Recommend
23 
 Thumb up
 Hide
19 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Chit Chat

Subject: So two spiders walk into my hall... rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Dan Edwards
United States
Shoreline
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
...while the kids are getting ready for a shower, and the eight year old comes to tell the wife and I that two "REALLY HUGE HAIRY SPIDERS" are in the hall by the bathroom.

The wife gives my that look that can only mean "Get your lazy butt off the couch and put some of that Marine Corps testosterone to good use for once" look that lets me know I should deal with these menacing arachnid invaders.

There are two spiders with about a three inch leg-span (I call 'em wolf spiders, but I have no idea what they really should be called...they love woodpiles around here), so once the boys and my bride are safely past them and out of sight, I do what any steely eyed leader of men would do - I get a broom, squinch up my face and briskly sweep them outside.

The five year old emerges from the shower, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. He looks where the spiders were, and asks what happened to them.

"I put them in your bed!" I love to torture him because I get great reactions.

He is unconvinced. My attempt at scaring him undone, I confess that I swept them outside with the broom. He looks at me accusingly.

"Dad, what if the house is their spider world, and outside is outer space for them?"

I am becoming more and more afraid of this child as time passes.

What should I have said?





20 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Keith "Boaty McBoatface" C
United States
New Haven
Connecticut
flag msg tools
designer
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
"Go to bed"
9 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dan Edwards
United States
Shoreline
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Orph wrote:
"Go to bed"


That's what I said, after pointing out that you actually have to use the towel to dry yourself, instead of waiting for evaporation to do the job for you.

He'll just wake up again in the morning, however.

When he first started to write a couple years ago, I got tired of answering the "how do you spell this?" questions, so I gave him a dictionary. I told him it had all the words, and all you had to know was the first letters to find them.

He slowly raised the book over his head, looked up, shook it at the ceiling and said,

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"

He then ran out of the room.

He often tells me that one day he will defeat me. I'm worried, because it's true and I think it might be next week.
51 
 Thumb up
0.01
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Avri
United States
Brooklyn
New York
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
So two spiders walk into my hall...


. . . if you know what I mean.
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Tim Fiscus
United States
Maricopa
Arizona
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
When he first started to write a couple years ago, I got tired of answering the "how do you spell this?" questions, so I gave him a dictionary. I told him it had all the words, and all you had to know was the first letters to find them.

He slowly raised the book over his head, looked up, shook it at the ceiling and said,

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"

He then ran out of the room.


That story made my day! Just awesome.
12 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mike Bourgeois
Canada
Victoria
British Columbia
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
Orph wrote:
"Go to bed"


That's what I said, after pointing out that you actually have to use the towel to dry yourself, instead of waiting for evaporation to do the job for you.

He'll just wake up again in the morning, however.

When he first started to write a couple years ago, I got tired of answering the "how do you spell this?" questions, so I gave him a dictionary. I told him it had all the words, and all you had to know was the first letters to find them.

He slowly raised the book over his head, looked up, shook it at the ceiling and said,

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"

He then ran out of the room.

He often tells me that one day he will defeat me. I'm worried, because it's true and I think it might be next week.


Great, I have a little girl and now I have this to look forward to when she gets older... thanks so very much for shattering my life from hence on.soblue
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dan Edwards
United States
Shoreline
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Michael,

Cheer up.

I have no daughters, just two boys, and I can only testify as to what this has wrought in my life, and you should not despair.

Little boys want to defeat the dad, it's something they are born with.

Little girls, I hear, know dad is already defeated, so they don't bother.
25 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mike Bourgeois
Canada
Victoria
British Columbia
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb

Good point. That explains those looks she gives me sometimes when I'm trying to rationalize brocolli to her. I think I'll just give up and get a head start on being her adorable old codger dad.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brian Morris
United States
Raytown
Missouri
flag msg tools
2nd, 6th and 7th Wisconsin, 19th Indiana, 24th Michigan
badge
24th Michigan Monument Gettysburg Pa
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I would have told him "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for spider kind".
19 
 Thumb up
0.01
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
HMS Iron Duke
United States
Bartlett
Tennessee
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
Michael,

Little boys want to defeat the dad, it's something they are born with.

