more remote settings where there isn't a parking lot 20 feet from your tent and a toilet with doors near the picnic benches -- what my daughter refers to as all Midwestern camping sites. I have never burned a turd. Never. You dig a hole with your e-tool, or Fiskars for people born after the 60's, drop trou, pinch, wipe, cover with nature's own earth and then, later, lay the blade in the fire to sterilize it so you don't get poop particles in your car's trunk when you head home.

Who burns poop? Libtards, that's who.
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DWTripp wrote:
einsteinidahosu wrote:
ejmowrer wrote:
Wait, is burning toilette paper a thing? What happened to digging a hole and covering it up with dirt? It's biodegradable! If you're worried about ugly sightlines, then you shouldn't be crapping where people can see it!


That's what I thought. Whenever I'm camping for days, I'd never think of burning it rather than burying it. Doesn't the idea of burning it come from guerrilla warfare where you're covering your tracks from the enemy?


My daughter is visiting from the Land of the Obese, Chicago. Being an avid hiker, camper and all-around outdoorsy person I felt we needed to talk this over. Especially since the area he poop-flamed is walking distance from the house I had when my older kids were growing up. We have all been there scores or more times and there is no way any sane person would ever poop there. It's a heavily-trafficked, smallish gulch with streams and some minuscule marsh areas and trails everywhere. Anytime I go now you never are alone more than 1 to 2 minutes. So pooping in that spot is moronic. Or purposeful.

Plus, at no time are you more than a 2 minute bike ride from the nearby park with a clean, well-lit and perfectly private row of public restrooms.

So yeah, the guy is definitely not a casual pooper.

As for burning the turds. He's clearly not familiar with the outdoors beyond the scope of getting his $3,000 bike off the Yakima rack on his $60,000 BMW SUV and riding it for 10 minutes or until he has to poop. Many here have probably camped in the more remote settings where there isn't a parking lot 20 feet from your tent and a toilet with doors near the picnic benches -- what my daughter refers to as all Midwestern camping sites. I have never burned a turd. Never. You dig a hole with your e-tool, or Fiskars for people born after the 60's, drop trou, pinch, wipe, cover with nature's own earth and then, later, lay the blade in the fire to sterilize it so you don't get poop particles in your car's trunk when you head home.

Who burns poop? Libtards, that's who.


Why, conservatives are too uptight to have a public poopoo fetish?

Honestly, I'd figure the group more set on legislating sexual morality would have way more crosses to bear when it comes to coprophilia.

Aw man, now I want to run that study.
 
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DWTripp wrote:
And then to call up and say, "I just wanted you to know that it was me out there pooping and then setting the foothills aflame. Yes, that's what I said, I was the guy pooping in public, on the hillside, me, the guy in sexy Lycra biking shorts complete with brightly colored sports logos that was pooping. Me, the guy pooping, here's my name and my number if you want to publish it so that anyone who needs more, you know, details about what it feels like to bare you ass and poop in a stand of wild rye."

Think about it. If he hadn't turned himself in, there would've been an arson investigation, and they would've figured out that the fire was started by an explosion in his bicycle-mounted meth lab.
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DWTripp wrote:
This happened the other day. I could see the blaze from my yard and even then I found myself wondering, "Hmmm, might this be yet another poop-related range fire?"

Lo and behold! It was:

Typical fucking moroned Libtarded Lycra-clad Prius-driving, Kale eating, IPA-swilling, Obama-voting cunt who moved here from California or Portland

So. Here's my question. Who takes their trail bike up into the foothills on a heavily-trafficked trail accessible easily by thousands of normal, non-pooping, non-Lycra-sporting republican voters, and actually has toilet paper and matches with him?

Who does that? I have never, not once in my life loaded up my bicycle and thought, "Geez, I better take some Charmin' and a pack of matches to light it with just in case I need to shit while recreating."

I know, for a fact, this guy is one of the growing number of Liberal transplants from a heavily progressive state. Normal people don't pack butt wipe and matches while riding in the foothills.


"But he did come forward".

I'm not sure why he wouldn't just bury it with a shovel. Isn't that common practice in nature?
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