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Subject: Fizzbin Learning session. rss

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Donald Dennis
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Pawleys Island
South Carolina
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Sometimes youse gots time ta kill. Say yer sitting on a stoolie or wait’n ta ambush some ugly mug when he gets done watching a talkie with his dame. I’ve played all manner of games wit me gang ta pass da time; Five Card Draw, Seven Card Stud, Craps, Farkle, or even Go Fish. One time Fist Face McGoon brought this game called Family Business, but da theme was so pasted on, and of course Knuckles McGurk shot poor ole Fist Face when Fist Face killed the last of his gang… But anyways, dis is off da point.

We was sitting around play’n cards in da warehouse one day when one of da guys we wuz sitting on went on and on about how childish our game was compared to some game called Fizzbin from some place called Betatares. One of his compatriots chimed in that he knew those foks, but James cut him off and helped himself to a seat at the table and grabbed up a deck of cards. Den we wuz off to da races.

Fizzbin is sorta a trick taking game, but it’s really not like Bridge.

To start wit, da dealer delt out six cards to all da players but da one sitting on his right who got a seventh card. I guess dat was because he’s da one what goes last and needed to make up lost time. Some of the cards were delt face up, except on Tuesdays. (This is going to be tough to deal with on overnight stakeouts when we change from one day to da next.) Who da heck changes rules based on da day of da week.

I figured I was sitting pretty with a pair of jacks, but when I was hoping out loud for another, James said I’d be kicked to the curb if I ended up wit tree o’ dem ‘cause dat would mean I was a Shralk. I nearly hit him, dat kinda language is just uncalled for. Kirk goes on flappin’ his jaws about how I want a King and a Duce, except at night when I want a Queen and four.

Den I scored anudder jack, and he musta forgot that I had two jacks ‘cause he went on about kings and whether it was light or dark outside. I gotta admit that at dis point I were havin’ a bit o’ trouble following along. Dis were no game o’ rummy.

He were sayin’ dat I was on my way to gettin da top hand - a "royal fizzbin," but da odds were somewhat thin, and even Kirk’s bean counter said had never computed them, so dey was long odds indeed.


Den dis Kirk bozo went ta deal da kronk card but being a clumsy oaf dropped it on da floor. I reached for it and musta hit my head on the table as tried ta pick it up. Then the next t’ing I remember is waking up wit a sore neck and throbbin noggin. Kirk was nowhere to be seen.

Da more I tink on da matter, I believe he was tryn ta cheatz us or maybe he was embarrassed ‘cause’n he couldn’t remember da rules.

Dis game was a bit on da confusing side, and didn’t make much sense ta da likes o’ me.
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Richard Hutnik
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Albany
New York
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How is it a trick-taking game (sort of)?
 
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Perry Fergin
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Baltimore
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Actually, it's just more of a trick.
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mar hawkman
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For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory
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Hehe, it's a game of mostly random idiocy.
 
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