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Subject: Losing against Girlfriend rss

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Nestor Ivanor
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75% of my plays are 2 player games against my girlfriend. She tends to win about 70% of the time. I do not mind losing against her as i know she gets upset when she doesn't win. However, just recently I feel like i have been losing against her quite a bit more than usual and i have come to the point where i just get annoyed at losing against her. I'm not sure how she beats me in so many games but she seems to have better strategy when it comes to long term planning in games.

I would like to make an excuse for myself and just say that i have been studying a lot lately and using that part of my brain throughout the day might be the same part that is used when playing strategy games so my neurons are just not firing at full capacity. Or i am just not as good at gaming as she is. LoL

Do any of you tend to lose more than you win when playing against your significant other?
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Matt Brown
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You have someone to play against. You are winning.

Sincerely,
A single dude.
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Chris Laudermilk
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Against my wife, generally no. She doesn't make as much time to study the games & strategy as I do. My oldest son on the other hand...he's a shark. I have to bring my A-game to compete against him. We are about 50-50 with me holding a slight edge.

There are some games that he totally dominated and I got frustrated for a while. I realized what I needed to do was buckle down and figure out where he was playing better than me--then find ways to counter it. That's become an interesting meta-game in itself.
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Thom0909
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Nivanor wrote:
Or i am just not as good at gaming as she is. LoL

You said she has better long-term planning, so maybe she is just better than you. No reason to think any two people have to be equally good at boardgaming.
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Jacob
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Sounds like someone needs to practice.
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Stuart Dunn
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1. Be glad she plays with you
2. Do you subconsciously take it easy on her, because you think you know the game better than her and are in teaching mode? Or are these games y'all have played multiple times?
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Nestor Ivanor
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i used to do better against her but now it just feels like she's blowing me away in some games. we played Caylus yesterday and she beat me by 22 points. In Yokohama she beat me by 27 points.

I always tend to just go with whatever strategy and never have any set plan in place. Obviously thats not working out for me.
 
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Christopher Peters
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I've found that my wife is better than me at long term strategy execution, and I'm better than her at short term tactical decisions.

I tend to enjoy planning and strategy more so I lose a lot.
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Rich Shipley
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Nivanor wrote:
Do any of you tend to lose more than you win when playing against your significant other?


My wife was already a gamer when I met her and she is better at some games than I am. I like talking a little about strategy after a game so we can learn from each other.

You should ask yourself why you play games. I used to play tennis against someone who was better than I am, but I just enjoyed playing. And the occasional wins were sweet. If winning is too important, then the experience cam be spoiled.

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Nestor Ivanor
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Dismas wrote:
1. Be glad she plays with you
2. Do you subconsciously take it easy on her, because you think you know the game better than her and are in teaching mode? Or are these games y'all have played multiple times?


I dont necessarily take it easy on her but i'm not mean or try to be cut throat just so she won't win. I could play more aggressively but i don't.

The games we play are usually games we have played more than 2 or 3 times. Some as many as 10 times.
 
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Nivanor wrote:


Do any of you tend to lose more than you win when playing against your significant other?


I lose games to my wife all the time. And she isn't even a hobbyist. Damn her!

That's why I have a gaming circle. At least I have a better chance with them.
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Pete
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Nivanor wrote:
75% of my plays are 2 player games against my girlfriend. She tends to win about 70% of the time. I do not mind losing against her as i know she gets upset when she doesn't win. However, just recently I feel like i have been losing against her quite a bit more than usual and i have come to the point where i just get annoyed at losing against her. I'm not sure how she beats me in so many games but she seems to have better strategy when it comes to long term planning in games.

I would like to make an excuse for myself and just say that i have been studying a lot lately and using that part of my brain throughout the day might be the same part that is used when playing strategy games so my neurons are just not firing at full capacity. Or i am just not as good at gaming as she is. LoL

Do any of you tend to lose more than you win when playing against your significant other?
My "significant other" for gaming purposes is my 8-year old daughter. I could beat her 100% of the time if I wanted to. That wouldn't be fun for anyone.

We handicap. She understands that she is 8 and can't compete on a level playing field, and doesn't mind. She probably wins 70% of the time, as we typically set the handicap aggressively in her favor. But make no mistake...I am doing everything in my power to beat her, and she knows it. That's what makes it fun. The tension and "fear" is there because she knows I'm coming after her with everything I've got.

