Andrew H
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Hi BGGeeks.
I have written 4 rounds of two truths and a lie on my Geek of the Week thread.
In each set of three stories, two of them are truths (completly true for me) while one is a lie (partially true for me or a true story about someone else).
To enter your answers just choose statement 1, 2 or 3 as the lie for each set of three stories.
In case more than one person picks all four lies, the winner will be the person who most accurately describes what part of the story is a lie or why the story could not be true as judged by me.
All entries must be posted on the Geek of the Week thread to be considered for the competition. (Do not add your entry to this thread please as I wll not be checking answers left here.)
The prize is all my geekgold (not much but it will buy you a nice shiny new microbadge).

Here are the 4 sets of Two Truths and a Lie.

Two Truths and a Lie #1
1. My mother has seen my skull.
I was playing with Matchbox Cars tm with my friend when I was about 6. I was crawling along the floor and watching the car, not where I was going and smacked straight into the corner of an archway. I went upstairs and said” Mum my head hurts.” She looked down and saw my skull. That’s what she tells me anyway.
I was rushed to hospital where I quietly endured stitches while I was repeatedly asked how I did it. Later my mum told my friends mum what had happened and how good the staff were at checking my consciousness level by asking me how I did it. My friend’s mum, who was a nurse, said they were actually checking my story because I had been in the hospital for a split head before and they wanted to rule out abuse.

2. I was it between the eyes with a rock hard enough to need stitches. Fortunately the rock bounced off and did not deflect into either eye. I was stuffing around at Scouts with the rest of my patrol.. We were throwing rocks at each other-really smart. As I stood up from picking up a rock I looked up and heard a banging noise inside my head as a rock that my patrol leader had thrown hit me. My immediate response was to press my hand against that spot then pull t away to check for blood. When I saw none I declared that I was fine but my friends looked and said I would need stitches. I was wrong they were right.
Getting stitches made me late for the Scout/Girl Guide disco that night but I didn’t mind. I had never danced before anyway and it gave me an excuse to be a wall flower. Right at the end of the night a girl I knew from school pulled me on to the dance floor. I must have not looked quite as stupid as I felt or thought I must look because she became my first girlfriend and went out with me til the end of the year (not long after actually). She has since become a radio then TV journalist for the ABC. I think a commercial station head hunted her but tragically she developed cancer apparently from some kind of radiation at the ABC station where she worked.

3. I once broke both my elbows leapfrogging a friend. I was good at high jump in school and somehow (I forget how I first thought of it) discovered my ability to run up behind unsuspecting friends, plant my hands on their shoulders then jump clear over them, landing on my feet in front of them. It was great for surprise value because l my friend would experience would be a sudden push on the shoulders then a person dropping from the sky in front of them. One time I was on an onion chase with some guys from church (just think paper chase or chalk chase only with the running team using an onion and the chasing team sniffing light posts and traffic signs etc- hilarious in public). I tried my newly discovered leapfrog trick on my friend. He thought it was great and told the rest of the group to watch me do it again. This time with an audience I rushed it and was going too fast forwards when I jumped. The inside of my leg hit the back of my friends head before I was high enough a!
nd I flipped over his head landing hands first on the road. The next thing that hit the road after my hands was my elbows. To cover for my embarrassment- the physical pain wasn’t that bad yet- I did it again a minute or two later and this time I didn’t screw it up.
Later that night my elbows started hurting really badly- that was one of my worst nights sleep ever and probably the only time physical pain has made me cry since infancy. The next day I could neither bend nor straighten either arm. My mother didn’t take me to see the doctors til much later that day because we were picking my grandmother up from the international airport but having one of my sisters feed me and tie my shoes was enough to convince her that I needed to go eventually.

Two Truths and a Lie #2

1. When I was working at university of Queensland I acted as a courier for blood samples. My supervisor, who was also doing a Post Grad Dip Ed with me, was doing studies in maternal and foetal hormone levels. Apparently the blood bank that I ferried samples to and from was the biggest bank of maternal blood in the world (that is what I was told anyway). One day when I was in transit, the UQ car that I was driving was hit when a guy who was turning right (US drivers think of a left turn) at a traffic light completely failed to give way to me as I came straight through from the opposite direction. As a result of the impact the lid came off the container and a couple of the capsule burst spraying blood all over my left side. Apart from a sore neck I wasn’t injured but the look on the face of the guy that hit me almost made up for being hit. He started panicking and it wasn’t until I had calmly told him that it wasn’t my blood about 3 or 4 times that he finally stopped freaking out. I had actually been sprayed with blood about a year earlier when I was part of a cardiovascular physiology study in which we were doing experiments on a live sheep. It had been given a big enough dose of something (a small dose of lethabarb I think but maybe it was an anaesthetic) that it was anaesthetised and would never regain consciousness. It was later put down with a larger dose of lethabarb. We were studying the effect on the heart and blood vessels of haemorrhage. Unfortunately whoever had connected the blood syringe to the sheep had gone into an artery and not a vein. The plunger quickly filled with blood as planned but it was under pressure from the artery so when we tried to inject the blood back in the pressure blew the tubing off the syringe. I was sprayed with sheep’s blood as were one or two other students.

