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Subject: Gaming vs. Socialising rss

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adam wilson

Oklahoma
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I am often accused by my game group of being too impatient and not interacting enough during games. I think the problem lies in the expectations of the group vs. my own. I like interaction as long as it stays "in game" and doesn't bog it down. People yakking during their turns or prolonged back and forth during trading drive me up the wall. It turns what should be a 30 min card game into a 1.5 hour "experience". Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?
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Mickey Whittaker
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I've noticed two crowds of gamers... People who really enjoy the social aspect of gaming, and the game is an excuse to do so. And then others who really focus on the game and talk from time to time on the side.

I pick my group and games based on who will be there. I have some friends that can crossover and do both. Others are far more social.

What I noticed help is invite everyone over for lunch before the gaming starts. Keep TV off. And let the social start there. This way there's less to talk about once the games start going.

Be careful trying to tell a socializer to focus more on a game. They tend to not appreciate that . Also, sometimes I'll mention (If I know the group) that I got X new game and I really want to dive in and submerse myself in it so I'l going to enact a no cell-phone rule for the game. I think setting an expectation for the players can help a lot.
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PJ Cunningham
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adam wilson wrote:
Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?

Rudeness is entirely based on the perception of others; there is no "really" rude. The more one's actions differ from a group's expectations and social norms, the more rude they will seem. And vice versa.
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Jim Rice
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ironregime wrote:
adam wilson wrote:
Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?

Rudeness is entirely based on the perception of others; there is no "really" rude. The more one's actions differ from a group's expectations and social norms, the more rude they will seem. And vice versa.


Oh, I don't know.... I think that we could all agree that, in most circumstances*, it is rude to jump up and stab your opponent in the eye with a pencil.


*The only time it might not be considered rude is during a Zombie apocalypse and the opponent just turned. While the Zombie itself might be offended I think etiquette-wise the gratitude of the other player would supersede the offense zombie
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Hanna Dickhut
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What game are you using as an example?
 
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Madison
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adam wilson wrote:
I am often accused by my game group of being too impatient and not interacting enough during games. I think the problem lies in the expectations of the group vs. my own. I like interaction as long as it stays "in game" and doesn't bog it down. People yakking during their turns or prolonged back and forth during trading drive me up the wall. It turns what should be a 30 min card game into a 1.5 hour "experience". Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?


Different expectations.

You will know if your behavior is considered rude, because you will notice this group won't invite you to play with them.

You should just find a group of like gamers, then all will be well. If you can't for whatever reason, then remember that life is all about compromises.

Good luck.
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Joe Salamone
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I enjoy a little chit-chat during a game. However, if someone intends to talk about their recent vacation for 20 minutes and show me pictures on their phone, I would rather wait until the game is over.
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Jason B
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joe_salamone wrote:
I enjoy a little chit-chat during a game. However, if someone intends to talk about their recent vacation for 20 minutes and show me pictures on their phone, I would rather wait until the game is over.


Same. I used to play with someone who showed up because they wanted to chat. Games would regularly take 3x longer than they would otherwise. This is a problem when the game is normally 2 - 3 hours...
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adam wilson

Oklahoma
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I usually game with my family, so I can't really drop them or vice versa

The most recent dustup happened during a game of Bonanza. The game was going fairly well when the stalling started. There are two or three very proficient talkers and they seemed to think the more they talked the better the game would be. Then we started losing track of who's turn it was and so on. One person has trouble remembering how to play the game so you can guess what happened there. One individual would motormouth for minutes on end trying to get better card trades.

I finally snapped and said,"I am tired of the chit-chat can we get on with the game", as politely as I could. They looked agast and said I was rude and "ruining the game for them". I think the game went over 2 hours. I don't have a problem with long games but this was torture.
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Chris Dugas
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Mirth123 wrote:
ironregime wrote:
adam wilson wrote:
Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?

Rudeness is entirely based on the perception of others; there is no "really" rude. The more one's actions differ from a group's expectations and social norms, the more rude they will seem. And vice versa.


Oh, I don't know.... I think that we could all agree that, in most circumstances*, it is rude to jump up and stab your opponent in the eye with a pencil.


*The only time it might not be considered rude is during a Zombie apocalypse and the opponent just turned. While the Zombie itself might be offended I think etiquette-wise the gratitude of the other player would supersede the offense zombie



If, however, one is merely playing a zombie game and gets a little too into the theme and stabs an opponent suspected of turning in the eye with a pencil, that crosses back over into rude territory.


As to the OP's situation, it depends significantly on the usual dynamics of the group, if somewhat strict concentration on gameplay was agreed to beforehand, and how long the chit chat interrupts the gameplay. Can the others in the group be politely asked ahead of time if something is a particularly in depth or long game to focus on the game itself? Perhaps after already playing a much lighter game that allows for or even encourages a lot of talking?
 
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Geoffrey Burrell
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Cedar Rapids
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It depends on whether or not your group is hard-core gamers or game just to socialize. In my old group there was a fine line between game and goofing off. Usually the goofing off would last for about a half-hour while people were eating dinner and then the seriousness started. Sometimes the socializing sets the mood for the session.
 
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Samo Oleami
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adam wilson wrote:
I am often accused by my game group of being too impatient and not interacting enough during games. I think the problem lies in the expectations of the group vs. my own. I like interaction as long as it stays "in game" and doesn't bog it down. People yakking during their turns or prolonged back and forth during trading drive me up the wall. It turns what should be a 30 min card game into a 1.5 hour "experience". Am I really being rude or is it just different expectations?

Well... Both.
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Tony C
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Depends on the game, the group, the event.
It could be a 'game night', or it could be a gathering that has games. Potentially very different outcomes.
 
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Doug Hook
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Game dates with family members and/or (mostly non-gamer) friends are games combined with social aspects and usually involve a meal and snacks. Chit-chat and some sharing of images on cell phones, etc. are par for the course.

I joined a group of gamers where almost none of the above is the case and I also enjoy that.
 
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mortego
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To answer the OP's question: No, you're not being too rude.

For me, it's a mix of both gaming & socializing with an emphasis on socializing.

When I used to play large multiplayer Chaos Magic games the rule was "No social talking during your turn and others players should not ask that active questions or have conversations outside of the game.

It worked.

Now, if I know the majority of people are gamers that like LESS socializing I'll keep quiet.
 
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Robert Lesco
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In a "competitive" game like Diplomacy, it is very helpful to step out of one's gaming persona and show another side. It enables one to be stabbed and remain friends.

On a similar note, my gaming is less frequent than I would wish so a part of the evening involves catching up with people that I may not have seen in far too long.
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Will

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I tend to be somewhere in the middle. I am not trying to speed through the game to the point that socializing annoys me, but it should not take 3 times the minimum to play. I would rather talk and play twice than play three times with the equivalent of the soup nazi or once with players who simply refuse to take their damn turn.
 
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adam wilson

Oklahoma
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Broadstorm wrote:
I tend to be somewhere in the middle. I am not trying to speed through the game to the point that socializing annoys me, but it should not take 3 times the minimum to play. I would rather talk and play twice than play three times with the equivalent of the soup nazi or once with players who simply refuse to take their damn turn.


I'm usually the "rules lawyer" for the group but I try not to be a Nazi about it. I want everyone to have fun but the game just drags after a while and people lose interest. They can't imagine playing a game rated at over an hour and a half.
 
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