$30.00
Recommend
3 
 Thumb up
 Hide
35 Posts
1 , 2  Next »   | 

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Gaming Related » General Gaming

Subject: How often do you ask for a game night until you stop asking? rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
I've two "game groups":
- a friend and his wife
- my sister and her boyfriend.

In the past two years i've had a decline in game nights to the point it isn't more than 3-4 game nights a year.

I am past six times asking with six "we don't have time" responses.

I've come to the point where i don't feel like asking anymore.

My sister (30) seems to be more interested in partying.

And my friend and his wife are more busy with their two kids and meeting other people with kids. Although i am not the only person noticing their lack of time for other people/things.

No one ever says "We don't have time this weekend, but we have time this or that date."

Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Robbert Vervuurt
Denmark
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Set up a Doodle with a lot of dates (at least 4 weekends ahead) and let them vote. Set a date until when they can vote and then just set a date.

Problem with people with kids and/or jobs and busy lives, is that last-minute plans are often difficult to fit in, or, if you ask coincidentally if they want to play games on their one free night, they will say no, because they have been looking forward to a night off.
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alexandre P.
France
Strasbourg
France
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.


It would be my conclusion.
I'm sorry to announce you that you no longer have a game group ...
26 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Nicholas Hjelmberg
Sweden
Saltsjö-Boo
flag msg tools
designer
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Xahendir wrote:
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.


It would be my conclusion.
I'm sorry to announce you that you no longer have a game group ...


My conclusion too. My "gaming group" only meets once or twice a year and although games do reach the table then, gaming is not the main purpose of the meeting.

I found new gaming groups through game cafes and Meetup and recommend you do the same.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
nhjelmberg wrote:
I found new gaming groups through game cafes and Meetup and recommend you do the same.


Sadly, i don't live in a big city with this type of things.

I've tried BGGs Germany section and other ways, but no luck.

I've two separate gamers at hand, that are up to game nights. So i at least get to play 2 player games once or twice a month. So it isn't totally hopeless
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Copy Imitator
msg tools
badge
Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck I'm scared of toasters.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Baz Lurhmann / Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) wrote:
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.


I found out that most friends 'go' when they start having kids. I don't want kids but I can understand that when other people have them they are trying to spend most of their time with their family.

I just found a gaming group nearby, met new people and even though I don't consider them 'friends' like I do the people I've know for years, I've been more then happy to let them scratch my gaming itch when everybody else is on diaper duty.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Robbert Vervuurt
Denmark
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
nhjelmberg wrote:
I found new gaming groups through game cafes and Meetup and recommend you do the same.


Sadly, i don't live in a big city with this type of things.

I've tried BGGs Germany section and other ways, but no luck.

I've two separate gamers at hand, that are up to game nights. So i at least get to play 2 player games once or twice a month. So it isn't totally hopeless


Can't you try to introduce them to each other? I'm trying to collect a gaming group as well, which will probably mean I have to introduce friends from different groups, to each other.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
rvervuurt wrote:
Can't you try to introduce them to each other? I'm trying to collect a gaming group as well, which will probably mean I have to introduce friends from different groups, to each other.


I may try that, but one works far away and is only at home for the weekend and the other has varying work schedules, sometimes even on the weekend, + family + horses. So bringing those two on the same game night might be a very rare thing to accomplish.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
John Sallay
msg tools
mbmb
As a parent of small children, I would say that the biggest difficulty isn't time, but getting and paying a babysitter and worrying that they are doing a good job. Do you invite them to your place to play or do you go over to theirs? When I first had kids, (especially with a baby) the only time we played any games was when people came over to our house. It was really nice that if a baby started crying, we could just pause the game and people would talk while one of us took care of the baby.

It may not be polite to invite yourself over to someone else's house, but most parents I know are craving social interaction, they just don't want to leave their kids alone for several hours for a variety of reasons.

Also, since you have a pretty good relationship with them, you can probably just talk to them about it. Say something like "I realize that you are really busy, and we haven't really been playing games together lately. I really enjoy that time we spend together. I would love to figure out a schedule that can work for us, maybe once a month (or some other frequency)." If they can't commit to something like that, then I would probably give up on inviting them.
17 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
sb so
Germany
flag msg tools
badge
mbmbmbmbmb
I gave up melting best friends and/or family with the heat of thousand questions per second to sculpt my favourite people into my favourite hobby group.
I am happy when time with friends and/or family include a game or two, but I won't press my luck anymore asking too often (frustrating me and possibly them).
I love playing 6 hours straight every week, no pause, as many new stuff and repeats of good stuff as possible. This I share with my game group. It took time to find this out, but I realized that family/friends didn't care for my Pile-o-Unplayed as much as I and some other geeks do.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
We only play at their house. They have more space than me.

