Robin David
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Hi,

I recently finished writing my own fan-case called "The Martian Investigations: Death on the Rust Planet". In this first case, I have cast the player in the shoes of Detective Hayley Bendis, who has to solve two simultaneous suspicious deaths on a Martian mining colony. You can read more and get the download link from here: http://www.robindavid.info/2015/10/the-martian-investigation...

Note that the case costs $2, but you can get a discount with the code GET-SOLVING. There's a preview on the above page if you want to get a feel for the writing style.

I'd love to hear your thoughts once you've finished playing through.
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Arsene Lupin
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Interesting. I have had a quick look at the preview. It looks clean and printer-friendly, but I would have a couple of comments:

I would insert a page break before the case files so that they appear on their own page. More generally you should make sure that unrelated items (clues, reports, case files, directory, etc.) appear on separate pages. That means a bit more paper when printing, but it would make cooperation easier for groups of players;

Have you tried using a different font for the text that is supposed to appear on the datapad? The font you are currently using for the titles seems appropriate. The text would still be readable, and appear as if it were actually displayed on the datapad. You could even add a border around each report, and a caret at the end to mimic a terminal. It would not require much work, and it would add a bit of flavor to the booklet.
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Robin David
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Good idea on the layout ideas - I don't have many graphic design skills, but I'll have to see what I can do.

The case files aren't really important enough to warrant the paper. I've made it so the daily news is a seperately sheet and that key locations appear on different pages. I'll bear this in mind for the next case though.

Thanks!
 
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Arsene Lupin
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robindavid wrote:
Good idea on the layout ideas - I don't have many graphic design skills, but I'll have to see what I can do.
I only suggested it because it shouldn't require a lot of work. It's only a matter of changing the font and adding a border around the text. Any office suite can do that in a few clicks. It's probably not necessary to spend too much time on bells and whistles if you sell it for cheap, but you still want to show that it's a polished product.

Setting the context of the story in the future is interesting in the sense that it allows for new flavorful mechanics. If exploited correctly, this could really set it apart from Sherlock Holmes and Gumshoe. I would like to spend more time playing those two first, but I will probably try this case out at some point.
 
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Barry Smith
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Played it this morning and it definitely needs a bit of polish.

Typos - Is it Noman Security or Norman Security.

Writing - I swear if I have to read the word 'mohole' one more time... please call it something else. Don't repeat words and derivatives of words in the same paragraph too often. Make sure that you're consistent with your writing, following a lead on a woman suspect to be told that 'he' is somewhere else leads to confusion.

Story - Not bad. Feel like I need a bit more introduction to what's going on. I can put myself in Victorian England without too much problem but going to a mining colony on Mars I need a bit more information on the history of getting there and what kind of conditions these people live in. Can see if going all a bit Dead Space if you do more, which would be cool. Didn't find I could convincingly argue that I knew who did it and why necessarily though did get the case right but my evidence was more leaps of faith than actually something that would stand up in court.

Game - Perhaps be a bit more leading on store locations as I don't know what each of the stores actually sell (see Story). Having just played Sherlock case 7 this case felt massively boring in comparison. Case 7 in Sherlock had me chasing down possible lead after possible lead. Here I had to scrape together reasons to go speak to somebody to get a lead. Everything felt a bit like a dead end. There are lots of paragraphs I didn't read (obviously) but cannot think of a possible reason that anybody wouldn't only go to the ones I went to as I went to every possible location that anybody spoke about or name that came up.

While I only paid, like, £1 or something for this I'm not overly happy to have paid for it at all in the current state and it's really not about the money but more that I felt like I was paying to playtest.

Still overall worth continuing with but definitely try to up the playtesting and polish on the next one before releasing it.
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Robin David
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Hello. I've responded to your post, over here: https://boardgamegeek.com/article/21357171#21357171
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