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Subject: Sharing is caring... Or is it? rss

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Chris Dokter
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Do you allow people to borrow your games if you're not there to supervise?

I ask because I have a growing collection of games and enjoy building that collection and as we all know, it's not a cheap hobby. I like to host the occasional game night but my core group of friends is pretty casual when it comes to gaming so we often repeat the same few games (Ticket to Ride, King of Tokyo, Dixit, etc) while other games are still waiting to be opened.

But here's the catch. I have a room mate whose friends are a bit more open to playing those more niche games. He's courteous enough not to open games that are still in the shrink wrap as that's the only specific stipulation that I've set on him using my games. That said, I've found he occasionally has people over to play some games and most of those times, I'm working or otherwise unable to attend. As a result, there are games on my shelf that he has played twice as many times as I have.

Am I being so petty as to be bothered by that? I feel like I've invested good money into this hobby and I'd like to be able to enjoy it without having components weathered and worn by others while I'm away. So far, his only "gaming" contribution has been Cards Against Humanity. Though I hear he's thinking of adding some Exploding Kittens into the mix >_>

/end of mini rant disguised as a question
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Boaty McBoatface
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There is not right and wrong answer. I have lent games to people who have played it with third parties and regretted it (after seeing what they did to it), yet others have perfectly OK as they treat your games with care.

Also take this into account, why have two games in a flat or house? It would make sense to duplicate games.
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Pete
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I'm annoying enough about it that people just find it easier to buy their own copies.

Pete (doesn't like to loan out the precious)
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Russ Williams
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NurseDokter wrote:
He's courteous enough not to open games that are still in the shrink wrap as that's the only specific stipulation that I've set on him using my games.

That sounds like you've said it's ok for him to use your games which are not in shrink wrap. Or am I misunderstanding?

Given that, I don't see why'd you be bothered if he actually does so.

Quote:
Am I being so petty as to be bothered by that? I feel like I've invested good money into this hobby and I'd like to be able to enjoy it without having components weathered and worn by others while I'm away.

Is he actually visibly damaging the games? If so, I agree that would be bad.

If not, I don't see the problem, if you told him it's OK to play your games, and he's accordingly playing your games.

Presumably some of the people he plays with might later play with him and you both sometime, so in effect he is teaching/recruiting new players for you, which seems like a Good Thing. And you presumably play games with your roommate, so if he practices playing then he's a better opponent for you.

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ASo far, his only "gaming" contribution has been Cards Against Humanity. Though I hear he's thinking of adding some Exploding Kittens into the mix >_>

OK, finally you said something he did which sounds bad to me too!


To answer the bigger picture question: I have no problem playing my games with someone who doesn't buy their own games. (Indeed I'm happy when people want to play games I own; after all, if I bought a game, it's because I like it and want to play it!) And I have no problem loaning games to friends if I think they will take decent care of them.
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TheGamingCouple
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To be honest i would have been bothered a lot by a similar situation. The reason is that most people are not as careful with items that are not theirs. For example, when we play card games with others they will either eat while playing or fold the edges. In contrast, we always wash our hands before playing etc. But if you say something in such situations you may sound petty. In your situation you are completely justified in feeling this way but i think if you say something to him he may not understand. Try saying it in an indirect way or lock them up somewhere. It all depends on the dynamics of your relationship, how close you are, do you use his/her stuff etc
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David Singleton
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plezercruz wrote:
I'm annoying enough about it that people just find it easier to buy their own copies.


You're not "annoying", you're "helping support the games industry."
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Pete
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On the other hand, if I came home and found my roommate (read: wife) playing Caverna with her friends, I'd probably have an orgasm right there and then.

Pete (has a wife who plays games, but not the ones for gamers)
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RJD
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plezercruz wrote:
On the other hand, if I came home and found my roommate (read: wife) playing Caverna with her friends, I'd probably have an orgasm right there and then.

Pete (has a wife who plays games, but not the ones for gamers)


That might be difficult to explain to her friends. Could make the situation... awkward.

Just some helpful advice!
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Boaty McBoatface
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plezercruz wrote:
RSP stuff
OHH and a lovely play there..He took the thread and slam dunked straight in RSP with out even a second glance. Well I can see the crowed going wild over this in the street tonight.
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Chris Dokter
Canada
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I did essentially tell him he can play them so long as they've been opened. But that's partly because I didn't want to just outright say what I wanted to say. Which is essentially "sorry but I didn't invest hundreds of dollars into this collection so that you could enjoy it without me" (reasons being A) I'd like to be included in the use of my own purchased hobby goods and B) I'm a bit OCD about keeping things in the best condition for as long as possible so it bothers me a bit on that level that things are going from mint to like new to used without me

Haha alright now that I'm typing it out, it sounds petty even to me. Call it a pet peeve, I suppose.
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Justin Fuhrmann
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Whether or not I let them borrow it depends on a couple things: 1) who the person is and how much I trust them; 2) the value of the game.

1) I have let certain people borrow things when I knew I could trust them to take care of it and that it would be kept in a safe environment. But another friend asked to borrow something, and this person has a dog and a toddler, they smoke/vape in the house, and they were having problems with their air conditioner, which meant the house was hot and humid. I don't know how closely they would watch the kid or the dog around the game, and I definitely do not want my games exposed to smoke or vaping fumes, or high humidity.

2) I lent out games like Castle Panic, which I knew could be easily replaced if something did happen. I would not lend out my copies of Colosseum, Tobago, or Glen More since those would be much harder and more expensive to replace.
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Craig H
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I don't think you are being petty at all. This borrowing seems to be a pretty common occurrence - kind of like your roommate is thinking the place comes with a free game library.