It was great when they had their first kid. We played a lot in that year, but after that, the decline began.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
sbso wrote:
I gave up melting best friends and/or family with the heat of thousand questions per second to sculpt my favourite people into my favourite hobby group.
I am happy when time with friends and/or family include a game or two, but I won't press my luck anymore asking too often (frustrating me and possibly them).
I love playing 6 hours straight every week, no pause, as many new stuff and repeats of good stuff as possible. This I share with my game group. It took time to find this out, but I realized that family/friends didn't care for my Pile-o-Unplayed as much as I and some other geeks do.


Yeah, i'll leave the initiative to them from now on. If they really want to have a game night, i'm the last person to say no. But i am done asking.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
sb so
Germany
flag msg tools
badge
mbmbmbmbmb
Not in your specific situation, of course.

However, it felt weird accepting the different interests, but it makes a lot more fun now, really. I have fun with the gamers, trying new and heavier stuff or just play the same stuff for a while. And I am very happy when my wife or a good friend asks for a game, but it's not my sole source of gaming anymore (removing lots of pressure on the issue).
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
David B
United States
Chesapeake
Virginia
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Something worthy to note: there are some really good solo games out there. Even some non solo games have some really good solo variants posted. You would be surprised at how well that can scratch your board game itch. Race for the Galaxy plus it's first expansion The Gathering Storm is one of the great solo games available. Guilds of London is another one, although the solo option is not in the box, it is posted in the file section on its game page.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alexandre Santos
Belgium
Brussels
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You say that you live in a small town, but I think you have enough games that you could start some sort of gaming club or meetup on your own.

Check out the local associations, speak to the local authorities, youth/religious/social or cafés/pubs and start some kind of regular meetup.

Just don't expect the two couples you mentioned to quench your thirst for gaming, it's hopeless and counterproductive.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Milki Kaplanski
Germany
Hamburg
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
As a parent I've got to say that the first three years are the worst when it comes to time for friends, especially when you have to concentrate on a game. That was something that was physically impossible for me the first year, because I'd only get around 3 hours of sleep each night. After that it was a constant struggle to keep him occupied with anything for more than 60 minutes. It got better with 3+, but before that I'd spend all my free time sleeping. ;)

Now he's 10 and perfectly capable of staying alone at home for a couple of hours but I feel a lot better if we do gaming nights at my place.

So depending on how old your friends children are, it's either simply exhaustion from raising children or they really just have lost the interest. I wouldn't wait for them tho - just keep your eyes open for other people in your region that are into board games.

Do you have a local board game store that hosts game nights or something?

Regarding the question how often I'd ask my friends - as often as needed! My friends know I'm stubborn and if I want something I won't let go until I get it. But usually it doesn't take more than 3 times until they'll finally play board games with me. ;)
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bryan Thunkd
United States
Florence
MA
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.
A more charitable interpretation might be that they have higher priorities right now. I'm sure if they had nothing else going on right now they'd probably be up for a fun night of games, but kids have a way of taking up all your available time.
10 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
United States
Rochester
New York
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
It's hard to know for sure without directly asking why there is a decline. There are many many reasons why this can happen and knowing may not really help improve the situation.

I recently had a huge decline in gaming as well. I knew the reason (my gaming friends all busy with school) but knowing that didn't help at all. I found that the solution for me was to find alternatives. I started by picking up games that would play well solo. This empowered me to game without anyone and got me comfortable with the idea of solo gaming. Then, I started seeking out new groups to game with. That included spending more time at my local game store to see if there were any people there interested in gaming. It also meant socializing with broader groups of people to find others with similar interests as mine. It was pretty much the same thing as making new friends.

In the end, establishing alternatives for myself also took the pressure off of the people I used to rely on who kept declining. I still invite them to hang out occasionally but it isn't a big deal if they can't make it. For some of them this ended up helping get them involved again even just a little bit because it wasn't a big deal anymore. And even if they couldn't join me, I still had ways to have fun and get gaming in that didn't rely on the decliners anymore.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Shaun Morris
United States
New Jersey
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Interestingly enough, two of the guys in my group both have kids and both love game night because it gives them some time away from their families. It's not that they dislike them but it's their one night a week to cut loose and relax for a few hours. The youngest kid in their case is 4 though so they can take care of a lot stuff for themselves, such as getting a drink or snack. EDIT: Their wives are also at home taking care of the kids. This was only meant to imply that their kids don't need the attention of a newborn.

