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Subject: Futility And Unthinkable Personal Tragedy rss

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Temp Socl
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Some months ago, my SO (X) was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

Don't bother googling - here's what you need. It's a blood cancer. Expectancy 3-10 years. Makes X tired sometimes. Sometimes months go without symptoms. Sometimes not.

There's support meetings. They are awful. We learn coping mechanisms. We discuss burial plans and insurance.

They prescribed some anti depressants. It's SOP.

The commercials have those warnings. "May cause suicidal thoughts".

Yesterday, X attempted. Rather than wait the next 3-10 years in constant dread, apparently it seemed easier for all involved at the time.

X was stopped. X is in observed detox right now, restrained. I am not allowed there, as they fear spouses may actually help them complete the job.

Just when you think things can get no worse. An unexpected and unbelievable complication.

I am powerless. Against the disease. Against the drugs. Against the changes in personality. Against the side effects. Against the system.

I simply sit and experience tragedy to which there can be no positive outcome. I hold a hand. And that's all I can do.
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Sam I am
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Sorry to hear, my thoughts are with you. It's going to take strength and courage to make the end meaningful when it seem so pointless. Keep pushing and remember every minuet counts and cherish every one. I wish it were different and that there was something we could do.
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Christopher Yaure
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I am so sorry for you and your SO. I hope there is someone else you can lean on during this incredibly difficult time.

And don't give in to the psychiatric experts. They frequently have no idea what they are doing.
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Adrian Hague
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Oh, dude.... soblue
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Wendell
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Words are inadequate, I wish you and your partner peace.
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Mac Mcleod
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Since the suicide is partially drug induced that's tough.

10 years is a long time. They found a cure for my kind of cancer 2 years before I would have died from it. I'm alive and happy 24 years now.

If you are religious, I recommend you take solace in it.

There may come a time much later when suicide is more rational but you have many books to read, many shows to see, many laughs to share. We all die. Some other people reading this thread may die before her (it's likely).

I hope you have the best 3 to 10 years people can have.

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J.D. Hall
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Can't imagine what you're going through. If my wife had that kind of prognosis, I'd simply go to pieces. I will radiate positive vibrations toward you and your loved one, I will include you in my thoughts and my prayers.
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Chris
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Sorry to hear that.

A lot can happen in 3-10 years with medical science so your SO should not give up hope. Any of us could die at anytime, your SO just has a more detailed picture of when that will happen so they should try to live life to the fullest and make the most of their time.

Hopefully things get better and best of luck.
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Guido Van Horn
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A Temp Sock wrote:
Some months ago, my SO (X) was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

Don't bother googling - here's what you need. It's a blood cancer. Expectancy 3-10 years. Makes X tired sometimes. Sometimes months go without symptoms. Sometimes not.

There's support meetings. They are awful. We learn coping mechanisms. We discuss burial plans and insurance.

They prescribed some anti depressants. It's SOP.

The commercials have those warnings. "May cause suicidal thoughts".

Yesterday, X attempted. Rather than wait the next 3-10 years in constant dread, apparently it seemed easier for all involved at the time.

X was stopped. X is in observed detox right now, restrained. I am not allowed there, as they fear spouses may actually help them complete the job.

Just when you think things can get no worse. An unexpected and unbelievable complication.

I am powerless. Against the disease. Against the drugs. Against the changes in personality. Against the side effects. Against the system.

I simply sit and experience tragedy to which there can be no positive outcome. I hold a hand. And that's all I can do.


I can't imagine what you are going through, prayers, hugs, good vibes to you and your SO.

My nephew is at the stage of a serious cancer battle that the doctors have recommended to stop treatment and have urged him to live his life with those he loves. So he is going out and doing all the things he wants to do with his wife before his health gets so bad he can't leave the house. They sold their house in Texas, went to Brazil for a couple weeks then they are going to move in with his parents until the end.
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Leo Zappa
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Ah, I am saddened to hear the news. I have had unfortunately a number of encounters of this kind in my life, so I feel for you (my father died from lymphoma, my father in law from myeloma, my mother in law from pancreatic cancer, and my wife survived breast cancer via early detection). Hang in there and know there are those of us out here who understand and send our thoughts to you.
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Lynette
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Hugs... you will both be in my prayers.
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Les Marshall
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Be strong for your partner.

If I were you I'd demand a timetable on this exclusion. Consider bringing in counsel. Depriving your partner of your emotional support and presence, no matter the apparent psychological changes, seems rather cruel, especially as it is based on some bureaucratic fear of what you "might" do.

Be alive. Don't give up whatever faith you have. This is life and it is sometimes painful but never forget the context of the good things you've shared and may yet share again, even in small ways.

