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Subject: Sexless marriage rss

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Kevin Anthony-Duricko
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My wife and I haven't had sex since January. I am 22, she is 36. The reason, ostensibly, is because of her pregnancy. It has been an unusual and outrageously difficult one. I've been waiting on her hand and foot for the last 7 months.
She frequently gets very angry at me because I eat too much without thinking. Because I keep her waiting for a long time sometimes. She gnashes her teeth and tears her hair (figuratively) because we keep having the same arguments.
We have known each other for about 19 months. We have been married almost a year.
I feel stressed, sad and angry.
 
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Robert Stuart
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You really need to seek professional counselling. First you, alone, and then later, possibly, both of you.
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Moshe Callen
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This is one of many extreme but normal reactions to pregnancy. I still agree you should as a couple seek counseling but it's not that unusual. I.e., in the pre-marriage classes I took, it was mentioned as not uncommon.
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Based upon my poor understanding of history, science, and ethics...
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Sounds like marriage.

I could go on and on about the age difference, but won't.

Stop fighting. I'm sure you are in the right, being sensible, and all that. Just let her have her way. I partially take back my first statement, being 50+% older than you, she might have the edge on being sensible most of the time.
 
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Chris
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Is she not wanting sex or are you not wanting sex? You gotta give her some D.

My ex-wife was horny as hell when pregnant. So yea, if I wasn't giving it to her I can only imagine what a nut job she would have been. Oh yea, we're divorced so I do know what kind of nut job she can be.

Every man I have ever known complains about his wife going crazy when pregnant, you just have to deal with it. You won't get any thanks, that's part of being a man. You just accept it, but she better give you the big piece of chicken.




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Mac Mcleod
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AnthonyDuricko wrote:
My wife and I haven't had sex since January. I am 22, she is 36. The reason, ostensibly, is because of her pregnancy. It has been an unusual and outrageously difficult one. I've been waiting on her hand and foot for the last 7 months.
She frequently gets very angry at me because I eat too much without thinking. Because I keep her waiting for a long time sometimes. She gnashes her teeth and tears her hair (figuratively) because we keep having the same arguments.
We have known each other for about 19 months. We have been married almost a year.
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


I also recommend

1) Reading books on how people with large age differences handle their relationships.

2) Realizing that at least *I* have a friend who is in the same situation as you- only now he's 45 and she's 62. They've been married over 20 years. You can make it.

3) Get counseling and learn how to argue.

4) Realize her hormones are going crazy right now and it's not all about you. You just happen to be handy.

5) Normally, I'd deal with a no-sex situation faster but during a pregnancy or critical medical illness or after the death of a parent or child I'd be a lot more patient.

6) It's probably at least 3 months til things get better and it could reasonably be as long as 6 months.

7) If she continues to act self centered after that-- you may have a more serious issue to deal with.
Good luck!
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Yep, counselling it is. You won't regret it, just do it.
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Boaty McBoatface
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bob_santafe wrote:
You really need to seek professional counselling. First you, alone, and then later, possibly, both of you.
I would agree, and add

NOt come onto a boardgames forum to tell people.
 
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Based upon my poor understanding of history, science, and ethics...
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Dude. You may need counseling. That is a possibility. I'm sure there is more to the story, and if we were to talk to your wife that her story would be 180 degrees different.

However, you probably don't need counseling. This is life. You do not need counseling to deal with life the same way the losers in this forum do. Half of them have never kissed a girl, the other half are drama queens, the third half are in same sex relationships and have little comprehension of the differences men and women have in relationships. If you do need counseling... Welcome to RSP. You'll fit right in.

Stop fighting. Understand that disagreements are a normal part of life. You are both probably self centered. She's pregnant. Just let her have her way for the next many months. Your unhappiness does not entitle you to get your way. If she is being totally unreasonable, get out. She's probably not being completely unreasonable. If she is, get out, chalk it up to experience, and don't look back.
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Dwayne Hendrickson
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AnthonyDuricko wrote:
My wife and I haven't had sex since January. I am 22, she is 36. The reason, ostensibly, is because of her pregnancy. It has been an unusual and outrageously difficult one. I've been waiting on her hand and foot for the last 7 months.
She frequently gets very angry at me because I eat too much without thinking. Because I keep her waiting for a long time sometimes. She gnashes her teeth and tears her hair (figuratively) because we keep having the same arguments.
We have known each other for about 19 months. We have been married almost a year.
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


You knew each other for about 7 months, got married, 5 months later got pregnant. hmmm. That could be a source of a lot of problems.