My brother-in-law, who's actually my neighbor, will also join us sometimes later in the evening once the kids are asleep. Even my sister will come over on game nights for a bit to "steal" some food since we usually end up with way more than we can eat. Their kids are still a bit young to join in though.

I think it just depends on the person. In my situation game night works because everyone involved enjoys getting out of the house for a few hours.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alexandre P.
France
Strasbourg
France
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Thunkd wrote:
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.
A more charitable interpretation might be that they have higher priorities right now. I'm sure if they had nothing else going on right now they'd probably be up for a fun night of games, but kids have a way of taking up all your available time.


I have 2 friends that once said "listen, I have lost interest for boardgames" or "listen I have got tired of how seriously other persons in the game group play, I'm not interested in thinking so hard after a work day, I'm going to stop coming to the gaming nights".

Other friends may say that they have a new job/schedule and so they can't join us fir a while.

Whatever the reason is for you to move boardgaming down in your priority list, you can explain it.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Marko Tatge
Germany
Hameln
Germany
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Did you try the German player networks [geekurl=http://www.spielekreise.de/]spielekreise.de[/geekurl] or the new app [geekurl=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVH6QXoQBIQ]Twiddle[/geekurl]

This should make it easier to find new players for game nights. (Twiddle yet has to grow, the idea behind this is great, but there are not many users yet.)
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Tony C
United States
Holly Springs
North Carolina
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Life, and priorities, change. It can be sad but it happens. There are things I did very often 2 years ago that I do not do anymore, or rarely.
Gaming is important to me so that will be in the top of the list, but it might not be as important to them. And they may not want to say "You know, that thing that's important to you isn't as important to us."

For me personally, my son is older, but he's my #1 priority and if I can share gaming with him I do, but if it's a choice between gaming and him, time with him wins. But I still game when I can with small groups or large.

I'm assuming you're hosting. Definitely suggest expanding the group if possible, while keeping them on the invite list for when they are able to join. Or, decide which is more important - spending time with them, or gaming with them. If the former, and there's something else that is a priority to them, offer to share time with them doing that. Invite them over for dinner, go for a picnic, whatever.

That said, I also buy lots of solo games.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Michel Velleman
Canada
Gatineau
Quebec
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
GodzillasTodespranke wrote:
I've two "game groups":
- a friend and his wife
- my sister and her boyfriend.

In the past two years i've had a decline in game nights to the point it isn't more than 3-4 game nights a year.

I am past six times asking with six "we don't have time" responses.

I've come to the point where i don't feel like asking anymore.

My sister (30) seems to be more interested in partying.

And my friend and his wife are more busy with their two kids and meeting other people with kids. Although i am not the only person noticing their lack of time for other people/things.

No one ever says "We don't have time this weekend, but we have time this or that date."

Seems to me like they are not interested anymore and just don't have the balls to tell me.


Let it go. They have moved on or are REALLY busy with other priorities right now it it would not be good to insist undully to find some time for gaming (it becomes an obligation and can create ressentment). Don't forget that gaming is a past time (not a lifestyle) for most peoples and that IT DOES ask for more commitment and efforts than just showing up to talk/drink with friends. I am a dedicated gamers of 48, and I quite often can't muster the energy just to even go through a solitary session of Sylvion... If they really like gaming, they will come back.

Going back to your question, I ask only twice: once to let them know that this is a possibility, and a second time to make them understand that I'm serious and available. After that, it's on them. In the meantime, solo-playable games are your friends!

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
April W
msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Just ask them if they still want to do game nights. If they do, then pin them down for a date and make it happen. This might mean planning a month in advance. If they don't want to, then you'll know to stop asking.

We have a toddler and for us it's much easier to game if (a) people come to our house, or (b) we go to somebody else's house where there are toys to occupy our child and a safe place for her to play near the gaming area. As for your thirty year old partying sister, just tell her games are much more exciting... and intellectually stimulating... and mature.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Pete
United States
Northbrook
Illinois
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Better to declare games at a regular interval (for me every Friday night, but for you it might be the first Tuesday of every month, for example).

Coordinating the schedules of groups is a nightmare. Set the gameday and if the players want to play they will plan around it. If not, you have your answer...

Pete (doesn't ask for game night...he simply declares it)
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
1 , 2  Next »   | 
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.