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Subject: I don't understand why I'm so stupid. rss

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Rusty McFisticuffs
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Today is my wife's birthday.

You may find this hard to believe, but I haven't exactly bought her a present yet. Uhh, or a card.

This year, she provided me with a mail-order catalog, with specific pages marked & items circled--a wide range of options which one might choose directly, or which might serve as an inspiration, a guide to the sort of things she likes.

I didn't get around to ordering anything; I prefer to support local businesses, so my plan was to go to a nearby store which has the right category of stuff, hold a random page of the catalog up to my left eye, and wander around looking at things with my right eye until I got a match.

However--and this part is not my fault--on Sunday, when I went to the store I was thinking of, it was closed for remodeling! Nooooo!!! And at that point of course it was too late to order from the catalog... so it looks like this year it's going to be "the usual." ("Oh, how nice, it's a candle. And, a bar of soap. And... an orange?")

The icing on the cake, so to speak--which reminds me, she'll be making her own cake again--will be if my copy of FAB: The Bulge arrives today. That will really be special.

(Oh yeah, game night is tonight. Last week, when I mentioned that her birthday was this week, but that she'd said it was up to me whether or not we canceled this week, everyone's eyes got real big, and they said "so... that means we're not gaming, right?" Ha, ha, ha, those guys are hilarious.)
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♪ Isaäc Bickërstaff ♫
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Tune in next week for the first episode of a new series, Kuhrusty: Single Gamer!
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Hammock Backpacker
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Learn to find comfort in the fact that you will provide a less than satisfactory birthday experience for your wife.

My wife (gosh!... coming up on 22 years now) routinely buys stuff within a week of her birthday (and Christmas) and in many cases it overlaps with what I've bought her leaving me in the dirt scrambling for something else. soblue
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Chris Tannhauser
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Dude, you are screwed.

It's time for a full-on Kobayashi Maru, an emergency high-gee brain-bleeding maneuver. Cancel game night immediately, get a sitter for the kids & 'make it special.' Go sideways on the gift--what's something she'd really like, but would never buy for herself? Something she won't expect?

Do everything she loves, all at once.

Barring that you can always go for the ass-chaps & peach pie.

Best of luck to you. You'll need it.

surprise

PS. Hide the goddamn game.

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Jorge Montero
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It makes sense... buy her something nice she won't expect.

How about a display box of Magic:The Gathering?
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I hope you've already made plans for Valentine's Day.
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June King
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surprise Oh. My. God. Rusty. RED ALERT!!!!!!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! [Fill in other pop culture references for trouble.] Because, man, you are in trouble. What were you thinking? Was thinking involved? Do you know a good divorce lawyer?

She even laid out what she wanted well in advance of the day. What else does she have to do? Stand on her head and sing "Dixie" backwards? C'mon buddy, cancel games night and get some dinner reservations going. Get your "It's on backorder" story ready.

Sheesh.
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You could always do what I did with each of my wives. On the morning of their birthday I gave them a simple card stuffed with $1,000 dollars, Pecked them on the cheek and said, "Now honey, I don't want any calls from the lock-up at 3am. Okay?"

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Leo Zappa
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Cancel game night NOW, make dinner reservations NOW, buy flowers NOW!

BTW - did you finger fall off yet?
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I sure hope I didn't inherit this condition.
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Tyler McLaughlin
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When you make reservations for dinner, cause that's what you're going to do, make reservations at two different places within 20 minutes of each other. If the first place burns down or some shit, you will look like a hero. Letting her shop is also a good idea, but make sure to include a card somewhere. Women love cards like we love cocaine covered hookers playing blackjack..... I mean games....

Seriously guy, what were you thinking?
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Diane Close
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hibikir wrote:
It makes sense... buy her something nice she won't expect.

How about a display box of Magic:The Gathering?


Nah, I'm thinking a copy of "FAB: The Bulge". Yeah, for HER. Now THAT would be unexpected!

Seriously though, no matter what plan you go with (game night or not), it better involve some flowers. Besides, they can double for use at your funeral. Think of the savings!
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Paul DeStefano
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I always wondered if you were actually a practicing Satanist.

No need to wonder anymore.
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Diane Close
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Geosphere wrote:
I always wondered if you were actually a practicing Satanist.


A practicing masochist is more like it!
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Randy Cox
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kuhrusty wrote:
Sunday, when I went to the store I was thinking of, it was closed for remodeling! Nooooo!!! And at that point of course it was too late to order from the catalog...
Son, you missed a golden opportunity here. The Internet is open 24/7. You could have placed an order that afternoon/evening, paid for priority shipping, and not have had to worry about this stuff at all.

That is, if you're not yanking our chains. Somehow, I believe that y'all are the type couple who don't really expect to do the traditional "oh, the calendar says I need to be nice today" gig. Instead, I bet y'all get whatever you want for one another and for yourselves as the year goes by and get along just fine without the forced Hallmark moments.
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Steve Duff
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Dude, make the cake for her.

She'll love you more than if you bought all the catalogue clothing.
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June King
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Rusty Junior wrote:
I sure hope I didn't inherit this condition.


Want to really get Dad in trouble? devil Make Mom a mushy homemade card or something, and sit back and watch the fireworks when Dad tries to tap dance his way out of this siituation. Get it on video while you're at it and post it here. You'll have enough GeekGold to buy your avatar in no time.

June
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Melissa
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Hum, if you are looking for advice, my suggestion is to call around to massage therapists until you find one who is free tonight and then pay for two hours.
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Matthew Fisk
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I am just surprised you are still married if this has occurred in the past. She doesn't seem to be very high on your priority list.

This is only said if you are 100% accurate in your statement and that it wasn't... exaggerated for the sake of this post.
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JessA
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My Rx is:

Chocolate,

Flowers,

Babysitter,

Restaurant,

Chick-flick.


-OR-

Plan a weekend overnight somewhere (this includes figuring out babysitting etc) and give her the plans in a card with a box of chocolates. If you do that, then I think you could maybe even keep your game night tonight.
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Dwayne Hendrickson
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Dude, you need to take a page from Glenn Beck's book.

Have a friend call your wife. Your friend will pretend to be a local DJ and will read a beautiful letter that you wrote to the radio station, trying to win their Couple-of-the-Year contest. The good news is that you won!!

The bad news is that the radio station screwed up and dropped the ball making the restaurant reservations and hotel reservations, BUT they will cover everything for next week.

This gives you a week to get everything arranged and delivered and you are out of the doghouse.

On the plus side, if she cuts you off at the knees, you're still taller than everyone else in the room.
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Ben Vincent
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You could make her bacon candy!
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I was outed as "Mrs. Vandemonium" on Chit Chat.
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Was going to add my suggestions to the melee, then I thought: Nah, why?

And spoil the show?

Plus, now if vandemonium forgets my birthday or Valentine's Day, I'm gonna check Chit Chat and see if he is publicly squirming and begging for rescue!

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JessA
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That's MRS. McFoxFace to you!
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yay, penda got her avatar!
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Plainwell
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Rusty, all these fine folks have it all wrong mon frere. Well, partially all wrong. I mean you ARE totally hosed and totally in the dog house, but why fight it? I say, embrace the dog house. Finish the dog house. Paint it a lovely shade of red, put in shelves, you got your self a game room. So go to game night and have fun. Then practice your zen meditation techniques to help you survive the drubbing you will receive.

Cheers,
Van
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