Arthur Williams
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Gloomweaver [90] in Magmaria, vs. Project Adamant [Medico 14, Mainstay 15, Idealist 12, Writhe 13], Dark Watch Ex-Patriette [30], Kvothe Six-String [23], Rook City Wraith [27], and Termi-Nation Unity [27]. This weak-ass villain isn’t even on Advanced; only twice have I managed to lose against him, mostly as a result of my own recklessness, and now I’ve got eight heroes gunning for him, which is likely to make him go down quickly, unless his luck is near-perfect.

Setup: Five Zombie Servants [2] enter play. The Sentinels draw Horrifying Dichotomy, Second Chance, Team Communication, and Unique Capabilities; this is unlikely to end badly for them. Expat has doomsday prep at its finest: Assault Rifle, Quick Draw, Arsenal Access and Speed Loading. Kvothe the Adept opens on two Cedistic Dissonants, with a Scherzo of Frost and Flame between them, and also a Polyphoric Flare; that’s about the worst draw he could have gotten, so he at least won’t be helping the heroes do much in the early game. Wraith however gets Grappling Hook, Impromptu Invention, Infrared Eyepiece and Utility Belt, so she’s good. Finally, Unity starts with Powered Shockwave, Swift Bot, Brainstorm and Construction Pylon; as with pretty much everyone other than Argent, this is a pretty strong opening, so it doesn’t look good for Gloomy.

Villain 1: Plays Crimson Pin [9] on Expat; the zombies make their extremely brief showing by attacking her twice [27, then 24], move on to Wraith and Unity [24], and finally attack any one of the three again; Wraith accepts this hit [21]. So much for the undead apocalypse.

Sentinels 1: Play Unique Capabilities to get out Aura of Vision, shuffles, draws Fling into Darkness, plays TeamComm, draws second Second Chance, Coordinated Assault, TeamComm again, and Human Shield, then draws Durasteel Chains, Good Hero Bad Hero, Blackout, and third Second Chance. For final play, Writhe does Blackout on Gloomweaver [88], who slaughters his own Zombies in a fit of stereotypical villain incompetence (also hitting the Crimson Pin [7] and himself [86]), depriving Expat of the ability to mow them down with her Assault Rifle. Mainstay then Haymakers Gloomy [84] and the Sentinels finally end their turn by drawing Restorative Burst. A poor start for the villain team….

Ex-Patriette 1: Arsenal Access reveals Shock Rounds and Hollow Points; she sadly puts the latter into her hand, then Aims. Draws Tactical Shotgun and takes 3 from the Crimson Pin [21].

Argent Adept 1: Sticks the Scherzo into play, then uses Sympathy on Wraith and Unity, putting Raptor Bot [2] into play and discarding Trust Fund. Draws Arcane Cadence, so at least his next turn won’t be completely selfless and dull.

Wraith 1: Impromptu draws Throat Jab, searches out Razor Ordnance and plays Utility Belt. Deals 3 to Gloomy [81], then Sleuths the Environment, discarding a Crystalloid Behemoth. Draws Suture Self.

Unity 1: Under the circumstances, it seems a bit more reasonable than usual to use Construction Pylon for just one Golem, namely Swift Bot [6]. Draws Champion Bot and Modular Workbench, then Raptor Bot deals 3 to Gloomy [78].

Enviro 1: Smoldering Crystal enters play.

Villain 2: Indigo Pin [9] enters play, and must also target Expat. Gloomweaver mopes.

Sentinels 2: Aura of Vision lets Wraith draw Mega Computer. Mainstay busts out his Durasteel Chains and wallops Gloomy for 3 [75]. Draws Hippocratic Oath.

Ex-Patriette 2: Tempting as the Tactical Shotgun is, Expat can’t resist playing the Assault Rifle now that there are three targets again, dealing 3 damage thanks to Aim [Gloomy 72, Crimson 4, Indigo 6]. Draws Shock Rounds, then discards...sigh, the Shotgun.