As long as you're genuinely playing all-out to beat her, an opponent who wins 70% of the time is a godsend. That's a true challenge. Savor it.

Pete (loves to win, but really needs to earn it to be happy)
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Michael Korson
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Nivanor wrote:

I always tend to just go with whatever strategy and never have any set plan in place. Obviously thats not working out for me.


I believe you just solved your own problem - you may now proceed to Level 2.

But in all seriousness, yes - having an overall strategy when playing games like Caylus would probably help level the playing field - although it may still take some time as you try different ones.

On the otherhand, definitely be happy that you can play board games with your significant other! 90% of games I play are against my wife - can't imagine how little actual gaming I would get in if she was unwilling to playcry
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Nestor Ivanor
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cnp3 wrote:
I've found that my wife is better than me at long term strategy execution, and I'm better than her at short term tactical decisions.

I tend to enjoy planning and strategy more so I lose a lot.


LoL likewise. That's exactly me.
 
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Dianne N.
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I win 100% of games against my husband the first time we play. It annoys the heck out of him. The thing is, I pick things up pretty quickly and I find it easy to see how the pieces come together, whether I'm the one that read the rule book or I'm having a game taught to me.

But after that, my husband wins most of the time. The thing is, he's better at long term strategies and seeing how the interconnected pieces are related. I see how the puzzle comes together, he sees why they come together in that way. My play is superficial while his is deeper.

On the other hand, a game that is 90% tactics, constantly dealing with changes in game state, and usually involving eking out points with math - I'll usually win.

But if a game involves long-term planning and executing a strategy that you need to have formed in the first few rounds of the game, my husband will usually win.

Some people will tell you that you need more practice, but I've had plenty of practice and still can't handle strategy for the life of me - I'm just not wired that way, and I can get a little better over time, but it's not enough to actually win, just to not lose as bad as I did the last time. Same for my husband when it comes to tactics and having to adjust to a game on the fly.

We're just good at different things. I have a feeling it might be the same with you and your girlfriend. Try finding games that click better with the way you play, or that challenge your girlfriend in different ways, and you might win more.
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Scott Ruby
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My wife and I play a lot of 2 player games. My running joke is that I have to keep getting new games so that I can beat her while she is still figuring the game out. She picks up on new games pretty well, and is hard to beat once she knows the game. We tend to be fairly even, but can go on streaks of losing/winning. We play a wide variety of games, from easier to complex. My wife will usually win at Carcassonne and Puerto Rico but I usually win at Ticket to Ride and Lewis & Clark. It can be frustrating when you keep losing, but it will turn around, and to have a gaming girlfriend is a wonderful thing.
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Pete
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Nivanor wrote:
I dont necessarily take it easy on her but i'm not mean or try to be cut throat just so she won't win. I could play more aggressively but i don't.
This is probably why you're losing. You're doing nobody a favor here. As I noted in my last post, if I wasn't playing my very best to beat my kid, she would lose interest. She doesn't go easy on me...why should I go easy on her?

Pete (suspects you are passively reacting to your girlfriend's hatred of losing)
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Ian Williams
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I'm in the same boat. My fiance beats me in games most of the time, and I'm usually fine with it. Years of Magic have made her, for the most part, better than me.

Every so often it does frustrate me though. When the losing streak hits double digits. When I lose at the thinky euro, then the dice-chucker, then the deckbuilder, then the high-luck-fest. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but those are the breaks. I wouldn't want her to lose on purpose.

... Well, maybe once.
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Nestor Ivanor
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plezercruz wrote:
Nivanor wrote:
I dont necessarily take it easy on her but i'm not mean or try to be cut throat just so she won't win. I could play more aggressively but i don't.
This is probably why you're losing. You're doing nobody a favor here. As I noted in my last post, if I wasn't playing my very best to beat my kid, she would lose interest. She doesn't go easy on me...why should I go easy on her?

Pete (suspects you are passively reacting to your girlfriend's hatred of losing)


Pete, you are probably most definitely correct.
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Simon Maynard
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So, try some games that are more tactical rather than strategic and see how they play out. Games like Nations or Race for the Galaxy...
 
