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Subject: Wargame Man rss

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Wilbur Whateley
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Florida
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to the tune of 'Piano Man' by Billy Joel

It's one o'clock on a Saturday
The wargamers slowly come by
There's an old DM sittin' next to me
Showin' off his new 12-sided die

He says "Dude do you know this old wizard game
I'm not really sure what it's called
But the rules were complex, you moved units by hex
And casting spells made your guy bald."

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Teach us a game, you're the wargame man
Teach us a game, tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a CRT
Die rolling, and cardboard fights

Now John's the OCD collector-type
Who buys extra copies "in case,"
He keeps them in shrinkwrap, and leaves a shelf gap
To leave room for more growth "in place."

He says "chuft this hobby is bankrupting me
As I buy every game that comes out
Editions, expansions, I could fill three mansions.
If I was a unit, I'd rout."

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Now Paul over there is a lucky guy
He never rolls under a 5
His strategy sucks, but due to good luck
He's won every game that he's tried

Ameritrash players have rules debates
By undead armies of bone,
They're all rolling handfuls of big red dice
But it's better than rolling alone.

Teach us a game, you're the wargame man
Teach us a game, tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a hit bonus
Charlie, and some Arc Lights

It's a pretty big map for North Africa
It's got to be three yards at least
We spent the whole morning, on OOS warnings,
It takes ten to manage this beast.

And the dice towers sound like artillery,
And the panzers break down from the wear,
And when some moron, dares ask what turn we're on
We give him that "Turn 1!" mad glare

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Teach us a game, you're the wargame man
Teach us a game, tonight
Well we're all in the mood for Napoleon
Trenches, and line of sight

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Lance McMillan
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chuft wrote:
And when some moron, dares ask what turn we're on
We give him that "Turn 1!" mad glare


Best line of the whole thing.
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Dan Raspler
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A masterpiece.
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Daniel Blumentritt
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This is freaking outstanding!
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Judd Vance
United States
WICHITA
Kansas
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Madison
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Best get the publishing rights on that baby, before someone occupies your ZOC.
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Madison
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Thought we were going with a Rush song... threw me a curve.

I guess I'll hit up my friend Neil, to see if he can update the lyrics.
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Francisco Gutierrez
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Burbank
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"A pilot's greatest virtue is to know when to run" -- "What's this, a joke?"
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"Better than rolling alone?" Obviously Billy Roll here has never played one of the many excellent solo wargames by DVG. whistle
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junkers doll
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You've far too much time on your hands.

Glad you're spending it here.
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Wendell
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I laughed, I cried!
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Vance Strickland
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Nepean
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Lancer4321 wrote:
chuft wrote:
And when some moron, dares ask what turn we're on
We give him that "Turn 1!" mad glare


Best line of the whole thing.


+100. laugh
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Chris Laudermilk
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Quote:
Now Paul over there is a lucky guy
He never rolls under a 5
His strategy sucks, but due to good luck
He's won every game that he's tried

Apparently Paul doesn't play ASL... whistle

Great post.
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Matt Kiriazis
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I've got to find my old filksing "Still Gaming After All These Years", the unofficial tag line for Metro Detroit Gamers. After all, we've put on conventions since 1972!

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Matt Kiriazis
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This also brings to mind another unfinished classic, "50 Wargames to Leave Your Lover"

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Manfred Laner
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Fantastic!
Weird Al would be proud.
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Rich Perez
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+1 DRM
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Robert Wesley
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laninger wrote:
Fantastic!
Weird Al would be proud.
whistle ~"50 Wargames too LEAVE Unloved"
~"Start with 'International Team' sort it would seem..."
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Carl Paradis
Canada
Ste-Thérèse
Québec
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On the "Nowhere Man" Beatles' Lyrics:

He's a real wargame man
Gaming in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere game plans for nobody

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where his hobby's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Wargame Man, please listen
You don't know what you're missing
Wargame Man, Eurogames are at your command!

