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HOW TO CORRECTLY REACT TO A NEGATIVE REVIEW OF A GAME YOU LOVE IN 4 EASY STEPS (and, frankly, quite a bunch of substeps):


1. First of all: by all means, take it personal. Boardgames are the most important thing in the world, and as such, the dislike of a perfect stranger on the web should mean that he’s questioning your deepest beliefs and values. Everything you hold dear, that person is spiting on it. The OP’s obvious intention is to ridiculize you and drag through the mud your cherished memories of you having fun and playing the game with your friends and family. Hell, you’re angry, and what’s more important, rightly so!!!


2. Not everyone is entitled to an opinion here. The OP probably thought he could get away with disliking the game you're in love with. But these threads are just for people who adore the game. Haters don’t belong here, and posting a negative review equals “hater”. Boardgamegeek, the Government, a Rightful Tyrant or whoever should silence dissident opinions like the one the OP displays. Everyone’s liking should resonate with ours, in perfect harmony and synchronicity. If we tolerate opposite points of view, then this could all end in a democracy, free speech or something of the likes.


3. Immediately disqualify the review. If no one’s taking down this review, it falls upon your shoulders to minimize the impact in the world generated by this particularly harmful review: you cannot just “take it” and thanks the OP for sharing his thoughts, it is your holy duty to absolutely rebute everything he stated.
Please take careful note and resort to these tactics (nothing is dirty enough when it comes to disqualifying the review, the end justifies the means).

3.1. Start softly in order to go for the throat right after. Always begin by something vague and trivial to soften up the OP’s expectations, like: “I agree with you to some extent”, or “Thank you for sharing your opinion”, or “I respect your point of view”; then add “BUT” and give him no quarter. It is important that you look like a reasonable person in the beginning, so your “murdering to come” comes across more objective and not totally emotionally biaised. If the OP thought for a second someone was understanding or reasonable, then the hammering will be even more painful, as it will catch him off guard.

3.2. Resort to consensus omnium: the OP is a complete idiot (and incidentally wrong about this) because of how many people have rated this game high. Alternatively, point out the huge amount of glaring reviews this particular game got. So many people just can’t be wrong at the same time (just don’t google “Myth of the flat Earth”); hence the OP irrevocably is. Everything in the world works in a binary way. If you know where the OP lives or something, just organize everything to pay a visit. Torches and pitchforks will have him unite the cause and revere the truth you all share.

3.3. Gang up on the OP, dismiss any support he receives. If you can take advantage of the rare circumstance that there are more fans than not fans reading the thread, just invite the rest to join you and humiliate the OP. He needs to learn the lesson: maybe he can win this battle, but the long war is ahead: sooner or later he’ll find that people who love the game must defend their opinion and take down the criticism. Again, resort to consensus omnium, this time just in a more obvious way, like inviting the OP to leave this forum if all he’s got to contribute is criticism. The OP is a coward for being here and even answering back your criticism, make sure he does get bashed. Otherwise other voices could join and support him in his mislead point of view.

3.4. If this is a KS project and the OP is reviewing an old version of the game; or this is reprint; or he has had access to some kind of prototype, show a hyper agressive attitude: the guy is trying on purpose to rain on your parade and deprive all of you of your hard earned Stretch Goals. Please ignore that 99% of Stretch Goals today are fake and actually don’t reflect the original policy for Stretch Goals. The game may not be funded only because of him. The game you desperately need. The game you and all your backers-fellows-brothers in arms are putting your faith and money and hours of duty on. The game that could be the end of all games. THE game. The perfect game. Just look at how easily people are discouraged depending on reviews before pledging and double check if someone is dropping their pledge after this review: it’s certainly happening. It’s all linked to this review. This negative review menaces the perfectness of the game. Dammit, if the review stays unanswered for one more minute, the game could not be funded at all in the end.

3.5. Use the old but reliable “you didn’t address X” trick. A positive review is perfectly fine with a “We totally enjoy the game, it was a blast!!! Besides, nice components (maybe a couple of pics)", and they're good to go. However, a negative review should contain at least objective information pertaining the size and weight of the box, the sleeves the game needs, time of play by chronometer, account the exact number of players this was played with, your personal biais (are you a SW hater or fanboy?), how many pages the rulebook is, exact description (akin to a session report) of how did you play the game, how much did you pay for the game, and of course, then be honest about your subjective impressions: were you depressed while playing? Maybe were you having your period? Why, exactly, did she felt whatever she felt about the game? Stating her dislike is not enough: she must justify it from a psychological point of view. Resort to several schools of psychology if need be, until she fails the test. Everything must be addressed if she dared to claim she didn’t like the game. Mechanics (all of them), rules (every line), artwork (on the box, cards, promos), atmosphere (including references or homages you shouldn’t be missing), difficulty (not just standard, the games always shines at a different one), recomended number of players... One thing missed and her entire point of view will be utterly disqualified (well done, btw).

