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Subject: Tales of Cooking Horror rss

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Robert Clemmons jr.
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So we had some farm fresh eggs on the counter by the stove. I had made a tea and some of them were close to the heat. So of course my mother was worried that they might have 'something wrong with them' so she boils them. We eat a few, and there was 2 left. I had been looking at Pinterest lately and had seen a recipe for breakfast quesadillas.

The ingredients were chopped boiled egg, shredded cheese and ham, and whatever else you caught your fancy to throw on there. Then you plop all the ingredients on one tortilla, brown it, plop the other tortilla on top, flip it over, brown that one. A comment stated that the only problem was that everything of course fell out of it as you flipped it over. I thought on that problem a bit. Then I thought, ah ha! We have some pasta sauce unused in a jar! That should work.

So my parents leave to visit my sister's for the weekend (she has a small house so I can't go) and it was late and I was hungry. And there were those 2 boiled eggs sitting in the fridge. So I thought, ah, I'll make those, and use the sauce to see how it works out. So you can't use mayonnaise for that, right? Now, about my sister.

She loves our mother's deep fried tacos. And on most occasions when she's over that is her requested meal. My mother fries the beef, then puts it in the tortilla shell, then deep fries the shell. We of course have to put all the ingredients on ourselves. And there's the usual fixings. Including sour cream and salsa. And we don't have spoons for everything. So we will go from sour cream to salsa, mixing the two a bit so that there's white bits of sour cream in the salsa.

SO, I get all my ingredients, chop up the eggs, meat, get the cheese. Then I get the sauce, and to my curiosity, there's white globs in the red pasta sauce. I pause for a moment, then think nothing of it. Thinking it might be mayonnaise. Or sour cream. Or some other salad dressing. Because my mother likes salad. And she puts dressing in little containers. And she may have decided to want a little change with her dressing and may have mixed dressing with the sauce.

So I shrug it off.

I continue with the quesadilla. I mix up the globs in the sauce and spread it over the tortilla. I then add the chopped eggs, cheese, and ham. I scoot everything to one half of the tortilla, and fold it over. Smashing it down so that it's stuck together. I cut it in half. I get a frying pan on the stove. I chuck a tablespoon or so of butter on the pan, and am about to turn it.

Oh, I think, I should put things away first.

So I put away the tortillas. I grab the pasta sauce jar, and the lid. I go to slip the lid on and look at the lid again. I frown.

On the lid, was a pea sized spot of fuzzy, white, mold. I frown in sadness. Because my meal was ruined, and had to throw everything away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

True story. I know some board gamers like food with their games. So I KNOW you have stories that are similar to or can top this one.

What's yours?
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Mystery McMysteryface
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My tale of horror starts with.......DIBS!!!!!


//smacks lips


Tasty, tasty soul.
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Ray Stantz
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1 tale of cooking and 1 tale of food.

Food first. I like subway and one day I had my usual delicious chicken teriyaki foot long sub, some hours later I was throwing up so much by the end the last few vomits consisted of mostly blood, yay for food poisoning.

Cooking second. When I was much younger than now I was at a family gathering and there was cold chicken on the table, now details are a bit vague to me as it was a long time ago but this image is burned forever in my brain.
My aunt took a bite of the chicken and chewed and swallowed it then looked at the chicken and saw half a maggot still wriggling in it.

And now I'm hungry.
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Erik D
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I once killed a pound of grass fed beef making a meatloaf. The eggs were rotten. First time in my life I dealt with rotten eggs. That was $10 of good meat lost.
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
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As my grandmother got older, her mind began to go.
When we cleaned out her basement after her funeral, we discovered that she had been canning fruits and vegetables, at what must have been a prodigious rate. There were seven or eight wall-sized shelving units packed with jars of food. Probably 300 - 400 jars.
Unfortunately, we could see that the seals on many of them were open, and there were bubbles in few of the pickle jars, where the cukes had begun to ferment.
So my dad and I loaded up the truck-- twice-- and took them all to the dump and tossed them out.