Little girls, I hear, know dad is already defeated, so they don't bother.


Truth. I am the unwitting victim of a 4 year old and a 1 year old little girl. The younger has discovered the joys of climbing. On everything. All the time. In their playroom is a little table and chairs that backs up to the loveseat. THe little one is now making a game of climbing onto the tabletop, over the back of the loveseat and then tumbling down the front of the couch. I caught her in mid climb this morning and she gave me this grunt of "What? This is normal, deal with it." Then she fell off the tabletop. She has yet to learn that gravity is a harsh mistress.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Chris Tannhauser
United States
San Diego
California
flag msg tools
YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A
badge
ɥɔʇıןƃ ʎʇıןɐǝɹ
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
"Holy crap! We live in Spider World!"
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dan Edwards
United States
Shoreline
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You live in spider world, that's for sure.

6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Allen Vailliencourt
United States
Greer
South Carolina
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
That reminds of the time where I saw 2 peanuts walking down the street and saw one get assaulted.

harsh world.



Wolf spiders are fun. I spent the weekend cleaning out black widows from my garage. Most spiders have nice pretty webs, but not black widows. Their webs are a chaotic mass of sticky goo and dead bugs. Not a pretty site, but a gorgeous spider.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
King of the Dead
United States
Los Angeles
California
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I have chosen to never have kids but these are the kind of children I would want.

There are not enough people of any age that ask these kinds of questions nor that get excited about having all the words.

You have given me a bit of hope. Slight, perhaps, but hope none the less.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bradley Hendricks
United States
Las Vegas
Nevada
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"


Just be grateful you didn't show him Wikipedia.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
nothing but static
New Zealand
Unspecified
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
bjhendricks wrote:
Bloodybucket wrote:

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"


Just be grateful you didn't show him Wikipedia.


I have all the wiki?
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
June King
United States
Unspecified
flag msg tools
badge
Bring me her heart in this box.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
Orph wrote:
"Go to bed"


That's what I said, after pointing out that you actually have to use the towel to dry yourself, instead of waiting for evaporation to do the job for you.

He'll just wake up again in the morning, however.

When he first started to write a couple years ago, I got tired of answering the "how do you spell this?" questions, so I gave him a dictionary. I told him it had all the words, and all you had to know was the first letters to find them.

He slowly raised the book over his head, looked up, shook it at the ceiling and said,

"I...Have...All...The...Words!"

He then ran out of the room.

He often tells me that one day he will defeat me. I'm worried, because it's true and I think it might be next week.


You have given all the power away. We're doomed!
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
flag msg tools
designer
badge
It's a Zendrum. www.zendrum.com
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Bloodybucket wrote:
What should I have said?


They have not been paying their way by rent or by doing chores. If they were contributing to the household, they would have been allowed to stay. However, they are more likely to contribute to the household by lowering the bug population outside the house. Being spiders, they were not aware of the importance of location to best execute their duty. Spiders have been around far longer than houses, but sometimes get confused.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Fraser
Australia
Melbourne
flag msg tools
admin
designer
Back in the days when there were less maps we played every map back to back
badge
Ooh a little higher, now a bit to the left, a little more, a little more, just a bit more. Oooh yes, that's the spot!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
We call them Huntsmen spiders, also known as Wood Spiders (I had never heard that before).

We occasionally get one that comes into the house and hangs around on or near the ceiling.

They're basically harmless and eat insects. One time when one came in Melissa wanted me to kill it. When I had it look I saw it only had five legs so told her it had had a tough enough life as it was and I was going to leave it alone.

Daughter the Younger nicknamed it "Mr Skinny Legs", so now all Huntsmen that come visiting, usually for three or four days are called Mr Skinny Legs. So long as they stay up on the ceiling (9' plus in our house) everybody is happy.

2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.