He's as blind as he can be
Just sees the clipped counters he wants to see
Wargame Man can can't you see your hobby is wasting?

Wargame Man, don't worry
Take your time, don't hurry
Leave it all till somebody else buy your games cheap.

Doesn't have a point of view
Knows not where his hobby's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Wargame man...
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Max Coffey
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Victoria
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I just teared up a bit. Thanx Carl.
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Jim P.
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Champaign
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“We carry our fate in plain sight; but few have the eyes to read what is written there.” - Grant Morrison, Doom Patrol #37
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Wargame Man sung to the tune of Ocean Man by Ween would be tremendous...especially since I have had the song in my head after seeing 'Wargame Man' in the top 20 subdomain threads for two days now.

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Russ Williams
Poland
Wrocław
Dolny Śląsk
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"Wargame Man" by Black Sabbath:


...I am wargame man...

Has he lost his mind?
In his basement quarantined.
Will the counters all
Stay in stacks or will they fall?
Are they alive or dead?
Are they minis made of lead?
Days on end he'll stare
At the map and its warfare.

He fights storms of steel
All across the battlefield
Where he tripped through time
For the future of mankind.

Nobody wants him.
He just stares at the map,
Planning his vengeance
That he will soon unfold!

Now the time is here
For wargame man to drink beer...
Pretzels he will munch...
Clips the counters he once punched!

No one plays with him
They just turn their heads
No one will join him
Now he has his revenge

Wargame boxes fall,
Spread across the room they sprawl.
Setting up one more game,
Wargame man plays again.
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dan pancaldi
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Les Coteaux, Que.
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We are so messed up, But I love you guys!cry
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Bob Zurunkel
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There's a gamer I know
Who thinks it's saintly solo
And he's climbing the hexgrid to Case Blue

When he gets there he knows
If the chits are all pulled
With a word he can get to redraw them

Ooh ooh ooh
And he's climbing the hexgrid to Case Blue

There's a CRT on the map
But he wants to be sure
For he knows sometimes die rolls are modified

In a tree by a brook
There's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our ZOCs
Are interlocking

Ooh and it makes me wonder
Ooh and it makes me wonder

There's a feeling he gets
When his Panzers move east
And his supply lines are uninterrupted

In his thoughts he has seen
LOS through the trees
And the hexsides that block all his movement

Ooh it makes me wonder
Ooh really makes me wonder

If there's an ambush in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a scenario for ASL

Yes there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Your movement depends on your unit type

And it makes me wonder

And as we wind on down the road
Our stacks taller than our souls
There walks a gamer we all know
Who pre-ordered and wants to know
If Total War is ready to go

And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last

When all are CDG and all are one
To leave your ZOC and modify your roll

And he's climbing the hexgrid to Case Blue
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Wilbur Whateley
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Re: Strategy Man
Since this seems to be the "_____ Man" lyrics thread....

Strategy Man - To the tune of "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants

Strategy man, Strategy man
Plannin' the moves a Strategy can
What's the game? It's not important
Strategy man

Is it a feint? Or the main attack?
Is it maneuver to get in back?
Or attrition to kill that stack?
Nobody knows, Strategy man

Logistics man, Logistics man
Logistics man hates Strategy man
They have a fight, Logistics wins
Logistics man

Production man, Production man
Size of the entire game system man
Decides the options of smaller man
Production man

He's got a tray with the armor chits,
The infantry chits and the naval chits
He's even got political chits
Buyin' 'em all, Production Man

Tactics man, Tactics man,
Down in the mud with a jerry can
Line of sight wherever he can
Tactics man

Time for a charge? Or to stay concealed?
How to get around that minefield
All his best guys broke and ran
Rollin' a 12, Tactics Man

Logistics man, Logistics man
Logistics man hates Tactics man
They have a fight, Logistics wins
Logistics man

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