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James Rountrey
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Complexity is the only thing that keeps us from predicting every second of our future. hmmm!
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My wife beats me constantly. I seem to have the edge on new games and games with little to no player interaction. She completely dominates me on PVP tactics. I find that if I can hide my strategy she has more trouble mucking up the works for me. My advantage is fast comprehension and seeing the big picture (long term strategy). Her advantage is in tactical decision making (take that) and keeping her eye on the close ball (short term strategy).
 
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B K
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Nivanor wrote:
plezercruz wrote:
Nivanor wrote:
I dont necessarily take it easy on her but i'm not mean or try to be cut throat just so she won't win. I could play more aggressively but i don't.
This is probably why you're losing. You're doing nobody a favor here. As I noted in my last post, if I wasn't playing my very best to beat my kid, she would lose interest. She doesn't go easy on me...why should I go easy on her?

Pete (suspects you are passively reacting to your girlfriend's hatred of losing)


Pete, you are probably most definitely correct.


If it makes you feel better, I lose to my 9 year old in chess 90% of the time and I don't handicap or pull punches. I should have spent my money on lessons for me instead of him. I feel your pain, but echo the sentiment of the previous poster, be grateful you have someone who wants to play with you and can be competitive in doing so.
 
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Pete
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celdom wrote:
I'm in the same boat. My fiance beats me in games most of the time, and I'm usually fine with it. Years of Magic have made her, for the most part, better than me.

Every so often it does frustrate me though. When the losing streak hits double digits. When I lose at the thinky euro, then the dice-chucker, then the deckbuilder, then the high-luck-fest. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but those are the breaks. I wouldn't want her to lose on purpose.

... Well, maybe once.
I let my wife win a game...once.

I had her beaten. She knew it. And then she said...

"If you let me win I will know you love me."

I refused. Vehemently. I probably turned red... possibly purple. She pressed:

"It's only because I know how much you hate it that I will know you mean it."

I squirmed. This was an anathema. I could not abide it. I was silent, pondering my options.

"Is winning really that important to you?"

Well, no. But being coerced into conceding sucks. It was the coercion, not the losing. At least I think it was. I sat there with the worst case of analysis paralysis I'd ever encountered.

I debated offering a draw. No good. One, it would result in a "qualified statement of love." It would say, "I will show you I love you, but only so much." It would not do. Also, calling it a draw is still coercion, just mitigated somewhat. And of course, it highlights that "not losing" really is that important to me. Rejected.

There were no witnesses. Nobody to see this blatant mistrial of justice.
Yet it would set a precedent that I could never rectify. I finally spoke.

"I will let you win this game, to 'show you I love you.' You will agree to never, ever, EVER ask me to do so again."

"Deal."

I let her win. In the past 15 years since, she has never asked again.

Pete (doesn't even remember what game it was)
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Mark Hunter
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Nivanor wrote:

Pete, you are probably most definitely correct.


No, Pete is absolutely definitively definitely correct!

My wife was never a gamer and only plays rarely. If I win, that's it for a long long time as she says that I gloat (I don't!) She just hates to lose. I don't play hard against her now. No point, I don't like tension!
My kids on the other hand.....no prisoners are taken!!!!!
 
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Bryan Thunkd
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plezercruz wrote:
an opponent who wins 70% of the time is a godsend. That's a true challenge. Savor it.
Better yet, learn from it.

Nivanor wrote:
I'm not sure how she beats me in so many games but she seems to have better strategy when it comes to long term planning in games.
Figure out why you lost. What did she do better? What was her long term strategy? Why did it outperform yours? What could you have done differently to compete with her, or to block her strategy? What strategy would have worked better?

You don't have any idea why she beats you because you're not trying to figure it out.

Nivanor wrote:
I always tend to just go with whatever strategy and never have any set plan in place.
Yeah. Just floundering and randomly doing stuff isn't going to beat an opponent with a plan.

Step one is having a plan. Step two is evaluating how that plan is working as you go along and making adjustments and/or abandoning it if need be. Step three is reviewing how the plan worked or didn't and figuring out the strengths and weaknesses of your plan and how you can incorporate those lessons next time.

Just doing something a lot isn't sufficient to get better at it. If you're just playing a game and not paying attention, or not evaluating how things went or how to improve, then you'll never get better.
 
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