2. I worked for a year on a US air force base.
After Kami and I got married we lived in the states for a year while she finished college. I applied for a job before I arrived but the local bureaucracy had recently decided that too many teachers were teaching outside their subject of expertise (as if teaching isn’t our area of expertise). Even though I had been teaching grade 8 to 10 science, which includes physics and chemistry, for 3 years, I was not allowed o teach junior high physical science (grade 8-10 physics and chemistry) in Minnesota because I needed to have done one physics subject at university. I started looking for work all over the place. My wife’s college had a careers centre where I found an ad for STARBASE MN. Back then there were only two teachers and one of them had been to my wife’s college and put an ad in their career centre. STARBASE is like a field trip destination for inner city kids. My call sign while I worked there was Crux. I taught kids (mostly grade 4 and 6) about the history and physics of flight and built model rockets, gliders and propeller planes with them. We did experiments with model rockets investigating F=MA. And the effect of different size and shape parachutes. The Air National Guard museum gave us tours and many great stories about their planes including the A12 Blackbird. The army national guard flew hueys and apaches into our base landing about 50 metres from the class rooms and taught the kids about fling helicopters and staying off drugs. – they even talked my boss into letting me have a day off to fly a huey around the twin cities to talk to kids at different high schools.

3. I regularly play the part of professor McGonagall at my school.
No not in some weird Harry Potter cross dressing panto (is that tautology). I have been called on to be the head of Xavier House (Red) in the role of pastoral care coordinator. I also have played the part of Flitwick as Chisholm Head of House (blue) whih fits the comparison because they are the more academic house.
The only thing that doesn’t fit very well with this analogy, other than the fact that we don’t teach the students magic at this school, is the fact that the evil ambitious house that wins too much (except when the most spirited house Xavier does) is the Yellow house (More) led by Dallas (who games at CM occasionally). His actual nick name at school is snake in the grass. Slytherin House in disguise if ever there was one. The Hufflepuff equivalents are Fisher House and they are the easy going friendly last place getters most of the time. So we just need to swap the colors for More and Fisher.

Two Truths and a Lie #3
Love and Romance

1. I proposed to Kami with a sonnet I wrote in which the first letter of each line spelled out Will you marry me? A framed calligraphy copy of the poem now hangs in our bedroom.
2. On the morning of our first anniversary I found a rock shaped like a perfect heart in the grand canyon. It is now framed and hangs in our bedroom.
3. Kami is an excellent artist. During the year that we were living in the states she painted a modest nude portrait of me. It now hangs on our bedroom wall.

Two Truth and a Lie #4

1. Kami and I almost burned down a house.
Kami wanted to watch Titanic with me when we were living in the states during the first year of our marriage. We didn’t have a TV at our place so we were watching the video at her Dad’s place. Noone was living there any more because he had moved into his new wife's house. His place was still fully furnished but was already under contract to be sold. It was Minnesota winter cold and Kami wanted to have a fire to warm up the house partly but mostly for a romantic atmosphere. There was no wood left by the fire and the log pile outside was covered in snow. We built a woodpile in the fireplace and lit some newspaper to get it started but the logs were far too wet and frozen to catch. Kami went looking for lighter fluid but she couldn’t get into the locked storage cupboard where she thought it was so she thought she would use petrol instead. I immediately objected saying that it would not be safe. Kami insisted that she knew what she was doing and that she had done it before. I said that it would have been with lighter fluid not petrol. As she poured a little petrol from the jerry can into a glass tumbler I couldn’t convince her to give up on the fire but I told her if the glass catches alight to throw it in the fire. At this point I am a bit freaked out ad looking around I decide the blanket on the couch will become a fire blanket in case of emergency. Just as Kami is about to put the petrol on the fire despite my continued protests she says, “I don’t know what you are so worried about. It’s not like it’s volatile.”

I didn’t get to explain how wrong this was for another 20 minutes, but the petrol did it in a few seconds.
Kami attempted to put some of the petrol on the fire and of course flames engulfed the glass and her hand which had some petrol splashed on it. She dropped the glass in shock but on the wooden floor and burning petrol spilled on the floor in a blaze right in front of me. I already had the blanket in one hand and I whipped it onto the flames trying to smother the fire. The blanket soaked up the petrol but caught on fire and I threw it into the fireplace and grabbed a second blanket from the couch. Again I smothered the blaze only I smashed the glass underneath the blanket and cut my thumb. The fire was covered and I finally had time to take stock of the situation. It must have all happened in about 10 seconds but it felt like a lot longer. Kami was ok but she had a burned hand where a little petrol had splashed on her and ignited. I had a cut thumb. We both went into the bathroom to tend our injures and later watched the Titanic, which REALLY was not worth this much trouble. At least we had a fire still going in the fireplace. We scorched a little of the wood around the edge of the fireplace, broke a glass and destroyed what turned out to be a family patchwork quilt that was several generations old. Still I think we got off lightly all things considered.

