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Subject: The day I tried to order Mechs Vs. Minions rss

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Kevin Ryan
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I see the video reviews (Rahdo and Man vs. Meeple) and want this game. A frenzy appears to be forming. There is a lot of debate about its chances of selling out. Factions form on both sides of the question. Knives are drawn and insults hurled. And what does “selling out” mean, anyhow? How many does that mean? It turns out it means about 15,000 units. No, it turns out maybe means 30,000 units. But which wave? And which shipment? One or Two? Will I get Shipment 1, Wave 2, or will I get Shipment 2, Wave 1? And which is better? Factions are probably forming on this topic, too, but I do not wait to find out. I am going to set myself a reminder on my Mac so I don't miss my chance. I will be patient in any case and wait for my game

I set the calendar “reminder” to order Mechs vs. Minions for the anticipated day! But my day job is running my guitar business, so I cannot be guaranteed that I will be able to drop everything I am doing to log on and order this game. So I set the timer for a few minutes early—09:55 a.m. here on the California coast. This ensures I can plan my morning so as to be “free” to sneak past my wife in the office to complete the “mission” at 10:00 sharp.

My reminder goes off on my iPhone. I have 5 minutes to get to the Riot Website. And being the savvy business owner I am, the site is now bookmarked on my Mac. This mission is going to run with military precision and brilliant planning.

I head to the Mac, log on to Riot, and click the orange “Purchase Now” button in the upper, right-hand corner of my screen. I cannot know this at the time, but I would become wonderfully familiar with that button throughout the course of this long day. By the end of the day I am certain I could boot my Mac, navigate to Riot, and click that orange button, all with my eyes closed. But the day is early, and I am still filled with hope.

Nothing happens except some on-screen notice that something has not gone exactly right. But that’s understandable, as I have actually clicked the button at 9:59. Ok, I refresh, and click again. Same thing. But still early. Then 10:00 appears, and now I will get in. Nope. Same screen, same message, same result—I am not in. I do this for 5 more minutes. Then I think to go to other part of the site to confirm the time it goes live. Ah! There is my mistake! I did not give myself a few minutes to prepare; I gave myself an HOUR! The game goes live at 11:00, not 10:00! I set the timer 3 weeks ago, and forgot that I had done this.

But now I am in a bit of a fix. I have organized my work schedule around the 10:00 time, and now things are a bit messed up in the shop. I have to set the next timer for 10:55, which I do. But because things are now slightly off schedule, I am carving a guitar neck at 10:55, but I don't realize what is happening because I have been running around trying to get things back on schedule in the shop. At any rate, I do not hear the alarm on my iPhone because I am making noise carving the neck. When I am done I check my phone. 11:07. Not being one to panic, I calmly go to my Mac, anticipating a slight delay. I click The Orange Button. Nothing. I wait a moment and click again. Nothing. I do this several times. I am getting “Time outs”. I am not a programmer, but the screen helpfully explains this is because of something unfortunate happening to the site I am trying to reach. Or something like that. I begin to think I have missed my window of opportunity. But then I finally get to a page where I can order the game. I can now relax. (It is the last time I will think that for several hours…)

I click on the game. Nothing happens. I stare at the screen. Why did nothing happen? Maybe I didn't quite click the button? Maybe I missed the button? So, I do the only sensible thing I can do. I click the button again, this time making sure I am hitting it. Nothing happens. But then I get a new screen. It says I am limited to only purchasing one copy. “But that is all I want”, I reasonably yell at the screen. Then it dawns on me. The first time I clicked, I actually DID hit the button, but didn't realize it. Now I have 2 copies in that little satchel-looking icon up there. No problem I think, I will delete a copy. I click on the satchel. But I get the same error message saying I am not allowed to have two copies in my cart. But I cannot get past this warning screen to my cart. I cannot fix my cart because of the error message explaining to me that I need to fix my cart. It is an irony not lost on me.

I try everything I know, but it now clearly appears I am getting locked out. I decide to log in with another gmail account. I figure Riot has prepared for all sorts of scoundrels trying to weasel out of the one-copy-per-person rule, but, as I will only order one, I think I am ok to try this. So I log out of my main gmail account. I have a Google Business account, and everything is attached to it, though I don't know that at the time. But I soon find out. I am trying to now log on to other accounts, but Google keeps asking me for passwords for these other accounts. My calendar is now gone. All my tabs, my bookmarks, everything. This will be a bummer later for sure. But at least I can now log in to Riot with a fresh slate, order the game, and then I am in tall clover. I finally get back to the Riot site under a new identity. I click on the “Purchase Now” button. Nothing (or the “oops” page). I do this again. And again. Time is speeding by. Of course, I imagine the “QTY” column on the Riot internal spreadsheet is also speeding, but toward “0”. But I press on, literally and metaphorically. Nothing is happening, so I begin to talk to my Mac. “Shut up!” I explain.

