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Hey gang,

A couple from my gaming group down the block is having a casual game night with mutual friends at their place and have asked to borrow my gaming paraphernalia among other things for the evening.

However, I wasn't invited.

As a father of a 1 year old, I don't get out often, let alone play multiplayer games during this lifestyle transition. Let's just say I've learned to embrace and love solo gaming .

The thought of my friends enjoying games tonight while I watch reruns of Fraiser is driving me crazy. Am I being childish and unreasonable?

Please say yes so I can stop sulking and enjoy leftovers with Seattle's favorite syndicated psychiatrist hahaha.

Thanks in advance for your helpful perspective!
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Bryan Thunkd
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It does seem a little rude to borrow your games but not invite you. If they ask again and don't invite you I'd tell them no.
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Mike Jones
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I have an extensive game collection and have often been asked by people to let them borrow games so they can have a game night without inviting me.

I'm just happy they can enjoy them and have fun.
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Guantanamo wrote:
I have an extensive game collection and have often been asked by people to let them borrow games so they can have a game night without inviting me.

I'm just happy they can enjoy them and have fun.

Mike, I think that's what I needed to hear. I need to be a bigger man about this and stop being a baby and taking things so personal shake
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Bruce Gazdecki
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If it was a common occurrence I'd be upset and probably say no.

If this was the first time and they only did it sporadically, I wouldn't be as upset but maybe try to roundabout ask why I couldn't come.

Maybe they are having family over and don't want to come on too strong with the gaming by having a "gamer" there too.

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Ian Taylor
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Not enough information to draw any meaningful conclusion I don't think.

What do you mean by 'mutual friends'? How mutual? Who knows them best and by how much? Are they another couple? Will anyone else be there? Is it for a particular occasion? If you came along would you have to bring your 1-year-old? Is it actually a gaming event or just 'an event where a game or two may or may not be played'? What is your history regarding gaming with these people? Or just socialising in general?

This seems one of those situations where it's easy to rush to an opinion but in reality there are probably tons of variables in play.
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Chris Mcpherson
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OK, first off, I do not like to lend anyone my games because nobody else is as careful and paranoid around my things as I am. I want my stuff to last as long as possible and we don't eat or drink while playing games. OK, we do drink, but the drinks have to be on a separate table.

As for the other half of this situation, it definitely seems a little off to me since you say everyone involved is mutual friends. I would feel a little slighted but I do take things personally, probably too much.

By the way, what are these "other things" they borrowed,haha!
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xBino wrote:
Hey gang,

A couple from my gaming group down the block is having a casual game night with mutual friends at their place and have asked to borrow my gaming paraphernalia among other things for the evening.

However, I wasn't invited.

As a father of a 1 year old, I don't get out often, let alone play multiplayer games during this lifestyle transition. Let's just say I've learned to embrace and love solo gaming .

The thought of my friends enjoying games tonight while I watch reruns of Fraiser is driving me crazy. Am I being childish and unreasonable?

Please say yes so I can stop sulking and enjoy leftovers with Seattle's favorite syndicated psychiatrist hahaha.

Thanks in advance for your helpful perspective!


Don't feel bad about feeling bad, be happy they've identified the type of "friends" they are: obviously not ones that give two shits about how you might feel when asked to loan your gaming gear for a gaming event you weren't invited to.

I've certainly had friends ask to borrow gaming stuff for something I wasn't invited to, but it always made sense and was appreciated when they took the time to explain why I wasn't part of the invite (got some family coming over; this works best with 4 but we can get together the next day if you're free; it wasn't a group I cared to game with, etc.). It showed they cared enough to not only acknowledge the awkwardness of the request, but to address it up front.

I've lost literally hundreds of "friends" over the years because the only time they would turn up was to get something fixed, constant free advice that normally carries a price tag, borrow some tech or photo gear, or what not. Luckily I've only had one instance involving gaming, and only recently, where it became obvious I wasn't invited to an event because of who I was, but what I could bring with me.

It certainly makes me appreciate the core friends I do have, with many at the level where they're like family and don't even really need to give me a reason.
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piemasteruk wrote:
Not enough information to draw any meaningful conclusion I don't think.

