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Subject: "Just the Punch Line" discussion / explanation rss

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Dan McMurray
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I've really enjoyed the "just the punch line" thread, but I certainly don't know all the jokes in there. If you know the full joke, how about posting it here? But to make it more interesting, only give the full joke for one you didn't post in the other thread.

Also, please quote the original punch line, and maybe attribute it to the original poster just to be nice.

Any takers?
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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loungehead wrote:
Any takers?

Here, I'll start.

A penguin's car is giving him trouble, so he takes it in to the mechanic. The mechanic says he'll take a look, and to come back in about half an hour. The penguin thanks him and waddles out.

On a nearby corner, there's a guy with a cart selling ice cream. Hey, the penguin's got half an hour to kill, and he loves ice cream, so he waddles on over. After some discussion, the penguin settles on a vanilla ice cream cone, sits down, and begins pecking at it.

After the penguin finishes his ice cream cone, he waddles back over to the shop. The mechanic is just coming out, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. "Well, bud," he announces, "it looks like you've blown a seal."

So the penguin says,

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Outstanding.
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David Jones
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loungehead wrote:
If you know the full joke, how about posting it here?


I think part of the problem with this is that there are a fair number of jokes don't have standard setups. Somebody posted The Aristocrats which, if you haven't seen the movie, is a joke whose premise stays the same but can be retold in many different ways that still stays true to the premise. I saw somebody post the punchline "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?" which, again, is a joke with a variable setup, as is "if help me find my keys and we can drive out of here." The other one that I though was interesting was somebody posted the punchline about the nine inch pianist, but the first time I heard that joke it was told starting with the pianist and ending with the punch line "we've got a genie in the back with a hearing impairment."

My point being, this thread could easily devolve into people telling different versions of the same joke (or worse, arguing about the correct way to tell it).
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Dan McMurray
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Quote:
My point being, this thread could easily devolve into people telling different versions of the same joke (or worse, arguing about the correct way to tell it).

A fair criticism, and to be fair, that was actually something I was hoping for to some extent. Not that we need 20 different ways of saying the same thing, but the differences in telling sometimes makes for an enjoyable and surprising experience.

Regardless, if the thread goes no further than this message, it was totally worth it to get kuhrusty's reply.
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Chris Tannhauser
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What do you get when you kick a baby in a bucket full of razor blades down a flight of stairs?
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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HiveGod wrote:
What do you get when you kick a baby in a bucket full of razor blades down a flight of stairs?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I BET THAT BABY GROWS UP TO COMPLAIN THAT A THREAD ABOUT JOKES COULD HAVE TOO MANY JOKES



EDIT: probably should've stuck with my instincts:
Spoiler (click to reveal)
"It's ICE CREAM"
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Larry Levy
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A Russian named Rudolph looks out the window and announces to his wife, "It's raining."

She looks out as well and says, "No, it's sleeting."

"No," he insists, "It's raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

(I wish I could have told the one with the "A pig like that, you don't eat all at once" punchline, as it's one of my favorite jokes of all time. But it's way too long.)
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All reality is a game. Physics at its most fundamental, the very fabric of our universe, results directly from the interaction of certain fairly simple rules, and chance... (Iain Banks)
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OK, settle in, we might be here for a minute...

Dave McDonald and Stan O'Toole were cow-cockies* who had neighbouring spreads in the far North of Queensland. They were tough blokes in a harsh place, both taciturn, but they knew the importance of community and lending a helping hand. When floods came, Dave rowed over with kero for Stan's stove. When the fence came down, Stan helped Dave muster cattle for three weeks.

So one day Stan arrived at Dave's place to return a borrowed sheep drencher. Also to have a chin-wag about the weather, about feed prices, and the state of the pommie batting line-up. As he climbed out of his ute**, Stan spotted a huge pig, hobbling past the tractor shed with a wooden leg. Curious, he asked: "Dave, home come that pig's got a wooden leg?"

"Crikey, Stan, he's a special pig! A few months back I was shootin' along by the river, when this giant croc' shot outta the water an' came straight for me. I only had a .22, so I thought it was all over! But then that pig jumped out of a bush an' bashed into the chargin' croc', an' bit it on the tail! They fought all up an' down the river bank, Stan, for 5 or 6 minutes, snappin' an' pummellin' each other 'til finally the croc' had enough, an' ran back inta the water".

"Stone the crows, Dave, that's amazin'! An' that's how the pig lost 'is leg, is it?"

"Oh, no, no, Stan, not as it 'appens.Remember last year when the tractor shed caught fire? That pig started squealin' an' carryin'-on so loud as to wake the dead! Plumb scaRred me outa bed. But fast as I was, he was even faster! Before I even got me daks*** on, somehow the pig got onto me tractor, slipped the brake and rolled it outside! Singed all over he was!

"And he lost his leg in the fire, Dave?"

"Well, no. But he was dead tired after pushin' the Massey-Fergusson. Speakin' o' the tractor, a few weeks later I was down in the bottom paddock breakin'-up some tussocks when the Massey flipped on me. Pinned by the leg I was, with the tractor right on top of me. No water, and no one around for miles!"

"Struth Dave! What'd ya do?"

"Nuthin' I could do Stan, 'cept lie there cookin'. I tried wrigglin' an' tried diggin", but the ground was baked hard as stone, mate!"

"Mate!"

"Yeah mate! I thought I was a goner. But then that pig come snufflin' up to me, an' pushed at the tractor with 'is snout. But it didn' move, even when he shoved real hard. An all the time the sun was shinin' hotter an' hotter. So after a while the pig comes alongside me an' starts scuffin' an' rippin' at the ground. Hardly scratchin' the surface, but he kept right at it, all night long. Even when his feet were all tore up, he kept on goin' til he'd hollered out enough dirt for me to get me leg out. But I was ravin' and couldn't walk, see, what with thirst an' bein' stuck all day and night. So the pig, he grabbed me collar with 'is mouth and started draggin' me back to the house."

"Ya don't say, Dave!"

"Yeah mate, it took hours an' hours, the pig was that tired. An just as we got near the water-tank, we come across a big angry Brown Snake; thick as me arm, an' three yards long! No warnin' at all, the snake struck at the pig! I thought we was dead, Stan!"

"An' that's how the pig lost his leg, Dave? Did ya have ta amputate, to stop the poison killin'?"

"Nah Stan, that pig still had it in 'im. He jumped out o' the way quick as a flash, an' bit the Brown just behind the head. All the time while I crawled inside to get me shottie, an then crawled back, the pig hung on so the snake couldn't bite."

"Oh Dave, that's the most incredible thing I ever heard! But... ya never said, how did the pig get his wooden leg?"

"Well Stan, the thing is.... "

Spoiler (click to reveal)
"...a pig like that, you don't eat all at once"


* Oz for farmer
** Oz for "pickup"
*** Trousers
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