2. Kami and I bought a car that was a chop shop lemon in disguise.
Kami and I were looking for a small car when we came back to Australia. We were looking for a real bargain because e were not in a rush to buy. We thought we had found a little Mazda with low kms (miles) for a very good price. We went to inspect it just north of Brisbane. The guy who answered the door was about 20 or so. He took us inside to meet his grandfather who apparently owned the car. He was there to act as a translator since the family was Afghani and grandpa didn’t speak English. They said they were selling the car because Grandpa wanted the money for a trip back to Afghanistan. Everything looked good except the log book wasn’t there. That was a little concerning but after a test drive Kami was sold on it. I had reservations especially when they did not have an RACQ inspection. They did have a roadworthy certificate and even though I would have preferred to get the inspection done first we decided to buy it. To get the car insured for what we thaught it was worth, which was significantly more than we paod for it, we had to have the RACQ inspection anyway. That is when we found out we had problems. Serious problems. The car was actually two cars welded together. Apparently one car written off from behind and another car smashed from the front were chopped and joined but the work was not done perfectly straight, as if it could be, and the car was going to chew through tyres regardless of what was done. My Dad suggested we take the car to his mechanics to see what could be done. Even the name of his mechanics sounded expensive and it was not a place we would normally take our cars to have work done. It wasn’t even near our house but slightly north of Brisbane. Well taking the car there was such an unlikely choice but such providence. The owner of the workshop took one look at the car when we brought it in and recognised it! He had seen a dodgy mechanic across the road working on it and told him it wouldn’t be up to spec. The guy had ignored him and got his boss to give him a Roadworthy Certificate without properly checking it because it never would have passed. My Dad’s mechanic organised a meeting with us himself, the Afghan grandpa and grandson, the dodgy mechanic and his boss and gave the ultimatum: buy back the car at full price or he would report the dodgy mechanic’s boss for issuing a Roadworthy Cert on a piece of scrap. The boss knew he would lose his license to issue roadworthy certs and lose credibility and business. The mechanic knew his job was on the line. We had our money and were walking out of there in under 5 minutes. The Afghani grandpa was yelling at us all the way away from the workshop but apart from that and the cost of stamp duty I think we got off lightly.

3. I lead a bush walking group that had the State Emergency Services sent out to look for us.
Kami and I are regular bushwalkers and we decided to make an open invitation at our church for people to come on a challenging bushwalk with us through the portals walks below Mt Barney. (By the way last time I was on the top of Mt Barney me and my walking partner were the only ones there except for two other walkers who turned out to be friends of mine…and it was snowing! It melted as it fell but it was snowing. Snow is extremely rarely / never seen in most of Queensland.)
I guess I didn’t emphasise the challenging point enough because we had all sorts of people turn up. It soon became clear that some of the enthusiasts were going to stay by the campsite where we parked and play with kids and go for very short, safe, sedate walks. The rest were determined to go for a real hike. I had my doubts about some members of the group being as fit, capable and experienced as they claimed but I wasn’t about to tell them they couldn’t come.
A few miles into the walk I was wondering if that wouldn’t have been the smart thing though. We were stopping for “rests” to let the slow walkers catch up almost as soon as we started. In my frustration I ignored the passing hours of slow progress determined that the group experience the views and sights that I had planned for them. It is a very scenic walk with the track crossing back and forth over the creek many times.
We reached our destination and stopped for lunch only it was almost two hours later than I had planned for. It was only when the satisfaction of reaching our goal was done that I realised we were going to have to move fast to get back before dark. We had a much shorter stop than I had planned and headed back for the campsite but time was against us. If we had been on a regular graded track we would have been fine to just be a bit late but with all the river crossings and the fading light we were slowed more and more. We only had one torch in the whole group (I didn’t even think to bring one) so every river crossing was a maddeningly slow ferrying back and forth for those not confident enough of their footing to wade in the dark. Noone actually fell in the water but it took sooo long and there were so many places where the track crossed the creek that the part of the track we had left once it was really dark had only taken a little over one hour in good light and took more than four hours with the way we were.
When we finally got back to the part of the track that heads out of the valley to the campsite we could start to hear a bit of a commotion. As we reached the end of the track we could see the day glow orange uniforms of SES volunteers who had come to look for us. Apparently all of the families had packed up and headed for home late in the afternoon leaving the wife of one of the intrepid band of fools with the cars. At that stage she was confident that we would be back by the expected time and she was happy to just enjoy the solitude. As the evening had worn on though she had become increasingly worried to the point that she had reported us missing. SES had just arrived as we finally came out of the bush.
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