What do you mean by 'mutual friends'? How mutual? Who knows them best and by how much? Are they another couple? Will anyone else be there? Is it for a particular occasion? If you came along would you have to bring your 1-year-old? Is it actually a gaming event or just 'an event where a game or two may or may not be played'? What is your history regarding gaming with these people? Or just socialising in general?

This seems one of those situations where it's easy to rush to an opinion but in reality there are probably tons of variables in play.

Sorry, let me try to be more clear.

The other gaming couple joining my friends is a couple I've gamed with before and run in the same social circles (hanging out at birthdays, before or after church, hanging out at their house, etc.) It's a casual affair so it's just the four of them hanging out.

Although you make a good point because I couldn't say one way or another if they are celebrating a special occasion.

If I came over, I would come alone making arrangements for someone to watch the little guy for the night (my kid goes to sleep at the ungodly early hour of 7p )
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xBino wrote:
Hey gang,

A couple from my gaming group down the block is having a casual game night with mutual friends at their place and have asked to borrow my gaming paraphernalia among other things for the evening.

However, I wasn't invited.

As a father of a 1 year old, I don't get out often, let alone play multiplayer games during this lifestyle transition. Let's just say I've learned to embrace and love solo gaming .

The thought of my friends enjoying games tonight while I watch reruns of Fraiser is driving me crazy. Am I being childish and unreasonable?

Please say yes so I can stop sulking and enjoy leftovers with Seattle's favorite syndicated psychiatrist hahaha.

Thanks in advance for your helpful perspective!


I would just let them borrow the game (unless you have other reasons for not lending out games). Maybe they just want to try these games, this one time. It would be a waste for them to buy them just to play them one time. It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask you to borrow them in such a situation. However, if this becomes a recurring event, things are less clear-cut to me. If you and your gaming friends all buy games, and they are willing to share their games with you if you had some other friends visiting, I think it's fine. If you are the only one buying games, that's also fine, as long as they mostly play those games with you. There are always someone who buy more games than others, because they care more than the others about playing new games and owning the games themselves (I'm that guy in my group). But if you are the one buying all the games, and game nights without you becomes a regular occurence, I would feel like they're using you. If they contribute nothing to a kind of shared collection and are just playing your games, game nights without you should be an exception.
 
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Re4isnumber1 wrote:
By the way, what are these "other things" they borrowed,haha!




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I lend my stuff out relatively regularly, because my collection is much larger than my friends. As someone who organises a lot of game nights I have found that predicting the number of people who will turn up can be a complete nightmare, so it might be that inviting you might stop them being able to play those games at all. I've had a few occasions where I've invited people over, and they've invited other people to come too and we've wound up with too many people to play the games I wanted to play, so ended up playing something casual.

That being said, I think you have every right to mention to them that you were frustrated at not being invited. Just because you have a child, that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have fun any more! Make sure they understand that even if you aren't able to come, you still like being invited, because if you never get invited, how can you come when you are available.

I would underscore that with a small and subtle point. Make sure that your favourite games are off limits. That way, if you are asked about that game, you can say, "Look, I'm cool with you borrowing my stuff, but that game is special to me, and you aren't playing it unless I'm there".
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I dunno, I game with different circles of friends, family, co-workers, etc. We can't be expected to invite every gamer I know to every get together that might involve a game. And I wouldn't expect all the local gamers I game with to have to invite me every time they game. I would still loan out my games to my gaming friends to use at an event I wasn't invited to with hesitation. You don't know the context of the get together, it may not be just a game night. What if they were a group of highschool buddies getting together, or what if it's a work get together. But does it matter?

I wouldn't over think it. If these are people you would loan games to, then loan them the games.
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You should decide if you feel comfortable lending a game out or not and make the decision based on that. Two people are unlikely to be so tactless not to invite you if it was something you should be going to. (or if they were, you'd know it because they'd be doing stuff all the time.) SO, since you're not friends with rude morons, let's rule out them being rude morons!

Now, it's just like someone asking to borrow your pizza stone or cake pan to make dinner with-- you wouldn't expect to be invited to dinner just because they didn't have a cake pan, right?

