Erik Hatinen
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Minnesota
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I wrote this back in June when we were wondering why we didn't have the Civil War set yet or even news about it coming out. Shortly afterwards my computer died and I forgot this was waiting to get posted online. I finally remembered I still wanted to post this.

Legendary Silliness 2

Marvel Legendary’s Design Team Held Hostage by Fanatics Demanding Newest Set Include Wolverine

After accidentally swallowing very poisonous mushrooms at my Board & Lodge, I had another out of body experience where I was floating above some reporters.

“I keep telling you, Jimmy, we can’t do a story where we claim Donald Trump has a mold from outer space on his head that makes him crazy. That’s apparently what he thinks hair should look like.”

“No way, Lois,” Jimmy Olsen responded, “No one can be that stupid and color blind at the same time! It’s gotta be evil space mold, like that stuff Lovecraft wrote about. Right now you can write anything about Trump, because he’s already done or said something even dumber more preposterous that whatever you make up.”

“We’d need proof, Jimmy. I have a reputation to think about. What can we write about, though?”

“Hey! Apparently some people online are complaining about a game they’re really into. Maybe we should investigate that.”

“That never happens! Let’s check it out.” Lois Lane answered and she started to speed off.

“Uh, Lois?”

“Yeah, Jimmy?”

“We were about forty feet away from their headquarters. Now that we’ve merged into inner city traffic, it’s going to take an hour to get back there.”

An hour later, Lois tried sneaking into UD headquarters, because Superman’s girlfriend lacks excitement in her life. Once inside, she found a locked janitorial closet. “Whoever heard of people locking a closet?” she said to herself, “next thing you someone is going to try to convince me that the country of Israel is disliked!”

She broke open the lock and a severely-beaten man slumped out. “Thank you! My colleagues are in trouble!”

“What’s going on?”

“There are maniacs out there with Wookie crossbows, making demands about our next set for the Marvel Legendary game.”

“I’m here to report on that! Wait, isn’t Chewbacca’s crossbow called a bowcaster?”

“Yeah, but that’s not what the maniacs have. They have crossbows that fire Wookies at you! The Wookies get so ticked off at being attached to a crossbow they just beat the crap out of whatever they hit!”

“That must be rough. Why aren’t you with them?”

“I’m Mark, the new PR guy. I have to make the occasional statement or people will know something’s wrong. Plus, I don’t do the design work.”

“That was a lucky break.”

“Not so much. I wanted to take a hand at design, but my first card concept was for My Little Pony. Now they won’t look at my other ideas, and that’s a shame, because my cards based on the Saved By the Bell show are amazing.”

“So what are the demands?”

“These guys got so ticked off that the new set won't have Wolverine that they’ve taken us hostage.”

“So?”

“What do you mean by that?! Do you know how important Wolverine is to Marvel comics? Hell, the whole X-Men line of the 80s and early 90s was 'Wolverine and his his Sidekicks, the X-Men.' Then he started showing up in other comics, and there might not be going back for Marvel, since putting his face or even claw marks on your cover doubles its sales. We wanted to show our fans that we were listening and we do know there’s more to life than Wolverine, but it turns out those Wolverine fans are crazy.”

“Thanks. So this a terrorist situation, huh? I just happen to know a whole bunch of superheroes, but instead of trying to solve problems, they all just doodle all day while waiting for someone like me to call.”

Since then, Lois has been trying to explain to the Justice League that even lame terrorists are terrorists, not everything in Marvel needs Wolverine after all, and that the people she’s talking don’t have bowcasters. We don’t know when the situation will be resolved, if ever. Why? Aqua Man is trying to convince the others that Force Awakens is worse than Attack of the Clones, and most of the others are trying to convince him that no way is Force Awakens bad, and nothing can be as bad as Attack of the Clones.
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Upper Deck Staff Held Hostage by Terrorists Demanding More Wolverine
Setup: 6 Twists. 6 Wounds per player.
Special: The Mastermind gets +1 Attack for each KOed Wound or KOed Wolverine.
Twist: Each player reveals a Wound or suffers a Cross-Dimensional Wolverine Rampage. Then, each player gains a Wound.
Evil Wins: When no Wounds are in the Wound stack.
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Erik Hatinen
United States
Minnesota
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Nice work on that! It not only works as a Scheme, but works with my bogus story beautifully.

I'm proudest about the line Jimmy Olson has about why you can make up whatever you want about Trump. Note that he's the one character of the story who is not an idiot.

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Brian M
United States
Thornton
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Oh, thank goodness. I saw the title and afraid my wife was getting into trouble. I already made one custom Wolverine for her to have more, but she keeps saying that isn't enough.

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