Arthur Williams
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The two heroes who sat out the last match now get their turn, as I scratch a long-delayed Advanced Vengeance Three battle off my to-do list. Promo Parse returns for the second consecutive battle, meeting Tempest and Captain Cosmic for the first time in this series.

Advanced Proletariat [20] vs. XPW Tempest [24] vs. (oh god!) advanced Ermine [25] vs. Fugue State Parse [27] vs. (OH GAWD) advanced Fright Train [35] vs. Captain Infinitor [29] vs. (OMFGWTFLOL!?!) Madame Mittermaier’s Fantastical Festival.

Setup: Proletariat, Proletariat [6], and Proletariat [6] enter play. Tempest draws Otherworldly Resilience, Aquatic Correspondence, Shielding Winds, and Vicious Cyclone. Ermine starts up her Constant Prattle, to which Parse reacts by drawing Buffer Overflow, Snap Decision, Critical Multiplier, and Recompile. Fright Train is an Engine of Destruction, and Cap is drawing Potent Disruption, Conservation of Energy, Unflagging Animation, and Augmented Ally.

Proletariat 1: Thinks too hard about where his other selves are [18]. Plays a third Clone [6]; deals 2 to Captain Cosmic [27], then 2 more to the Captain [25], then 2 to Parse [25], then 2 more to Cap [23].

Tempest 1: Talks to fish, and draws Into the Stratosphere, Genebound Shackles, and Into the Stratosphere Again. Zaps the latest Proletariat clone with his Thunderstruck power [5]. Draws another Talk to Fish.

Ermine 1: Puts Subtle Diversion into play, then reveals and plays Heavy Hitter, smacking Tempest for 3 [21]. Prattles away a Clone for Proletariat to bring back on his next turn, Grevious Hail Storm, her own Uncatchable, a Between the Lines that I really wish I had about four copies of, Choke, and Dynamic Siphon (plus, retroactively, an Abandoned Big Top).

Parse 1: Recompiles her starting hand; draws Gauge, Reveal the Flaws, Gauge, Targeting Arrow, Updated Intel, and Reveal the Flaws. Activating Neural Processing, plays Quick Calculation off her bottom-deck, stacking a Between the Lines for next turn and pseudo-drawing Targeting Arrow and Syntactic Analysis. Gives the Captain a Construct Cataclysm, which doesn’t help any. Draws another Targeting Arrow.

Fright Train 1: Wastes Off the Rails when Cap doesn’t have any damaged Constructs to take out; this makes him deal 5 to Parse [20], then he does 5 more innately to Cap [18]. The party won’t last long if they don’t do something about that….

Captain Cosmic 1: Having nothing else of use to do, puts Augmented Ally [4] on Parse. Performs Requital, getting a Cosmic Crest [4], then Conservation of Energy, and then Wounding Buffer. Conserves first, removing the Augmented Ally and giving him a draw of Autonomous Blade, then putting the new Constructs into play, with the Buffer [4] on Tempest. Draws Cosmic Weapon.

Enviro 1: Shooting Gallery enters play; the Wounding Buffer hits Cap [17], Parse [19], and Tempest [20], then retaliates against itself, but is immune due to the Crest. The Constructs are also hit [3].

Proletariat 2: Takes severe brain-strain from his clones [15], then plays Regroup and Recover, returning to full HP [20] at the expense of the entire trio. He then plays Share in the Struggle, going through his entire deck before finding the last two Clones. Prior to reshuffling, I broke to play three non-solitaire games with the same three other people, borrowing only Parse’s deck from the solitaire setup; hopefully I’ve reconstructed her position correctly (I did not remember-slash-notice having all three Targeting Arrows, so I will prohibit myself from playing them all in a row, not that this is necessarily the thing to do against three mini-villains anyway). Resuming the game, Proletariat hits Tempest for 2 [18], he brings a Clone out [6], and the three clones hit Parse [17], Tempest [16], and Parse [15]. Wounding Buffer retaliates against those who hit Tempest, so he chooses to redirect the damage from Proletariat-Prime to the same Clone which is destined to hit Tempest, leaving that Clone at [2]. The four-hour-long turn then finally ends.

Tempest 2: Picks up Ermine’s Subtle Diversion and throws it, dealing 3 to Fright Train [32]. Zaps the last Clone with Thunderstruck [5]. Draws Grevious Hail Storm.

Ermine 2: Replays the Diversion, then discards another Subtle Diversion and deals 2 to Tempest [14], whose Wounding Buffer falls for the Diversion and hits Cap, but his Cosmic Crest makes him immune. Retroactively I remember to Prattle, which should have interfered with Prole’s turn, but as it shakes out, the decks lose Flanking Maneuvers, Lightning Slash, Long Con, Snap Decision, Last Stop, Potent Disruption, and All-Seeing Alzrabar. Since that’s two relatively innocuous Attractions lost and two harmful ones that have made it to play, we can assume that Ermine has been blabbing honestly and enthusiastically about how awesome this carnival is, and thus driving the heroes away from every Attraction she talks up as being cool, because they innately assume she’s full of it and thus flee her presence in favor of blundering into the most dangerous parts of the entire circus.

Parse 2: Puts a Targeting Arrow into Fright Train for 2 [30], then goes Between the Lines on Tempest, who Thunderstrucks the third Clone [5]. Draws Impossible Shot.