So decide if they can be trusted with your cake pan or board game and let them borrow it or not.

MAYBE drop a hint that you could be free for a game if you're comfortable working it in there.
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scifiantihero wrote:
You should decide if you feel comfortable lending a game out or not and make the decision based on that. Two people are unlikely to be so tactless not to invite you if it was something you should be going to. (or if they were, you'd know it because they'd be doing stuff all the time.) SO, since you're not friends with rude morons, let's rule out them being rude morons!

Now, it's just like someone asking to borrow your pizza stone or cake pan to make dinner with-- you wouldn't expect to be invited to dinner just because they didn't have a cake pan, right?

So decide if they can be trusted with your cake pan or board game and let them borrow it or not.

MAYBE drop a hint that you could be free for a game if you're comfortable working it in there.


Pretty much this. I game with a few couples (old friends) and occasional others. I don't always want 5 or 6 people, sometimes just 1 couple I haven't seen for a while and catch up with while we have dinner and game. Every game night is not maximum player game night.

I lend people games, and why not, they are to be played so enjoy. No one has a the selection I do so it makes sense. One couple generally buys games they really enjoy after having played with me, if it is feasible, but they know they can borrow from me to 'demo' them on their own, or with their friends if they would like.

I don't lend out my pizza stone, but then again, no one has asked laugh.
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I wouldnt do it on the premise that they want your things without you. Now, lets say you are more than welcome to attend that is a different story.
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You said you would be going by yourself? It sounds like they were wary of you being a fifth wheel. Some couples prefer to mingle with other couples rather than singles. That may simply be the case.

Dominion doesn't play as well 5 player anyway
 
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Nope. You are being human.

assuming you are comfortable loaning the game, when they give it back remind them how much you miss getting together for gaming with a group and that you can find someone to watch your kid if you needed to.

Perhaps they just assumed you wouldnt want to leave your child?

Presumably they will get the hint and either invite you next time or quit asking to borrow your stuff without you
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Greg: Hey Jim, can I borrow your casserole dish?
Jim: Uh yeah, sure, what for?
Greg: I'm making a casserole for this awesome party I'm going to! It's sort of a pot-luck deal, there's gonna be karaoke, games, it's gonna be a blast.
Jim: Oh wow, that sounds great, can I tag along?
Greg: ...so about that casserole dish.
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It's rude to ask to use someone's gaming materials and not extend an invitation. You may be a parent, but you're still a person (who likes to have fun). If your child's age is the reason they didn't invite you, they're all the more wrong for it.

Now if you said you normally work XYZ nights of the week and they didn't invite you, that would be understandable.

There may be other context to consider, but my opinion is based on the information you gave.

Frasier rocks.
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First of all, I admit to only skimming the responses, but only because my first thought to the original question is to respond, "absolutely! Mind if I drop in for a game or two as well?" Is this a difficult question? In my experience, the answer to a direct question may inform your response about borrowing/lending more than a million second hand posts in an Internet forum...
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I reckon what you've done now - loaned it to them without bringing anything up is good. When they return the games etc, just ask "Hey, so how was the game night?" and then (after they say it was awesome) "That sounds great, I'd be keen to join next time if that's ok?" - all very light-hearted.

I think it is ok to sort if feel how you're feeling cos they are mutual friends and it sucks feeling left out. But as someone else mentioned - Dominion isn't meant for 5 people, and maybe they wanted to teach it to this couple and not have anyone left out. It would be worse if they invited you and then you had to sit out the game!

Anyway, as I said, just chill about it the first time and then plant the idea of inviting you next time. Plus you got to watch Frasier - i love Frasier.

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xBino wrote:
Re4isnumber1 wrote:
By the way, what are these "other things" they borrowed,haha!






Man you are way too nice. I can barely lend out a regular game.
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I would not make a big deal out of it. I usually game with 2 different groups and sometimes I will borrow a game from one group to introduce to the other group. By the way, both group know of each other and once in a while, the 2 groups will mix but that is uncommon.

The other thing is that since you have already played that game, maybe the person who borrowed it may want to introduce it to others who have never played it before.
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