Years ago a girlfriend paid some fee to have a star registered in my name. I got a certificate and everything. I am assuming one can only buy naming rights to stars that are not visible to the naked eye. But there is a star map included showing the location of my star relative to other visible stars. Based on that map, if the star named after me was visible, John O'Haver would be the dickhead of Orion.
You sure your last name's not Thomas?