But then, miracle of miracles, I get in. and I have a fresh Gmail address. All is going to be well. But then I notice on the *%&^ satchel (which seemed so charming a while ago) the number “2”. No! How can this be? I am accessing their site under a brand-new identity! I insanely click on the satchel. Same message; I have broken the rules, and I cannot get to my cart. I am clearly being punished by the website. They would not say this directly, of course, but is it all that difficult to imagine the brilliant programmers at Riot sitting around figuring out ways to prevent the slack-jaws, limp-wrists, jackwagons and weasels from ordering two copies coming up with this clever and cruel little way to punish the transgressors? I think not. And clearly they have considered the path of using a secondary email account to skirt the rules, and have laid a trap. I want to tell them this is NOT what I have done, but I cannot get a message to them because I cannot get to that page, because the site is crashing. All so very ironically and brilliantly cruel.

But not all is lost! I have an ace up my sleeve. These Riot programmers aren't the only ones who are clever! I have a bold and daring plan. I go to my lovely wife and come clean. I explain it all, the whole sordid thing. I am ordering a game and it has all gone horribly wrong. Can she help? She deigns to extend mercy to her groveling subject, and decides to help. So now I am using her Mac. Now I have a THIRD gmail account (hers this time), and (I think) a new IP address.

I can start fresh with the Riot cart. But she cannot log on the site at all now. We try some more, finally get in, and start seeing new, novel error screens. This time I know I am not being punished; we pathetic toddlers are just crashing the site. (I take a petty, momentary and childish satisfaction in this; that THEY are having problems, too.)

We are now reaching new levels of locked screens, spinning Mac icons and error messages. I leave my wife’s computer spinning away, and return to my own Mac. It’s a miracle, but the satchel now shows “0”! I can start again! I get to the page where I can order the game, click on it, then get to another page, a new (and welcome) page. On the new page, I move to a button to finally add the game to my cart. I click on it. Then I think, “Wait, I already had one in my cart! Why did this page seem to invite me to place one in the cart? Isn't that why I am on this page in the first place? Why I am trying to add it again? I look at the satchel icon. The number “2” sits there, serene and uncaring. I have tried to order two copies again. I am becoming dizzy.

I go back to the wife’s Mac. She has helpfully (and unbeknownst to me) opened another tab so she could be trying to log in from two separate “places”. Both tabs have those little color wheels spinning like crazy. The site is locked tighter than a mosquito’s ass wrapped around a rain barrel.

I go back to my Mac. There are now other error messages I have not seen today. I am still locked out. But the satchel now reads ZERO items! I click on it. This is the triumph of Hope over Experience. The screen informs me I am only allowed to order ONE copy. We are now plumbing new depths of the Riot programmers’ cruelty. It might as well spell out for me “We know you don't have ANY copies in this cart. There is a reason for this. We know who you are and what you tried to do earlier. This is what justice looks like.”

My Mac has now clearly been blackballed. I return to my wife’s Mac, trying to salvage something from the ruins of all this. When I get to her Mac, I see that, while I was away, she had made the same mistake as I had earlier, and now has 2 copies in the satchel. Now I have FOUR copies Riot thinks I am trying to order. And if her other “tab” in Chrome got through, it could very well be SIX copies they imagine I am furtively stuffing into the digital cart. My name is probably being added, on the spot, to an internal Riot blacklist called “WEASEL-GUYS WHO WILL NEVER, EVER BE ALLOWED TO PURCHASE THIS GAME”

I go back to my Mac. Now my employees are looking worried about me. My wife is worried about me. I have ordered 6 copies of a game I will never be allowed to actually have, I am busted in front of my lovely wife and dedicated fellow-workers, Riot thinks I am a cad, and I will probably still have to pay for the 6 games I will never get. But I will not complain to Riot, because, no matter what I say, they will think I am weasel-excuse making and will not believe me. In fact, I will be too embarrassed to say what has happened. Riot will probably send a list of the worst offenders to BGG, and I will be banned forever from this site.

Addendum:
1. The above events actually took place.
2. I never once failed to find all of this hilarious
3. I ordered the game successfully later that night at home around 7pm.
4. I love Riot Games for doing such a wonderful thing as making this game for us at an incredible price. (And I still loved them earlier in the day when we crashed their site…)
5. A good time was had by all, especially my wife, who now wields a terrible extortion over me…

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WD Yoga
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So, in the end of the day, how many confirmation emails/invoices did you receive from Riot?

If it's none, then the story shifts from ironic to tragic...
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Allen Cordell
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Don't you mean 11am, not 10?
 
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Allen Cordell
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Whoops, just got to that part, never mind.
 
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Jeremy Mease
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A tale
Of woe all

To com
Mon that fate

Ful


Day
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Adam Hostetler
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ReluctantFr0g wrote:
A tale
Of woe all


Yes, you need to send this to the Dice Tower podcast!

Have some GG for your entertaining story and great attitude about it all.
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Chris Cantrell
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This was so incredibly painful for me to read. soblue

I'm really sorry, Kevin - and to the thousands of others that had to endure the same experience.

I don't think any game in the world is worth that amount of headache.
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Jonny Lawless
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Love my girls!
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My name is Glenn! Long have I carried Cyrus's hopes and dreams, and now I bear the Masamune as well! Henceforth, I claim them as my own! I shall slay the Fiendlord Magus and restore our honor!
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Riot Kades wrote:

I don't think any game in the world is worth that amount of headache.