Another time, she asked me if I ate mozzarella cheese. Yes, I love it and use it all the time, I told her. So she gave me a package that had been in her fridge.
I took it home and made a lasagna with it. My roommate came into the kichen and complained about the smell. This is the same guy who can't stand parmesan or any other "stinky" cheeses.
So we bake the lasagna and now even I start to think that it's a bit pungent, shall we say.
I check the best before date on the cheese and it was the next month-- but last year. Whoops. gulp
There goes $10 worth of meat and cheese and noodles, and two hours of my life preparing and baking it.
We had Kraft dinner that night for supper, instead. soblue
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Billy McBoatface
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Wait, so I read all that just for some white fuzz in a pasta sauce jar?
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Brian Morris
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When I was in college I made chocolate chip cookies for a bake sale. First time I baked anything from scratch. I forgot the sugar. Take it from me. Chocolate chip cookies taste nasty with no sugar in them.
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shumyum
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So I was temporarily rooming with four nursing students. (I was between degrees working a Manpower job of furnishing a new hotel. One of the nurses-to-be was an old high school friend.) It was finals time and three of the four were finished with their tests while the fourth was at the library studying.

None of us were into cooking (foreshadow!) but for some reason we decide to make chocolate chip cookies. As one of my roomies was licking the spoon she noticed little white things wriggling out of the batter. The flour (neglected for who knows how long) was infested with meal worms.

Disgusted, we drop everything, leave the apartment and go to the bars.

When we get home drunk, we see the fourth roomie is now home from the library licking the batter bowl clean. It took a while for us all to recover from the mirth and revulsion.
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Wendell
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Let's just say that I once learned that baking soda is not a good substitute for baking powder.
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Billy McBoatface
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OK my cooking horror: Making chili on my own for the first time. Knew I needed beans. Got baked beans. They're beans after all.

Not a success.
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Robert Clemmons jr.
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wmshub wrote:
Wait, so I read all that just for some white fuzz in a pasta sauce jar?
I guess it was funnier when spoken than when written. *shrugs*
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Kyle
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MABBY wrote:
As my grandmother got older, her mind began to go.
When we cleaned out her basement after her funeral, we discovered that she had been canning fruits and vegetables, at what must have been a prodigious rate. There were seven or eight wall-sized shelving units packed with jars of food. Probably 300 - 400 jars.
Unfortunately, we could see that the seals on many of them were open, and there were bubbles in few of the pickle jars, where the cukes had begun to ferment.
So my dad and I loaded up the truck-- twice-- and took them all to the dump and tossed them out.

Another time, she asked me if I ate mozzarella cheese. Yes, I love it and use it all the time, I told her. So she gave me a package that had been in her fridge.
I took it home and made a lasagna with it. My roommate came into the kichen and complained about the smell. This is the same guy who can't stand parmesan or any other "stinky" cheeses.
So we bake the lasagna and now even I start to think that it's a bit pungent, shall we say.
I check the best before date on the cheese and it was the next month-- but last year. Whoops. gulp
There goes $10 worth of meat and cheese and noodles, and two hours of my life preparing and baking it.
We had Kraft dinner that night for supper, instead. soblue
If it didn't look like anything was wrong with the cheese, there probably wasn't anything wrong with the cheese except being nicely aged. Cheese doesn't go bad, it gets better.

Most of these seem to be more ingredient identification horror than cooking horror.
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Actually, I would think crawling around looking for someone's eye would be a pretty fun game in its own right.
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Back in the early '70s there was a dessert-type thing called "Snackin' Cake" from Betty Crocker, that was just the right size to fit into a 9" x 9" baking pan, and you actually mixed it in the pan. They came in a variety of flavors. Our family's favorite was banana walnut.



Back then there were two things you had to add to the mix: One cup of water and a Tablespoon of vinegar. (Later they changed the recipe so you only had to add the water.) My sister used to love to mix one up when we got home from school -- once it was baked and cooled we'd all have a piece, and there was usually some left for after dinner.

However, one time my sister wasn't paying attention to the recipe (she'd made a lot of them and didn't read the box too closely anymore) and added a cup of water plus a cup of vinegar. We noticed the cake smelling different as it baked, and the odor eventually permeated most of the house.

