I came. I saw.
I lost miserably.
While rough seas can be hard to manage, crowded seas can be even worse. While sailing the seas near Pirate’s Cove, I came to find many of me ol’ mateys sailing around in their new ships. Twasn’t long before trouble be a’brewin’.
The five of us, Cap’ns Krookshanks, Arghbuckle, Hurricane Max, Dread Rat, and meself, Geedunk Olaf, looked over the islands fer the best loot. Lo and behold, the Carcafuego had sailed into waters near me favorite pub. Bein’ tired o’ the grog, I yelled to the crew to set sail fer the tavern. Not bein’ a bunch to turn down rum, a mighty quick “aye! aye!” was called, an’ we tacked in tha’ direction. Alas, Dread Rats had beat me in, and the battle was begun. But ‘e fired too quick, and his balls shot wide. Takin’ more time to line up me cannons, we fired ‘em both to ‘is mast, fellin’ his sails in one shot. The Carcafuego was ours, and Dread Rats sailed off back ter Pirate’s Cove to repair ‘is ship.
While in port, we ‘ad a mighty famous time, and a bit too much rum, fer after settin’ out to get fit me ship with better sails, the scalawag Dread Pirate again follered us, but this time I fired first. Perhaps I did rush it a bit, fer I missed wide as ‘e had. ‘e turned on me an skiffed me sails, but followed it up with a second round, and we were forced to flee. Me crew was lookin’ at me askance, an’ the scurvy dogs may have been trouble, but we found ol’ Cap’t Flint’s parrot on shore. A change o’ plans was in order.
I pulled the crew together fer a talkin’ to. “While I was rearin’ to get loot by plunderin’ other ships and blowin’ me ol’ mates into Davey Jones’ locker, methinks we may have an easier way to get the swag. With ol’ Flint’s secrets of carryin’ booty, we can easily get what we need by plunder’ towns. An’ along with the plunder, you’ll get women an’ rum! We don’t ‘ave ta be the strongest around, jus’ the richest ta be the most famous. We’ll hoist the Jolly Roger, sailin’ from town to town. Any prisoner’s we take will walk th’ plank. An’ any slackers on board will scrub the poop deck and sleep wit’ the bilge rats. Any ship tha’ gets in our way will be blown out o’ the water.” But what I didn’t tell ‘em was that we were gonna try to avoid me ol’ mates while gatherin’ treasure. Better safe and rich than feared an’ dead.
As we were getting’ back on board, Arghbuckle an’ Hurricane Max dropped anchor after bein’ routed by Cap’n Hook. The ol’ Cap’n had beaten ‘em both with one shot, and he was still sailin’ in waters nearby.
Everyone set sail again, and fer the next while, I went to islands with lots o’ treasure but few prespects fer strengthenin’ me ship. We spent time at the tavern, havin’ more rum an’ good food. As word o’ me ship began to spread, we went an’ improved me sails an’ brought on more crew. But eventually the other pirates were eyein’ me treasure on board, an’ I was an easy target. I ‘ad to make it just a little longer fer Hook to leave me treasure island before I could bury me treasure. We returned to the tavern, which had but little treasure, but lot’s o’ gold to avoid t’other pirates in the waters. The gamble paid off, an’ we had some mighty fine rum an’ ale. I found someone there with Long John Silver’s parrot, which would ‘ave made me a formidable foe. But I would of ‘ad to abandon some o’ me treasure, an’ there was lot’s of treasure, so I left Silver’s parrot fer someone else. We then set sail to bury me treasure, all 18 chests, an’ we through in six bags o’ gold.
That’s when me plans started to go awry. All me ol’ mates now ‘ad ships to scare off the navy or even threaten ol’ Cap’n Hook. Krookshanks and the Dread Rat went off to fight the Cap’n. But Arghbuckle an’ me went out to buy more cannons. Argh! This was a battle we wasn’t prepared to fight. I used an ol’ trick learned at the tavern to get me more speed an’ sprayed up some mist to make it ‘arder to see me, then I started firin’ at ‘er crew. I ‘ad to knock ‘em down quick before she shoot all ‘er cannons at me. An’ I knew if we turned tail an’ fled, we was sure t’ ‘ave a mutiny on board. But if I lost ol’ Flint’s parrot, we wouldn’t have a chance against anyone else. I fired me first volley, an knocked out some o’ the crew. She fired back wit’ what cannons she could, but they were in disarray, an’ their shots weren’t true. We fired again, knockin’ out more of her crew, but she still ‘ad enough to fire 3 cannons, but they once again were not fully ready. Having knocked out some crew, I still thought of sailin’ to safety, but I knew that even threatnin’ them with a taste o’ the cat would not bring me crew to bear if we sailed unharmed, so we fought on. Another volley from us knocked off more of Arghbuckle’s crew, but she ‘ad organized them well this time, and her two cannons took out both of mine. Luckily, she hadn’t shot at me parrot, an’ we were able to return to Pirate’s cove without losin’ ol’ Flint’s secrets.
After bein’ sent packin’ by Arghbuckle, me crew was more mindful of watchin’ the others and tryin’ to avoid battles. We went where there was less treasure with chances to improve our ship, upgrading our cannon and hull. Then we had to hurry to bury what we ‘ad, 7 chests and 6 bags of gold, fer the Flyin’ Dutchman was heading fer our treasure island, an we was no match fer the likes of ‘im. In the end, I went to a safe harbor, but the Dread Rat, that scurvy dawg, altered the Royal Navy to me presence. We was quickly routed an’ turned back to Pirate’s cove. But the Royal Navy then turned on Krookshanks when Arghbuckle ratted ‘er out. Thar’s a reason I’d avoided Krookshanks, and the Navy soon found that out. Krookshanks ‘ad become famous fer blowin’ everyone out o’ the water, an the Navy was no different.
In the end, Krookshanks was known fer fightin’ an’ I was known fer’ treasure, but the fame o’ me escapades at the tavern was what won it out fer me. Me crew ‘ad done fine, an’ me ship wasn’t the strongest, but the riches we brought home were plentiful, an’ the brawls an’ drinkin’ in the taverns are what’ll be remembered.
On a later trip to the tavern, me men could be heard singin’ the ol’ pirate song:
Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil be done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
We’d certainly gotten the chests an the rum, but we left the killin’ up to Krookshanks an’ the others. But we are who everyone’ll remember. Ya can’t keep yer crew on if you don’t bring home the loot.
Hurricane Max 22
Dread Rats 28
Geedunk Olaf 42