3.6. “How many times did you play it?” As with the previous point, reviews in which the OP is fool enough to announce he just played it once / twice / 3 times, etc., are disqualified by default. The OP should have spent at least weeks of playtime in order to get a good grasp of why he’s actually not liking the game. Otherwise, maybe he’s liking it, but he didn’t realize because he needs more hours and sessions of play. If the OP doesn’t fall for this trick, just harass him until he confesses he has just played this 7 times. Whichever the quantity, it should never be enough. And also, don’t forget the possibility he liked the game the first time, then the game didn’t grow on him after repeated plays, simply never happens. Like Endor, it doesn’t exist.

3.7. “You didn’t play it correctly”. Of course, positive reviews should be allowed to have blatant mistakes about rules (because the game is fun anyway, so who cares if you’re not playing correctly?). Negative reviews, on the other hand, must be examined under the microscope: the OP is not getting away with his opinion if he just forgot to refresh a card once. He didn’t like the game because he just played it right 99% of the rules, you know. There’s still time to save the poor soul once he knows and comes to appreciate the difference between round and turn, for that makes the game. If he made great mistakes, however, we should merciless kill him for posting them. Slowly, we want him to suffer.

3.8. Attack the person and his entourage: “The fault is yours and your group's, not the game's”. Say “No game is for everyone”, but, you know, kind of implying this is indeed for everyone. Except dumbasses like the OP and his group. So if they didn’t find the game enjoyable, they should keep it for themselves, not come here to share it and potentially warn similar groups. In fact, there are no such things as “similar groups”. The OP and his group are freaks, as proved by the fact you and everyone you know in your gaming bubble just simply adore the game. Those retards just don’t know how to have good fun, that’s the problem. They couldn’t even recognize quality if it was under their nose. Simply put, "the fault is yours, not the game’s". Repent.

3.9. Don’t forget, whatever your method is (if you’re not employing all of them. Which you should. Because it is totally called for), to personally attack the OP. He deserves it. He totally can’t:

a) read.
b) comprehend simple instructions.
c) develop any sense of strategy.
d) appreciate stunning artwork.
e) enjoy and have laughs with friends.
f) hell, he probably doesn’t have any friends. The sucker has nothing better to do than coming to these boards to post insulting reviews... HE’S A BLOODY LOSER. (try to type it like that, not “looser”. Yeah, I know this can happen when you unleash your inner beast).

3.10. Quickly go over his personal preferences and question them. Some reviewers are silly enough to rate games. Or to have a “Top ten list”. Whenever possible, take a good look, hunting for his favourite games, then belittle him and his taste: how can he dislike your favourite game, when he’s rated (insert whatever) a 10!!!??? I mean, how dare you??? To simply have an opinion besides not liking this piece of art? At the same time, hide your preferences. We don’t want him to know that two can play this game and be awared that you rated Monopoly a “solid 7 in my book, what’s not to like?”. Also, go both ways: find out the rest of games he rates low, and expose him: “It’s no wonder you didn’t like this godlike game, you also rated “that other game” a 2. Some people just cannot... “whatever”. QED". Look up what Quod erat demonstrandum means, and add it in the end; it always looks cool and helps further disproving the OP’s point.


4. Always have fun with your game. Don’t ever comment that nowadays you play it less, or that your group is growing tired of playing it, or that you’re beginning to consider newer alternatives because this didn’t age exactly like the game it was supposed to be... Remember, those negative thoughts sometimes lead to finally posting negative reviews. And you don’t want Thought Police to knock at your door, don’t you? You are a Paladin. A true hero. So many people depend and count on you. It is a dirty job, but someone has to do it! Put your best smile on, and go get them, Tiger!!!

(P.S.: Geekgold is appreciated if you think this was worth it. I didn't ask this post to be tipped by the webpage. Thank you)
33th edit: please don't feel I any way at all obliged to tip this: a couple of incredibly generous readers have solved my geek gold problems forever. Very much appreciated.

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Jerry Martin
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You missed make sure and write a long guide on how to handle negative reviewers.
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Quote:
“How many times did you play it?” As with the previous point, reviews in which the OP is fool enough to announce he just played it once / twice / 3 times, etc., are disqualified by default.

If the reviewer didn't play it very much, clearly they don't know it well enough to give a bad review.

If the reviewer played it a lot, clearly they can't give it a bad review since they liked it enough to play it that much.

(I really, really wish I was just making up silly comments and not speaking from experience)
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Syvanis wrote:
You missed make sure and write a long guide on how to handle negative reviewers.


Sure thing!