Once the cake was out and cooling, it smelled really pungent. My sister double-checked the box and discovered her mistake. About that time Mom got home and we explained the situation to her. She suggested just throwing the cake out as it would be inedible, and gave my sister the stink-eye for "wasting food". I was willing to try a bite -- just in the interest of science -- but Mom overruled me and dumped the cake herself.
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Andy Andersen
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About 15 years ago or so I went through my Mom's fridge and found that she had cooked me a meal that included Parmesan cheese that was over 5 years out of date. I wasn't very kind and gave her quite the lecture.

Two months ago, my son came over and I cooked him a meal that included Parmesan cheese that was 6 years out of date. We had even moved it 600 miles to Michigan 2 years ago.

He gave me quite the lecture.

Also, about 25 years ago my wife baked an angel food cake. It had small black specks in it that I assumed was a kind of spice. Upon closer examination - she had baked ants into the cake that had gotten into the cake mix.
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Wendell
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Orangemoose wrote:

Also, about 25 years ago my wife baked an angel food cake. It had small black specks in it that I assumed was a kind of spice. Upon closer examination - she had baked ants into the cake that had gotten into the cake mix.
No extra charge.
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baker mouse
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I maced my husband and the house.

We had just gotten back from our honeymoon in New Orleans and I had wanted to try making Blackened Catfish, a dish we had had there. I didnt know that the spices for Blackened catfish are the same ones they use in mace. I put the fish on the stove and it was smoking, I cant remember if the recipe said it would do that or not, but I thought nothing of it until we both started having coughing fits and extremly watery eyes. We eneded up needing to open up all the windows in the whole house to air it out. The fish was still good even if we needed to eat it outside.

Note to self: do anything Blackened on the grill OUTSIDE.
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Erik D
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bakermouse wrote:
I maced my husband and the house.

We had just gotten back from our honeymoon in New Orleans and I had wanted to try making Blackened Catfish, a dish we had had there. I didnt know that the spices for Blackened catfish are the same ones they use in mace. I put the fish on the stove and it was smoking, I cant remember if the recipe said it would do that or not, but I thought nothing of it until we both started having coughing fits and extremly watery eyes. We eneded up needing to open up all the windows in the whole house to air it out. The fish was still good even if we needed to eat it outside.

Note to self: do anything Blackened on the grill OUTSIDE.
My mom once tried to get odors out of the kitchen by boiling white vinegar. It worked, but it also torched the throat and lungs of anyone who walked in there.
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baker mouse
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erak wrote:
bakermouse wrote:
I maced my husband and the house.

We had just gotten back from our honeymoon in New Orleans and I had wanted to try making Blackened Catfish, a dish we had had there. I didnt know that the spices for Blackened catfish are the same ones they use in mace. I put the fish on the stove and it was smoking, I cant remember if the recipe said it would do that or not, but I thought nothing of it until we both started having coughing fits and extremly watery eyes. We eneded up needing to open up all the windows in the whole house to air it out. The fish was still good even if we needed to eat it outside.

Note to self: do anything Blackened on the grill OUTSIDE.
My mom once tried to get odors out of the kitchen by boiling white vinegar. It worked, but it also torched the throat and lungs of anyone who walked in there.
I can pickles so I dont mind vinegar smells (of course I dont boil straight vinegar, you need to add in more water than vinegar). I bet that did produce quite a cloud of noxious gas.
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Dwayne Hendrickson
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One time my mom made taco meat and misread 1 tbl tabasco as 1 btl tabasco

We used that mixture to melt ice off the driveway.
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Matthew Sklar
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xhunterko wrote:
... And we don't have spoons for everything ...
Get more spoons!
 
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Ray Stantz
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I have another tale of horror, it's called WTF.
Tickmanfan thumbed the first two posts and left the rest of us without that Rudy thumb fix that I needs

I can feel it building up inside me....

Meeple1 in another thread wrote:
This is me when tickmanfan doesn't thumb my contributions
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How tall is justice?
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wmshub wrote:
OK my cooking horror: Making chili on my own for the first time. Knew I needed beans. Got baked beans. They're beans after all.

Not a success.
My sister has done that. She also tends to not add much in the way of spice. There was no heat to balance out the sickly sweet. It was awful, to put it mildly.
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