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Subject: In dating, when do you mention the gaming thing? rss

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Rishi A.
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So, I've been going on a lot of dates lately. I was wondering when I should mention to these women that I'm a gamer. I've never dated a gamer (not that I'm opposed to the notion - just haven't met one), though I have dated women that were geeky.

Based on an informal poll of my friends, I have gotten three basic types of responses.

1. You are who are you are - Basically, most of my male friends who are also gamers (and mostly single, I might add) say that the gaming is not something about me that's likely to change and that I wouldn't want to date someone who had a problem with it anyway. So I should be up front about it.

2. Let them like other things about you first - My last girlfriend says that gaming should not be mentioned before the third date. Period. I did tell her that I liked games on our first date and there almost wasn't a second date because of it. We ended up dating for about a year. Basically, her point is that there are other facets to my personality other than gaming and that once someone likes me for other reasons, they can find out about gaming.

3. The compromise approach - Another female friend of mine has come up with a compromise. She says that the board gaming thing is not so bad, and doesn't have the negative connotations that other forms of gaming have. So, it's okay to mention the board gaming on the first date. However, she says things like Dungeons & Dragons should be mentioned later.

I guess it's somewhat a case-by-case basis. If I end up on a date with someone geeky, then I will mention the gaming early on. If the person is more artsy, then I'll emphasize that part of my personality and probably not even mention games.

So, I know that most of the people on here wouldn't find gaming to be a turn-off, but you must realize that it is for some people. I'm sure people must have some insight on this.
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Steve Duff
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Such a deep dark secret should be hidden for a long, long time...
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Sean Dooley
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I'd say that option #2 seems best, though there are some admiriable qualities to #3. I wouldn't tell her right away that you're a gamer, just like anyone that plays Halo wouldn't drop on a date that they generally play Halo for hours or that a WoW player wouldn't tell a date that they couldn't go out on Sundays because of raiding.

That being said, certainly don't avoid it. If the dates go well, and you're looking at like... a 3rd or 4th date... instead of going to a movie (which I think is a terrible date idea anyways) ask her over, cook dinner (a must have male skill!), let her "notice" a game--maybe strategically have out some easier to learn, quick games--and offer to teach her how to play.

I've sorta had the same experience with my sister's BF; I didn't want him to think I was super geeky, so I shared all the sports/traditional male stuff with him first, and then slowly sucked him in by using Killer Bunnies--he now owns every set.

Be confident. Good Luck!
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Mark Crane
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Right after they mention they are obsessive scrapbookers.
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Tim Thorp
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Quote:
In dating, when do you mention the gaming thing?


I'll make it easy. Only when you decide you don't ever want to score.
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Bonaparte
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Right before you break out Busen Memo.
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Bartow Riggs
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Right after you view their handbag/shoe collection.
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Tim Thorp
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craniac wrote:
Right after they mention they are obsessive scrapbookers.


Holy crud, you just described my wife!
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Tokelau
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Rishi wrote:
So, I've been going on a lot of dates lately. I was wondering when I should mention to these women that I'm a gamer. I've never dated a gamer (not that I'm opposed to the notion - just haven't met one), though I have dated women that were geeky.

Based on an informal poll of my friends, I have gotten three basic types of responses.

1. You are who are you are - Basically, most of my male friends who are also gamers (and mostly single, I might add) say that the gaming is not something about me that's likely to change and that I wouldn't want to date someone who had a problem with it anyway. So I should be up front about it.

2. Let them like other things about you first - My last girlfriend says that gaming should not be mentioned before the third date. Period. I did tell her that I liked games on our first date and there almost wasn't a second date because of it. We ended up dating for about a year. Basically, her point is that there are other facets to my personality other than gaming and that once someone likes me for other reasons, they can find out about gaming.

3. The compromise approach - Another female friend of mine has come up with a compromise. She says that the board gaming thing is not so bad, and doesn't have the negative connotations that other forms of gaming have. So, it's okay to mention the board gaming on the first date. However, she says things like Dungeons & Dragons should be mentioned later.

I guess it's somewhat a case-by-case basis. If I end up on a date with someone geeky, then I will mention the gaming early on. If the person is more artsy, then I'll emphasize that part of my personality and probably not even mention games.

So, I know that most of the people on here wouldn't find gaming to be a turn-off, but you must realize that it is for some people. I'm sure people must have some insight on this.


You wait until you're married so they cannot escape. That's what I did.
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Hahaha! Hide it like a big box of porn. Keep it in the closet and only enjoy when she's not around.
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John Richard
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I actually didn't become a gamer until after I got married. Bad news for my wife, I guess... ninja

Nah, she's cool with it. She even went to Gen Con with me last year! cool

I'm inclined to go with #1, though. If it's an important part of your life, it seems silly to put off mentioning it. I mean, if the girl isn't going to like/tolerate the fact that you're a gamer anyway, you're just delaying the inevitable.
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Sandy G.
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I think the correct answer is a delicate balance between #1 and #2. While you don't want to go into the first date shouting, "I LOOOVVVEEEE GAAMMMEEEESSSSS!!!!!" you don't want to hide it either.