I also missed, "If you cannot refute the review, try and flag the post pressing the red X". Maybe an addendum...?
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Kolby Reddish
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3.11 - Passive-aggressively assert, repeatedly, that the reviewer and any that don't agree with you just "don't get it." Obviously, any game you enjoy is so perfect that to dislike it means that the individual simply cannot see how brilliant the system is.

See also.
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This is spot on. I thumbed it, and would have tipped it if you hadn't asked for a tip.
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ampoliros wrote:
This is spot on. I thumbed it, and would have tipped it if you hadn't asked for a tip.


I tipped for you.
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ampoliros wrote:
This is spot on. I thumbed it, and would have tipped it if you hadn't asked for a tip.


Precisely.
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Quote:
The OP should have spent at least weeks of playtime in order to get a good grasp of why he’s actually not liking the game.


Yep. See if you take a sip of spoiled milk and spit it out, you are obligated not only to finish the glass, but also drink the whole gallon before you are qualified to judge.
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ampoliros wrote:
This is spot on. I thumbed it, and would have tipped it if you hadn't asked for a tip.


I thank you for thumbing up, but I didn't ask for a tip: I said that would be appreciated, because I'm in need of Geekgold. So, in a way, I suggested it, certainly didn't request it.

No hard feelings if you don't want to tip it, it's something I made for free, for everyone to enjoy!
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reddish22 wrote:
ampoliros wrote:
This is spot on. I thumbed it, and would have tipped it if you hadn't asked for a tip.


I tipped for you.


Thanks a lot!!! Appreciate it!
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reddish22 wrote:


Wow, I didn't even know this existed! Fantastic job! I tipped you (this is what I need Geekgold mostly for)!
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Bill Cook
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I’m sorry, but the correct answer is post a meme. Post. A meme

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Ghost CoD wrote:
reddish22 wrote:


Wow, I didn't even know this existed! Fantastic job! I tipped you (this is what I need Geekgold mostly for)!




Stunning, epic tipping, good sir. This surpasses my expectations and is very much welcome
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Also be aware that every bad review I didn’t agree with, was caused by the reviewer’s false expectations.

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Highland Cow wrote:

Also be aware that every bad review I didn’t agree with, was caused by the reviewer’s false expectations.



Absolutely!!!
 
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I couldn't be bothered to read your post, but based on the headline, you're wrong.

(How could you not put this one in your list!)
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Thunkd wrote:
I couldn't be bothered to read your post, but based on the headline, you're wrong.

(How could you not put this one in your list!)


Oh, yes! the classic educated version of TL;DR: your review is wrong because of nitpicking the first paragraph!
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Ghost CoD wrote:
Thunkd wrote:
I couldn't be bothered to read your post, but based on the headline, you're wrong.

(How could you not put this one in your list!)


Oh, yes! the classic educated version of TL;DR: your review is wrong because of nitpicking the first paragraph!


Related to Skim Until Offended
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Pics or you didn't hate it.
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You forgot that you should mention that they are only convincing themselves they like it to to justify the money they spent on it/backing the kickstarter. Really anything that subscribes more sinister/misguided motives than "a person liked a game" is your key to review rebuttal.
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Not every negative review gets flak. I’ve seen negative reviews here that were appreciated and got thumbed madly - I’ve even written one myself. Most of those reviews explained why the game was not fun for the reviewer, but acknowledged that other people might see it differently.
However, I’ve also seen negative reviews that basically said: This game is utter shite and everyone who likes it ia a mouthbreeding troglodyte. Those reviews got less favourable reactions. Now one might think that this is because of the hive mind that grew out of the game fans, but I think that there is a more plausible explanation.
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Whymme wrote:
Not every negative review gets flak. I’ve seen negative reviews here that were appreciated and got thumbed madly - I’ve even written one myself. Most of those reviews explained why the game was not fun for the reviewer, but acknowledged that other people might see it differently.
However, I’ve also seen negative reviews that basically said: This game is utter shite and everyone who likes it ia a mouthbreeding troglodyte. Those reviews got less favourable reactions. Now one might think that this is because of the hive mind that grew out of the game fans, but I think that there is a more plausible explanation.


Agreed.

Normally the criticism I see of negative reviews is because something they are basing their negative thoughts off doesn't make sense. Often it'll be something like "this game is broken or boring because all you have to do is keep buying money and ignore all the other cards".

You'll then have all the people that play the game say, "it's a rookie mistake and easily beatable, you can't review the game correctly if you couldn't work that out, as you aren't really playing it correctly".

You'll then have the OP insist that it happened in every game they played..........

Generally if a negative review examines a game correctly the majority of people thumb it and then all you'll get is some people saying why that aspect isn't a problem for them or their group.

All that said, I have seen many go the way of the OP's satirical list.



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People like you make the Geek great
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If the review uses any adjectives that are often used to describe games, be sure to tell the reviewer these words don't have any quantifiable meaning and are just a code idiot people use for when they don't get a game.
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