I've been married 34 years, here's some advice.

* Having kids is going to put more stress on a marriage, not fix any problems.
* Get counseling. Learn to communicate with each other, not just talk, but communicate. I would suggest The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. These are both written by Christians but are not so crammed with Scripture as to be useless to someone who either is not a Christian or opposes Christianity.
* A lot of folks say that marriage is 50-50. It's not. A lot of time it feels like 90-10 and it probably is. This is the part of your vows that were covered by "For worse" and "in sickness" but realize that this isn't the worst or sickest that you will encounter.

This 'advice' sounds like gloom and doom but remember, a good relationship is worth working for and a good marriage is one of the best things that can happen to a man and a woman. Sadly, the phrase 'can happen' sounds like a good marriage falls from the sky or is like a lottery ticket. It's more like a beautiful painting or a successful business. It takes a lot of work, a combination of the natural skills within both of you, the suppression/elimination of the worst of both of you, and the support of a system outside of yourself (friends, faith, family).

Your post sounds like a rough time and it is, been there. I understand posting on a forum, you're needing somewhere to talk about it even just a little bit. That shows that you're willing to talk, willing to listen, willing to learn. But you need to seek out a professional, not a bunch of cube-pushing dice-chuckers.

Good luck, and in 2050, you'll probably be saying something similar to another couple going through a rough patch.
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andrew
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I'd be moving on...

despite the common chatter, a good relationship is nearly no work. If you're not in a peaceful loving relationship and raising a child. you'll end up raising a little human who's expectation is to grind out a sub-average existence in a similar relationship to yours.

is that what you want for your child?

children need to see parents who kiss, cuddle, and tell each other how special they are most of the time..

maybe shaking hands and moving on now means you can still be friends? leave it a few years and you'll both end up saying so many shitty things to each other, you'll have no chance of mutual respect..

It'll cost you dollars, but I'm pretty sure your grown up child will thank you..

..and don't be blaming the age difference. My lady and I are almost about 18 years apart and that's fine..

we're all insignificant dots on lost speck in the vastness of the universe. don't waste your short time here being miserable and causing someone else same..
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Chapel
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Between your last two threads, I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole. My advise, move your personal problems off of public online forums, and seek professional help.
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Mac Mcleod
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okiedokie wrote:
AnthonyDuricko wrote:
My wife and I haven't had sex since January. I am 22, she is 36. The reason, ostensibly, is because of her pregnancy. It has been an unusual and outrageously difficult one. I've been waiting on her hand and foot for the last 7 months.
She frequently gets very angry at me because I eat too much without thinking. Because I keep her waiting for a long time sometimes. She gnashes her teeth and tears her hair (figuratively) because we keep having the same arguments.
We have known each other for about 19 months. We have been married almost a year.
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


You knew each other for about 7 months, got married, 5 months later got pregnant. hmmm. That could be a source of a lot of problems.

I've been married 34 years, here's some advice.

* Having kids is going to put more stress on a marriage, not fix any problems.
* Get counseling. Learn to communicate with each other, not just talk, but communicate. I would suggest The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. These are both written by Christians but are not so crammed with Scripture as to be useless to someone who either is not a Christian or opposes Christianity.
* A lot of folks say that marriage is 50-50. It's not. A lot of time it feels like 90-10 and it probably is. This is the part of your vows that were covered by "For worse" and "in sickness" but realize that this isn't the worst or sickest that you will encounter.

This 'advice' sounds like gloom and doom but remember, a good relationship is worth working for and a good marriage is one of the best things that can happen to a man and a woman. Sadly, the phrase 'can happen' sounds like a good marriage falls from the sky or is like a lottery ticket. It's more like a beautiful painting or a successful business. It takes a lot of work, a combination of the natural skills within both of you, the suppression/elimination of the worst of both of you, and the support of a system outside of yourself (friends, faith, family).

Your post sounds like a rough time and it is, been there. I understand posting on a forum, you're needing somewhere to talk about it even just a little bit. That shows that you're willing to talk, willing to listen, willing to learn. But you need to seek out a professional, not a bunch of cube-pushing dice-chuckers.

Good luck, and in 2050, you'll probably be saying something similar to another couple going through a rough patch.


The five love languages is a major concept that helps people get what they need and give what is wanted.

