JonnyRotten
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News Anchors:
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I am geekmailing out the word lists right now, and once everyone submits them, I will start the newscast in the nest post!

Austrimo has been replaced with NullDonkey
Thanks to a suggestion by BadButterfly13, I'll be messaging out everyones roles, as well as their cards, and each person can just chime in and do their story when they can, to help keep things rolling. We'll put a 48 hour limit on each round, so things don't take too long!

P.S. we should bold our words from our cards
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JonnyRotten
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Welcome to W-RKNN Red Keep News Network - Bringing you all the news from around Westeros! I'm Ser Jonathan Gilmour of the Winterfall Gilmours, reporting to you on this lovely day. Our big story today is that there is a virus running rampantly through the Red Keep. This virus, unknown to even the most knowledgeable Maesters is being called the Batmobile Virus. What it does, is once infected, the person transforms to a odd, bat like vehicle, and them promptly dies. We are hoping for a quick solution for this.

On a lighter note, lets go to Tigervamp with an update on Sportsball! Tigervamp?
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Sorry to interrupt Jon, but this just in we have just obtained amateur footage of this terrible virus taking another victim. Please be warned that this is graphic content and should not be viewed by those who are easily disturbed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fM34jklk18o
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Patrick Hillier
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This is Phil McCrackin breaking in with a quick Consumer Warnings report. With the upcoming visit by the Prime Minster and Queen of England, the local shops have been stocking their shelves with British treats including the famous sticky pudding. Unfortunately the brands imported has been causing noxious flatulence on local diets - so refrain from bowing too deeply when meeting the Queen. Back to you...
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Agent J
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He's looking real sharp in his 1940's fedora. He's got nerves of steel, an iron will, and several other metal-themed attributes. His fur is water tight and he's always up for a fight.
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He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action. He's a furry little flat-foot who'll never flinch from a fray. He's got more than just mad skills, he's got a beaver tail and a bill.
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Today the King of Spain was found dead on his alternative throne. Investigators have several suspects in custody, citing the cause of death to be a poisoned rutabega. This will certainly shake up the political world, as "figurehead King with no actual power" poisonings have reached an all time high rate of two in the last hundred years.

Bartholomew Q Schmeckelstein III, Political Correspondent, reporting.
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Michael Denman
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Chiffon Hightower, with your morning Health and Beauty Tip :

Ladies, we all like to change things up from time to time so let me tell you about a new perfume that’s come on the market this month. Littlefinger’s “Moon Gate Surprise” is to die for. This sensual scent will have you feeling lighter than air. Just ask Lysa Arryn!

As always, I follow all of my own health and beauty tips and just look at me! If you think I look better, and you do not... well, I’m Chiffon.
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Hello, this is Lady Waleska reporting live from Joffery Park with your Weather and Traffic Report. Tonight there is to be a full moon, and as you can see behind me The Mistresses of Astries Bazookas are setting up for their summer Nipple festival. It should be a Lovely day for it the weather should be warm and sunny in the mid to upper 70s, so if you are planning on coming to the nipple festival be sure to bring plenty of sunscreen! Tonight there will be clear skies perfect for viewing the full moon and dancing topless by the fire before they choose their sacrificial virgin, so GUYS if you love her,.. do not let her go to the festival Pure! (ha ha ha) the nights low will be 72. however the forecast does call for some early morning showers, so be sure that If you pass out, you pass out somewhere indoors. There is nothing I hate more than waking up naked, with a hangover, and cold.