Argent Adept 2: Cadence reveals Telamon’s Lyra (trash), Instrumental Conjuration (top), Inspiring Supertonic (hand), Anpunku’s Drum (play), and another Scherzo (bottom). With no ability to Perform, Kvothe plays the Drum just to activate Scherzo of Frost and Flame [Gloomweaver 70]. Draws the Conjuration.

Wraith 2: Although IREP would make for a solid second play, it would make this game much more boring, so Wraith has nothing better to do with her play than Suture Self [24]. Gives Gloomy a close shave [67] and Sleuths out a Magmarian Throng (a questionable call, but I think it’s more likely to help than harm). Draws Micro-Targeting Computer.

Unity 2: Plays Brainstorm [Gloomweaver 66, Crimson 3, Indigo 5] to draw Platform Bot and Bee Bot, then plays Modular Workbench. Discards Bee Bot to put Platform Bot [3] into play, draws Supply Crate, and deals 4 damage to Gloomy with Raptor Bot [62] and 3 more with Platform Bot [59].

Enviro 2: Crystal Collector [6] enters play. Unity picks up the Smoldering Crystal [21] and starts to hand it to the newcomer; the Throng first discards Crystalloid Behemoth, two more Smoldering Crystals, another Behemoth, and both Fiery Crystallizations, finally playing Seismic Defender [10]. Unity then gets her cards: Bee Bot, Stealth Bot, and Powered Shockwave.

Villain 3: Cursed Acolyte [6] shows up to rescue his master from utter patheticness and at least bloody the heroes’ noses a good bit. Raptor Bot dies to the fire damage, while Platform and Swift survive until the infernal hits; Mainstay takes 4 [11] and all other heroes take 6 [Medico 8, Idealist 6, Writhe 7, Expat 15, Kvothe 17, Wraith 18, Unity 15].

Sentinels 3: Aura of Vision feeds Kvothe a Silver Shadow. Mainstay kills the Acolyte with a single Coordinated Assault, then Haymakers Gloomy [56]. Draws Horrifying Dichotomy.

Ex-Patriette 3: Puts Hollow Points into the Assault Rifle, mowing down the Crimson Pin [X] while wounding Gloomy [52] and the Indigo Pin [1]. Draws Arsenal Access, then discards it to the Pin.

Argent Adept 3: Plays Instrumental Conjuration to find Eydisiar’s Horn, and manages to shuffle the second Scherzo to the top of his deck and draw that. Unity receives his Sympathy, along with Expat; the latter turns out to be the better recipient, discarding Supply Crate and putting Hair-Trigger Reflexes out. Draws Rhapsody of Vigor.

Wraith 3: MTC ups her Razor’s damage to 5 [Gloomy 51], and Sleuth puts out another Throng. Clear story arc going on here. Draws Smoke Bombs.

Unity 3: Plays Supply Crate, finding Volatile Parts (they must be in the little ziploc baggie along with the address label, since opening the actual crate comes later). Activates Reconfigure to bring back Platform Bot (since she has no Bots out, she needn’t destroy one), drawing Scrap Metal and then Inspired Repair. The Bot shoots Gloomy [48].

Enviro 3: Inner-Core Tunneler [12], Stone Shaper [8], and Ember Shaman [4] are all played, leaving the enviro deck empty. Expat reflexively shoots them all [11, 8, and 3].

Villain 4: Profane Zealot [5] rushes to the rescue of his beleaguered boss, who remains totally inert as usual. Expat bounces a bullet off his skull, and the Zombie, whom all the heroes ignored for a full round, attempts to get Wraith’s attention [15].

Sentinels 4: Give Expat more Hollow Points. A Fling Into Darkness gets rid of the Zealot and brings back another Zombie [2], then Mainstay continues pummeling Gloomy’s face [45]. Draws Horrifying Dichotomy yet again.