I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning it on the first date. The way you say "up front" makes me think of you sitting across from your date at dinner, slowing putting your head down, and saying "There's something terrible I have to tell you"

So my answer is, talk about it when you feel comfortable, and ultimately if your date really has that much of a problem with it, you don't want her anyway!


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Jeff Hinrickson
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At the moment of climax.

No need to ruin things until you have crossed this threshold, after that who gives a damn if she wants to see you again or not.
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Erin Leonhard
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I suppose it depends on what you're after and how compatible you want to be with your partner. If you're looking for something serious and want your partner to share in your hobby, then briefly mention the fun board games you play with your friends early on and if she expresses any interest, cook her dinner and pull out Lost Cities after a few more dates. If you're just having fun and/or don't care to share your hobby with the woman, then a casual mention at a later date (or not) is acceptable.

Quote:
I did tell her that I liked games on our first date and there almost wasn't a second date because of it.


I can't imagine wanting to have a relationship with someone who had such a problem with board games (or any other innocent hobby that I have) that there almost wasn't a second date! I can think of a lot of deal-breakers, a harmless hobby isn't one of them. laugh
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B C Z
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I mentioned it to my now wife when I was helping to set up for a gaming convention.

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David Cole
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After being in several bad relationships with nongamers I am up front about it. If she isn't a gamer then I won't go on a second date.
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Todd N.
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I always say that one of my hobbies is collecting unusual board games (which to John Q Public the kind of games we play seem unusual). This seems to work ok. I usually am the first to inquire about their hobbies anyway, and if scrapbooking comes up your in the clear. Allways bookend your gaming hobby with a couple of manly ones like working on your car, fishing, golfing, or wrestling grizzly bears and crocodiles. Be sure while doing the hobby inquisition to have ordered the largest beer that they have and be at least on your second one.
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Scott Russell
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Due to a knee injury, my wife drove on our first solo date. My (at the time only) three game shelves featured prominently in my apartment living room, so they were discussed a bit.

I think I'd mentioned that gaming was a hobby on one of our two earlier meetings. (First one was at a restaurant and our second, a "safe date" where we met at the same restaurant both bringing some friends.)


(edit: added PS)
PS She still reminds me that I had only three bookshelves of games when we met and we celebrated our 21st anniversary last Friday.
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Ken K
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"Baby.... before we go any further... I have Amyitis."

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Marlin Back
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Whenever the conversations reach the point where she says "So, what do you like to do for fun?" Then throw "I like to play board games" somewhere into the response. That should give her the chance to inquire further or not. I really don't see how liking boardgames would cause someone to lose interest in you. Unless of course you also mention the fact that you are also a Jedi Knight in training and once played Descent for 48 hours straight while watching a Star Trek marathon in your Mom's basement and running a W.O.W. double elimination battle dressed in full costume.
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Jeff Hinrickson
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marlinus64 wrote:
Whenever the conversations reach the point where she says "So, what do you like to do for fun?" Then throw "I like to play board games" somewhere into the response. That should give her the chance to inquire further or not. I really don't see how liking boardgames would cause someone to lose interest in you. Unless of course you also mention the fact that you are also a Jedi Knight in training and once played Descent for 48 hours straight while watching a Star Trek marathon in your Mom's basement and running a W.O.W. double elimination battle dressed in full costume.


This would be acceptable if you were dating an Ewok.
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jjloc wrote:
At the moment of climax.

No need to ruin things until you have crossed this threshold, after that who gives a damn if she wants to see you again or not.


One climax? Dude, just pop another viagra and put your DVD on repeat.
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Chris Malme
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You mean you don't turn up to the first date with Die Macher under your arm?

I wondered where I was going wrong...
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Mark Beyak
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I pretty much agree with Marlin.

I wouldn't bring it up at all. If she asks you what you like to do as a hobby just mention that you enjoy playing a variety of boardgames and then don't go in to any details. If she never brings it up wait until she sees your collection and then comments on it.

Her: "Wow! You sure have a lot of boardgames."
You: "Yeah, maybe we can play some of them sometime."

cool Be very cool about it. cool
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Jeff Hinrickson
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Spaten wrote:
jjloc wrote:
At the moment of climax.

No need to ruin things until you have crossed this threshold, after that who gives a damn if she wants to see you again or not.


One climax? Dude, just pop another viagra and put your DVD on repeat.


Well, I didn't want to sound like TO much of a pig.
 
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