Very sorry for your struggle.
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Junior McSpiffy
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Find a support group that is close to you. An anonymous group of friends like us here is nice, but we can't really do more than say "That must really suck" in a distant kind of way. Finding others who are going through what you are and can offer genuine empathy beyond the sympathy you get here... it sounds like that's something that you need right now. Your partner needs support, but so do you.

I wish you well in dealing with this. And I hope you enjoy the time you have left together rather than dreading the potential of what may/will come.
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Chris Binkowski
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A Temp Sock wrote:


I simply sit and experience tragedy to which there can be no positive outcome. I hold a hand. And that's all I can do.


'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."' Matthew 19:26

Cry out with your whole being to him and see what he might do.
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James King
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A Temp Sock wrote:
Some months ago, my SO (X) was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

Don't bother googling - here's what you need. It's a blood cancer. Expectancy 3-10 years. Makes X tired sometimes. Sometimes months go without symptoms. Sometimes not.

There's support meetings. They are awful. We learn coping mechanisms. We discuss burial plans and insurance.

They prescribed some anti depressants. It's SOP.

The commercials have those warnings. "May cause suicidal thoughts".

Yesterday, X attempted. Rather than wait the next 3-10 years in constant dread, apparently it seemed easier for all involved at the time.

X was stopped. X is in observed detox right now, restrained. I am not allowed there, as they fear spouses may actually help them complete the job.

Just when you think things can get no worse. An unexpected and unbelievable complication.

I am powerless. Against the disease. Against the drugs. Against the changes in personality. Against the side effects. Against the system.

I simply sit and experience tragedy to which there can be no positive outcome. I hold a hand. And that's all I can do.

I would recommend that your SO create a Living Will in which he/she states his/her end-of-life preferences, namely, what actions should be undertaken when he/she deems that his/her life is not being extended so much as it is extending death.

You would need to investigate your state's laws with regard to self-determined euthenasia. (You might even have to go to another state where euthenasia is offered.) You could make a pact to the effect that if/when conditions for him/her become too extreme for him/her to cope with, he/she would let you know so you could evaluate the matter together, making sure that it's medically untenable and not just a matter of his/her inability to cope with depression.

Just knowing that he/she has an option to weigh at some future appointed time would give him/her a sense of control over his/her own life, even though we're talking about end-of-life considerations. You would have to investigate what end-of-life methods are approved by yours or other states for self-determined euthenasia as well.

You would also need to consider discussing with her physicians how to best go about exploring these options, too.


 
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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A Temp Sock wrote:
Expectancy 3-10 years. Makes X tired sometimes. Sometimes months go without symptoms. Sometimes not.

There's support meetings. They are awful. We learn coping mechanisms. We discuss burial plans and insurance.

It does seem like dicussing burial plans is a bit... premature. 3-10 years is a lot of life, and like maxo-texas said, some of the people reading this--maybe me, maybe you--also have less than 3-10 years left; they just don't know it yet. For your basic philosophical outlook, you could do a lot worse than the ending of the theatrical release of Bladerunner: "I didn't know how long we had together... who does?"

A Temp Sock wrote:
I am not allowed there, as they fear spouses may actually help them complete the job.

That sounds horrible. How is that even legal??

Sarxis wrote:
A Temp Sock wrote:
I simply sit and experience tragedy to which there can be no positive outcome. I hold a hand. And that's all I can do.

'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."' Matthew 19:26

Cry out with your whole being to him and see what he might do.

How the heck do you word that? "You know my SO didn't want multiple myeloma, but you gave it to him/her anyway; if you only did that to make me ask you to take it away, then I am asking you to take it away. You have all of the power and I have none; for divine guidance on how I should treat the rest of your creation, I look to your treatment of my SO."
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Justin Sytsma
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Chris Binkowski
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kuhrusty wrote:

How the heck do you word that?


"I don't understand why this happened Lord, but I ask that you change this. I ask that you give hope where there is no hope because I've heard that you can do that. I humble myself before you to ask mercy for another."
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David desJardins
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A Temp Sock wrote:
X was stopped. X is in observed detox right now, restrained. I am not allowed there, as they fear spouses may actually help them complete the job.


I find it really hard to believe they can keep you from seeing your spouse. Based on the vague suspicion that you might help her kill herself? Something is not right here.

Every state is different (or you might even be in a different country), but in California the law is that patients have the right to visitors unless such visitation would cause injury to that person or a threat to the facility AND there is no less restrictive way to protect against that. At the very least, you should be able to have visitation with staff present.

At least if you're in the US or another democracy, you are not powerless against the system. The system gives you a lot of tools and resources.

However, you do need to be supportive and optimistic for your partner's sake. If you have the attitude that the situation is hopeless and nothing good can ever come in the future, they may be right that you shouldn't see your spouse right now.
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Leland Pike
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So sorry this is happening to you both.

Add me to the list of those praying for you.
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Trey Chambers
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Stay hopeful! Breakthroughs are being made all the time.
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