Fright Train 2: Off The Rails again; 5 to Cos [12] and then 5 to Parse [10].

Captain Cosmic 2: Plays and uses a Cosmic Weapon, dealing 5 to Fright Train [25].

Enviro 2: World’s Biggest Pool Table enters play. Shooting Gallery forces the Wounding Buffer to hit all the Constructs (Cosmic Weapon 3, others 2), Tempest [13 with the ignored retalation], Parse [9] and CC [11]. The Pool Table then hits Fright Train for 4 [21] and Tempest for 2 [12], with nothing to retaliate against.

Proletariat 3: Takes 3 self-damage [17]. Plays Defensive Formation, which ruins Tempest’s plan to have Proletariat’s damage land on him, triggering a retaliation which would kill the only non-shocked Clone before it could attack. Thusly, both him and Cos drop to [10] and retaliation goes nowhere. Another Clone is raised [6]; I forgot to attend to this at the time, but I would probably have chosen to have it hit Tempest [8] and thus be retaliated against [4], rather than doing things differently in a way that would have backfired.

Tempest 3: The Defensive Formation goes onto Prole’s deck, guaranteeing that it will be Prattled away; unfortunately, the damage he deals lands on Ermine and is Diverted away to Cos, who is not immune to this one [8]. Thunderstrikes the third Clone [4] and draws Electrical Storm.

Ermine 3: Plays Sleight of Hand; Cap gives up Conservation of Energy. Ermine hits each hero [Parse 8, others 7]; by timing it right, Tempest’s retaliation can bounce off her to Cap, who remains immune. Then gets a Heavy Hitter, whose first clause remains irrelevant, but does 3 to Tempest [4], since there’s too much chance that his retaliation will go awry and worsen the players’ situation. Prattle removes Prole’s devastating card, but also takes out Chain Lightning, The Seer, Critical Multiplier, Off the Rails (whew, it would actually destroy a Construct this time), the stacked Conservation, and Unstable Midway (this is her first actual criticism of the fair’s dangers).

Parse 3: Pumps another Targeting Arrow into Fright Train [19], puts Segmentation Fault into play off her deck’s bottom, and draws Quick Calculation. The team’s strategy now switches from “play no Ongoings/Equipments for Ermine to steal” and becomes “desperately try to outrace her automatic destruction of one Ongoing every round plus often another one or two”.

Fright Train 3: Improbable Grapple hits Cos for 4 [3] (figures that Tempest’s chance to Wounding Buffer him for 4 was lost to Ermine-inspired paranoia). Discards of Gauge and Electrical Storm cover the second clause, so that Cos doesn’t lose his next turn. Parse is then flattened [3]. Somehow, I don’t think the heroes have this one.

Captain Cosmic 3: Plays Autonomous Blade, using Cosmic Weapon to stab Fright Train [14], then uses the Autonomous Blade to finally cut down that 2-HP Clone who’s survived for two full rounds. Draws Construct Cataclysm, which might actually be desirable this time, if he lives long enough to use it.

Enviro 3: Gone Without A Trace enters play. The Shooting Gallery makes the Constructs drop [first two 1, Cosmic Weapon 2, Autonomous Blade 3]; I now notice that Shooting Gallery works on lowest-HP *characters*, so the Constructs can’t be shooting the Wounding Buffer and then ignoring its response. This time, it causes Parse to deal the damage, dropping to [1]; the Pool Table then targets Tempest [2], who retaliates against nothing, and then goes for Ermine but caroms off her to the Autonomous Blade [1]. The Buffer is then Gone Without A Trace, and nobody misses it.

Proletariat 4: Takes 3 damage [14], then plays Overwhelm the Mighty. Now that Temepst could actually benefit from the lost Buffer, he and the Cosmic Weapon are bludgeoned down to [1], and with all hero targets reduced to 1, two Constructs are killed, followed immediately by the third Construct. Thanks to Thunderstruck, one Clone then fails to kill a hero, and Tempest demands to get a turn before Ermine can finish him off. (Upon his death, Captain Infinitor makes his autonomous Construct deck, not because he’ll actually get to use it, but simply for the novelty of it being 22 cards thanks to the lost Wounding Buffer.)

Tempest 4: The “outrace Ermine” plan is done, but even as an effective one-shot, it’s not half bad for Temepst to finish with a Grevious Hail Storm – doing so causes Ermine to make him kill himself, but the chances of him surviving her turn were near-zero anyway, so he might as well finish off another 4-HP Proletariat clone and deal 3 more to Fright Train [11] before he’s slaughtered utterly. Except that I forgot Proletariat’s advanced text, so there was one more Clone and Tempest didn’t get this turn after all. Sigh, this game just didn’t turn out the way I hoped, but at least Tempest, whose dead side I haven’t yet seen, was the last to go down and thus retains his secret.
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Alexa Elvrayen

California
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I take quarrel with your formatting, you described this as freewheeling chaos, a 6 fighter rumble Royale, it was sad to see a plan 3v3.
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Comboteur "Crazed 'Beastface' Survivor" Fou
France
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The Orzhov welcome you. Please leave your belongings with the Obzedat. They are not yours anymore.
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Hi, I'm a european crested tit, and a very small punk rocker!
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It ain't an easy read, that's for sure.
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