Chris Tannhauser
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San Diego
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"I looked at my hands, I understood that one fine day, one fine evening to be precise, they would no longer be hands but some other awful thing." —Jack Kerouac
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FINALLY, a place to aggregate all the various cats 'n celebrities who succumb to The Inevitable.

Here you will find a place to stroll peacefully among the rows and rows and rows of them, pausing briefly, tearfully at the freshest dug even as you puzzle at the untended garbage-strewn graves of the long-forgotten ("Who the fuck is Fatty Arbuckle?").

And as you leave, having placed your oblations for the Unchanging on their unweathered stones, think on the inscription over the arched entryway:

We live on a chugging conveyor belt that pulls from an unknown darkness below and screams merrily along until we're piston-shunted into the bottomless bin of The End.

And then perhaps enjoy some funnel cake at the Rememberatorium next to the parking lot.

REQUIESCAT IN PACE
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
Canada
Chestermere
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Life lesson: Hamsters are NOT diswasher safe.
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There are 10 types of people-- those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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HiveGod wrote:
the Rememberatorium


You haven't trademarked that yet, I hope?
I'm feeling a bout of "intellectual property" theft coming on.

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Chris Tannhauser
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"I looked at my hands, I understood that one fine day, one fine evening to be precise, they would no longer be hands but some other awful thing." —Jack Kerouac
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Which begs the question: Who peed on more rugs? Billy Graham or Frosty?
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
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I highly doubt that Frosty was into golden showers.
The certainty ends there, though.
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
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This thread was bookmarked by someone using my new favorite "tag", ever: $8_for_funnel_cake?!

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Chris Tannhauser
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"I looked at my hands, I understood that one fine day, one fine evening to be precise, they would no longer be hands but some other awful thing." —Jack Kerouac
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It's also worth noting that the gift shop has one of those smash-a-penny machines, as well as print-on-demand foam-rubber "We're #1!" hands with pictures of the most popular decedents on them.

I'm pretty sure they would have wanted it that way.
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Tony Ackroyd
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Kika 2016-2018

Well loved hamster who had escaped many times, but been recaptured and survived torture by kids.
She had lived under the floorboards a few times after escape, but been lured out by cucumber slices.
Over the Christmas holidays she seemed to die, but got better.
Two weeks ago she really died.



(generic Syrian hamster image, but she looked just like that)
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Edward Sexby
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HiveGod wrote:


Here you will find a place to stroll peacefully among the rows and rows and rows of them, pausing briefly, tearfully at the freshest dug even as you puzzle at the untended garbage-strewn graves of the long-forgotten ("Who the fuck is Fatty Arbuckle?").



I'd like to add "What the FUCK is he doing with that champagne bottle?" to that...
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Chris Tannhauser
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"I looked at my hands, I understood that one fine day, one fine evening to be precise, they would no longer be hands but some other awful thing." —Jack Kerouac
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ATTENTION:

I'm noticing a lot of dead celebrities outside the walls of the Sematary. It's disgusting and disrespectful. See those kids doing donuts in Stephen Hawking's wheelchair? That wouldn't be happening if you had put it where it belongs: in his 900-foot tall solid-neutronium mausoleum spire. Do you have any idea how hard that was to build? You do not. I had to get God to help, and He was super-reluctant.

If we can have repositories for toast toppings, coffees, shirt colors, three-words-at-a-time, and sequential fucking numbers the least we can do is put the famous dead who can no longer say something racist or grope (thereby finalizing the idealized version of themselves; for celebrities death is the gold-plating on a toilet—you can continue to shit in it, but now it's gold) WHERE THEY BELONG.

I dug all these holes for you, Chit Chat. Use them.
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Maybe, 15 years ago? I had pet mice.
They died.
I buried two of them in a pot plant (a lemon tree). (It was a biggish pot).
This tree has remained with me in the intervening period and was finally planted in my backyard last week.
The soil in the pot contained the mummified remains of ONE of the mice. But not the other.
Somewhere out there is the walking (scuttling) dead remains of a mouse, still rolling around in a ghostly plastic ball, unable to progress to the mouse afterlife.
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Edward Sexby
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What's this? Mud on my Doc Martens? Ah...that'll be from the fresh grave of crap "comic" and game-show host Jim Bowen. Another slice of my seventies/eighties childhood gone - not the twee, rose-tinted Nick Hornby one, but the grimy, bleak, dreadful, occulted David Peace one. He's down there now, whispering his bitter jokes about students and mother-in-laws to the earth, the worms at his eyes, his lips retreating to reveal his clenched grin. Come and have a look at what you could have won.

Here's some little bones. It's what's left of my parent's last Budgie, a pretty little thing that used to squawk along to my Pogues albums with gusto. He shuffled off his perch about a month after our family cat wrestled his cage off the ceiling. I saved him, but his plumage went white and he fell into silence till then. Dad buried him in the garden. Three days later our Yorkshire Terrier dug him up and ate him. Of course, the cat is out there in the cemetery woods. I can't see her, but she's lurking. Sharing a fresh kill with the Yorkie, his paws still covered in the grave-dirt he pushed aside to join his old companion. His jaws open to tell me the truth:

Chaos reigns...
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Chris Tannhauser
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"I looked at my hands, I understood that one fine day, one fine evening to be precise, they would no longer be hands but some other awful thing." —Jack Kerouac
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If only there were a place... to put all these walking dead wandering loose around Chit Chat... instead of having to run everywhere... between various "What did *you*" threads... because they were all over...

...if only...

[gets bit in nads by Verne Troyer, trips and falls into empty grave]
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Joe Gola
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Redding
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and everything under the sun is in tune
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Don't tell me how to mourn my movie dwarves!
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CHAPEL
United States
Round Rock
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"that's a smith and wesson, and you've had your six"
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In 1991 I said my fond farewell to my pets, Jimmy, Jack, John, Jose, Jill, Joseph, and about 2000 other compadres who had happily hitched their way onto my ballsack in Phuket Thailand. I had the pleasure of their company for several weeks as their loving embrace for whose love bites scratched that itch as a reminder of a nights pleasure.

Some called them interlopers, some called them stowaways, little crustaceans of nuisance...me, I called them my little pirates of love. But as they say, live fast and die young at the business end of a tube of piperonyl butoxide.

I speak their names.
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Edward Sexby
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What's that - the meal trolley's wicked wheels?

Well, not quite. It's an old, rusted Co-Op shopping trolley, dragged out of the silted, stagnant river that runs alongside the graveyard. In it is the grinning, stretched figure of game show host and light entertainer Dale Winton, host of popular nineties gameshow Supermarket Sweep. The only person in the world - to my limited knowledge - more orange than Donald Trump. Nobody is pushing the trolley. It's being propelled by the residue of his relentless, upbeat camp cheerfulness. The catty put downs and asides gone, only the clicking chattering of his jaws remain. God, the white glare of his teeth...

Jaysus, now Troyer is trying to bite my butt. Get off, Verne. Let's tuck into the bottle of Jack I've brought you in tribute.
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