Clearly you've never played Poisson d'Avril.
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We're all individuals
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slydog75 wrote:
ReluctantFr0g wrote:
A tale
Of woe all


Yes, you need to send this to the Dice Tower podcast!

Have some GG for your entertaining story and great attitude about it all.


Some GG from me too! I am sure many of us had similar tales to tell - but sadly I do not have your writing skill :-)

Great positive attitude as well
 
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Kevin Ryan
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But Chris, I trust you read the rest of the post! The whole experience was actually more fun than if it had gone smoothly. ! I never take these things that seriously, and I think you guys at Riot are absolutely classy and standup guys. Yup, I get that some guys complained. I don't understand that. It's a game after all. I hope that everyone who read my post "got it" by the end that I was enjoying the whole thing immensely. Riot games is now absolutely one of my favorite game companies.

And how could any right-thinking person possibly think you guys did not do everything humanly possible to make this work smoothly? If things got a little dicey, I can only believe it was just technical stuff beyond anyone's reasonable control.

But my post, of course, was all in good fun (and all true). I meant it to remind guys that life is what we make it. G.K. Chesterton said, "An inconvenience is just an adventure wrongly considered, and an adventure is just an inconvenience rightly considered."

All of us guys could make the whole affair an exercise in complaining and sulking, or we could all enjoy the insanity and exhilaration of a good romp! You guys simply made a game so good and attractive that too many of us wanted it, and we were not civil enough to allow others on to the website at the start!

Hats off to you Chris, and Riot games for the wonderful thing you guys have done for us gamers! We all owe you thanks and admiration, and not a scintilla of grousing.
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Kyle Peacock
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I blame you 100% for crashing the website. It was all you. Riot saw you trying to game the system and they were like..."hey guys, pause button please, on the whole website."
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Kevin Ryan
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And thanks to you other guys who enjoyed it, and said so. I did not have time to write this today, but after checking my BGG account and seeing so much sulking about the Riot website that day, I had to write something. I could not believe that our response to Riot for being wonderful to us was to complain about the delivery system of that wonder! It was all just too much to fathom.

Riot Games, I love you guys all the more now!
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Chris Cantrell
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Thanks. I had read the whole way through and I was relieved it ended well for you... I think it might just be too soon for me to laugh at the situation; that's probably a bit of a character flaw of mine. I'm sure I'll relax a bit once the games start arriving to you guys in one piece.

Your relationship with your wife sounds a lot like mine.
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Kevin Ryan
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Kyle, please don't say that publicly! I am still negotiating with Riot to cancel the charges on the 24 games I ordered...
 
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Kevin Ryan
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Chris, I apologize. I think I could have been more tongue-in-cheek at the beginning so it seemed less like a "real" complaint, and more like the humor I intended. But the good guys will all know what you have done, and we will all appreciate you and Riot for it.

Yup, my wife is a saint. She needs to be!
 
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Michael Pflug
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I got home from work in the evening,
Clicked on "buy game"
Checked out
Done in one minute.



It was rather boring for me ;D


But I didn't care about being in shipment 1, actually I'm glad I'm in wave 1 shipment 2.
 
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Kevin Ryan
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See, Michael, the rest of us are the ones who had all the fun. I now have a good story to go along with a great game. You, unfortunately, will only have the game and not the story!
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oystein eker
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Great read!
Thanks for sharing.

Too bad - all I got was a boring 1 minute experience.
 
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Dan Depends
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I read this at work and then had to explain to my colleagues why I couldn't stop laughing after getting to the mosquito
 
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Warren White
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I loved all the "backslash" testimonial on the forums.

I think the crazy experiences we had trying to get the game will make it all the more rewarding when it finally lands on our doorsteps.



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Bruno D
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PhishBoy wrote:

I loved all the "backslash" testimonial on the forums.

I think the crazy experiences we had trying to get the game will make it all the more rewarding when it finally lands on our doorsteps.





We need a microbadge with this to remember this day !
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John Paleologos
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Dear Kevin,
THANK YOU for this wonderful message/story. In all the waiting/ordering/waiting again madness, it was the perfect antidote.
Your writing is marvellous!

I hope you get your 48 games soon...

Cheerio
John
(still laughing)



 
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Grand Khan
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PhishBoy wrote:

I loved all the "backslash" testimonial on the forums.

I think the crazy experiences we had trying to get the game will make it all the more rewarding when it finally lands on our doorsteps.





True that! Although I got away with only 28 minutes of anxiety and stress, the perfect level of feeling to having accomplished something without ruining my day. And also I snatched a wave 1 delivery in Europe, all the more gratifying.
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Jeff Kayati
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Riot Kades wrote:
This was so incredibly painful for me to read. soblue

I'm really sorry, Kevin - and to the thousands of others that had to endure the same experience.

I don't think any game in the world is worth that amount of headache.


I completely agree. After trying to order for twenty minutes, I decided I really didn't need to own it.
 
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Greg S.
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I was laughing at my work station reading this post, not at your, of course, but at your hilarious writing style describing your day . Here's a shiny coin for you.
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