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Subject: Can you identify this slightly NSFW artifact? rss

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Josh
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I grew up with a dude who spent many years fighting intense psychic wars. About a decade ago he decided to return to Earth, where he met a woman. When he applied for a mortgage, he had no credit rating, or even evidence that he actually existed, because he had no online presence, he'd never paid taxes or owned property or paid bills etc.

In the late 1990s he gave me an unusual artifact. I have been meaning to hivemind it for years. It is made of heavy brass. If there was a story to accompany it I have forgotten it.





I strongly believe that it is a domestic product designed to look "alien." The head of the phallus is unscrewable, and has machined threads underneath. It will not stand, due to being too front-heavy. Conversely, I do not believe it is a perverse balancing toy, because it won't balance. Also, it has never had any residues or resins on it.

I personally think a brain damaged neo-hippie crafted it as a novelty, and it made its way down an elaborate barter chain until it was given to me for whatever reason.
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James Myers
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Google image search gave bupkis, which you likely already knew, but there it is anyway.
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Stephen Rost
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You want us to Antiques Roadshow this thing?



My thought is, yes, neo-hippie, possibly a fertility statue used as a mating conversation piece.

But, the alien features might suggest a Von Daniken hypothesis.
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rekinom
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Could it be for a piercing, for the obvious?

(And there is no way I am doing a Google Image Search to find out.)
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Josh
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rekinom wrote:
Could it be for a piercing, for the obvious?
It's pretty damn heavy, and thus would be stretchy on the delicate bits, but who am I to judge?

I remembered that he was likely living in Arizona at this time.
 
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John James
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JoshBot wrote:
I grew up with a dude who spent many years fighting intense psychic wars. About a decade ago he decided to return to Earth, where he met a woman. When he applied for a mortgage, he had no credit rating, or even evidence that he actually existed, because he had no online presence, he'd never paid taxes or owned property or paid bills etc.

Ha ha, that's me

btw, ^^looks like a key ring.
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rico
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Terwox wrote:
Google image search gave bupkis, which you likely already knew, but there it is anyway.

Dick Bupkis?
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Kevin Brown
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Doomsword wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
I grew up with a dude who spent many years fighting intense psychic wars. About a decade ago he decided to return to Earth, where he met a woman. When he applied for a mortgage, he had no credit rating, or even evidence that he actually existed, because he had no online presence, he'd never paid taxes or owned property or paid bills etc.

Ha ha, that's me

btw, ^^looks like a key ring.


Physic wars. I got the ref. Nice.
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Kevin Brown
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I think mondo-phallus has "white elephant gift exchange" written all over it.
 
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Chief Slovenly
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DAD??!?!!?
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Marco Schaub
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JoshBot wrote:
The head of the phallus is unscrewable


Why do you know this? What's your fascination with alien penisses?
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Tony
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I would say some sort of weird coat/hat hook, but it doesn't seem to have any way to mount it to a wall.
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One of those Egyptian ritual tools that helps you extract soft organs from inside the dead.

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Odious Maximus
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I think its a souvenir from a Hipster holiday to one of those south American countries where you can try legal and all natural acid dispensed to you by a British Shaman who dropped out of university. I think they give you a free return ticket if you manage not to die during the experience.
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Born To Lose, Live To Win
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Have you made a Heroscape custom card for it yet?
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J.D. Hall
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Worst.
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Josh
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TonyJF wrote:
I would say some sort of weird coat/hat hook, but it doesn't seem to have any way to mount it to a wall.
I should have given dimensions: about 1 3/4 inches tall, almost two inches across.
 
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Josh
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Odiousmaximus wrote:
I think its a souvenir from a Hipster holiday to one of those south American countries where you can try legal and all natural acid dispensed to you by a British Shaman who dropped out of university. I think they give you a free return ticket if you manage not to die during the experience.
I suspect that this is the most accurate answer, though an American product because he wouldn't have had passport, driver's license, etc.
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Mary Weisbeck
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This is a pre-internet dating scheme. When you meet the right woman, she will have the female counterpart that screws onto the end when you unscrew the present tip. Good luck with that.
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Pete Martyn
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While it doesn't look exactly like any piece I've ever seen, the first thing that came to mind was the highly sexual pottery of the Moche people (probably not a great thing to Google at work, but hey, it's culture!)

I wonder if this was some sort of risque trinket from Peru or Chile? Can't imagine what it was supposed to be used for, though.
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Mike Waleke
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My guess is a cuff link for large wrists.
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I'm free-basing midichloriens and the force is, like, an energy that connects and penetrates us all, man.
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I can almost tell it doesn't - but is there any kind of attaching mechanism under the feet?

It almost looks like some kind of bell striker, like from an animated clock.
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I'm not sure, but I'm sure it has something to do with weed paraphernalia.
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Andy Beaton
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Did anyone else see this stop-motion animated film from the 60's about some knife-wielding fetish doll that chases Karen Black around her apartment with a knife?

Luckily, this guy doesn't have a knife.
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I'm free-basing midichloriens and the force is, like, an energy that connects and penetrates us all, man.
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MWChapel wrote:
I'm not sure, but I'm sure it has something to do with weed paraphernalia.


If you grasp the figure and rub 'the tip' against metal, does it spark?
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