Now, on the other hand, if you've said something like "sure, play them all you want except for the ones in shrink" - well, maybe you've caused a bit of your stress too.
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Justin Fuhrmann
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NurseDokter wrote:
I did essentially tell him he can play them so long as they've been opened. But that's partly because I didn't want to just outright say what I wanted to say. Which is essentially "sorry but I didn't invest hundreds of dollars into this collection so that you could enjoy it without me" (reasons being A) I'd like to be included in the use of my own purchased hobby goods and B) I'm a bit OCD about keeping things in the best condition for as long as possible so it bothers me a bit on that level that things are going from mint to like new to used without me

Haha alright now that I'm typing it out, it sounds petty even to me. Call it a pet peeve, I suppose.


I don't think it's necessarily petty, because I can definitely see how you would be uncomfortable knowing that your games are being played when you aren't there to ensure they are taken care of. However, it probably would have been better to say upfront that you prefer to be around when your stuff is played. Personally, I'd leave out the other reason about just wanting to enjoy your hobby purchases yourself (that part may sound a little petty) and focus on wanting to make sure your stuff stays in good shape because you've invested a lot in it.
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Paul DeStefano
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Depends on the game and the person.
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If I read it correctly, you have offered for these roommates or friends of roommates to play games, except not in shrink. At this point, the train has left the station, and if you retract that offer then you may look like a tool.

I think your concern is misuse or damage, so you should only place out the games that you wouldn't be too upset IF they were damaged. Then just monitor their condition after play sessions in which you aren't involved.

If there is misuse, then you can ask the user to please be more considerate, telling them that the loaning will stop if they aren't AND that they will be responsible for buying a replacement or sourcing replacement parts if they do damage it.

Following this path, you are being upfront over the consequences and expectations of their choices and actions, which is the fair thing to do. You should never assume anyone outside of your own skin views, handles, and expects the same as you. The only way as non-telepathic creatures that we can express these terms is through speaking or writing them. In this casual setting, the former is in order.

Understandably, you are being a decent person here living in a shared community, while trying to maintain boundaries on your materials and the good feelings between roommates.

Don't hesitate to talk to your roommates. Everything is dependent on the how. Remember, this is your property, so nobody else is going to represent it.


Good luck.
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Asaf Fabbi
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Ok here is your solution. Buy a hair dryer and some shrink wrap. Shrink wrap all your games while you are away. Boom.
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Pete
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You could decide which games you really like and keep them in a separate area (like your own closet in your room). There's no reason the entire collection needs to be "shared."

Pete (did that when he had roommates and luckily it saved his best games when the roommates set the place on fire)
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Chris Dokter
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plezercruz wrote:
You could decide which games you really like and keep them in a separate area (like your own closet in your room). There's no reason the entire collection needs to be "shared."


That's actually something I've considered, especially as the collection grows beyond the capabilities of our shelves. I think I did kind of paint myself into a corner by allowing him full access to opened games but it's hard to take that back with a big asterisk without sounding like a jerk.

Anyway, it was a bit of a rant but was also curious how other people handle similar situations in lending out games. Honestly, I know I should get over the bit about caring that he's used X and Y more than I have. But it'll be a lot harder to get over my OCD bit about keeping games in the best condition possible.
 
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Davey Boy
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Why aren't you playing with them?
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Alison Mandible
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Is he, in fact, damaging the games when he plays them, more than you would if you were there? If so, tell him you only want to lend him games that you won't feel bad about him putting wear-and-tear on (which is true) and come up with a system. Maybe one shelf is loanable and the other isn't, or get him to ask about specific games.

If it's just "psychic dirt" (i.e. he leaves the games in the same condition they were in before, but you just KNOW somebody else has touched it), then make a rule that you have to be there the first time a game is played.

There's no such thing as "stuff that's too nice to ever use". It's okay to have treasures that you want to take care of, but if your whole game collection is those treasures, you're probably putting emotional energy into them which they can't all repay.
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Gary Heidenreich
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I really would rather only loan a game to people in my immediate game group. With them I have no problem at all. Also, there are other people, who I see on a less regular basis that I would loan a game to. On the flip side, I know they would loan a game to me.
 
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James Livett
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I've only once even been in a situation where someone asked to borrow a game.

I'd like to think in general I'd be cool about it, because my friends know I like to keep things nice (wear and tear acceptable). Since the games are just a gateway to have a good time it's in my best interest really if they're excited enough to want to show other people. Might even expand my own gaming circle.

But yeah, I've only had one person 'ask' to borrow a game, and it was Letters from Whitechapel, and they wanted to show it to their classes of secondary school kids. 15-20 kids in a class every hour all pawing at it didn't sit well, so I said no to them. I did link them to where it was on Amazon though, but I think the price put them off.
 
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CHAPEL
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All my friends have to do is ask. And usually, it's likewise with them. I have loaned games out before, and I've borrowed games before.
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Eddy Sterckx
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NurseDokter wrote:

Anyway, it was a bit of a rant but was also curious how other people handle similar situations in lending out games.


99% of practically anyone's collection is just a bunch of pieces of cardboard - worth about as much as a pizza and as easily ordered on the second-hand market.

I'm more worried about my neighbor borrowing my expensive lawn mower than I am about games.

Currently 4 games of mine reside with 2 gamer friends - in time they'll return - they always do.
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Bill Patrick

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NurseDokter wrote:


So far, his only "gaming" contribution has been Cards Against Humanity. Though I hear he's thinking of adding some Exploding Kittens into the mix >_>

/end of mini rant disguised as a question


Can he afford to buy more games? If not and he is taking good care of your games, you are being a good friend. If he can afford new games, maybe change the rules that he can play two of yours for every new one he he purchases. Otherwise his attitude might be "why buy the cow..."
 
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