The traffic so far looks clear, but if you do come to Joffery Park you might want to avoid the North side, There is a group of religious fanatics saying they are from the High Sparrow with bells and they keep yelling "shame" and they are blocking all traffic on that side of the park. Things might get a little heated between these two religious groups. It is reported that the high sparrow has gone to the Red Keep to verify that the Mistresses of Astries Bazookas have gotten the proper permits to hold their festival. However there have been reports of reckless driving by those who are affected with the batmobile virus, so If you do happen to see someone spontaneously turn into a motorized vehicle the guard is advising people to stay away from that individual since they are now possessed and have been known to knock over carts and leave destruction and mayhem in their wake. We will be reporting throught the day on these developments. Sir John Back to you!
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matt daggett
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Have you ever looked to the night sky and thought about the stars? I know I know I have, hot new celebrity chef "Hot Pie" has taken it one step further. He says he has found a way to bring the flavor of the cosmos to his cooking. In fact he and his team are in charge of catering this weeks Nipple festival.
Later on today "Hot Pie" and his team of Chefs will be constructing the largest cake to be constructed since the times before the Mad King, but the size isn't whats so note worthy about this massive undertaking, It's the flavor.
It seems Master Chef "Hot Pie" has found away of infusing the flavors of celestial bodies to his creations. Seeing as the nipple festival is the celebration of Pluto, this cake will taste just like the frozen planet.
So how does he do it, is it magic? Apparently no it seems this secret of his has something to do with crushed cherry stones. "That is", as he says,"where the flavor is." (Hmmmmm.)
Well i for one can't wait to try this tasty delight and enjoy some bare breasts in the sun. I'm Durgan Gornhand And this has been Food and Culture. Back to you Jon.
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matt daggett
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We seem to be having some technical difficulties please standby.
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Agent J
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He's looking real sharp in his 1940's fedora. He's got nerves of steel, an iron will, and several other metal-themed attributes. His fur is water tight and he's always up for a fight.
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He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action. He's a furry little flat-foot who'll never flinch from a fray. He's got more than just mad skills, he's got a beaver tail and a bill.
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Everyone's still at the nipple festival, it seems.
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JonnyRotten
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That's right Jay! The news team was taking a well deserved rest at the Nipple Festival after the morning news, but we are glad to be back, and bringing you all the news from around Westeros!

I'm Jonathan Gilmour, and here are this afternoons big stories!

The Prime Minster of Pudding is visiting The Red Keep this afternoon. The peons are abuzz about what he could be doing here. Rumors are about that it has to do with the new Hang Glider Alert that was issued the other day, in regards to eating pudding while hang gliding.

We'll have more on this as things happen, but now, let's go to some stories from around the Keep.
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Agent J
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He's looking real sharp in his 1940's fedora. He's got nerves of steel, an iron will, and several other metal-themed attributes. His fur is water tight and he's always up for a fight.
badge
He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action. He's a furry little flat-foot who'll never flinch from a fray. He's got more than just mad skills, he's got a beaver tail and a bill.
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The fighting in Andalucía was terrible today as the police have named the culprit of the poisoning on the Spanish King. They found the crushed remains of a poison beetle mixed in with the rutabaga, and traced it back as a common poison used by the Andalucian gypsies. A revolution has begun, and police have been unable to make an arrest at this time.
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Patrick Hillier
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Classified Ad:

Going out of business sale from the Three Hugs Head bar closing.

Aluminum food cart only one wheel missing and one of other wheels sticks. $25 OBO. Maybe you can set up a mini food truck in the park?

A case of 24 beer can breast shaped can covers with nipple drinking nozzle. Slightly used. Perfect for the nipple festival. $5 OBO

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Michael Denman
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It was quite an amazing game of sportsball that was played this morning! There was a slight delay while Ser McGee’s mousy squire chased his orange hunting hound, Pluto, off of the field, but as soon as that was resolved, excitement once again began to bubble up and the game began. The Red Vipers of Dorne went up against the Mountains of King’s Landing. The Red Vipers played a strong steady game and were looking to be the ultimate victors, but it wasn’t the piece of cake that they were expecting. The Mountains were able to make a surprising play causing one of the greatest upsets we’ve ever seen in sportsball!

I spoke to fans of both sides after the game. Fans of the Red Vipers say that they still can’t see how it happened and that they’re crushed. Mountain fans were surprisingly taciturn after their team won, but there was a rumor of one vendor on that side of the stadium having spoiled goods and perhaps giving more than a few fans some sort of food poisoning so that may explain their lack of comment.
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Thanks Jon, Lavarius Darkwater here, and I'm standing well outside the Winterfell Stronghold where meastors have quarentined the entire area due to a near epidemic level outbreak of the Bat-mobile virus. I have with me the amature videographer who captured nearly 42 recordings of the outbreak including the one released on our earlier broadcast, Nevile Snow, long time blacksmith apprentice here at Winterfell.
Nevile what can you tell us about the situation inside the Stronghold.
"Well erethings gone ta shite, people turning into black smoke belching bat-mobiles, spinning their wheels in the mud."
So what you're saying is these bat-mobiles aren't made for off-roading?
"Exactly pretty much they just get stuck in the mud, and start to panic. I watched me own mother turn into own of those creatures."
That's horrible.is there anything else you can tell us about the vehicles/creatures.
"Yeah they are different versions of the bat-mobile and they are all piloted by a single batman, sometimes accompanied by a Robin depending on the version of the bat-mobile. Measter Jenkins is worried that if the virus mutates that people could turn into a bat-wing then there will be no containing this epidemic."
Thank you Nevile, stay safe.
Jon you heard it here first the virus is mutating and its only a matter of time.
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J J
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Hello, this is Lady Waleska bringing you your traffic and weather from the annual nipple festival where Miss Kayla from Littlefingers Brothel has just won most Sensual nipples in the nipple contest!