Understanding the point system is also important ( Men give points based on value while women give points more based on frequency and novelty which shows you thought about her. So a man gives an expensive gift, he's thinking 20 points, she's thinking 2. A man gives flowers that show no thought 5 points for him- 1 point for her. )

It's the subject of a lot of dispute but in my relationships I've found men are from mars, women are from venus to be helpful. And as you think in those terms, you'll notice a lot of crossover (I had a lot of guys act as venusians at work). Big take away, is when she has a problem 95% of the time, she wants you to listen- not propose fixes. Guys on the other hand often want to fix things and are frustrated when they suggested a fix and the same issue comes up again. The book talks in large stereotypes so keep that in mind. But if you both read it, it can give you shared vocabulary to think and talk about your relationship with.

I'll have to check out "keep your love on".
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Bryce Lynch
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I know how this is going to sound, but trust me, I'm a stranger on the Internet ...

I would also note that there is a show on called Marriage Boot Camp, which I think is now in it's sixth season, in a season arc.

Watching those together, as a couple, and talking about the issues/advice is a good way to engage in a less "waiting room" environment. It's a way to get a little information about marriage counseling and do what couples should do: talk about things.

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Chris
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Many people think counseling/ therapy is bad and it has a negative social stigma but it's great. Even if your marriage is awesome counseling can improve it. Even if you think you are 100% mentally good, you're not.

Everyone needs to talk sometimes and the fact is most people don't want to hear it. So you pay someone to listen to you so you don't annoy the shit out of four friends and relatives. Maybe in then process you get good advice. If not you get some shit off your chest.

PS. I still want to know if the OP gets the big piece of chicken.

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J.D. Hall
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AnthonyDuricko wrote:
My wife and I haven't had sex since January. I am 22, she is 36. The reason, ostensibly, is because of her pregnancy. It has been an unusual and outrageously difficult one. I've been waiting on her hand and foot for the last 7 months.
She frequently gets very angry at me because I eat too much without thinking. Because I keep her waiting for a long time sometimes. She gnashes her teeth and tears her hair (figuratively) because we keep having the same arguments.
We have known each other for about 19 months. We have been married almost a year.
I feel stressed, sad and angry.

As another long-term married man in Oklahoma (30+ years), let me just add to all the advice given here:
1. Your relationship is still relatively new. Counseling might help, lots of real discussion between the two of you is critical. Having a baby doesn't help any of that. You might have to wait a couple of months ... or decades.
2. Your wife is exhibiting behavior is relatively normal for a pregnant woman, especially if this is her first child. The difference between our first pregnancy and second pregnancy was (to quote Trump) HUUUGGEEE! Pregnancy basically sucks. Be glad all you're doing is whacking off to Internet porn after she falls asleep and listening to her bitch at you during the day. She is going through a major, major event.
3. Marriage is a long, hard grind that is fun maybe 10-15 percent of the time. Get used to it or get out. It will only get tougher when the baby comes.
4. Don't come to Internet chat sites and pour out your intensely personal problems. Talk to your friends and family. A minister if you're religious.
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jeremy cobert
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AnthonyDuricko wrote:
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


I got this, as one of the few men in RSP, let me help you.

Your wife has become a bit confused as she thought she was going to marry a man. You sir, have become a woman in your role and as such she no longer respects you. I have to assume you planned the wedding ? all that nonsense that went into it ?

First and foremost, get rid of the hyphenated name. Nobody respects a woman who does this and certainly not a "man" who does this.

Next, I assume you're a Bern-out. Nobody respects you, switch party affiliation and become a libertarian. Being a Bern-out says to women that you are a loser, women hate that.

Take up a new hobby like hunting or camping. something that takes you out of the house over night for a few days. Women hate being left alone over night.This absence will make her appreciate you.

Lastly, just stop being such a whiny sniveler. I can smell your desperation through the internet, it's dreadful. It's time to man up in life.
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Moshe Callen
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jeremycobert wrote:
AnthonyDuricko wrote:
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


I got this, as one of the few men in RSP, let me help you.

Your wife has become a bit confused as she thought she was going to marry a man. You sir, have become a woman in your role and as such she no longer respects you. I have to assume you planned the wedding ? all that nonsense that went into it ?

First and foremost, get rid of the hyphenated name. Nobody respects a woman who does this and certainly not a "man" who does this.

Next, I assume you're a Bern-out. Nobody respects you, switch party affiliation and become a libertarian. Being a Bern-out says to women that you are a loser, women hate that.

Take up a new hobby like hunting or camping. something that takes you out of the house over night for a few days. Women hate being left alone over night.This absence will make her appreciate you.

Lastly, just stop being such a whiny sniveler. I can smell your desperation through the internet, it's dreadful. It's time to man up in life.