Ex-Patriette 4: A recalculation of HP earlier revealed that the Indigo Pin was at 1 HP rather than 2 on her last turn; it’s still acceptible that she didn’t kill it at the time, but now is the time to correct this. Puts Shock Rounds into the Assault Rifle, mowing down both Zombies and hitting Gloomy for a total of 3 [42]; collateral damage rakes across all the Magmarians [Collector 5, Defender 9, Tunneler 10, Shaper 6, Shaman 2]. Draws “Prejudice”.

Argent Adept 4: Puts down Cedistic Dissonant, then plays Eydisiar’s Horn. Has come up with a plan for reducing the current near-inevitability of a Behemoth attack, but finds he lacks the resources to act on it, so he simply Scherzos the main villain [43] and discards the other Dissonant and the Rhapsody to draw two Counterpoint Bulwarks flanked by Conjurations.

Wraith 4: Unable to use Sleuth, plays the IREP and chooses Crimson Pin over Indigo, again mostly because I want to up the minimal danger level of the game, daring this wimp villain to defeat me, and avoiding the effort of discarding random cards. Gloomy gets Razored again [38] and she draws Combat Stance as well as Mega Computer.

Unity 4: Pops her Crate to draw Brainstorm and Flash Forge. Powered Shock Wave deals 2 across the board, killing Ember Shaman in accordance with Kvothe’s plan [Gloomy 36, Collector 3, Defender 7, Tunneler 8, Shaper 4]. However, as I move on to powers, I realize that Bee Bot is a more rational response to the risk of Behemoths, and discard Flash Forge to play it. Draws Hasty Augmentation, then has Platform Bot shoot Gloomy [33].

Enviro 4: The deck is shuffled and disgorges a Behemoth, rather as expected; this is allowed to kill Stone Shaper and hit Gloomy for 4 [29], then Bee Bot crashes into it, zapping Gloomy on the way [27] and capturing the Behemoth as a Magma Crystal. Magmarian Throng discards all the Crystals and Crystallizations, plus one Behemoth, in search of the late Ember Shaman (who enters play at [3] thanks to Twitchy Expat); “he is risen”, Crystal Collector proclaims, and then the Defender has the more rational reaction of smashing Gloomy across the face with the melted remains of the Behemoth [21]. The other Magmarian Throng discards the final Behemoth card and collapses, then Inner-Core Tunneler and Ember Shaman discuss the latter’s experiences being dead.

Villain 5: Sobbingly affixes a Crimson Pin [9...*BANG*...I mean 8] to Kvothe as his entire turn, wondering why he even bothered getting out of bed this aeon.

Sentinels 5: Draws their own card in hopes of Sentinel Tactics, but instead gets the almost-better Dark Delusion. “Almost”, because they can get 1 more damage dealt to Gloomy with Horrifying Dichotomy; everyone except the Idealist (who has done nothing but feed people cards all game; this must be a school day) ends up dealing 3 damage to Gloomy this round, leaving him at [18]. NOW I draw Sentinel Tactics.

Ex-Patriette 5: Hollow Points let her deal a total of 4 damage to Gloomy [14]. “I miss my shotgun”, she sighs; “Hashtag first world problems”, Unity retorts, entirely without self-awareness. Draws Submachine Gun.

Argent Adept 5: At this point, his paltry 2 damage won’t contribute to winning before another environment turn, so he plays Polyphoric Flare [15] so he can fire off Sympathy and then choose a song in response. He picks himself and the Sentinels, turning up Drake’s Pipes and tossing them aside with a disdainful shrug, then ordering Mainstay to make a Coordinated Assault [Gloomy 8]. Blows his Horn for 2 more damage to the villain [6], not bothering with his Accompany. Draws Vernal Sonata and takes damage from the Pin [12].

Wraith 5: Throat Jab and Razor Ordinance finish Gloomy off before Unity can do any more damage to the Magmarian populace. Exactly the outcome I suspected would occur; damn, what a badly-designed villain.
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