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Subject: International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Bring yer Jokes! rss

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Jester3380439
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Dead Men Tell No Tales
arrrh


A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said, “Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.”

The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said: “Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.”

The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, “How did you get that?”

The pirate said, “Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.”

The sailor said, “That’s not as impressive as the other two. …”

“Aye,” the pirate answered. “It was me first day with the hook.”arrrh
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Austin Bordeaux
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arrrh

A brief list of pirate jokes I enjoy.

What grades did the pirate get in school?
High C's

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years at C

What is a pirates favorite letter?
(Response when people almost always answer R) You would think so, but their true love be the C.

And of course the classic pirate spin on the steering wheel joke.

A pirate walks into a bar with ship's wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. The bartender notices it right away and asks, "Hey isn't that really uncomfortable?" to which the pirate replies, "Arrrh, aye it's driving me nuts!"
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
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Matt Brown
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"I am a love pirate. I am here for your booty."
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Jesse Hickle
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This space for rent.
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get a piercing?
A buck an ear.

How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg?
An arm and a leg.

What do you call a pirate that skips school?
Captain Hooky.
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fightcitymayor
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Matt Kruczek
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In the 1980s I used a twin tape deck to copy music and computer games onto blank cassettes.
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Robert Wesley
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arrrh What was the Klingon 'pirate' NAME of "Cap'n Eunuch-HOOK's", before HIS several "mishaps"? NO: "TWO TIMES!"; furthermore either...
sauron ~
Spoiler (click to reveal)
""KARGLESNARFRINDER!""

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Carl Frodge
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Why wasn't the pirate child allowed to watch the movie?
Cuz it's the 1650s and film hasn't been invented yet!

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
Nothing. He doesn't pay for stuff, he's a pirate.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?
One from the Government exonerating him of all illegal activity and piracy he's committed.
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"Sadly, I had to give up my dream after I got married and had kids. My dream was to never get married and have kids."
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I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am.
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I know I'm late to the party, but here's my contribution:

The Top 17 Things to Say at Home on Talk Like a Pirate Day

17> “Avast, ye bilge rats! Smartly remove yourselves off me lawn before I make ya’s walk the plank!”
16> “Man the deck-swabbin’ tools. This vessel’s been boarded by baby vomit.”
15> “Aye, Belinda, yer goldfish be sleepin’ in Davey Jones’ locker.”
14> “Me pearl, I’ve got a mind to board ye and plunder yer many treasures after the youngens are abed.”
13> “Sail ho, me hearties! I be seeing Mac ‘n’ Cheese on the horizon.”
12> “There be starrrrvin’ children in Africa with scurrrrvy who would give their right arrrrm for a bite o’
asparrrragus.”
11> “Arrrr, be not shuttin’ off me BitTorrent before the new Metallica album be finished downloadin’!”
10> “Blast and bedamn it to the four winds! Which of ye scurvy parasites sent 1000 instant ahoys on their
handheld semaphore device in the last billing moon?”
9> “Great Neptune on a mast! Not Arrrrrrrrrby’s again!”
8> “Well tickle me with a cap feather! I’ve told ye many a time I’m not of a mind to be changing my long-
distance!”
7> “Wench! Be fetching me another Grog Lite from the galley straightaway!”
6> “To the scurvy dog which uncorked that stench from Blackbeard’s own colon: Announce yerself!”
5> “Now, lad, if’n all your young shipmates leapt to certain death from that great steel span at New
Amsterdam, would ye feel obliged to follow suit?”
4> “Ahoy, ivory chamber pot! Prepare to be boarded and defiled as I drop anchor.”
3> “Avast, ye scalawag, remove yer hook from my Eggo!”
2> “Here be our list for the market shoppin’: Yoo-Hoo, Ho-Hos and a bottle of rum.”

and the Number 1 Thing to Say Around the House on Talk Like a Pirate Day...

1> “Who be the very model of a well-behaved bonny wee housecritter, then? Be it ye? Be it? Be it?”
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Robert Wesley
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arrrh Wer-r-re that 'Scur-r-r-vy' "scour-r-rge" MAR-R-RK stills yet 'wor-r-rks' at yon "AR-R-R-BYS"?
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