Kayla: (bouncing up and down) "I am just so excited, there are so many beautiful nipples I am so honored that they picked mine!"

Waleska: "your nipples sure are beautiful! Tell me Kayla, what do you plan to do as your reign as Ms. Sensual Nipples for the next year?"

Kayla: " Well I do hope to increase my clientele"

Waleska: "ahh a career girl!"

Kayla: Nodds, "and Next month I will go on my nipple tour of the Seven Kingdoms spreading Peace, and goodwill to all"

Waleska: "and no doubt communicable diseases...Ha ha ha. Well Congratulations Kayla! May you reign be long and healthy! Now I am Guessing you would want to clean yourself, because with the nipple fest you are likely working tonight. "

We could not of asked for better weather for the festival today. with a high of 78. Tonight it will be a bit overcast, and hopefully the full moon will shine down upon us all low of 69. Some much needed am showers and fog, but clearing up for another beautiful day tomorrow with a high of 74.

The High Sparrow and the Mistresses of Azure Bazookas have struck a Truce. It appears The High Sparrow has a Virgin in Prison that they are more than willing to have the Mistresses sacrifice tonight. it appears that they have arrested the culprit responsible for the Batmobile Virus that is now running rampid throughout the kingdom. Earlier the Mistresses went and verified the virginity and it is good! So Tonight expect a parade from the High Sparrow's Prison down Hawk Street turning down Snake Ave. to Joffery park. More on this story as it Developes.

On the West side of Joffery Park a transdimensional floodgate has opened in the form of a blue metal building that says Police Box, Allowing more people to come and enjoy this wonderful Nipple Festival. It has been confirmed that the Box will be there Until Noon tomorrow on Dalek St. and all traffic is being diverted around it to Master Dr.

If you are sitting at home, please remember there is still time to gather the family and bring them down to the Nipple Festival for a fun filled day of Food, Drink, Nipples, Dancing by the Moonlight and Virgin Sacrifices. Make sure you bring the kids! This is a once a year family friendly festival no one in the 7 kingdoms wants to miss! Back to you Jon!
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JonnyRotten
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Welcome to W-RKNN Red Keep News Network - Bringing you all the news from around Westeros! I'm Ser Jonathan Gilmour of the Winterfall Gilmours bringing you all the news from around the 7 Kingdoms.

We have some huge sportsball news for you folks tonight!

There has been a big upset in the world of Beetle Fighting, Ser Osser Milk has been executed for cheating. He has been using magic to increase the strength of his beetles, leading to his success. Studios are already slavering over the movie rights to the entire fiasco. We are expecting to hear from the Rutabega King on this shocking development.
 
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Agent J
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He's looking real sharp in his 1940's fedora. He's got nerves of steel, an iron will, and several other metal-themed attributes. His fur is water tight and he's always up for a fight.
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He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action. He's a furry little flat-foot who'll never flinch from a fray. He's got more than just mad skills, he's got a beaver tail and a bill.
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This is Bartholomew Q. Schmeckelstein with Food and Culture. The Winterfell Trading Company is bringing a delightful new treat to the market near you. This month only, this new orange candy will explode your tastebuds, leaving you breathless and feeling like you're in a bubble from the horrendous events around you. The experience was described by Catelyn Stark as 'sensual and arousing', buy one today.
 
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In politics today, Littlefinger’s business was able to open a veritable transdimensional floodgate of nipples, attracting legions of men to the King’s cause in Joffrey Park. Lord Baelish was heard to comment, “The lust of men is a prison for their souls.” When this was relayed to Tywin Lannister, he replied, “What tripe!”
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Phil McCrackin here with the Home and Garden report. The Chinese Pluto beetle known in the common vernacular as the Rocket Launcher Beastie has been sighted in town eating local home gardens. To protect your prized cabbages, place about 42 pound cakes around the perimeter of your property. This is the largest swarm of the beasties we've seen since we've started recording.
 
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