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Subject: EPISODE IV: "The Fall of Vader" rss

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Ken B.
United States
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It is a period of civil war.
Rebel spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Galactic Empire.

[size=10]During the battle, Rebel
spies managed to steal secret
plans to the Empire's
[size=11]ultimate weapon, the DEATH
STAR, an armored space
station with enough power
to destroy an entire planet.

[size=12]Taking some Galactic shmoes
with her after picking them
up hitchiking…something about
[size=13]"The Falcon having a busted
Hyperdrive"…Leia decides to
strike at the Empire once
and for all…

Scene I:

Interior. Docking Bay. Six figures stealthily make their entrance through the airlock.

HAN SOLO: You sure this is the right way, sweetheart?

LEIA ORGANA: (In British accent that sort of comes and goes) Absolutely. If we can find and eliminate the leaders of the Empire, we can end this war once and for all.

C-3PO: Oh, my! This sounds dreadful! What purpose can I serve here?

LEIA: If you see any stormtroopers, I need you to be *really* annoying so that they will shoot you instead.

R2-D2: *beeps approvingly*

C-3PO: Watch your tongue, R2, or I'll let those Cantina aliens use you as a port-a-potty again.[/b]

R2-D2: *wooooooooo*

LUKE: Are we going to have time to go by Tosche Station? I reaallllly neeeeeeeeed those power converters!

CHEWBACCA: *growls unintelligibly, but menacingly*


Interior. Corridor. Vader, Tarkin, and a handful of Stormtroopers are congregated together inexplicably.

VADER: I believe the Rebels are here. This will be a glorious day for the Empire; we will crush this insignificant Rebellion once and for all.

GOVERNOR TARKIN: Ah, yes, quite so. Stormtroopers, move forward and check out the disturbance.

STORMTROOPER #32: Rock! Let's move out, men!

Vader wistfully takes out a locket and opens it. He looks longingly at the picture of Natalie Portman inside for several minutes.


Interior. Corridor. The Rebel Heroes are discussing strategy.

LEIA: Right, guv'na! Eee I were all hungry, like!

HAN: No way, your worship! You want *me* and Chewie to lead the charge! We'd better be getting paid for this. Did I mention I owe Jabba a LOT of money?

LUKE: (Surly) Only, like, seventeen times.

CHEWIE: *Growls much more menacingly than the first time; it is obvious Luke has peed himself ever so slightly.*

HAN: Yeah, me too, Chewie. Kid, you go with Ms. High-and-Mighty here, Chewie and me will take the north route.

C-3PO: May we come with you, sir?

HAN: Only if you want to become scrap, Goldenrod.

Han and Chewie take the northern path while Leia, Luke and the droids head westward. Just as soon as Han and Chewie have cleared the first room, Vader and two Stormtroopers round the corner and open fire.

HAN: Chewie! We've got company!

Han's initial concerns dissipate when it becomes obvious the Stormtroopers are missing them by at least a country mile. Smugly, he picks off one, only to see two more round the corner. All the while, Governor Tarkin looks on smugly but creepily from far down the corridor.


Interior. Corridor. Luke, Leia, 3PO and R2 are heading towards a large locked door.

LUKE: I wasn't, y'know, REALLY scared of that overgrown lug.

LEIA: I can't believe I ever found you attractive.

*They kiss*

LEIA: Whoa, suddenly I felt like Marie Osmond there for a bit.

Their romantic interlude is interrupted as two Stormtroopers round the corner. As they raise their weapons, Leia is forced to think quickly.

LEIA: 'ello, yew wankers! 3PO, do your thing!

C-3PO: *sighs* "I've got something in my front pocket, for yoooooouu....there's something in my front pocket, for yooooouuuuuu...."

STORMTROOPER #42: Shut up, you!

The Stormtrooper turns his weapon on the golden droid. Humorously, he misses by a wide margin, even with his buddy standing behind him shouting, "Yeah! Yeah dad! Get 'im!"

LEIA: Wow, that's some bad dialogue, and I should know. *She shoots and kills one of the troopers.*


Interior. Vader has two of his trusted Stormtroopers in front of him, but he didn't count on the fury of the Wookie. The Wookie rushes forward, ripping the arms off of one of the troopers and then beating to death his cohort beside him.

VADER: I wonder if it's too late to get our money back from Taun We.

Vader and Chewbacca lock in close combat. It is obvious that physically, Chewie is a match for the Dark Lord as their titanic battle wages on. Han bravely stands off to the side and takes occasional shots at Vader. During the struggle between Sith Lord and Life Indebted Slave Wookie, an epic John Williams score begins to crescendo.


Interior. Luke turns suddenly.

LUKE: Did you hear that music?

LEIA: Look! Chewbacca and Vader are locked in MORTAL KOMBAT! Luke, you've got a shot! Take it!

LUKE: But...I can't! I'm feeling something really weird inside...kind of like when I kissed you, but different somehow![/b]


Luke turns his blaster, hands shaking, as horns mourn the soft, wistful sounds of destiny. With a final shot, the Dark Lord falls.

TARKIN: Excellent! My plan has succeeded. Now *I* get to be Emperor's pet! *he chuckles to himself as he makes his exit, conceding defeat.*

[size=18]THE END?
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United States
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Meega, nala kwishta!
Mere words seem to fall short of my approval of this session report.

I now realize I had missed the whole fun of SW miniatures.

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Arthur chang
United States
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Awesome, pure genius.

Didn't realize a session/battle report that didn't really recount the battle in detail could be this interesting!
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