Please bookmark this post for future citations of a misogynistic troll.
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J.D. Hall
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jeremycobert wrote:
AnthonyDuricko wrote:
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


I got this, as one of the few men in RSP, let me help you.

Your wife has become a bit confused as she thought she was going to marry a man. You sir, have become a woman in your role and as such she no longer respects you. I have to assume you planned the wedding ? all that nonsense that went into it ?

First and foremost, get rid of the hyphenated name. Nobody respects a woman who does this and certainly not a "man" who does this.

Next, I assume you're a Bern-out. Nobody respects you, switch party affiliation and become a libertarian. Being a Bern-out says to women that you are a loser, women hate that.

Take up a new hobby like hunting or camping. something that takes you out of the house over night for a few days. Women hate being left alone over night.This absence will make her appreciate you.

Lastly, just stop being such a whiny sniveler. I can smell your desperation through the internet, it's dreadful. It's time to man up in life.

Uhm, didn't you forget "slap the slut once a day so she'll know her place"? Jesus, this is like the stuff my grandfather said to me, and he was 97.
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Dwayne Hendrickson
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jeremycobert wrote:
AnthonyDuricko wrote:
I feel stressed, sad and angry.


I got this, as one of the few men in RSP, let me help you.

Your wife has become a bit confused as she thought she was going to marry a man. You sir, have become a woman in your role and as such she no longer respects you. I have to assume you planned the wedding ? all that nonsense that went into it ?

First and foremost, get rid of the hyphenated name. Nobody respects a woman who does this and certainly not a "man" who does this.

Next, I assume you're a Bern-out. Nobody respects you, switch party affiliation and become a libertarian. Being a Bern-out says to women that you are a loser, women hate that.

Take up a new hobby like hunting or camping. something that takes you out of the house over night for a few days. Women hate being left alone over night.This absence will make her appreciate you.

Lastly, just stop being such a whiny sniveler. I can smell your desperation through the internet, it's dreadful. It's time to man up in life.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAND Welcome to RSP!!!!

Jeremy forgot to tell you to listen to The Art of Manliness Podcast.
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Koldfoot wrote:
Dude. You may need counseling. That is a possibility. I'm sure there is more to the story, and if we were to talk to your wife that her story would be 180 degrees different.

However, you probably don't need counseling. This is life. You do not need counseling to deal with life the same way the losers in this forum do. Half of them have never kissed a girl, the other half are drama queens, the third half are in same sex relationships and have little comprehension of the differences men and women have in relationships. If you do need counseling... Welcome to RSP. You'll fit right in.

Stop fighting. Understand that disagreements are a normal part of life. You are both probably self centered. She's pregnant. Just let her have her way for the next many months. Your unhappiness does not entitle you to get your way. If she is being totally unreasonable, get out. She's probably not being completely unreasonable. If she is, get out, chalk it up to experience, and don't look back.


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jeremy cobert
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remorseless1 wrote:
Uhm, didn't you forget "slap the slut once a day so she'll know her place"? Jesus, this is like the stuff my grandfather said to me, and he was 97.


Your grandfather told you to hit women ? For Christ sake son, no man should ever put his hands on a women in a physically violent manner.
Unless she signed up for a combat role, which is highly unlikely as women are not to eager to go to the front lines.
http://www.armytimes.com/story/military/2016/08/01/sma-army-...

Or unless you're a Muslim, because we cant judge their cultural norms.

Also JD, I apologize for thinking you were a female. From your typical responses in RSP I had assumed you to be a woman. My bad.
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Andrew Bartosh

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jeremycobert wrote:
remorseless1 wrote:
Uhm, didn't you forget "slap the slut once a day so she'll know her place"? Jesus, this is like the stuff my grandfather said to me, and he was 97.


Your grandfather told you to hit women ? For Christ sake son, no man should ever put his hands on a women in a physically violent manner.

Unless you're a Muslim, because we cant judge their cultural norms.

Also JD, I apologize for thinking you were a female. From your typical responses in RSP I had assumed you to be a woman. My bad.


Oh shit. JD, I think you're gonna need this.

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Chapel
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DWTripp wrote:




Was that the good old days where whitey would lose their shit if they saw a black person drink from the same water fountain? Yeah, the good old days, what a bunch of pussies.
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jeremy cobert
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MWChapel wrote:
Was that the good old days where whitey would lose their shit if they saw a black person drink from the same water fountain?


I dont think Tripp is a Democrat. So your idea of the good old days may be different then his.

But thanks for the timely Jim Crow humor.
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